Our Wedding
Husband and I had been together for over 2 years when we got engaged. Son and Daughter were excited; I loved them and they loved me. A few months after our engagement, Son asked if he could start calling me "Mom." I told him that once Husband and I got married, he could call me whatever he was comfortable with - he could continue to call me by name, he could call me Stepmom or he could call me Mom. (For those of you who are naysaying, I grew up with a lot of "blending" in my family. Adoptions by stepparents, adoptions from other countries, divorces, remarriages, etc. Family is family; blood has nothing to do with it. If you object, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. This is my opinion)
A month after this "Mom" conversation was when Son called Husband crying and saying he wanted to live with us; Son told me a week later that he thought The Ex spoke badly about me personally because "maybe she thinks you're a better mom than she is." (Husband and I had never said anything even remotely close to this. Son was only eight years old and already had his mother figured out.)
In the meantime, Husband and I were doing pre-marital counseling with our pastor. The Ex came up during conversation; I remember crying in one session because I was so frustrated with her. I literally could not imagine someone being so selfish that they could ignore their child who is crying and saying, "I don't want to live with you anymore." The Ex wasn't even willing to discuss it; it was automatically no, the kids could not come live here because it wasn't what The Ex wanted.
About two and a half months before our wedding, Boyfriend got arrested for domestic abuse. We got the police reports back and hired Our Attorney. We were literally building a custody case while planning and preparing for our wedding.
One day, we were heading home from church. Husband turned his phone back on and had a voicemail from The Ex:
“[Husband], it’s [The Ex]; you’re not answering your phone! (Hence, you are leaving a message. Why do you feel the need to announce this, like Husband is unaware that he missed your call?) Um, we have a little situation. I have a proposition to make for you if you can give me a call back. (Our interest was piqued. We had our paperwork filed asking to modify custody, court was scheduled to be held in two months. We thought maybe - just maybe - The Ex was willing to work something out with us outside of court) Um, call on the house phone first; we’re not leaving here for a little bit to go get a little bit of groceries and some stuff for the apartment so, call that first before you call my cell. (Why do I care that you're going grocery shopping?) I need to actually go charge it (Why do I care that your phone battery is dying?), so...if not, you have [Boyfriend’s] number. Bye.”
Husband called The Ex back; we were way off-base with our thought she wanted to compromise on custody. Instead, The Ex asked who was taking the kids for us on our wedding night. Husband told The Ex that we were keeping the kids. "Oh, no one is keeping them overnight for you?" Husband said no; we were going home after the reception. The Ex said that she and her parents were going out of state that weekend, so they wanted to know if they could pick the kids up around 9:30 that night. (....did she just invite herself to our wedding??) Husband told The Ex that it was his weekend with the kids and he was supposed to have them until Sunday night; The Ex immediately began complaining that she "always worked with him" whenever he wanted to switch and repeated that she wanted to pick up the kids on Saturday night. Husband told her no; it was his weekend, we were getting married and he was keeping the kids. The Ex got angry and hung up on him. (Honestly, who even thinks this is okay? Who in their right mind asks to show up at their ex-husband's wedding reception??)
A week later, we took the kids back to The Ex's house on Sunday. Daughter asked me to come inside, so I did (I typically stay in the car. I don't want to be seen as encroaching on The Ex's "territory") Husband asked the kids to go find The Ex so he could talk to her; both kids said she was sleeping. After a few minutes, Boyfriend decided to get up off the couch and see what Husband wanted. Husband said he needed to talk to The Ex about what time we were getting the kids that week. Boyfriend disappears into the apartment, then comes back and sits down on the couch.
A few minutes later, The Ex comes stumbling out of the bedroom like a wounded soldier (Seriously. Eyes half open, bumping into the wall, yawning - it was the most dramatic thing I have ever seen) Husband asked when she would be dropping the kids off by us; The Ex said that the kids had games in Hometown on Tuesday and Thursday. Husband volunteered to pick them up after the game on Tuesday. The Ex said, "Well, I'm not going Tuesday. (A few months later, she was screaming at Husband that she went to every game the kids had) I don't know if Dad's going to come pick them up here and take them to their game because if he's not, I already told them they're not going (The Ex moved to New City. The Ex signed the kids up to play in Hometown. The Ex is now telling the kids that if her dad doesn't pick them up, they're not going to their game. The Ex makes all the choices and everyone else has to live with the consequences.)" Husband asks when she will know for sure what is going on; The Ex says she doesn't know, she's only getting a few hours of sleep on Tuesday so she's not going to be driving around and says to call her dad. Husband says he'll call her dad to find out.
