Voicemails from 2010
In mid-January, The Ex called Husband about Daughter's cheerleading:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um...I’m not sure really how to get to [School City]. I’m hoping Mom & Dad come with me ‘cause I followed [The Ex's sister], and I wasn’t paying attention. She took all these backroads. I mean, literally backroads from her house. (She lives out in the country. What else was she supposed to drive down to get there? A field?) Um, I’m...planning to go to sleep, like...before 11? So, I wanna know, um...if I just pick ‘em up then over there? So let me know, and I need to know what time it’s at. Um...I’m thinking about bringing [daughter with Boyfriend]. Probably put a hood on her, um...what do you call it? Her little...outfit to go outside (...snowsuit. The word you are looking for is "snowsuit." And I don't care what you do with your kid. Put a hood on her, give her a sombrero, wrap a towel around her head. None of this affects me so stop talking about it while you're leaving voicemails), so...I don’t know, kinda...depending. [The Ex's other sister] said she’d watch her for me, so...ah, well. If you get this, please call me as soon as you can. Otherwise, um...I know Mom might remember, I don’t know. (The kids have gone to school here for four months. The Ex doesn't know how to get here) But...call me and leave me a message what time it’s at, if it’s okay if I just pick the kids up from there. ‘cause if I have to, I’ll leave earlier. I was just hoping to get a few hours sleep. [Boyfriend] had to work overtime; that’s gonna be there. (...what? What's going to be where? What are you talking about?) So he probably won’t get home til almost noon. So, if [daughter with Boyfriend] doesn’t go to sleep before then, I don’t go to sleep. (You chose to work third shift and you chose to have another baby. I don't care about your sleep schedule) Um, anyways...give me a call, I wanna know what’s going on then. Talk to you later. Oh, and uh, we cancelled our house phone. So we only have cells. Talk to you later, bye. ” (The Ex left this message on Friday morning. Once again, she refuses to plan ahead or try to communicate ahead of time. Everything is last minute and if you don't do exactly what she says, then that means you're being difficult and not working with her)
Literally two days after The Ex left that message, Boyfriend called Husband in the middle of the night and said he would come to court and "talk" for Husband, if Husband would come to court and "talk" for him. Husband asked what he was talking about. Boyfriend called The Ex a "f*cking b*tch" and said he was "tired of her sh*t", and that all The Ex cared about was money. Boyfriend said he didn't want to be with The Ex anymore but she had told him that if he left, he would never see their daughter again and he wanted to get custody of their daughter. Boyfriend told Husband that "things had happened" between him and The Ex but that they didn't call the cops; Boyfriend said they once got into a fight and The Ex had been choking him. Husband told Boyfriend that if The Ex was doing things like that, he needed to call the police when it happened. About 2 hours later, Boyfriend did call the police and say he wanted to speak to an officer; the call report said that Boyfriend had called The Ex earlier to ask if she was bringing their daughter home and The Ex had replied, "What for?" Boyfriend told the dispatcher that he wasn't sure if The Ex was trying to keep their baby away from him. The officer did show up but Boyfriend didn't answer the door so nothing more ever amounted from that.
Two days after that, The Ex's sister sent me a text asking if the kids had seen Boyfriend since he wasn't allowed to have contact. I told her I didn't know, and she replied that I should ask them (I'm not sure why she sent this. My guess is that she knew something but didn't want to come straight out and say it)
In early February, Husband called The Ex about Daughter getting to perform at an NBA basketball game with her cheerleading squad. (Daughter was one of a limited number of girls who had gotten picked to do this. Exciting, right?!) Since we all had to buy our own tickets, Husband asked The Ex how many she wanted. The Ex asked if Boyfriend could come to the game. Husband told her no. The Ex said, "Why not? You're going." (Right. Husband is going. And Husband is the biological father, who is not an abusive alcoholic that has a court order prohibiting him from having contact with Son and Daughter. You are comparing apples to elephants.)
The next day, Husband called The Ex about Daughter's practice schedule; since she was going to be performing at the game, she had three mandatory practices before the game. If she did not attend these three practices, she could not perform at the game and another girl would have to take her place. One of the three practices fell on The Ex's visitation weekend, which was a month and a half later. Husband told all of this to The Ex, who immediately began complaining that she didn't want to do "all of that running around in one weekend." (ONE practice.) Husband told her that if Daughter didn't practice, she couldn't go to the game. The Ex asked if they could switch weekends; Husband told her yes, but one of the mandatory practices was on his weekend also, so The Ex was going to have to take Daughter anyway. The Ex told Husband that he wasn't working with her. Husband told her this was out of his control; if The Ex wasn't going to take Daughter to her one practice, then The Ex could be the one to let Daughter know she wasn't going to get to perform at the game. The Ex said she would ask her dad to take Daughter to the practice (Again, The Ex is just far too busy doing other things than to take her child to a practice that was only a couple hours long)
The day after this, The Ex left Husband a voicemail:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um, I’m supposed to get back to you in the morning; I forgot and I missed your call yesterday. Talked to Mom and Dad, and we want four tickets, so...I guess you need to call me back. Call me back at, tom- you’re gonna have to call me back tomorrow, so...otherwise if you call me back right away! ‘Cause I’m gonna be heading to bed here pretty soon. It’s 1:30, just about. I haven’t slept yet. Um...so you’re gonna have to let me know how we’re paying for this. And when she needs the money, so...we’ll talk later. Bye.” (I have no idea why she always has to tell us how she hasn't gotten any sleep.)
