We'll see how this turns out.
Son has been toying with the idea of playing football again this year. As a reminder, this is what's happened over the last few years:
2011
Son asked if he could play, Husband told The Ex about it three months before it started both in person and by text. After talking about playing for six straight months, Son suddenly said he was scared he'd get hurt if he played football (Husband and I explained that yes, there are risks but it's not guaranteed that you'll get hurt. After we talked to him, it became very apparent that "someone" had tried scaring Son out of playing football.). After we talked with him, Son once again was excited to play.
Practices rolled around, Son said that he had a great time and he loved it; The Ex refused to take Son to practices, claiming she didn't have the money to drive Son back and forth to practices that were on "her time," denied that Husband talked to her about this, and said she would have told Husband to enroll Son in football over in Hometown instead of Our City. Husband told her if she wasn't going to let Son participate, then he would simply keep the kids home with us. The Ex then called the police, told them Husband was interfering with custody, that he refused to return the kids and wouldn't let her talk to them on the phone. Once we discussed the extracurricular events clause with the police, they called The Ex back and told her they weren't going to intervene because Husband hadn't done anything wrong. The Ex called the cops the following day and complained that Daughter should have been brought back to her, since she wasn't involved in a sport; the cops again told her they weren't getting involved. The Ex showed up at the last practice that week, said she was taking both kids home and she would bring Son back the following Monday.
The following Monday, Son called Husband from The Ex's phone and said he didn't want to play football anymore. Husband said it wasn't going to be discussed and he would see him that afternoon. We later asked Son why he had called and said he didn't want to play; Son claimed his muscles hurt. (Son just had the entire weekend off, so I'm doubtful. After this incident, he never again said he didn't want to play.)
2012
No fighting, no arguing. Son played and had a great time.
2013
Son said he wanted to play football & baseball so Husband emailed The Ex about it. A few days later, she came to pick up the kids; the first thing out of her mouth was, "[Son], where did you want to play sports? You wanted to play in [Hometown], right?" Husband told The Ex he wasn't going to have this conversation with her in a public place and they could talk about it at a different time. (We later asked Son when Hometown had become part of the discussion; he replied, "I don't know, Mom brought it up.") A month later, The Ex emailed saying she agreed to both kids playing sports in Hometown; Husband replied immediately, stating that he did not agree to this, and explained the logic behind the kids being enrolled in School City instead of Hometown. The Ex replied, stating she had all the information they needed to enroll the kids in sports in Hometown. (Yes, she literally pretended that Husband hadn't said a single word about any of it.) The emails went back and forth, with The Ex "compromising" by stating she would drive the kids to their games but not practices.
Baseball ended and football rolled around. The Ex asked where Son was playing and claimed he had "just told her" that he didn't want to play for School City. Husband told her he wasn't arguing about it; we asked Son where he wanted to play, he said School City, so that was where he was enrolled. When The Ex realized she wasn't going to win the argument, she went home and emailed Husband, claiming he never discussed signing Son up for football with her and brought up Hometown for the umpteenth time. Husband replied that he had told her about football five months' prior, Son asked to play in School City, and he was not going to discuss sports in Hometown anymore.
2014
Husband emailed The Ex in June saying that Son wanted to play football. Three weeks later, he sent another email and said that football camp would be starting in 6 days, so either Son could be dropped off by us on Sunday or he would need to be in School City by 3:30pm on Monday with cleats. Two days later, The Ex emailed back and said Son told her he didn't want to play anymore and Husband could call her the next day if he had questions. We told The Ex that it was too late, Son was enrolled, and if she didn't bring him then we would be going back to court. The Ex ended up bringing him; Son played and enjoyed it.
2015
Son's friends were messaging him asking him to join football; Son said he "couldn't" because he was with his mom during the week. After coming back from summer break with The Ex, Son then said that he wanted to join even though the season had already started. Husband told him that we would make an exception this one time but if he wanted to play in the future, then he would have to fully participate; it wasn't fair that the rest of the team had put in weeks of practice for Son to just show up and expect playing time. When Husband told The Ex that Son was expected to ride the bus with his team both to and from the away games, The Ex said that he and the coach were being "rediculous" and that they both needed to "put themselves in her shoes." (Son is playing football, so we need to think about how this affects The Ex. Got it.)
