It's All My Husband's Fault

  It was becoming more and more obvious that something was wrong in The Ex's home, but the kids never said a word about any of it.  Like I said earlier, their grades were not the best; the teachers kept making notes in their report card about the kids needing more help at home, particularly Son.  Husband and I went to a parent-teacher conference and both teachers said they often had problems getting The Ex to sign permission slips or even have the kids complete their homework.  One teacher mentioned that she tried calling The Ex one day only to find that the number listed in the kids' school file was disconnected; if an emergency had come up, the school had no way to reach The Ex.   One day we took the kids back after Husband's visitation weekend; Son sat in the backseat with tears filling his eyes and said, "I don't want to go."  The Ex told Husband one day that she "didn't know what was wrong with [Daughter]."  The Ex said some days Daughter wo...

  Boyfriend is....I'm not really sure what the right word is.  Something about the guy has always seemed like he's not quite "right."  Even so, we tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.  After all, The Ex didn't really know me either but I was a big part of the kids' lives.  Ultimately, we felt that even if The Ex didn't like Husband or me, she was still the kids' mother and would only do what was best for them.  If Boyfriend wasn't a good person, surely she wouldn't stay with him...right?   Now let's remember that when The Ex told Husband that she was moving in with Boyfriend, Husband asked for Boyfriend's last name.  The Ex refused, saying that Husband "didn't need it" and that Husband was just going to look up Boyfriend online ( Our state has court records online for free ) and make things up about him.  After The Ex had already moved the kids in with Boyfriend and had been living there for a few months, she finall...

  When the kids told us that The Ex was pregnant, just to be amicable, Husband told her congratulations.  The Ex smiled and said, "For what?"  Husband said he had heard some things were changing for her and Boyfriend, and just wanted to tell them congratulations.  The Ex continued this game of asking what Husband was congratulating her for ( No, seriously.  Instead of just being an adult and saying, "Thank you," I guess she wanted Husband to say outloud specifically what he was congratulating her on. )   In the early part of 2008, Husband again told The Ex congratulations.  This time, she thanked him, confirmed that she was pregnant and showed Husband an engagement ring.  The Ex said that she and Boyfriend were planning on getting married in the following year; she said they had to wait for Boyfriend's divorce to be finalized.( That is a completely different can of worms, which will be opened sometime in the near future )   A few weeks la...

  Things were okay-ish this year.  There were a few incidents here and there; The Ex dropped off the kids one day and told Husband that he had to punish Son.  Husband asked why, The Ex said that Son had hit Daughter earlier so he needed to be punished.  Husband asked why The Ex hadn't punished Son when the problem happened; her response was that she "didn't have time."   Another time, The Ex was an hour late dropping off the kids when she finally called and asked for directions; she said she "didn't remember" where our apartment was. ( We had lived here for eight months; she couldn't remember how to get there because she never dropped the kids off herself - she always had her parents do it for her while she was running around with Boyfriend )  Husband told her if that was the case, then she would have to leave earlier because now he was missing out on time with the kids.  The Ex replied, "I just called for directions, I don't need your bulls...

  I've always loved kids.  When I was a kid myself, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a wife and mom.  I babysat a lot, all the kids liked having me watch them.  So it was probably just a natural thing for Son and Daughter to like me as well.  And I think that is one of the main reasons The Ex hates me.  Instead of seeing me as someone who makes a daily choice to love, care for and nurture her children, she sees this as a competition.( Which I would win, hands down.  But that's not the point... )   About six months into our relationship, Husband and I found out we were having a baby.  This was 100% unplanned; I wasn't raised this way, this wasn't something I was okay with, yet here I was in the middle of it.  After getting over the initial shock, I got excited.   I was going to be a mom!  We were excited, the kids were excited.  After a few months, Husband told The Ex we were expecting.  Her response:  "I ...

  For awhile, we had a decent enough arrangement over clothing.  We only had the kids for four nights a month so we didn't really have a "wardrobe" for them.  We'd buy a few things here and there but they would grow out of the clothes before they ever got any wear out of them.  The Ex finally agreed to pack clothes for the kids each weekend we had them; two changes for each kid, nothing more.  We'd wash the dirty clothes Saturday night, pack the bag and return whatever had come in it.   One day, Husband asked Ex if she could pack something a little nicer for the kids to wear than just t-shirts and jeans with holes in them; he said he wanted the kids to look nice when we took them to church.  The Ex asked if we were still attending a Lutheran church that Husband had gone to for a brief period of time before he and I started dating.  Husband told her no, we attended a non-denominational Christian church.  The Ex demanded that we stop taking t...

  We'll start at the beginning of my relationship with Husband; these are things I saw/heard/read first-hand so there's no bias.  I know these things to be fact, not just something I'm repeating.   Husband told me upfront he was divorced and had two kids.  I was leery of this because my sister had dated someone with a child; it ended badly, my sister was heartbroken over losing someone who she had come to consider her own child.  I didn't want to get into a mess like that but fortunately, I did.   When we first started dating, I was not going to get involved in their dissolved marriage.  I knew how divorce worked - everything was always the other person's fault and never your own, "If only they would've..."  I knew he wasn't a perfect person and had probably made just as many mistakes as she had which contributed to their divorce.  I was not going to take "his side" just because we were dating.   I met the kids maybe one week into ...