Mo' Money, Mo' Problems
For those of you who haven't gone through this entire page yet, I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible: the thing that matters most to The Ex is money. I do not mean this in a way that The Ex works very hard for it and acts frugally in order to retain her earnings; I mean this in the way that The Ex will lie, cheat and steal to get what she wants because she wants the best of everything and feels that she deserves it. The Ex thinks you should give her money and pay her bills; if you ask her to take care of her children, then you're being greedy. This blog outlines the numerous ways that The Ex wastes her money and then tells her kids that she can't afford to do anything for them.
If you read through the "Disorderly Conduct" blog post, you'll note that The Ex was fighting with Husband over money. Husband gave her $700 to pay back what he owed to her dad. The Ex said she wanted Husband to pay 100% of her rent that month; Husband said he was willing to pay half but wasn't going to pay the entire rent because they were separated and he wasn't living there. The Ex told Husband that she was going to keep the $700 he had just given her, lie to her dad and say Husband had never given her anything, and that her dad would sue Husband for the money.
The Ex filed for divorce the third and final time in late April 2005. About a month or so after she filed, Husband made the mistake of showing up at the placement exchange wearing new clothes and shoes. The Ex immediately went to the courthouse and filed a motion requesting that Husband pay more child support, saying he never bought anything for Son or Daughter; The Ex said something along the lines of she felt that if Husband had money to spend on himself, then he should be paying more child support. Husband's child support obligation was set at $395.00 per month; this order was based on state guidelines of 25% of Husband's gross income. The Ex was responsible 100% for any variable expenses.
The Ex began claiming after the divorce that she had medical bills for the kids around $600 and that Husband needed to pay her for them; Husband told her he wasn't going to pay her anything because she wouldn't give him copies of any statements. This went on for another few years with the dollar amount increasing up to $750 as of 2009, and I'm positive she's still repeating this fabricated story to anyone who will listen. (The fact of the matter is that Husband is considered the "first" parent because his birthday comes before The Ex's; therefore, any and all medical claims are first billed to Husband's insurance, the remainder is billed to The Ex's insurance and any remainder after that would be billed to the state insurance that The Ex had the kids enrolled in.)
The Ex's brother dropped out of school around 13 years old and he moved in with The Ex. Husband asked her to find another babysitter because her brother was always getting into trouble and Husband didn't feel he was responsible enough to be watching the kids. (He wasn't and probably still isn't) The Ex said no because she "couldn't afford daycare" and told Husband that if he didn't want her brother watching them, he would have to pay the entire daycare bill by himself. (Not, "We'll split it." It was, "You pay for it.") Husband told her he couldn't pay child support and pay for daycare for two kids all by himself; The Ex refused to put the kids into daycare. A few months later, her brother shot Son in the eye with a BB gun while he was "babysitting" at The Ex's apartment.
A couple months after this, The Ex called Husband and said she was having a birthday party for Son and Daughter at McDonald's; she said that Husband and his sister could come if they wanted but Husband would have to pay her for half of the party. Husband asked if he could invite some friends and their kids to the party; The Ex said no because she had already invited the maximum amount of people so if Husband invited anyone else, he would have to pay extra for that. Husband agreed to split the cost of the party and we went. When he asked The Ex how much he owed her, she told him that he owed her dad $28 because her dad was the one who had paid for the party (This was right around the time she was having teenagers get drunk in her apartment. She had money for that, but not for her kids' birthday party) Husband went to the ATM, got some cash, came back and said to me, "Watch what she does." He walked over to The Ex, held out the money and said, "Here's $20 for your dad." The Ex looked at him and said, "It's $28." Husband said he couldn't take $8 out from an ATM and continued to offer her "$20" for the party. The Ex actually took a step back and wouldn't even touch the money, while continuing to insist that Husband owed her dad $28. Husband fanned out the money and showed her it was actually $28 before she'd take it from his hand. (Honestly. All of this over eight. Freaking. Dollars.)
The next summer, The Ex put Son and Daughter in baseball in Hometown. The Ex called Husband one day and asked if he would like one of Son's souvenir baseball cards; Husband said yes. The Ex said he would have to pay for half the cost of the cards. Husband asked how many cards he would be getting; The Ex said one card (Wait a minute...what?) Husband told her that if he was paying for half of the cards, then he wanted half of the cards. The Ex said no, because she had family members that she "needed" to give the cards to and if he didn't pay half, she wouldn't give him any cards. (Yes, you read that correctly. She was trying to sell Husband a picture of his own child) The Ex later gave a card to Husband's sister but only after she paid for it.
A few months later, The Ex called Husband and asked him for more money. Husband said he wasn't going to give her money if she was enrolling the kids in activities without discussing it with him first. The Ex said that she and Boyfriend had bought all of the kids' school supplies and if she really wanted to, she could go back to court and make him pay her for half of them (She threatened this a lot but never did it, because her motion would have been denied. The court order was specific - she was responsible for variable expenses)
About 3-4 months after that incident was when The Ex left Husband a message telling him he would have to drive 140 miles round-trip to return the kids' hats and gloves that "he" forgot to drop off, or he would have to reimburse her for new hats and gloves, because she "was tired of paying for everything." (Right, she's paying for "everything" because, you know, Husband wasn't paying child support. Oh that's right, he WAS paying child support. Silly me.)