Son didn't play this past year, but brought it up a few months ago and asked if we thought he should play. I told him if he wanted to, then he ought to; this upcoming fall will be his senior year in high school and possibly his last opportunity for something like this. Son asked a girl he likes what she thought; she said she thought it was a good idea but it was up to him.
My dad took Son out for lunch last weekend, just the two of them. They talked and my dad talked a little about his own parents splitting up, but reiterated that just as he sees his stepdad as his father, I view Son as my son and love him just the same as the other kids. He told Son that blood doesn't make you family; family is made of people who support and love you. He said if Son ever had questions or concerns or just wanted to talk, whether it was about something with me, Husband, or The Ex, my dad is always there for him. He said he will give Son advice based on God's Word, not based on him being my dad and Husband's father-in-law.
As they talked, he said Son opened up a little bit and said he wanted to play football but "worried about what [The Ex] would say." My dad told him if that's what he really wanted, then his mom shouldn't have a problem with it. Son expressed a concern about not being able to go with The Ex after games; my dad told him that just because his parents are divorced, that doesn't mean he needs to stop living. Son said he really did want to play but didn't want Husband to get into trouble. My dad asked how Husband would get in trouble if this is something that Son chose to do and wanted to do; Son said he thought Husband would get in trouble with the police or with the court. My dad told Son that he is reaching an age where he is making decisions about his own life and what he does/doesn't want to do; if he makes a decision that he wants to do something, then my dad promised him there is no way that Husband can get into trouble for that. (The most simplistic way to explain my feelings about this is that my heart is figuratively broken. I absolutely cannot believe the amount of mental and emotional manipulation that The Ex has exercised on these children. I feel like we were aware of it, but to hear Son speak about it...it suddenly isn't just words on a book page anymore, or me venting on this blog. It's my children being made to think/feel that they're bad, just because their mother isn't getting what she wants; it's my children holding back from living life and finding themselves because they're afraid of what their mom might do to retaliate against their dad. It's not even living; it's just surviving their mom.)
The next day, Son announced to us that he was playing football and that he had already signed up. As required by court order, Husband emailed The Ex to let her know. She replied the next day:
"I'm so glad! I hope I can c him play sometimes" (And with two sentences, she once again turns the attention right back to herself. Sickening...)
2011
Son asked if he could play, Husband told The Ex about it three months before it started both in person and by text. After talking about playing for six straight months, Son suddenly said he was scared he'd get hurt if he played football (Husband and I explained that yes, there are risks but it's not guaranteed that you'll get hurt. After we talked to him, it became very apparent that "someone" had tried scaring Son out of playing football.). After we talked with him, Son once again was excited to play.
Practices rolled around, Son said that he had a great time and he loved it; The Ex refused to take Son to practices, claiming she didn't have the money to drive Son back and forth to practices that were on "her time," denied that Husband talked to her about this, and said she would have told Husband to enroll Son in football over in Hometown instead of Our City. Husband told her if she wasn't going to let Son participate, then he would simply keep the kids home with us. The Ex then called the police, told them Husband was interfering with custody, that he refused to return the kids and wouldn't let her talk to them on the phone. Once we discussed the extracurricular events clause with the police, they called The Ex back and told her they weren't going to intervene because Husband hadn't done anything wrong. The Ex called the cops the following day and complained that Daughter should have been brought back to her, since she wasn't involved in a sport; the cops again told her they weren't getting involved. The Ex showed up at the last practice that week, said she was taking both kids home and she would bring Son back the following Monday.
The following Monday, Son called Husband from The Ex's phone and said he didn't want to play football anymore. Husband said it wasn't going to be discussed and he would see him that afternoon. We later asked Son why he had called and said he didn't want to play; Son claimed his muscles hurt. (Son just had the entire weekend off, so I'm doubtful. After this incident, he never again said he didn't want to play.)
2012
No fighting, no arguing. Son played and had a great time.
2013
Son said he wanted to play football & baseball so Husband emailed The Ex about it. A few days later, she came to pick up the kids; the first thing out of her mouth was, "[Son], where did you want to play sports? You wanted to play in [Hometown], right?" Husband told The Ex he wasn't going to have this conversation with her in a public place and they could talk about it at a different time. (We later asked Son when Hometown had become part of the discussion; he replied, "I don't know, Mom brought it up.") A month later, The Ex emailed saying she agreed to both kids playing sports in Hometown; Husband replied immediately, stating that he did not agree to this, and explained the logic behind the kids being enrolled in School City instead of Hometown. The Ex replied, stating she had all the information they needed to enroll the kids in sports in Hometown. (Yes, she literally pretended that Husband hadn't said a single word about any of it.) The emails went back and forth, with The Ex "compromising" by stating she would drive the kids to their games but not practices.