About a week later, The Ex's sister was texting me and asking if the kids could spend the night at their house; I said I'd check with Husband but it should be fine. A few hours later, The Ex's sister texted me and told me to tell the kids not to tell The Ex that they were spending the night by her, because she didn't want drama (Anytime The Ex found out we were talking to/spending time with her family, she had a fit. She wasn't happy that we were encouraging the kids to spend time with her side of the family; no, she was jealous and angry that her sister got along with us. To The Ex, this entire thing is not about the kids - it's about The Ex vs. Husband) The Ex's sister went on about how recently, The Ex had told her nephew that his mom was being a bitch (The kid was like, 11 years old at the time) and said that Son behaved a lot better with us than with The Ex
One day at school, Son fell and scraped his hand and knee. When he told The Ex this, she told him to have us take pictures of them and text them to her on Boyfriend's phone. (....for what, exactly? Do you think you're going to prove we're "unfit" because Son fell down? Dumb. Just plain dumb.)
The day after that, The Ex left Husband a voicemail
“Hi [Husband]. It’s me, [The Ex]. Um, after the game next Sunday(The NBA game that Daughter was performing at), Dad and I are gonna take the kids out to eat. (So pretty much, your dad is paying for everyone to go out to eat) So, I don’t know what you guys had planned on doing, but I have the kids till 6, so I told Dad yeah, we can do that. So, I just wanted to let you know. I’m not sure where you’ll be, so...if you’re not around when we’re done, and all that, then we’ll probably just see you in [New City]. Bye.” (No mention whatsoever of Son's scrape that he had gotten. Clearly, she's not that concerned about it, right?)
A few days later, I sent The Ex's dad a text message about Daughter's mandatory practice that weekend, since The Ex had told Husband that her dad was going to be the one taking Daughter. I told The Ex's dad that I wasn't sure if he was taking Daughter, or if The Ex was taking her, but I gave him the time and place of the practice.
Two days after I sent that text to The Ex's dad, The Ex called Husband and started yelling that she had not gotten any pictures of Son's scrape (Now she's mad. She asked for this picture six days ago; she called Husband five days ago and said nothing.) Husband told her that I sent a picture of the scrape to her. The Ex started yelling that she had "specifically told us" not to send picture or text messages to her phone because she couldn't receive them, and we were supposed to send them to Boyfriend's phone (I still have no idea who, in 2010, cannot receive a text message. I understand not paying for a text message plan, but you can still receive text messages.) Shortly after saying this, The Ex said something about getting a text from someone else. Husband pointed out that she had just told him she can't receive text messages; The Ex replied, "Well, I can get TEXT messages but not PICTURE messages." (So now she acknowledged that she just lied to Husband. She is intentionally making this difficult) Then The Ex started complaining that I had texted her dad about Daughter's cheerleading practice and that we should be talking to her and not her family about this. Husband told her we only texted her dad because she said that he was the one taking Daughter to her practice. (But of course, this is still our fault) The Ex then started yelling at Husband for not getting her a replacement cheerleading schedule because she spilled coffee on the one she had (Again, this is our fault. Apparently the coffee made the schedule explode so she just absolutely could not read anything that it said ever again. I still have no idea what pissed her off here but once again, everything is Husband's fault)
A few weeks later, The Ex left Husband a voicemail:
“Hi [Husband], this is [The Ex]. Just wanted to talk to the kids. You think you can you have them call me back before it gets any later? (It was 5:59pm) Um...in about half an hour I’m gonna be giving [daughter with Boyfriend] a bath so, hopefully before then. Otherwise, um...just have ‘em call before 8 if possible; 7:30, 8 o’clock. So...we’ll talk to you later, bye.” (Okay, so the kids have to call before 7:30, 8 o'clock. We can do this.)
Twenty-three minutes later:
“Hey! Um, been trying to get a hold of you! Called a few times. Um....the kids don’t have school on Friday? (Yes, they do) I guess? (You guess wrong) It’s Good Friday? (Correct. And then Sunday is Easter.) Um, I wanted to see if I could get the kids either Friday, early morning. I get out of work this Friday at 8, it’s my last uh, week this week on that schedule. (The Ex had been working a 12am-8am shift for the last 3 years. Now because we had gotten temporary custody of the kids, she thought it would help her case if she changed her work schedule - except that her idea of changing her work schedule was to adjust her shift to 10pm-6am) But um, I was thinking if...otherwise, they could stay the night at Dad’s house Thursday night and then I could pick ‘em up in the morning, Friday morning. (Once again, The Ex has her parents doing the transportation for her) So I guess I wanna know that too, so....can you please call me back? Bye.”
Eight minutes later:
“Hi [my name], this is [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband] so I can talk to the kids, and um...I hear they don’t have school on Friday. (They do have school. Who is telling you that they don't? You live an hour away, it's not like you're hanging out with the other parents) Um, ‘cause of Good Friday. Um...just want to know what was going on with that, if I can try to get ‘em, if...either if I can pick ‘em Friday morning or if they can stay the night at Dad’s house Thursday night and I can get ‘em outside of work from there? So...I guess, have the kids call me, and I need to talk to [Husband]. Bye.”