The next spring, The Ex was "unable" to work because she was pregnant and on weight-lifting restrictions (Like every single pregnant woman is, yet The Ex "can't work" when it happens to her). Husband said it would be nice for her to have time off and she replied, "Well yeah, but who's going to pay my bills?" A few weeks after this, The Ex was telling me how she was hoping their phones wouldn't get shut off because they were behind on the bill, and how they were making sure to make payments on some furniture that Boyfriend had previously bought "because that gets reported on your credit." (So does a phone bill, if you don't pay it) Two months later, The Ex went and bought a brand-new car. While she was not working. (But Husband was paying child support. She just complained to us about not having any money, and she buys a brand-new car. There is not a person alive who can say in honesty she wasn't using child support to pay for this car.)
Three months before Son & Daughter's birthdays, The Ex called Husband and asked if he'd like to split the cost of their party this year; she said he could invite whoever he wanted (Unlike the McDonald's party two years before) but said the party was going to be in Hometown (Even though she lived in New City. No thanks, I'd like at least a little input) Husband told her no, we were already planning a party for the kids on our own. (Again, she wants to go half on a birthday party but she's got that brand-new car)
Less than three weeks after this, The Ex called Husband and said he owed her money for a dental bill. Husband asked her for a copy of the bill. The Ex said she paid $140 for the kids' work that had been done and that Husband owed her half of it. Husband said that was fine, and repeated that he would like a copy of the bill when she dropped the kids off (The Ex's dad dropped them off and gave Husband the bill. It hadn't been paid. Husband owed the dentist half of the bill; he didn't owe The Ex anything.) A month later, The Ex left her rambling message about making payments to the dentist (The message where she told him three separate times what his payments needed to be) and how she wanted post-dated checks for the dentist. When we saw her a week later, she asked Husband, "Do you have my checks?" Husband said no, we already paid the dentist our half of the bill.
Somewhere around this time, we were trying to get the kids to understand the importance of flossing. Both kids said they couldn't floss at The Ex's because she didn't have floss. We said they could remind her when she went to the store; then we began hearing that The Ex "couldn't afford" floss. (Dental floss. She can't afford dental floss. Driving a brand-new car but can't afford to buy dental floss for her children.)
We brought the kids back after a visitation weekend; The Ex handed Husband a postcard from the school and asked him to give her money for the kids' school lunches and milk. Husband told her that the kids should qualify for a free/reduced-price lunch. The Ex said they didn't, she had already paid for it and wanted Husband to pay her for half of it. (A week before this, we saw The Ex shopping with a WIC folder. If she qualified for WIC, then she qualified for the lunch program. On top of it, there was no indication of what The Ex had "paid" for any of this, but she kept saying she wanted Husband to pay for half of it.)
About two weeks after that, The Ex called Husband and said she had a doctor bill for the kids (But never specified if the bill was for Son or Daughter - it was just "for the kids") and Husband needed to pay her for half; she said she would pick up a check from him in two weeks. Husband told The Ex that she was supposed to give him a copy of the bill so he could pay the doctor. The Ex said she already paid the bill and Husband owed her $52. Husband told her that he wasn't going to give her a check without a billing statement. The Ex began arguing that she had $700 in medical bills from the kids (Before it was $600; now it's $700) and Husband never paid for any of those and she "wasn't going to keep doing this." Husband told her he never got copies of any bills, and was not going to start writing checks without statements. The Ex insisted that Husband owed her $52. Husband repeated that he wanted a copy of the statement, and The Ex hung up on him. (I asked the kids if they had been to the doctor; they both said no. The Ex never gave Husband a statement and never brought this up again. On top of that, Husband's insurance never got billed for any doctor visit for either Son or Daughter. Coincidentally, The Ex had a traffic fine that needed to be paid right around this time when she was claiming she had a doctor bill for one of the kids. Isn't that ironic?)
Around this time, The Ex bought a brand-new computer; Husband went to drop the kids off and saw it sitting in the apartment. The kids continued to say they weren't flossing at The Ex's because "Mom didn't buy any. She said she can't because she doesn't have any money." (Oral health = not important. New computer and car = important)
On a Sunday morning, I was helping Daughter get dressed. She pulled a sheet out of her backpack and said, "Mommy says you have to pay for this." I looked at the sheet; it was a slip from the kids' school, dated 2 weeks earlier. It said milk money was due and needed to be paid by that Friday, and that late payments would not be accepted. I told Daughter that the school wouldn't take payments any longer and that her mom should have paid it. Daughter said, "No, she said you're supposed to pay for it." (This is now a 6-year-old's responsibility, to tell her dad and his fiance that they need to pay for her school milk)
Ten days later, The Ex called Husband and told her that he needed to help her buy the kids' snow pants; she said she didn't have any money because she "had like, 20 people coming to her house for Thanksgiving." Husband told her that was why she received child support and that money should be paying for the kids' clothing, not Thanksgiving dinner. The Ex said she had been talking to a few people and they were all telling her that Husband was supposed to be helping her pay for these things. Husband told her that initially, he was responsible for these items; then The Ex requested an increase in child support and their court order read that she was responsible for variable expenses. The Ex then claimed that she wasn't getting child support, said she only received $90, and Husband needed to call child support and find out where the money was. Husband told her that the money came out of his check every two weeks; if she wanted to know where the money was, she would have to call.
