Fall and winter of 2012
We were withholding placement because it was obvious Boyfriend was still drinking, The Ex was telling the kids to lie to us, and was risking both the kids and other people's health. In our opinion, the kids did not need to be exposed to that and we could argue it out in front of a judge.
Every weekend that we withheld, The Ex and her family members would call Husband and Son's phones repeatedly, leaving messages, asking where we were, saying they were there to pick up the kids, etc. Her mom even left Son a message saying, "Daddy's gonna pay for this eventually." (Something every child needs to hear, an indirect threat against their father.) Her mom told Husband on his voice mail that Daughter could've gotten lice from "either one of their houses" and that Daughter "was full of them when she came to [The Ex's]." (No, she wasn't. If it had come from our house, explain how nobody else in our house had lice, but The Ex's daughter had it again. Explain how Daughter had spent a week at school, and nobody else in the school had head lice.) The Ex would tell Husband he's "not a man. We all knew that, everybody does." Her mom would tell Husband to "be a big man and give her a call." Her sister blocked both of us on Facebook. All we were trying to do was keep the kids safe; The Ex married an alcoholic, lied about having head lice, yet she and her family are acting like we're horrible people.
The Ex's son turned one in October; she continued to play her mind games with the kids, talking to them on the phone and saying she hoped they would be able to come to their brother's party. (The Ex never said a word to Husband about this party. If we're withholding placement and Husband doesn't know about the party, how would the kids get to the party?) Trying to be decent, Husband emailed The Ex and said the kids mentioned their brother was turning one, he didn't know when the party was but was willing to bring the kids to the party so they could celebrate with their brother. Husband stated clearly that if we would be staying with the kids at the party and that he did not want there to be fighting or arguing; if anyone started anything, we would take the kids and go home.
The Ex ignored the email. The weekend that the party was supposed to take place, her mom and cousin came to pick up the kids. The kids weren't home, the police came to our house and we talked to them. We told the police our side of it and that we offered to bring the kids to the party; the officer left and called The Ex, reminding her that Husband offered to at least bring the kids for the party. The Ex told the officer that she already knew about the email (But never bothers emailing Husband about it. Just call the police instead)
The Ex then calls Husband and says, "You must like keeping the kids away from me, huh?" (No, but we do like keeping them out of an alcoholic household and away from head lice. You can translate that however you'd like; if you want to take it personally, that's your choice.) Husband told her that he wasn't keeping the kids away from her and if she wanted to see them, she could come and visit. The Ex replied, "Well when we split up, you never came to see them!" (A few things about this statement - 1)Husband did come to see the kids, only to have The Ex tell him not to come because she didn't want him at her apartment. 2)That was seven years ago. Bitter, much?) Husband told The Ex he wasn't going to argue with her. The Ex then said that the birthday party was the next day at 3pm and the baptism was the following Wednesday at 6pm. Husband told her we would come to the party but he was not sure about the baptism; if he was not able to get out of work early that day, he would not get out in time to drive the kids down to New City for the baptism. (We did take the kids to the party. Unsurprisingly, The Ex didn't say a single thing to either one of us the entire time that we were there. But very surprisingly, Boyfriend was very nice to us; he asked if we wanted anything to eat or drink, even went and got a soda for Husband)
Two days after the party, The Ex left Husband a message asking if he was bringing the kids to the baptism on Wednesday (I thought this had already been discussed. Husband said probably not because he had to work. Asking again doesn't change the workload or make him get off of work early) The Ex then left a message for Son saying she hoped he would be able to come to the baptism (Again...repeating yourself doesn't change the circumstances!) Husband returned The Ex's call and she asked again about him bringing the kids to the baptism. Husband, again, told her he wasn't sure and it depended on how busy they were at work that day. The Ex argued it was "only a 55-minute drive" (It's almost 70 miles, one way. Once you factor in rush-hour traffic, it is not a 55-minute drive. Not by a long shot) and said he could come out to eat with them afterward (Because THAT is what Husband really wants to do, is go have dinner with The Ex, her family, Boyfriend and their kids. That won't be awkward. In. The. Slightest.) Husband repeated it would depend on if he was able to get out of work early and he wouldn't know that until Wednesday. (Are you following this? Do you understand what Husband is saying? Apparently, The Ex was either confused or just chose to ignore it.)