Husband had been busy, which is why he wasn't answering the phone. When Husband called The Ex back, she asked about picking up the kids on Friday morning. Husband said she couldn't because they had school. (This has continued to be an issue. The Ex always calls, asks if she can pick up the kids on the morning of Good Friday. Husband tells her no, they have school. Apparently she does not understand this)
A couple weeks later, The Ex's sister left me a voicemail:
“Hey [my name], this is [The Ex's sister]. Um, the kids wanted to spend the night on Wednesday. Well, which would be tomorrow. Um...I tried calling [The Ex] but she doesn’t answer. So give me a call back ‘cause she said something about they needed to be picked up early? So, give me a call back and let me know what’s going on. Thank you.” (I called the sister back, told her I didn't know what was going on because the last we had heard, The Ex was going to get off of work and pick the kids up herself. I told The Ex's sister that the kids didn't "need" to be picked up early, The Ex wanted to pick them up early. She could pick them up anytime she wanted. And, once again, The Ex is not getting the kids herself. Her sister is getting them, cutting The Ex's drive time in half)
About a week and a half later, The Ex left a voicemail:
“Hey, it’s me [The Ex]. Um...[daughter with Boyfriend] and I would like to talk to the kids. Can you have ‘em call? I’m not sure, what time is it? Yeah, they should be getting home; you say they get home about 5:30. So, can you have them call pretty quick here? We’re gonna be sitting down in about 15 minutes to eat, so...we’ll talk to you later. Bye.” (Great idea. Call right before you eat dinner so if I have them call you back, you won't answer)
A month later:
“Hi, I wanna talk to the kids. Uh, I’m gonna be sitting down to eat in 15 minutes, (Why does she keep calling 15 minutes before she eats? Is it that hard to call after you're done eating? Honestly...) so do you think you can give ‘em...have ‘em give me a call? It’ll only take 15 minutes to see how they’re doing and all that. I don’t know why you don’t answer your phone.” (Because we have lives. We have things going on. Hard to imagine, but you are not the only thing we have to deal with.)
Two weeks later:
“Hey. Just wanted to talk to the kids. You think that you can have them call me back? I’m gonna be sitting down to eat here in a few minutes and I wanted to talk to them before I ate. Alright? Bye.” (I can't even make this stuff up. I guess she can't talk to them after dinner, it will give her cancer or something)
The next day:
“Hi, I’d like to talk to the kids. You always have ‘em call when I’m busy. (How could I possibly know when you're busy??) Um, I’m usually getting ready for work at 8; I’m in the shower. You think you can have them call me before? Like, right away when you get this? It’d really be appreciated.” (Well, at least it wasn't 15 minutes before dinner this time)
Near the end of June, The Ex called to talk to the kids. Before putting them on the phone, Husband asked if they would be able to switch some weekends. The Ex said, "No, because you never want to work with me. It’s always one-sided. I always used to work with you before and you never want to help me out." (I guess in her mind, asking us to go without seeing the kids because she "has plans" is the exact same thing as "working with us." And again, she fails to see that this is not about her; the placement schedule has nothing to do with "helping her out.")
The very next day, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Was calling to find out if uh, there’s anyway we can get the kids around three. Um....call me back! Bye.” (She calls Thursday night to see if she can pick up early on Friday. She leaves this voicemail literally one day after refusing to switch on the grounds that Husband "never works with her" and is now expecting Husband to do what she wants. Awesome.) Husband was making dinner, so he didn't get the call. The Ex tried again eight minutes later (Because that should mean he's not busy anymore. It's an entire eight minutes.) After we ate dinner, The Ex's mom then called my phone and left a voicemail:
“[My name], this is [The Ex's mom]. Trying to get a hold of [Husband]. [The Ex] has been calling too and he doesn’t answer. (Right. We're eating) I hope nothing’s wrong. (If it was, we would have let The Ex know) Please give me a call. [XXX-XXX-XXXX]. (For what, exactly?) Thank you.”
There were a few more voicemails, nothing worth noting. Then about a month later, The Ex called to talk to the kids; Husband told her we were watching a movie but let her speak to the kids quickly. While she was talking to Son, she asked him if he had asked Husband if she could pick them up early. (Because that's a 10-year-old's responsibility. Son later told us that he had to ask "because if Mom asks, then Dad just says no." Son does not understand schedules and time conflicts; The Ex just tells him that his dad tells her no to everything, so feel bad for her.) After they hung up, The Ex called back:
“Hey, I just got off the phone with [Son] and you won’t answer my two phone calls? What’s up with that? (What's "up" with that, is that you were already told we were watching a movie. On top of that, you let your baby play with your phone and she has called both of our phones, more than once. We're not going to keep pausing the movie to answer calls from your 1-year-old) Anyways...I’m just calling to let you know that I’m gonna be taking the kids after the play then. [Son] said he talked to you, and...I just wanted to tell you that that’s what I was gonna do, since you’re not answering your phone. Um...so, that’s it. And if you have a problem with it, can you please call me back? (...who else would Husband call?) And, I’m getting ready for work, so...wanna let you know.” Husband listened to the voicemail, tried returning the call; The Ex didn't answer.
A week later:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um, I have a couple things that I wanted to talk to you about, and we kinda need to talk about it right now for one of them. Um, one of them...what I need to know as soon as possible, is if....um, if there’s anyway you can bring the kids to me Friday when you get done with work? And then I can drop ‘em off on Sunday at 6? Um, I wanna know as soon as possible so you let me know. And then, um...I have the kids on that Labor Day weekend. You know I don’t work that Sunday night, so I’m really hoping you would let me keep the kids Sunday night. I have plans with the family, so...I don’t wanna cancel or go and waste what little money I do have and waste half of the vacation ‘cause you wouldn’t let me have them. So...it’d be fun with all the kids being together and...we don’t really see [The Ex's sister’s] kids all that much and...so, please give me a call back. [XXX-XXX-XXXX]. If I don’t answer, please leave a message and at least let me know about...um, this weekend. Because then I need to change my plans, like....tonight, by the latest. And tell them what’s going on and why I can’t come. But um, I don’t see why I couldn’t have ‘em Sunday night on that Labor Day weekend. So...please call me back. And I’m gonna need to know also about that Labor Day weekend as soon as possible ‘cause we need to reserve some stuff. And we need to reserve it, like...probably last week. So you need to call me back on that too. Bye.” (Labor Day was a month and a half away. If she needed to make her reservations the week before, why didn't she call Husband the week before?)
