It's All My Husband's Fault

  I've been reading a book titled "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak, and it has been tremendously insightful.  I strongly recommend it to anyone and everyone who has to deal with their own version of The Ex.   One of the chapters I'm in the middle of reading outlines certain reasons as to why your ex is bad-mouthing you.  Among these is a technique called "holding on with hate," which seems to be The Ex's prevalent behavior.  There are other behaviors which she's obviously exhibited, such as poor boundaries, narcissism, insecurity, and seeking validation.  But the "holding on with hate" has been almost entirely accurate.   According to Dr. Warshak, it is "surprising and ironic that often the ones who initiated the divorce have more difficulty accepting the end of the relationship." ( The Ex filed for divorce and then told the kids that Husband didn't want to be a family anymore. )  The reason people "hold on wit...

  The summer schedule was set in 2010 and is easiest explained as The Ex having primary placement of the kids, Husband gets alternating weekends, and Husband also receives two nonconsecutive full weeks; Husband is required to let The Ex know which two summer weeks he would like by May 1st.  Here's a breakdown of what we had to go through the first time around: The First Summer      During a placement exchange, Husband tried tell The Ex which two weeks he would like in the summer.  The Ex immediately interrupted him and stated, "No, I'm not switching.  You never work with me; I'm not helping you out."  Husband said they weren't switching weekends; he got two weeks and he was trying to let her know which weeks he'd like.  As a precaution, Husband sent her a follow-up text message; she didn't reply to the text, so we mailed out a physical letter to both The Ex and the court indicating which two weeks Husband would like to have.    ...

  There have been a series of events over the past few weeks that intertwine themselves to form a sort of wicker basket story.  Let's go back to when someone else called and Daughter wound up talking to The Ex.  ( For whatever strange reason, Daughter turned on her speakerphone and I overheard the majority of the conversation.  This would include the portion of the conversation when The Ex tried ending the call while Daughter tried to keep talking to her because she most likely missed her mother who never calls or text her. )   Daughter told The Ex that she had a basketball tournament coming up in the next week; The Ex told Daughter that she was going to have to have Husband update the calendar on 2houses ( That's not Daughter's job, and we weren't able to put anything on the calendar because we weren't given any info ourselves. )  Daughter says we just found out about it so we don't have any info, but we know her first game will be at noon.  Th...

  2houses is a pretty darn good website.  The change request option lets you pick the date(s) you're requesting the change be on, which parent you would like to have physical custody on that date, and which kid or kids would be with said parent.  My only complaint about it is that if you're asking to switch weekends, then you need to send two separate requests - the first request indicating which weekend you'd like the kids and the second request indicating which weekend you'd like the other parent to have the kids.  But hey, it's free and we get verification that The Ex read the message.  That alone is worth having to send two messages about the same thing.   Our extended family is making plans for a milestone birthday next month; the party is going to be on The Ex's weekend.  Husband sent a change request asking to switch weekends.  As outlined above, the first request indicated that he'd like to have the kids on the weekend March 13th-15th; t...

  Placement exchange has kind of always been an issue for The Ex.  When she had custody, she'd frequently drop the kids off late; if Husband said anything about it, she'd swear at him and hang up.  Now that we have custody, she always wants to pick them up early or wants Husband to pick them up late.  The Ex never tries to make arrangements in advance; typically she calls when she's half an hour away from our house and asks to pick the kids up early.  Then if Husband wants to pick them up at the same time on Sunday, The Ex acts offended that Husband wants them "early."   For almost a full year now, placement exchange time has been at 5:30pm.  Yes, there is the occasional rearranging of the place or time but Husband typically discusses it beforehand.  Most of the time, the exchanges take place at 5:30pm at the home of the parent ending custody.   Yesterday, Husband drove to New City.  He got there early, like he usually does; he finds...

  I realized last night that if stupidity came in layers, The Ex would be an onion.   For those who are just joining in, Husband had sent a change request to The Ex through 2houses back in November.  2houses sends the other parent an email any time a change or request is made.  I did not realize until last night that the parent sending the request can see a copy of exactly what is sent to the other parent.   These screenshots are identical to what The Ex saw when she opened her email.  I did not know until last night that the email included "Accept" and "Decline" buttons; you simply have to click one or the other, and I assume that the requesting parent would be notified of your choice.   The Ex did not utilize either of the buttons.  Instead, she logged into the website and sent this:   A friend of mine speculated that perhaps The Ex was confused because she didn't know which weekend was supposed to be hers.  I thought th...

  The bottom line is that I like to know things.  I'm even more inclined to know things when they affect my family.  So when we found out that The Ex was cheating on Boyfriend, we naturally wanted to find out more about New Guy.   In the last few weeks I have learned:      New Guy is also married.      New Guy adopted his wife's first child.      New Guy and his wife have another child together.      New Guy and The Ex work together.      The Ex has used New Guy's truck, which is registered in his wife's name, to pick up Son and Daughter from our house.      The Ex is using Daughter as a "middle man" to let New Guy know when Boyfriend is or isn't around, so New Guy knows if he can call The Ex or not.      Both Son and Daughter are completely aware that The Ex is having an affair on Boyfriend.   New Guy is programmed into Daughter's phone und...