Baseball ended and football rolled around. The Ex asked where Son was playing and claimed he had "just told her" that he didn't want to play for School City. Husband told her he wasn't arguing about it; we asked Son where he wanted to play, he said School City, so that was where he was enrolled. When The Ex realized she wasn't going to win the argument, she went home and emailed Husband, claiming he never discussed signing Son up for football with her and brought up Hometown for the umpteenth time. Husband replied that he had told her about football five months' prior, Son asked to play in School City, and he was not going to discuss sports in Hometown anymore.
2014
Husband emailed The Ex in June saying that Son wanted to play football. Three weeks later, he sent another email and said that football camp would be starting in 6 days, so either Son could be dropped off by us on Sunday or he would need to be in School City by 3:30pm on Monday with cleats. Two days later, The Ex emailed back and said Son told her he didn't want to play anymore and Husband could call her the next day if he had questions. We told The Ex that it was too late, Son was enrolled, and if she didn't bring him then we would be going back to court. The Ex ended up bringing him; Son played and enjoyed it.
2015
Son's friends were messaging him asking him to join football; Son said he "couldn't" because he was with his mom during the week. After coming back from summer break with The Ex, Son then said that he wanted to join even though the season had already started. Husband told him that we would make an exception this one time but if he wanted to play in the future, then he would have to fully participate; it wasn't fair that the rest of the team had put in weeks of practice for Son to just show up and expect playing time. When Husband told The Ex that Son was expected to ride the bus with his team both to and from the away games, The Ex said that he and the coach were being "rediculous" and that they both needed to "put themselves in her shoes." (Son is playing football, so we need to think about how this affects The Ex. Got it.)
Son didn't play this past year, but brought it up a few months ago and asked if we thought he should play. I told him if he wanted to, then he ought to; this upcoming fall will be his senior year in high school and possibly his last opportunity for something like this. Son asked a girl he likes what she thought; she said she thought it was a good idea but it was up to him.
My dad took Son out for lunch last weekend, just the two of them. They talked and my dad talked a little about his own parents splitting up, but reiterated that just as he sees his stepdad as his father, I view Son as my son and love him just the same as the other kids. He told Son that blood doesn't make you family; family is made of people who support and love you. He said if Son ever had questions or concerns or just wanted to talk, whether it was about something with me, Husband, or The Ex, my dad is always there for him. He said he will give Son advice based on God's Word, not based on him being my dad and Husband's father-in-law.
As they talked, he said Son opened up a little bit and said he wanted to play football but "worried about what [The Ex] would say." My dad told him if that's what he really wanted, then his mom shouldn't have a problem with it. Son expressed a concern about not being able to go with The Ex after games; my dad told him that just because his parents are divorced, that doesn't mean he needs to stop living. Son said he really did want to play but didn't want Husband to get into trouble. My dad asked how Husband would get in trouble if this is something that Son chose to do and wanted to do; Son said he thought Husband would get in trouble with the police or with the court. My dad told Son that he is reaching an age where he is making decisions about his own life and what he does/doesn't want to do; if he makes a decision that he wants to do something, then my dad promised him there is no way that Husband can get into trouble for that. (The most simplistic way to explain my feelings about this is that my heart is figuratively broken. I absolutely cannot believe the amount of mental and emotional manipulation that The Ex has exercised on these children. I feel like we were aware of it, but to hear Son speak about it...it suddenly isn't just words on a book page anymore, or me venting on this blog. It's my children being made to think/feel that they're bad, just because their mother isn't getting what she wants; it's my children holding back from living life and finding themselves because they're afraid of what their mom might do to retaliate against their dad. It's not even living; it's just surviving their mom.)
The next day, Son announced to us that he was playing football and that he had already signed up. As required by court order, Husband emailed The Ex to let her know. She replied the next day:
"I'm so glad! I hope I can c him play sometimes" (And with two sentences, she once again turns the attention right back to herself. Sickening...)
This makes me sick and breaks my heart. My stepdaughter is 9, she asked me why her mom lies and manipulates her. We say nothing about her mother, she just sees it in how we live so differently, I guess. We have long distance 50/50 custody so don't have the facetime and interaction that y'all do. Watching her being tortured has broken me.
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