Less than a month after this, we settled in court. There were a few bumps here and there, but nothing really earth-shattering. The Ex had her hissy fits here and there about random things; sometimes her fit was over nothing at all. Then in early December:
“[Husband], it’s [The Ex]. I’d like to talk to the kids. I also need to have [Son] and [Daughter’s] social security numbers, so...um, if you can quickly call me back and give them to me and I can talk to the kids for a few minutes. Thanks.” (We didn't have our phones on us, so we missed this message. But why does she keep needing these numbers?)
Two hours later, The Ex left me a voicemail:
“Hey, it’s [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband]. I’ve been calling him a few times. I need the kids’s social....socials, because um, today is the last day that we turn in our forms for our medical next year. (...you call the very last day and demand that I provide you information?) Otherwise, if I don’t get it by 9 o’clock when I leave here, I won’t have coverage on the kids for a full year. (I call B.S. on this. Husband has the kids covered through his job; he does not have to write down the kids' SSNs every single year. They're kept on file and get renewed with everyone else.) So...I guess it’s up to you guys to get that number to me since [Husband] hasn’t returned the social security cards back to me like he had promised to.” (Husband never promised that. On top of it, Husband is the primary custodial parent. Why would you need the kids' social security cards?)
Three minutes later:
“It’s [The Ex]. I wanna talk to the kids. (The kids had been in bed for 45 minutes) It’s getting late; I called you earlier. I need the kids’s social numbers otherwise I won’t have them covered under the medical plan for a full year. (Husband didn't get this message until later, yet The Ex had the kids covered the following year. Interesting, no?) I don’t have a card, I have them for the summer; um, I’m gonna need some type of insurance on them, especially if I have them. (Insurance is still valid even if you don't have the card with you. You can always call the doctor/hospital back later and give them the information) Um, also...on top of that, you need to think about what you’re doing and how we’re gonna switch weekends because I have ‘em the weekend for Christmas and the weekend of the 30th...or, for Christmas and the 30th. (We're not switching anything. This was talked about a week ago. Holiday schedule overrides regular schedule. You lose the weekend of Christmas.) So, we need...you need to decide if you’re gonna let me have them beforehand or what. ‘Cause I was hoping to get ‘em on the 28th and you can pick ‘em up. You know, we can decide. But I need to know because I need to plan a Christmas for my family too, you know.” (Yeah, Husband. You are such a jerk not letting her plan a Christmas for her family too, you know.)
Less than 3 weeks later:
“Hey [Husband], it’s [The Ex]. I’d like to talk to the kids and I’d like to talk to you about...when I pick the kids up next Friday. Goodbye.”
Two minutes later:
“Hey [my name], it’s [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband]. I’d like to talk to the kids too, so...can you have him answer his phone?” (Husband is not a child. No, I cannot "have him answer his phone" because I do not tell him what to do. We're not ignoring you, we're busy. Husband will call you when he can.)
Literally two more minutes after the voicemail on my phone:
“[Husband], I have been trying to get a hold of you. I really wanna talk to the kids. I need to talk to you about when I pick the kids up on the 31st. Um, I talked to you a long time; I’m gonna say it was right around Thanksgiving. I told you I wanted to pick the kids up earlier. Well, guess what?! You’re not the only one having a Christmas! (Never said we were) We are trying to plan our Christmas and we can’t plan it when you don’t answer your phone (Look at the calendar, schedule your Christmas on the days that you know you have the kids for sure. It's not rocket science.), or call me back and tell me what you guys think. And, you know, you have all this time with the kids. (Oh yes, we work 40 hours a week and the kids are in school 35 hours a week. You get the kids three weekends a month which is most of their free time, we get them one weekend. Yeah, we have "all this time with the kids") I want to have more time with the kids when they’re out of school. (What a coincidence, so do we) I don’t understand why you’re not letting me (Because you're married to an alcoholic and the two of you get into physical fights. You force the kids to babysit so that you can sleep); I have all...two weeks off of work, pretty much. I wanna have time with the kids. It’s not like I’m not gonna be here not to watch them. I don’t understand that. So, if you have it in your heart to have the kids call me? (You evil, evil man) And I can talk to you later? Goodbye.”
Ten days later, we had taken the kids swimming and left our phones in the car. The Ex chose that night to go psycho. Missed calls at 7:37pm and 7:38pm with a voicemail:
“Hi, it’s [The Ex]. I wanted to talk to the kids. You think you can have them call me back sometime today? Bye.” ("Sometime today" means "right now")
Missed calls on both of our phones at 7:57pm with a voicemail on Husband's phone:
“[Husband], I’m calling so I can talk to the kids. It’s 8 o’clock and I called a half hour ago. Uh, could you please have the kids call me before they go to bed? Goodbye.”
Missed call at 8:23pm:
“[Husband], it’s almost been an hour and I’ve been trying to call so I can talk to the kids. I wish you would STOP ignoring my phone calls so the kids can talk to me.” (The Ex complained before that if the kids called her at 8, she was getting ready for work. Now she's complaining that they're not calling her back at 8. I love the last part, "...so the kids can talk to me" like the kids are in tears over this)
Missed call on my phone at 8:24pm:
“Hi [my name], this is [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband]. I’ve been trying for almost an hour now. All I wanna do is talk with the kids so, if you can have the kids give me a call back, that would be nice.” (You know what else would be nice? If you would start putting your kids first. If you did that then most, if not all of your "issues" with Husband would be resolved.)
Aaand, that was our last "interaction" with The Ex in 2010.