After they hung up, The Ex then sends Husband an email. Now she's accusing him of "rushing" her son's birthday party (You never even talked to us; how did we "rush" you?), says she wishes she could have spent more than one hour with the kids and that she "was in the kitchen most of the time" (We were there for at least two hours; if you missed them that badly, you would've let your mom take over in the kitchen and you would've spent time with Son and Daughter), that everyone could see something was wrong with the kids (That must be why Daughter's teacher told me less than two weeks beforehand that this was her best year so far...?) and that they were hurting and upset (They were laughing and joking around with everyone. No hurt, no upset.) The Ex again asks about the baptism, gives Husband the date, address and time; tells him this is important and only happens once, Husband said he wanted Son and Daughter to be there for their siblings, etc.
Husband emails her back, addresses all the b.s. she put in there. Tells her again, in writing this time, that he doesn't know if he can get the kids there in time for the baptism; he also made note that even if he wasn't withholding placement, The Ex had scheduled the baptism for a date and time that Son and Daughter aren't typically with her. (Husband did ask his manager, but was not able to get off of work early. We felt bad, but it was out of our control. Things like this happen when you move almost 70 miles away, plan a baptism in the middle of the week and don't say anything about it until five days beforehand)
Husband emailed The Ex, said Daughter wanted to play basketball again and he was sending a copy of the schedule. He also said he was including copies of the therapy and dentist bills which she had not paid, so now The Ex owed the money directly to Husband because he had paid them off.
Two and a half hours after Husband sent this email, I got a call from the receptionist at the therapists' office. She said The Ex had just called her up and asked her to write a statement that The Ex had already arranged a payment plan but Husband had paid off The Ex's half of the kids' bill; The Ex said she needed this written statement for court. The receptionist told The Ex that she was not going to write any such statement; The Ex demanded to know why. The receptionist told her that The Ex did not contact them about payment at any point, the only contact they had was when Husband or I asked them to contact The Ex, and that The Ex had grudgingly agreed to pay $5/month after being asked repeatedly by the receptionist. The receptionist said she was not going to write a statement indicating that The Ex had been discussing the bill with them or had attempted to make payments on the bill, because those things had not happened. The Ex said, "So you're saying you're not going to send me anything?" The receptionist confirmed that no, she was not going to send any written statements to The Ex. The Ex then told the receptionist she was a "stupid bitch" and hung up on her. (Again, this actually happened. The receptionist even sent me a written statement attesting to it so we could take it to court if need be.)
A few days after this, The Ex called to speak with the kids. After getting off the phone with her, there was a noted change in Son's demeanor. I asked him what was wrong; apparently, The Ex told him that his grandpa was having heart problems, that he needed to have surgery and was so old, that he might not come out of surgery alive (Because that's what you tell a 12-year-old child over the phone - that his grandpa is dying. And by the way, his grandpa was going in for a stress test. Surgery hadn't even been brought up at that point. The Ex was panicking Son for absolutely no reason, other than she's dramatic and probably thought this would make Son get mad at us for "not letting her see them")
The kids' school puts on Grandparents' Day every year. We hadn't heard anything, so I sent a text to The Ex's mom asking if they were coming. She said she wasn't sure, The Ex's dad had a lot of doctor's appointments so they'd see what they could work out. They RSVP'd at the last second and said that they were coming; The Ex then told the kids she was coming with her parents that day (Because "Grandparents Day" = "Anyone you are related to Day"? Fine, whatever. She wants to see them, let her come). Grandparents' Day happened, The Ex never came (So much for wanting to see them)
Daughter started her second year in basketball; The Ex never came to any of her games even though we emailed her the schedule. The Ex would go to our house, leave Husband messages saying she was there even though we had literally told her where we were going to be.
One day, Daughter tells us that The Ex's baby broke the TV in their living room. Daughter said the baby had knocked it down and that it was a "huge TV, bigger than the one we have here." (We have a pretty big TV that we bought a few years ago when we got our tax return. The Ex had a bigger TV than we did, and now supposedly her baby knocked it over and broke it. Who was watching this kid when he did this??)
A week before Christmas, The Ex's sister (not The Ex) sends Husband a text message asking if the kids can come to her family Christmas party. (Husband didn't respond because the court order is very clear - the parents are to communicate directly, not through the kids or their spouses or a third party) Her sister sent another text asking again (Again, The Ex did not try to communicate with Husband).
