It's All My Husband's Fault

  Last Saturday, Husband sent a message to The Ex outlining what the weekend placement would be if they switched weekends for Daughter's volleyball tournament toward the end of this month.  On Tuesday, Daughter's coaches announced there would be another tournament this weekend; they told Daughter she didn't have to attend all of the games but they would like her there for at least the first one.  Daughter said that she wanted to go to the game but also wanted to go to her brother's ( The Ex's son with Boyfriend ) birthday party, and said that either The Ex or her dad could pick her up after the first game and they'd still get back in time for the party.  Husband sent The Ex a message and explained all of this, asking her to let him know if she could work something out.   Yesterday, The Ex replied to the newest message at 7:30pm: "I'm very sorry to have to say that if [Daughter] has a game this weekend, she'll have to stay the weekend with you. ( ......

  When Husband sends any type of communication to The Ex, he tries to make it as simple as possible.  If it gets complicated, then The Ex gets confused and in turn, confuses us with her excessive confusion.  The problem is that even when we make it as simple as possible to understand, The Ex still gets confused; then I have things to write about and you all have something new to laugh at.   Husband told The Ex on September 22nd that he should have the order form for Daughter's school pictures within the next day and he would send it to her when he had it.  We got it the morning of September 24th, which was a Thursday; we scanned it and sent it to The Ex that afternoon.  Husband asked her to let him know by Sunday evening at the latest which pictures she would like to order.   Monday morning, the message regarding Daughter's school pictures was still unread.  Husband sent a new message asking her to please let him know that day which pictures s...

  Since we got custody of the kids 6+ years ago, Husband has always asked The Ex if she wants any school pictures of the kids.  The first year she said yes and asked if he would take a check; when Husband told her that the check needed to be made out to the company and not to him, The Ex said never mind.  What that tells me is that she was going to write a check to Husband that was no good.  When she realized she couldn't bounce a check to a company without there being negative repercussions, she backed out and said she didn't want any.  ( We still bought extra and gave some to her and her parents; things changed drastically after that so we're not as nice as we used to be because it gets us nowhere. )   The next two years were okay.  We asked what she wanted, she told us, we ordered them and she paid for it.   Then in 2012, Husband sent her the order form and asked her which pictures she'd like, stating that the company only sent one form per...

  Okay, so it's not actually 10pm right now.  But I do know where my children are.  We know because we had to threaten withholding placement just to get The Ex to follow the court order.   The Ex likes to act as if Son and Daughter belong to her, like they're property rather than human beings.  She refuses to accept that Husband is their parent who loves and cares about them, and that he has a right to know what's going on with them and around them.  The Ex lives as if her decisions don't affect anyone else, and that's why she lost custody and will never get it back.   I contacted Our Attorney about The Ex now living with Ned; I said Daughter had made comments about them living somewhere else and how Son wasn't with them because he'd rather be at The Ex's parents' house instead.  Our Attorney said we needed an address for where Son and Daughter would be while with The Ex.  I checked the court order from 10 years ago and surprisingly, it r...

  I have previously contemplated deleting this blog, wondering if maybe it focuses too much on the negative.  But then I get an email from someone who commented, thanking me for sharing my story and reminding them that they're not alone.  And I suppose that's why I started it in the first place - I'm not the first person to suffer the wrath of my spouse's ex, nor will I be the last.  The things that I say here will never once be said to Son or Daughter; this is my space to say, "I've had enough of her insanity!" and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling.  In the past I mentioned that I had read "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak and found it extremely insightful.  I just recently finished "Will I Ever Be Free of You? (How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family)" by Dr. Karyl McBride.  This particular book is aimed more at someone who is considering or in the process of ...

  Son came home from school on Friday, said he decided to join football after all.  I tell him that Husband will send The Ex a message about it, but we all need to be on the same page - he is expected to help clean up after every game, not hop into a car and take off with his mom on her weekends.  The coach already said something last year and wanted us to say something to The Ex about it; Son said he understood.  Husband sent a message to The Ex saying that Son wanted to join football, he's expected to ride the bus back and help clean up after every game instead of leaving right away; Husband said to let him know what her thoughts were.   The 48-hour deadline would have been Sunday evening.  The Ex finally replied after 100 hours and 12 minutes: "My thoughts on playing football r... ( ....why....WHY is it SO hard for her to type like an adult?! ) 1 I'm glad he's decided to play. ( Okay, that's great.  Even if you weren't, you replied in literally ...

  She is crazy.   Let's go back a few months to May.  An event is happening this weekend that I really did not want Husband, Son or Daughter to miss.  Husband sent The Ex a message asking if they could switch weekends; The Ex replied that she needed more time to "look at the calendar herself" and would let him know.   A week later, Husband sent The Ex copies of the calendar showing what the current placement schedule would be and what it would be if she agreed to the switch he was requesting.  No answer.   A week after that, Husband entered it as a change request on the calendar; The Ex declined it and told Husband that she's "already asked him for more time" and that she doesn't want to accept when it's months down the road.  Husband replied that he was not trying to pressure her for an answer, he simply wanted it on the calendar so that it wasn't forgotten about.  Husband said that if they could not switch the entire weekend, he was w...