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um...I’m not sure really how to get to [School City]. I’m hoping Mom & Dad come with me ‘cause I followed [The Ex's sister], and I wasn’t paying attention. She took all these backroads. I mean, literally backroads from her house. (She lives out in the country. What else was she supposed to drive down to get there? A field?) Um, I’m...planning to go to sleep, like...before 11? So, I wanna know, um...if I just pick ‘em up then over there? So let me know, and I need to know what time it’s at. Um...I’m thinking about bringing [daughter with Boyfriend]. Probably put a hood on her, um...what do you call it? Her little...outfit to go outside (...snowsuit. The word you are looking for is "snowsuit." And I don't care what you do with your kid. Put a hood on her, give her a sombrero, wrap a towel around her head. None of this affects me so stop talking about it while you're leaving voicemails), so...I don’t know, kinda...depending. [The Ex's other sister] said she’d watch her for me, so...ah, well. If you get this, please call me as soon as you can. Otherwise, um...I know Mom might remember, I don’t know. (The kids have gone to school here for four months. The Ex doesn't know how to get here) But...call me and leave me a message what time it’s at, if it’s okay if I just pick the kids up from there. ‘cause if I have to, I’ll leave earlier. I was just hoping to get a few hours sleep. [Boyfriend] had to work overtime; that’s gonna be there. (...what? What's going to be where? What are you talking about?) So he probably won’t get home til almost noon. So, if [daughter with Boyfriend] doesn’t go to sleep before then, I don’t go to sleep. (You chose to work third shift and you chose to have another baby. I don't care about your sleep schedule) Um, anyways...give me a call, I wanna know what’s going on then. Talk to you later. Oh, and uh, we cancelled our house phone. So we only have cells. Talk to you later, bye. ” (The Ex left this message on Friday morning. Once again, she refuses to plan ahead or try to communicate ahead of time. Everything is last minute and if you don't do exactly what she says, then that means you're being difficult and not working with her)
Literally two days after The Ex left that message, Boyfriend called Husband in the middle of the night and said he would come to court and "talk" for Husband, if Husband would come to court and "talk" for him. Husband asked what he was talking about. Boyfriend called The Ex a "f*cking b*tch" and said he was "tired of her sh*t", and that all The Ex cared about was money. Boyfriend said he didn't want to be with The Ex anymore but she had told him that if he left, he would never see their daughter again and he wanted to get custody of their daughter. Boyfriend told Husband that "things had happened" between him and The Ex but that they didn't call the cops; Boyfriend said they once got into a fight and The Ex had been choking him. Husband told Boyfriend that if The Ex was doing things like that, he needed to call the police when it happened. About 2 hours later, Boyfriend did call the police and say he wanted to speak to an officer; the call report said that Boyfriend had called The Ex earlier to ask if she was bringing their daughter home and The Ex had replied, "What for?" Boyfriend told the dispatcher that he wasn't sure if The Ex was trying to keep their baby away from him. The officer did show up but Boyfriend didn't answer the door so nothing more ever amounted from that.
Two days after that, The Ex's sister sent me a text asking if the kids had seen Boyfriend since he wasn't allowed to have contact. I told her I didn't know, and she replied that I should ask them (I'm not sure why she sent this. My guess is that she knew something but didn't want to come straight out and say it)
In early February, Husband called The Ex about Daughter getting to perform at an NBA basketball game with her cheerleading squad. (Daughter was one of a limited number of girls who had gotten picked to do this. Exciting, right?!) Since we all had to buy our own tickets, Husband asked The Ex how many she wanted. The Ex asked if Boyfriend could come to the game. Husband told her no. The Ex said, "Why not? You're going." (Right. Husband is going. And Husband is the biological father, who is not an abusive alcoholic that has a court order prohibiting him from having contact with Son and Daughter. You are comparing apples to elephants.)
The next day, Husband called The Ex about Daughter's practice schedule; since she was going to be performing at the game, she had three mandatory practices before the game. If she did not attend these three practices, she could not perform at the game and another girl would have to take her place. One of the three practices fell on The Ex's visitation weekend, which was a month and a half later. Husband told all of this to The Ex, who immediately began complaining that she didn't want to do "all of that running around in one weekend." (ONE practice.) Husband told her that if Daughter didn't practice, she couldn't go to the game. The Ex asked if they could switch weekends; Husband told her yes, but one of the mandatory practices was on his weekend also, so The Ex was going to have to take Daughter anyway. The Ex told Husband that he wasn't working with her. Husband told her this was out of his control; if The Ex wasn't going to take Daughter to her one practice, then The Ex could be the one to let Daughter know she wasn't going to get to perform at the game. The Ex said she would ask her dad to take Daughter to the practice (Again, The Ex is just far too busy doing other things than to take her child to a practice that was only a couple hours long)
The day after this, The Ex left Husband a voicemail:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um, I’m supposed to get back to you in the morning; I forgot and I missed your call yesterday. Talked to Mom and Dad, and we want four tickets, so...I guess you need to call me back. Call me back at, tom- you’re gonna have to call me back tomorrow, so...otherwise if you call me back right away! ‘Cause I’m gonna be heading to bed here pretty soon. It’s 1:30, just about. I haven’t slept yet. Um...so you’re gonna have to let me know how we’re paying for this. And when she needs the money, so...we’ll talk later. Bye.” (I have no idea why she always has to tell us how she hasn't gotten any sleep.)