Husband emailed The Ex and said he was willing to meet her halfway somewhere on the morning of Christmas Eve so that she could celebrate with the kids. The Ex read the email, calls Husband about it and leaves a message when he's at work. Husband gets out of work and calls The Ex back; she complains that he was "just getting back to her" when she left him a message earlier that day (How dare you have a job, you are so selfish) The Ex says she will pick the kids up that night. Husband says no, she will not. The Ex then says that Husband can come to her house with the kids. Husband says he will meet her somewhere that's halfway. The Ex says he can meet her at the McDonald's by her house (I guess she missed school on the day they explained the word "halfway") Husband says he can't come to New City (The kids had to be back to school early for their Christmas program. Husband could not drive to New City, let the kids spend a few hours there and make it back in time.) but was still willing to meet her. The Ex insists that Husband bring the kids to New City. Husband says he's not going to argue; if there is a halfway point they can meet, then to let him know.
Christmas Day, The Ex called Son's phone and left him a message. Son listened to the message, didn't return her call; he probably figured he'd call back later. At 4:39pm, The Ex's mom sends Husband a text that says he should be ashamed of himself, it's Christmas (Ashamed of what, exactly? It's our year for Christmas. Husband offered to let The Ex spend Christmas with the kids; she refused to do it unless Husband did exactly what she wanted.) Four minutes later, one of The Ex's sisters leaves Son a message saying she's home from jail (Seriously, this actually happened) and she hopes the kids can come to their family Christmas since Husband "wouldn't let the kids see them on Christmas like he was supposed to." (He was not supposed to let you see them on Christmas. This was our year; The Ex had the previous year and she would get the next year. You don't get to re-write the court order just because you feel like it)
Husband emails The Ex again the day after Christmas, says he's still willing to meet her that Saturday (our regularly scheduled weekend) so she can celebrate Christmas with the kids. The Ex ignores the email until New Year's Eve, then decides she wants to talk about her family Christmas party. Husband talks to her about it and says if he brings the kids, he will be staying with them like we did for her son's party. The Ex says they're already going to have "a full house, so don't bring everybody." (We didn't "bring everybody" to your son's birthday party, did we? We're not trying to hang out with you; we just want to keep an eye on the kids) Husband asks where the party is; The Ex says it's at her sister's house. Husband asks what time they're celebrating. The Ex says at 11am but if the kids are coming, then noon (I have no idea how that could even make sense, but whatever) Husband said he would let her know but he was going to communicate with her only by text or email. The Ex said she didn't have "extra money" for text or email (Email is free. How can you not afford a free thing??) Husband told her she'd have to figure something out because that's how he'd be communicating with her (Boyfriend had a phone that required a data plan; The Ex was just B.S.ing because she didn't want any of this in writing. When it's written down, she can't lie about it later)
And that was how we ended 2012.
Every weekend that we withheld, The Ex and her family members would call Husband and Son's phones repeatedly, leaving messages, asking where we were, saying they were there to pick up the kids, etc. Her mom even left Son a message saying, "Daddy's gonna pay for this eventually." (Something every child needs to hear, an indirect threat against their father.) Her mom told Husband on his voice mail that Daughter could've gotten lice from "either one of their houses" and that Daughter "was full of them when she came to [The Ex's]." (No, she wasn't. If it had come from our house, explain how nobody else in our house had lice, but The Ex's daughter had it again. Explain how Daughter had spent a week at school, and nobody else in the school had head lice.) The Ex would tell Husband he's "not a man. We all knew that, everybody does." Her mom would tell Husband to "be a big man and give her a call." Her sister blocked both of us on Facebook. All we were trying to do was keep the kids safe; The Ex married an alcoholic, lied about having head lice, yet she and her family are acting like we're horrible people.
The Ex's son turned one in October; she continued to play her mind games with the kids, talking to them on the phone and saying she hoped they would be able to come to their brother's party. (The Ex never said a word to Husband about this party. If we're withholding placement and Husband doesn't know about the party, how would the kids get to the party?) Trying to be decent, Husband emailed The Ex and said the kids mentioned their brother was turning one, he didn't know when the party was but was willing to bring the kids to the party so they could celebrate with their brother. Husband stated clearly that if we would be staying with the kids at the party and that he did not want there to be fighting or arguing; if anyone started anything, we would take the kids and go home.
