Spring/Summer 2006
We'll start at the beginning of my relationship with Husband; these are things I saw/heard/read first-hand so there's no bias. I know these things to be fact, not just something I'm repeating.
Husband told me upfront he was divorced and had two kids. I was leery of this because my sister had dated someone with a child; it ended badly, my sister was heartbroken over losing someone who she had come to consider her own child. I didn't want to get into a mess like that but fortunately, I did.
When we first started dating, I was not going to get involved in their dissolved marriage. I knew how divorce worked - everything was always the other person's fault and never your own, "If only they would've..." I knew he wasn't a perfect person and had probably made just as many mistakes as she had which contributed to their divorce. I was not going to take "his side" just because we were dating.
I met the kids maybe one week into our relationship; we were going to a birthday party for a friend's children. We went to pick up the kids, I waited in the car. According to Husband, he went upstairs to her apartment and she walked out the door past him. He asked where the kids' coats were; she yelled over her shoulder, "You know where they are." As I was sitting in the car waiting, someone walked by - I found out later it was The Ex. She promptly called Husband and asked who was in his car. He asked her why it mattered; she hung up on him.
He brought the kids down, buckled them in, introduced us and told the kids to say hi. They both smiled and my heart melted. As we got to the birthday party, Daughter ran up some stairs, turned around, smiled at me and said, "I beat you!" Husband was shocked; Daughter did NOT talk to new people. (I found out later that the kids wouldn't even talk to his last girlfriend. I'm not sure if The Ex had poisoned the kids against her or if they just plain didn't like her, but things were completely different with me.)
The Ex immediately began spreading rumors about me. She even told Husband that she "heard things about me" and that I was a slut who had been with everybody and their brother (This is hilarious because unknown to her, I was a virgin. Stupid woman.) Husband laughed at her and said no, she had not heard anything about me because she had no idea who I was or where I was even from. The Ex said, "She's from around here." (I grew up 40 minutes away from the "here" she was referring to and had no idea that town even existed.)
There was the typical divorce banter - she made him upset, he made her upset, they fought. Whatever, it wasn't my thing to deal with so I brushed it off and tried my best to help him do the same.
One morning, Husband called me sounding like he was in tears; he said he was driving to the hospital because The Ex called him crying, saying Son had gotten shot in the eye with a BB gun. We came to find out The Ex was letting her brother (A ridiculously irresponsible teenager that had already dropped out of school at the age of 14) babysit so she wouldn't have to pay for daycare; he was playing with a BB gun indoors, it went off and hit Son in the eye. Thank God that Son's eye was closed when it happened and didn't do any real damage but the doctor recommended that he have minor surgery to prevent problems down the road.
The day of surgery, Husband met The Ex at her apartment. The kids asked if they could go in Husband's car to the hospital; on the way there, the kids saw some candy in the front seat and asked if they could have it. They get to the hospital, start doing pre-op stuff; doctor asks if Son hasn't eaten for X amount of hours. Husband says Son had some candy in the car. The doctor says they can't do the surgery if Son has eaten; everyone looks at The Ex, who stares blankly and then says, "....well, [Son] knew he wasn't supposed to eat anything." (Because it's a 6-year-old's responsibility to make sure that he follows doctor's orders about fasting. It wouldn't have made any sense whatsoever for The Ex to tell Husband, "Hey, don't give him any food.")
I can probably pinpoint exactly when I started to let myself "get involved." Sometime in August, The Ex called Husband, said she was going camping on his visitation weekend and she wanted to take the kids with her. He said that was fine (First mistake), the kids would enjoy themselves and to have fun. The Sunday that should have been his, The Ex calls again and says she needs him to take the kids that upcoming weekend, which was hers. He tells her that he can't because he has to work. The Ex replies, "Well, you were supposed to take them this weekend and you didn't!" (...what???)
The Ex keeps arguing that she's making plans that weekend, she doesn't want to take the kids, he messed this up, he was supposed to take them and he didn't; he keeps repeating to her that he and I both work Saturday and he has no one to watch the kids. The Ex then hands the phone to Son and says, "Tell Daddy you really want to come to his house this weekend." Of course, Son repeats this to Husband because it's black and white for him - he wants to see his dad so he's going to say that. Husband says, "I can't, baby. Daddy has to work." I don't remember how it ended, very possibly with her hanging up on Husband.
But it doesn't end there.
The following day, The Ex ran down to the courthouse and filed a motion to modify placement. She actually wrote in the paperwork, "[Husband] wants to change his visitation." (If Husband wanted to change his visitation, wouldn't Husband go file the paperwork himself?) The Ex proceeded to write how Husband never came to visit the kids (She did not mention this was after she told him not to come to her apartment) and that Husband hadn't followed the visitation schedule since January (His previous job gave him a weekday off and he was allowed placement on that day; he changed jobs the previous November, was unable to take the mid-week visit but still took the kids every weekend he was given and more, if she allowed it). They were ordered to mediation, which neither one of them attended, and nothing changed. All of this, because he gave her exactly what she asked for and then she decided that wasn't good enough.