About a week later, The Ex's sister was texting me and asking if the kids could spend the night at their house; I said I'd check with Husband but it should be fine. A few hours later, The Ex's sister texted me and told me to tell the kids not to tell The Ex that they were spending the night by her, because she didn't want drama (Anytime The Ex found out we were talking to/spending time with her family, she had a fit. She wasn't happy that we were encouraging the kids to spend time with her side of the family; no, she was jealous and angry that her sister got along with us. To The Ex, this entire thing is not about the kids - it's about The Ex vs. Husband) The Ex's sister went on about how recently, The Ex had told her nephew that his mom was being a bitch (The kid was like, 11 years old at the time) and said that Son behaved a lot better with us than with The Ex
One day at school, Son fell and scraped his hand and knee. When he told The Ex this, she told him to have us take pictures of them and text them to her on Boyfriend's phone. (....for what, exactly? Do you think you're going to prove we're "unfit" because Son fell down? Dumb. Just plain dumb.)
The day after that, The Ex left Husband a voicemail
“Hi [Husband]. It’s me, [The Ex]. Um, after the game next Sunday(The NBA game that Daughter was performing at), Dad and I are gonna take the kids out to eat. (So pretty much, your dad is paying for everyone to go out to eat) So, I don’t know what you guys had planned on doing, but I have the kids till 6, so I told Dad yeah, we can do that. So, I just wanted to let you know. I’m not sure where you’ll be, so...if you’re not around when we’re done, and all that, then we’ll probably just see you in [New City]. Bye.” (No mention whatsoever of Son's scrape that he had gotten. Clearly, she's not that concerned about it, right?)
A few days later, I sent The Ex's dad a text message about Daughter's mandatory practice that weekend, since The Ex had told Husband that her dad was going to be the one taking Daughter. I told The Ex's dad that I wasn't sure if he was taking Daughter, or if The Ex was taking her, but I gave him the time and place of the practice.
Two days after I sent that text to The Ex's dad, The Ex called Husband and started yelling that she had not gotten any pictures of Son's scrape (Now she's mad. She asked for this picture six days ago; she called Husband five days ago and said nothing.) Husband told her that I sent a picture of the scrape to her. The Ex started yelling that she had "specifically told us" not to send picture or text messages to her phone because she couldn't receive them, and we were supposed to send them to Boyfriend's phone (I still have no idea who, in 2010, cannot receive a text message. I understand not paying for a text message plan, but you can still receive text messages.) Shortly after saying this, The Ex said something about getting a text from someone else. Husband pointed out that she had just told him she can't receive text messages; The Ex replied, "Well, I can get TEXT messages but not PICTURE messages." (So now she acknowledged that she just lied to Husband. She is intentionally making this difficult) Then The Ex started complaining that I had texted her dad about Daughter's cheerleading practice and that we should be talking to her and not her family about this. Husband told her we only texted her dad because she said that he was the one taking Daughter to her practice. (But of course, this is still our fault) The Ex then started yelling at Husband for not getting her a replacement cheerleading schedule because she spilled coffee on the one she had (Again, this is our fault. Apparently the coffee made the schedule explode so she just absolutely could not read anything that it said ever again. I still have no idea what pissed her off here but once again, everything is Husband's fault)
A few weeks later, The Ex left Husband a voicemail:
“Hi [Husband], this is [The Ex]. Just wanted to talk to the kids. You think you can you have them call me back before it gets any later? (It was 5:59pm) Um...in about half an hour I’m gonna be giving [daughter with Boyfriend] a bath so, hopefully before then. Otherwise, um...just have ‘em call before 8 if possible; 7:30, 8 o’clock. So...we’ll talk to you later, bye.” (Okay, so the kids have to call before 7:30, 8 o'clock. We can do this.)
Twenty-three minutes later:
“Hey! Um, been trying to get a hold of you! Called a few times. Um....the kids don’t have school on Friday? (Yes, they do) I guess? (You guess wrong) It’s Good Friday? (Correct. And then Sunday is Easter.) Um, I wanted to see if I could get the kids either Friday, early morning. I get out of work this Friday at 8, it’s my last uh, week this week on that schedule. (The Ex had been working a 12am-8am shift for the last 3 years. Now because we had gotten temporary custody of the kids, she thought it would help her case if she changed her work schedule - except that her idea of changing her work schedule was to adjust her shift to 10pm-6am) But um, I was thinking if...otherwise, they could stay the night at Dad’s house Thursday night and then I could pick ‘em up in the morning, Friday morning. (Once again, The Ex has her parents doing the transportation for her) So I guess I wanna know that too, so....can you please call me back? Bye.”
Eight minutes later:
“Hi [my name], this is [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband] so I can talk to the kids, and um...I hear they don’t have school on Friday. (They do have school. Who is telling you that they don't? You live an hour away, it's not like you're hanging out with the other parents) Um, ‘cause of Good Friday. Um...just want to know what was going on with that, if I can try to get ‘em, if...either if I can pick ‘em Friday morning or if they can stay the night at Dad’s house Thursday night and I can get ‘em outside of work from there? So...I guess, have the kids call me, and I need to talk to [Husband]. Bye.”