The Ex ignored the email. The weekend that the party was supposed to take place, her mom and cousin came to pick up the kids. The kids weren't home, the police came to our house and we talked to them. We told the police our side of it and that we offered to bring the kids to the party; the officer left and called The Ex, reminding her that Husband offered to at least bring the kids for the party. The Ex told the officer that she already knew about the email (But never bothers emailing Husband about it. Just call the police instead)
The Ex then calls Husband and says, "You must like keeping the kids away from me, huh?" (No, but we do like keeping them out of an alcoholic household and away from head lice. You can translate that however you'd like; if you want to take it personally, that's your choice.) Husband told her that he wasn't keeping the kids away from her and if she wanted to see them, she could come and visit. The Ex replied, "Well when we split up, you never came to see them!" (A few things about this statement - 1)Husband did come to see the kids, only to have The Ex tell him not to come because she didn't want him at her apartment. 2)That was seven years ago. Bitter, much?) Husband told The Ex he wasn't going to argue with her. The Ex then said that the birthday party was the next day at 3pm and the baptism was the following Wednesday at 6pm. Husband told her we would come to the party but he was not sure about the baptism; if he was not able to get out of work early that day, he would not get out in time to drive the kids down to New City for the baptism. (We did take the kids to the party. Unsurprisingly, The Ex didn't say a single thing to either one of us the entire time that we were there. But very surprisingly, Boyfriend was very nice to us; he asked if we wanted anything to eat or drink, even went and got a soda for Husband)
Two days after the party, The Ex left Husband a message asking if he was bringing the kids to the baptism on Wednesday (I thought this had already been discussed. Husband said probably not because he had to work. Asking again doesn't change the workload or make him get off of work early) The Ex then left a message for Son saying she hoped he would be able to come to the baptism (Again...repeating yourself doesn't change the circumstances!) Husband returned The Ex's call and she asked again about him bringing the kids to the baptism. Husband, again, told her he wasn't sure and it depended on how busy they were at work that day. The Ex argued it was "only a 55-minute drive" (It's almost 70 miles, one way. Once you factor in rush-hour traffic, it is not a 55-minute drive. Not by a long shot) and said he could come out to eat with them afterward (Because THAT is what Husband really wants to do, is go have dinner with The Ex, her family, Boyfriend and their kids. That won't be awkward. In. The. Slightest.) Husband repeated it would depend on if he was able to get out of work early and he wouldn't know that until Wednesday. (Are you following this? Do you understand what Husband is saying? Apparently, The Ex was either confused or just chose to ignore it.)
After they hung up, The Ex then sends Husband an email. Now she's accusing him of "rushing" her son's birthday party (You never even talked to us; how did we "rush" you?), says she wishes she could have spent more than one hour with the kids and that she "was in the kitchen most of the time" (We were there for at least two hours; if you missed them that badly, you would've let your mom take over in the kitchen and you would've spent time with Son and Daughter), that everyone could see something was wrong with the kids (That must be why Daughter's teacher told me less than two weeks beforehand that this was her best year so far...?) and that they were hurting and upset (They were laughing and joking around with everyone. No hurt, no upset.) The Ex again asks about the baptism, gives Husband the date, address and time; tells him this is important and only happens once, Husband said he wanted Son and Daughter to be there for their siblings, etc.
Husband emails her back, addresses all the b.s. she put in there. Tells her again, in writing this time, that he doesn't know if he can get the kids there in time for the baptism; he also made note that even if he wasn't withholding placement, The Ex had scheduled the baptism for a date and time that Son and Daughter aren't typically with her. (Husband did ask his manager, but was not able to get off of work early. We felt bad, but it was out of our control. Things like this happen when you move almost 70 miles away, plan a baptism in the middle of the week and don't say anything about it until five days beforehand)
Husband emailed The Ex, said Daughter wanted to play basketball again and he was sending a copy of the schedule. He also said he was including copies of the therapy and dentist bills which she had not paid, so now The Ex owed the money directly to Husband because he had paid them off.
Two and a half hours after Husband sent this email, I got a call from the receptionist at the therapists' office. She said The Ex had just called her up and asked her to write a statement that The Ex had already arranged a payment plan but Husband had paid off The Ex's half of the kids' bill; The Ex said she needed this written statement for court. The receptionist told The Ex that she was not going to write any such statement; The Ex demanded to know why. The receptionist told her that The Ex did not contact them about payment at any point, the only contact they had was when Husband or I asked them to contact The Ex, and that The Ex had grudgingly agreed to pay $5/month after being asked repeatedly by the receptionist. The receptionist said she was not going to write a statement indicating that The Ex had been discussing the bill with them or had attempted to make payments on the bill, because those things had not happened. The Ex said, "So you're saying you're not going to send me anything?" The receptionist confirmed that no, she was not going to send any written statements to The Ex. The Ex then told the receptionist she was a "stupid bitch" and hung up on her. (Again, this actually happened. The receptionist even sent me a written statement attesting to it so we could take it to court if need be.)