Husband then he asks what time The Ex wants the kids back on Sunday since they're going out of town. The Ex says, "Well, we wanted to leave on Friday but you said I can’t have them then." Husband said no, she could not; it was his weekend and we were getting married. The Ex complained, "Well, I wanted to pick them up Saturday and you won’t even let me do that. You’re not working with me at all and I don’t understand why." ("Working with her" means "do exactly what she wants." If you try to differ from that or compromise at all, then you are not working with her.) Husband didn't argue with her, just asked again what time she wanted the kids back. Her answer: "Well, 5 in the morning should be fine. You can drop them off at Mom & Dad’s around then." (Exchange time on Sundays was 6pm. We were getting married Saturday; The Ex wanted the kids back at 5am on Sunday. The Ex honestly and truly believes that Husband is the one being difficult and "not working with her")
Obviously, we were late for drop-off. We didn't leave our wedding reception until about midnight, got home and put the kids to bed, and finally went to sleep ourselves. The Ex's mom and sister started calling our phones non-stop at 5am, leaving messages and asking where we were. When we finally woke up, Husband called The Ex's mom back and told her we were on our way. I think we dropped the kids off around 9am; The Ex's parents weren't even ready to leave. In fact, The Ex's mom said they hadn't even finished packing (But we needed to have the kids there at 5am!!!!)
While we were on our honeymoon, The Ex called Husband and asked where the rest of the kids' clothing was. Husband told The Ex that he didn't have any clothes of theirs; anything they brought, we returned. The Ex argued that what we had returned was less than what she had sent. Husband told her that we maybe had one pair of shorts for each child, but that was it; we had no reason to keep their clothing when we only had them two weekends a month. The Ex then complained that Husband had sent back dirty clothing. Husband told her that two weeks ago, she had called complaining that we hadn't returned all of the clothing; Husband said it was dirty and The Ex said she didn't care, she wanted it all back whether it was dirty or clean. The Ex claimed she never said this, and told Husband not to send the clothing back if it was dirty.
A week later, The Ex's parents dropped the kids off after their games. We told the kids to change into regular clothes; the kids said they couldn't because they didn't have any clothes. We asked why they hadn't brought any clothing for the weekend. "Mom said you have our clothes here and not to bring any." (We had to go to the store and buy the kids clothes and shoes. The Ex literally sent them to spend the weekend with us wearing nothing but baseball uniforms and cleats)
A month after this "Mom" conversation was when Son called Husband crying and saying he wanted to live with us; Son told me a week later that he thought The Ex spoke badly about me personally because "maybe she thinks you're a better mom than she is." (Husband and I had never said anything even remotely close to this. Son was only eight years old and already had his mother figured out.)
In the meantime, Husband and I were doing pre-marital counseling with our pastor. The Ex came up during conversation; I remember crying in one session because I was so frustrated with her. I literally could not imagine someone being so selfish that they could ignore their child who is crying and saying, "I don't want to live with you anymore." The Ex wasn't even willing to discuss it; it was automatically no, the kids could not come live here because it wasn't what The Ex wanted.
About two and a half months before our wedding, Boyfriend got arrested for domestic abuse. We got the police reports back and hired Our Attorney. We were literally building a custody case while planning and preparing for our wedding.
One day, we were heading home from church. Husband turned his phone back on and had a voicemail from The Ex:
“[Husband], it’s [The Ex]; you’re not answering your phone! (Hence, you are leaving a message. Why do you feel the need to announce this, like Husband is unaware that he missed your call?) Um, we have a little situation. I have a proposition to make for you if you can give me a call back. (Our interest was piqued. We had our paperwork filed asking to modify custody, court was scheduled to be held in two months. We thought maybe - just maybe - The Ex was willing to work something out with us outside of court) Um, call on the house phone first; we’re not leaving here for a little bit to go get a little bit of groceries and some stuff for the apartment so, call that first before you call my cell. (Why do I care that you're going grocery shopping?) I need to actually go charge it (Why do I care that your phone battery is dying?), so...if not, you have [Boyfriend’s] number. Bye.”