Husband had been busy, which is why he wasn't answering the phone. When Husband called The Ex back, she asked about picking up the kids on Friday morning. Husband said she couldn't because they had school. (This has continued to be an issue. The Ex always calls, asks if she can pick up the kids on the morning of Good Friday. Husband tells her no, they have school. Apparently she does not understand this)
A couple weeks later, The Ex's sister left me a voicemail:
“Hey [my name], this is [The Ex's sister]. Um, the kids wanted to spend the night on Wednesday. Well, which would be tomorrow. Um...I tried calling [The Ex] but she doesn’t answer. So give me a call back ‘cause she said something about they needed to be picked up early? So, give me a call back and let me know what’s going on. Thank you.” (I called the sister back, told her I didn't know what was going on because the last we had heard, The Ex was going to get off of work and pick the kids up herself. I told The Ex's sister that the kids didn't "need" to be picked up early, The Ex wanted to pick them up early. She could pick them up anytime she wanted. And, once again, The Ex is not getting the kids herself. Her sister is getting them, cutting The Ex's drive time in half)
About a week and a half later, The Ex left a voicemail:
“Hey, it’s me [The Ex]. Um...[daughter with Boyfriend] and I would like to talk to the kids. Can you have ‘em call? I’m not sure, what time is it? Yeah, they should be getting home; you say they get home about 5:30. So, can you have them call pretty quick here? We’re gonna be sitting down in about 15 minutes to eat, so...we’ll talk to you later. Bye.” (Great idea. Call right before you eat dinner so if I have them call you back, you won't answer)
A month later:
“Hi, I wanna talk to the kids. Uh, I’m gonna be sitting down to eat in 15 minutes, (Why does she keep calling 15 minutes before she eats? Is it that hard to call after you're done eating? Honestly...) so do you think you can give ‘em...have ‘em give me a call? It’ll only take 15 minutes to see how they’re doing and all that. I don’t know why you don’t answer your phone.” (Because we have lives. We have things going on. Hard to imagine, but you are not the only thing we have to deal with.)
Two weeks later:
“Hey. Just wanted to talk to the kids. You think that you can have them call me back? I’m gonna be sitting down to eat here in a few minutes and I wanted to talk to them before I ate. Alright? Bye.” (I can't even make this stuff up. I guess she can't talk to them after dinner, it will give her cancer or something)
The next day:
“Hi, I’d like to talk to the kids. You always have ‘em call when I’m busy. (How could I possibly know when you're busy??) Um, I’m usually getting ready for work at 8; I’m in the shower. You think you can have them call me before? Like, right away when you get this? It’d really be appreciated.” (Well, at least it wasn't 15 minutes before dinner this time)
Near the end of June, The Ex called to talk to the kids. Before putting them on the phone, Husband asked if they would be able to switch some weekends. The Ex said, "No, because you never want to work with me. It’s always one-sided. I always used to work with you before and you never want to help me out." (I guess in her mind, asking us to go without seeing the kids because she "has plans" is the exact same thing as "working with us." And again, she fails to see that this is not about her; the placement schedule has nothing to do with "helping her out.")
The very next day, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Was calling to find out if uh, there’s anyway we can get the kids around three. Um....call me back! Bye.” (She calls Thursday night to see if she can pick up early on Friday. She leaves this voicemail literally one day after refusing to switch on the grounds that Husband "never works with her" and is now expecting Husband to do what she wants. Awesome.) Husband was making dinner, so he didn't get the call. The Ex tried again eight minutes later (Because that should mean he's not busy anymore. It's an entire eight minutes.) After we ate dinner, The Ex's mom then called my phone and left a voicemail:
“[My name], this is [The Ex's mom]. Trying to get a hold of [Husband]. [The Ex] has been calling too and he doesn’t answer. (Right. We're eating) I hope nothing’s wrong. (If it was, we would have let The Ex know) Please give me a call. [XXX-XXX-XXXX]. (For what, exactly?) Thank you.”
There were a few more voicemails, nothing worth noting. Then about a month later, The Ex called to talk to the kids; Husband told her we were watching a movie but let her speak to the kids quickly. While she was talking to Son, she asked him if he had asked Husband if she could pick them up early. (Because that's a 10-year-old's responsibility. Son later told us that he had to ask "because if Mom asks, then Dad just says no." Son does not understand schedules and time conflicts; The Ex just tells him that his dad tells her no to everything, so feel bad for her.) After they hung up, The Ex called back:
“Hey, I just got off the phone with [Son] and you won’t answer my two phone calls? What’s up with that? (What's "up" with that, is that you were already told we were watching a movie. On top of that, you let your baby play with your phone and she has called both of our phones, more than once. We're not going to keep pausing the movie to answer calls from your 1-year-old) Anyways...I’m just calling to let you know that I’m gonna be taking the kids after the play then. [Son] said he talked to you, and...I just wanted to tell you that that’s what I was gonna do, since you’re not answering your phone. Um...so, that’s it. And if you have a problem with it, can you please call me back? (...who else would Husband call?) And, I’m getting ready for work, so...wanna let you know.” Husband listened to the voicemail, tried returning the call; The Ex didn't answer.
A week later:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um, I have a couple things that I wanted to talk to you about, and we kinda need to talk about it right now for one of them. Um, one of them...what I need to know as soon as possible, is if....um, if there’s anyway you can bring the kids to me Friday when you get done with work? And then I can drop ‘em off on Sunday at 6? Um, I wanna know as soon as possible so you let me know. And then, um...I have the kids on that Labor Day weekend. You know I don’t work that Sunday night, so I’m really hoping you would let me keep the kids Sunday night. I have plans with the family, so...I don’t wanna cancel or go and waste what little money I do have and waste half of the vacation ‘cause you wouldn’t let me have them. So...it’d be fun with all the kids being together and...we don’t really see [The Ex's sister’s] kids all that much and...so, please give me a call back. [XXX-XXX-XXXX]. If I don’t answer, please leave a message and at least let me know about...um, this weekend. Because then I need to change my plans, like....tonight, by the latest. And tell them what’s going on and why I can’t come. But um, I don’t see why I couldn’t have ‘em Sunday night on that Labor Day weekend. So...please call me back. And I’m gonna need to know also about that Labor Day weekend as soon as possible ‘cause we need to reserve some stuff. And we need to reserve it, like...probably last week. So you need to call me back on that too. Bye.” (Labor Day was a month and a half away. If she needed to make her reservations the week before, why didn't she call Husband the week before?)