A few days after this, The Ex called to speak with the kids. After getting off the phone with her, there was a noted change in Son's demeanor. I asked him what was wrong; apparently, The Ex told him that his grandpa was having heart problems, that he needed to have surgery and was so old, that he might not come out of surgery alive (Because that's what you tell a 12-year-old child over the phone - that his grandpa is dying. And by the way, his grandpa was going in for a stress test. Surgery hadn't even been brought up at that point. The Ex was panicking Son for absolutely no reason, other than she's dramatic and probably thought this would make Son get mad at us for "not letting her see them")
The kids' school puts on Grandparents' Day every year. We hadn't heard anything, so I sent a text to The Ex's mom asking if they were coming. She said she wasn't sure, The Ex's dad had a lot of doctor's appointments so they'd see what they could work out. They RSVP'd at the last second and said that they were coming; The Ex then told the kids she was coming with her parents that day (Because "Grandparents Day" = "Anyone you are related to Day"? Fine, whatever. She wants to see them, let her come). Grandparents' Day happened, The Ex never came (So much for wanting to see them)
Daughter started her second year in basketball; The Ex never came to any of her games even though we emailed her the schedule. The Ex would go to our house, leave Husband messages saying she was there even though we had literally told her where we were going to be.
One day, Daughter tells us that The Ex's baby broke the TV in their living room. Daughter said the baby had knocked it down and that it was a "huge TV, bigger than the one we have here." (We have a pretty big TV that we bought a few years ago when we got our tax return. The Ex had a bigger TV than we did, and now supposedly her baby knocked it over and broke it. Who was watching this kid when he did this??)
A week before Christmas, The Ex's sister (not The Ex) sends Husband a text message asking if the kids can come to her family Christmas party. (Husband didn't respond because the court order is very clear - the parents are to communicate directly, not through the kids or their spouses or a third party) Her sister sent another text asking again (Again, The Ex did not try to communicate with Husband).
Husband emailed The Ex and said he was willing to meet her halfway somewhere on the morning of Christmas Eve so that she could celebrate with the kids. The Ex read the email, calls Husband about it and leaves a message when he's at work. Husband gets out of work and calls The Ex back; she complains that he was "just getting back to her" when she left him a message earlier that day (How dare you have a job, you are so selfish) The Ex says she will pick the kids up that night. Husband says no, she will not. The Ex then says that Husband can come to her house with the kids. Husband says he will meet her somewhere that's halfway. The Ex says he can meet her at the McDonald's by her house (I guess she missed school on the day they explained the word "halfway") Husband says he can't come to New City (The kids had to be back to school early for their Christmas program. Husband could not drive to New City, let the kids spend a few hours there and make it back in time.) but was still willing to meet her. The Ex insists that Husband bring the kids to New City. Husband says he's not going to argue; if there is a halfway point they can meet, then to let him know.
Christmas Day, The Ex called Son's phone and left him a message. Son listened to the message, didn't return her call; he probably figured he'd call back later. At 4:39pm, The Ex's mom sends Husband a text that says he should be ashamed of himself, it's Christmas (Ashamed of what, exactly? It's our year for Christmas. Husband offered to let The Ex spend Christmas with the kids; she refused to do it unless Husband did exactly what she wanted.) Four minutes later, one of The Ex's sisters leaves Son a message saying she's home from jail (Seriously, this actually happened) and she hopes the kids can come to their family Christmas since Husband "wouldn't let the kids see them on Christmas like he was supposed to." (He was not supposed to let you see them on Christmas. This was our year; The Ex had the previous year and she would get the next year. You don't get to re-write the court order just because you feel like it)
Husband emails The Ex again the day after Christmas, says he's still willing to meet her that Saturday (our regularly scheduled weekend) so she can celebrate Christmas with the kids. The Ex ignores the email until New Year's Eve, then decides she wants to talk about her family Christmas party. Husband talks to her about it and says if he brings the kids, he will be staying with them like we did for her son's party. The Ex says they're already going to have "a full house, so don't bring everybody." (We didn't "bring everybody" to your son's birthday party, did we? We're not trying to hang out with you; we just want to keep an eye on the kids) Husband asks where the party is; The Ex says it's at her sister's house. Husband asks what time they're celebrating. The Ex says at 11am but if the kids are coming, then noon (I have no idea how that could even make sense, but whatever) Husband said he would let her know but he was going to communicate with her only by text or email. The Ex said she didn't have "extra money" for text or email (Email is free. How can you not afford a free thing??) Husband told her she'd have to figure something out because that's how he'd be communicating with her (Boyfriend had a phone that required a data plan; The Ex was just B.S.ing because she didn't want any of this in writing. When it's written down, she can't lie about it later)
And that was how we ended 2012.
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