Husband called The Ex back; we were way off-base with our thought she wanted to compromise on custody. Instead, The Ex asked who was taking the kids for us on our wedding night. Husband told The Ex that we were keeping the kids. "Oh, no one is keeping them overnight for you?" Husband said no; we were going home after the reception. The Ex said that she and her parents were going out of state that weekend, so they wanted to know if they could pick the kids up around 9:30 that night. (....did she just invite herself to our wedding??) Husband told The Ex that it was his weekend with the kids and he was supposed to have them until Sunday night; The Ex immediately began complaining that she "always worked with him" whenever he wanted to switch and repeated that she wanted to pick up the kids on Saturday night. Husband told her no; it was his weekend, we were getting married and he was keeping the kids. The Ex got angry and hung up on him. (Honestly, who even thinks this is okay? Who in their right mind asks to show up at their ex-husband's wedding reception??)
A week later, we took the kids back to The Ex's house on Sunday. Daughter asked me to come inside, so I did (I typically stay in the car. I don't want to be seen as encroaching on The Ex's "territory") Husband asked the kids to go find The Ex so he could talk to her; both kids said she was sleeping. After a few minutes, Boyfriend decided to get up off the couch and see what Husband wanted. Husband said he needed to talk to The Ex about what time we were getting the kids that week. Boyfriend disappears into the apartment, then comes back and sits down on the couch.
A few minutes later, The Ex comes stumbling out of the bedroom like a wounded soldier (Seriously. Eyes half open, bumping into the wall, yawning - it was the most dramatic thing I have ever seen) Husband asked when she would be dropping the kids off by us; The Ex said that the kids had games in Hometown on Tuesday and Thursday. Husband volunteered to pick them up after the game on Tuesday. The Ex said, "Well, I'm not going Tuesday. (A few months later, she was screaming at Husband that she went to every game the kids had) I don't know if Dad's going to come pick them up here and take them to their game because if he's not, I already told them they're not going (The Ex moved to New City. The Ex signed the kids up to play in Hometown. The Ex is now telling the kids that if her dad doesn't pick them up, they're not going to their game. The Ex makes all the choices and everyone else has to live with the consequences.)" Husband asks when she will know for sure what is going on; The Ex says she doesn't know, she's only getting a few hours of sleep on Tuesday so she's not going to be driving around and says to call her dad. Husband says he'll call her dad to find out.
Husband then he asks what time The Ex wants the kids back on Sunday since they're going out of town. The Ex says, "Well, we wanted to leave on Friday but you said I can’t have them then." Husband said no, she could not; it was his weekend and we were getting married. The Ex complained, "Well, I wanted to pick them up Saturday and you won’t even let me do that. You’re not working with me at all and I don’t understand why." ("Working with her" means "do exactly what she wants." If you try to differ from that or compromise at all, then you are not working with her.) Husband didn't argue with her, just asked again what time she wanted the kids back. Her answer: "Well, 5 in the morning should be fine. You can drop them off at Mom & Dad’s around then." (Exchange time on Sundays was 6pm. We were getting married Saturday; The Ex wanted the kids back at 5am on Sunday. The Ex honestly and truly believes that Husband is the one being difficult and "not working with her")
Obviously, we were late for drop-off. We didn't leave our wedding reception until about midnight, got home and put the kids to bed, and finally went to sleep ourselves. The Ex's mom and sister started calling our phones non-stop at 5am, leaving messages and asking where we were. When we finally woke up, Husband called The Ex's mom back and told her we were on our way. I think we dropped the kids off around 9am; The Ex's parents weren't even ready to leave. In fact, The Ex's mom said they hadn't even finished packing (But we needed to have the kids there at 5am!!!!)
While we were on our honeymoon, The Ex called Husband and asked where the rest of the kids' clothing was. Husband told The Ex that he didn't have any clothes of theirs; anything they brought, we returned. The Ex argued that what we had returned was less than what she had sent. Husband told her that we maybe had one pair of shorts for each child, but that was it; we had no reason to keep their clothing when we only had them two weekends a month. The Ex then complained that Husband had sent back dirty clothing. Husband told her that two weeks ago, she had called complaining that we hadn't returned all of the clothing; Husband said it was dirty and The Ex said she didn't care, she wanted it all back whether it was dirty or clean. The Ex claimed she never said this, and told Husband not to send the clothing back if it was dirty.
A week later, The Ex's parents dropped the kids off after their games. We told the kids to change into regular clothes; the kids said they couldn't because they didn't have any clothes. We asked why they hadn't brought any clothing for the weekend. "Mom said you have our clothes here and not to bring any." (We had to go to the store and buy the kids clothes and shoes. The Ex literally sent them to spend the weekend with us wearing nothing but baseball uniforms and cleats)
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