Less than a month after this, we settled in court. There were a few bumps here and there, but nothing really earth-shattering. The Ex had her hissy fits here and there about random things; sometimes her fit was over nothing at all. Then in early December:
“[Husband], it’s [The Ex]. I’d like to talk to the kids. I also need to have [Son] and [Daughter’s] social security numbers, so...um, if you can quickly call me back and give them to me and I can talk to the kids for a few minutes. Thanks.” (We didn't have our phones on us, so we missed this message. But why does she keep needing these numbers?)
Two hours later, The Ex left me a voicemail:
“Hey, it’s [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband]. I’ve been calling him a few times. I need the kids’s social....socials, because um, today is the last day that we turn in our forms for our medical next year. (...you call the very last day and demand that I provide you information?) Otherwise, if I don’t get it by 9 o’clock when I leave here, I won’t have coverage on the kids for a full year. (I call B.S. on this. Husband has the kids covered through his job; he does not have to write down the kids' SSNs every single year. They're kept on file and get renewed with everyone else.) So...I guess it’s up to you guys to get that number to me since [Husband] hasn’t returned the social security cards back to me like he had promised to.” (Husband never promised that. On top of it, Husband is the primary custodial parent. Why would you need the kids' social security cards?)
Three minutes later:
“It’s [The Ex]. I wanna talk to the kids. (The kids had been in bed for 45 minutes) It’s getting late; I called you earlier. I need the kids’s social numbers otherwise I won’t have them covered under the medical plan for a full year. (Husband didn't get this message until later, yet The Ex had the kids covered the following year. Interesting, no?) I don’t have a card, I have them for the summer; um, I’m gonna need some type of insurance on them, especially if I have them. (Insurance is still valid even if you don't have the card with you. You can always call the doctor/hospital back later and give them the information) Um, also...on top of that, you need to think about what you’re doing and how we’re gonna switch weekends because I have ‘em the weekend for Christmas and the weekend of the 30th...or, for Christmas and the 30th. (We're not switching anything. This was talked about a week ago. Holiday schedule overrides regular schedule. You lose the weekend of Christmas.) So, we need...you need to decide if you’re gonna let me have them beforehand or what. ‘Cause I was hoping to get ‘em on the 28th and you can pick ‘em up. You know, we can decide. But I need to know because I need to plan a Christmas for my family too, you know.” (Yeah, Husband. You are such a jerk not letting her plan a Christmas for her family too, you know.)
Less than 3 weeks later:
“Hey [Husband], it’s [The Ex]. I’d like to talk to the kids and I’d like to talk to you about...when I pick the kids up next Friday. Goodbye.”
Two minutes later:
“Hey [my name], it’s [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband]. I’d like to talk to the kids too, so...can you have him answer his phone?” (Husband is not a child. No, I cannot "have him answer his phone" because I do not tell him what to do. We're not ignoring you, we're busy. Husband will call you when he can.)
Literally two more minutes after the voicemail on my phone:
“[Husband], I have been trying to get a hold of you. I really wanna talk to the kids. I need to talk to you about when I pick the kids up on the 31st. Um, I talked to you a long time; I’m gonna say it was right around Thanksgiving. I told you I wanted to pick the kids up earlier. Well, guess what?! You’re not the only one having a Christmas! (Never said we were) We are trying to plan our Christmas and we can’t plan it when you don’t answer your phone (Look at the calendar, schedule your Christmas on the days that you know you have the kids for sure. It's not rocket science.), or call me back and tell me what you guys think. And, you know, you have all this time with the kids. (Oh yes, we work 40 hours a week and the kids are in school 35 hours a week. You get the kids three weekends a month which is most of their free time, we get them one weekend. Yeah, we have "all this time with the kids") I want to have more time with the kids when they’re out of school. (What a coincidence, so do we) I don’t understand why you’re not letting me (Because you're married to an alcoholic and the two of you get into physical fights. You force the kids to babysit so that you can sleep); I have all...two weeks off of work, pretty much. I wanna have time with the kids. It’s not like I’m not gonna be here not to watch them. I don’t understand that. So, if you have it in your heart to have the kids call me? (You evil, evil man) And I can talk to you later? Goodbye.”
Ten days later, we had taken the kids swimming and left our phones in the car. The Ex chose that night to go psycho. Missed calls at 7:37pm and 7:38pm with a voicemail:
“Hi, it’s [The Ex]. I wanted to talk to the kids. You think you can have them call me back sometime today? Bye.” ("Sometime today" means "right now")
Missed calls on both of our phones at 7:57pm with a voicemail on Husband's phone:
“[Husband], I’m calling so I can talk to the kids. It’s 8 o’clock and I called a half hour ago. Uh, could you please have the kids call me before they go to bed? Goodbye.”
Missed call at 8:23pm:
“[Husband], it’s almost been an hour and I’ve been trying to call so I can talk to the kids. I wish you would STOP ignoring my phone calls so the kids can talk to me.” (The Ex complained before that if the kids called her at 8, she was getting ready for work. Now she's complaining that they're not calling her back at 8. I love the last part, "...so the kids can talk to me" like the kids are in tears over this)
Missed call on my phone at 8:24pm:
“Hi [my name], this is [The Ex]. I’ve been trying to get a hold of [Husband]. I’ve been trying for almost an hour now. All I wanna do is talk with the kids so, if you can have the kids give me a call back, that would be nice.” (You know what else would be nice? If you would start putting your kids first. If you did that then most, if not all of your "issues" with Husband would be resolved.)
Aaand, that was our last "interaction" with The Ex in 2010.
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