Shortly after all of this occurred, I found out I was pregnant. But we'll discuss that in a later post ;)
Husband told me upfront he was divorced and had two kids. I was leery of this because my sister had dated someone with a child; it ended badly, my sister was heartbroken over losing someone who she had come to consider her own child. I didn't want to get into a mess like that but fortunately, I did.
When we first started dating, I was not going to get involved in their dissolved marriage. I knew how divorce worked - everything was always the other person's fault and never your own, "If only they would've..." I knew he wasn't a perfect person and had probably made just as many mistakes as she had which contributed to their divorce. I was not going to take "his side" just because we were dating.
I met the kids maybe one week into our relationship; we were going to a birthday party for a friend's children. We went to pick up the kids, I waited in the car. According to Husband, he went upstairs to her apartment and she walked out the door past him. He asked where the kids' coats were; she yelled over her shoulder, "You know where they are." As I was sitting in the car waiting, someone walked by - I found out later it was The Ex. She promptly called Husband and asked who was in his car. He asked her why it mattered; she hung up on him.
He brought the kids down, buckled them in, introduced us and told the kids to say hi. They both smiled and my heart melted. As we got to the birthday party, Daughter ran up some stairs, turned around, smiled at me and said, "I beat you!" Husband was shocked; Daughter did NOT talk to new people. (I found out later that the kids wouldn't even talk to his last girlfriend. I'm not sure if The Ex had poisoned the kids against her or if they just plain didn't like her, but things were completely different with me.)
The Ex immediately began spreading rumors about me. She even told Husband that she "heard things about me" and that I was a slut who had been with everybody and their brother (This is hilarious because unknown to her, I was a virgin. Stupid woman.) Husband laughed at her and said no, she had not heard anything about me because she had no idea who I was or where I was even from. The Ex said, "She's from around here." (I grew up 40 minutes away from the "here" she was referring to and had no idea that town even existed.)
There was the typical divorce banter - she made him upset, he made her upset, they fought. Whatever, it wasn't my thing to deal with so I brushed it off and tried my best to help him do the same.
One morning, Husband called me sounding like he was in tears; he said he was driving to the hospital because The Ex called him crying, saying Son had gotten shot in the eye with a BB gun. We came to find out The Ex was letting her brother (A ridiculously irresponsible teenager that had already dropped out of school at the age of 14) babysit so she wouldn't have to pay for daycare; he was playing with a BB gun indoors, it went off and hit Son in the eye. Thank God that Son's eye was closed when it happened and didn't do any real damage but the doctor recommended that he have minor surgery to prevent problems down the road.
The day of surgery, Husband met The Ex at her apartment. The kids asked if they could go in Husband's car to the hospital; on the way there, the kids saw some candy in the front seat and asked if they could have it. They get to the hospital, start doing pre-op stuff; doctor asks if Son hasn't eaten for X amount of hours. Husband says Son had some candy in the car. The doctor says they can't do the surgery if Son has eaten; everyone looks at The Ex, who stares blankly and then says, "....well, [Son] knew he wasn't supposed to eat anything." (Because it's a 6-year-old's responsibility to make sure that he follows doctor's orders about fasting. It wouldn't have made any sense whatsoever for The Ex to tell Husband, "Hey, don't give him any food.")
I can probably pinpoint exactly when I started to let myself "get involved." Sometime in August, The Ex called Husband, said she was going camping on his visitation weekend and she wanted to take the kids with her. He said that was fine (First mistake), the kids would enjoy themselves and to have fun. The Sunday that should have been his, The Ex calls again and says she needs him to take the kids that upcoming weekend, which was hers. He tells her that he can't because he has to work. The Ex replies, "Well, you were supposed to take them this weekend and you didn't!" (...what???)
The Ex keeps arguing that she's making plans that weekend, she doesn't want to take the kids, he messed this up, he was supposed to take them and he didn't; he keeps repeating to her that he and I both work Saturday and he has no one to watch the kids. The Ex then hands the phone to Son and says, "Tell Daddy you really want to come to his house this weekend." Of course, Son repeats this to Husband because it's black and white for him - he wants to see his dad so he's going to say that. Husband says, "I can't, baby. Daddy has to work." I don't remember how it ended, very possibly with her hanging up on Husband.
But it doesn't end there.
The following day, The Ex ran down to the courthouse and filed a motion to modify placement. She actually wrote in the paperwork, "[Husband] wants to change his visitation." (If Husband wanted to change his visitation, wouldn't Husband go file the paperwork himself?) The Ex proceeded to write how Husband never came to visit the kids (She did not mention this was after she told him not to come to her apartment) and that Husband hadn't followed the visitation schedule since January (His previous job gave him a weekday off and he was allowed placement on that day; he changed jobs the previous November, was unable to take the mid-week visit but still took the kids every weekend he was given and more, if she allowed it). They were ordered to mediation, which neither one of them attended, and nothing changed. All of this, because he gave her exactly what she asked for and then she decided that wasn't good enough.
Shortly after all of this occurred, I found out I was pregnant. But we'll discuss that in a later post ;)
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