A few days later, Husband and I went to drop the kids off. The Ex asked Husband about Son's coat because she had bought a new one for Daughter. Husband said it was in good condition yet but could be washed. The Ex said, "Well, [Son] needs a new hat." Husband said he had just given Son a new hat and it was in the kids' clothes bag. The Ex then asked if Husband got an employee discount at his job; he told her yes. The Ex asked Husband if he would give her his card to save money on "her stuff." Husband told her no, he wasn't allowed to loan out the card. (Husband's employer has a strict policy on their employee discount. It is for employees and their spouses only. If they find out you've been letting friends/relatives/neighbors/anybody else use the card, you will be fired immediately. So no, Husband is not willing to risk his job just to let The Ex save money on her crap.) The Ex argued that her cousin lent her the employee discount card all the time for her cousin's employer. (Great, then use your cousin's card. If your cousin gets fired, it doesn't affect me.) Husband told The Ex that he wasn't going to risk his job just so she could save money on Christmas shopping. The Ex said, "I can't believe that you're not even willing to let your kids save some money on their snow pants (The ones she "couldn't afford"). That's all I'd use it for" (Even though she had told him an hour earlier on the phone that she needed to finish Christmas shopping. After this, The Ex refused to let the kids bring their snow pants to our house and told the kids they "might forget them" if they did. Son, at 8 years old, commented he didn't know why she said that because they never forgot their snow pants)
A couple weeks after this, Daughter announced that they were leaving the country. I asked her what she was talking about. Daughter said that The Ex had told them that they were going to visit Boyfriend's family in another country but were going to wait until The Ex & Boyfriend's daughter was one year old.
As time went by, The Ex would leave messages asking what time we would be back with the kids because they were going out for dinner (Because that's what people who have no money do, is pay someone else to cook food for them)
We found out what was going on in The Ex's house and about Boyfriend's drinking, hired a lawyer and started the court proceedings. The Ex knew we were trying to get custody of the kids and that we didn't want the kids around Boyfriend. One night when Husband went to pick up one of the kids from baseball practice, Daughter said she wanted to see her sister so they walked over with The Ex to a brand-new minivan. (This was a year after she had bought the brand-new car; now she had a new car and a brand-new van. But she couldn't afford dental floss. And Husband needs to help her pay for snow pants and school supplies.)
Two months later, we had court and Husband was temporarily granted primary physical custody. The Ex said she didn't want to pay any child support and Husband was willing to let it slide. The commissioner said he felt she should be paying something, even if it wasn't by state guidelines; he left it open because The Ex and Boyfriend claimed they were going to be attending therapy for Boyfriend's alcohol abuse and were unsure of the out-of-pocket cost, as Boyfriend did not have health insurance and was not covered by The Ex's policy. After we left court, The Ex called her sister and was complaining, "I'm going to lose my van." (Not, "I just lost my kids." She was sad about her van because she didn't know how she would pay for it if she wasn't getting child support anymore.)
Whoever drafted the temporary order forgot to include that child support payments should stop, so The Ex continued to receive $395.00 each month for another 2 months. Our attorney finally drafted an order, submitted it and they finally stopped taking it from Husband's paycheck.
Around this time, The Ex refused to pay for an extracurricular activity for Daughter saying that Husband "never helped her" when she put the kids in sports. Husband pointed out that she had been receiving almost $400 every month in child support and she would also sign the kids up without talking to Husband, then demand he give her money without showing him a receipt or documentation showing what she had paid. We were getting $0 from The Ex to help with the kids' expenses and Husband was talking to her about this before enrolling Daughter. The Ex still refused to help pay for it.
Sometime in December, Husband and The Ex were slightly getting along. The Ex said she wanted everyone to get along better and told Husband she was willing to settle outside of court. A week and a half later, The Ex told Husband that she was not going to take his offer and settle out of court, but she knew he wanted child support (That was the least of our concerns) so they could "settle on that for now." Since nothing else was progressing, we went ahead and filed for child support.
A month later, Boyfriend called Husband at almost midnight and went on a tirade about The Ex. Boyfriend said he was unhappy and wanted to leave, but did not want The Ex having custody of their daughter. Boyfriend said that The Ex was a "f*cking b*tch" and he was "tired of her sh*t." Boyfriend told Husband that during an argument, The Ex had been choking him; Boyfriend said when they argued, The Ex frequently hit him but he never called the police about it. Boyfriend said that "all [The Ex] cares about is money." (This idiot married her the same year he said this to Husband.)
Two to three weeks after, The Ex complained about having to take Daughter to one mandatory practice. The Ex said she didn't want to "do all that running around in one weekend." (These pesky kids, I'll tell ya. They put such a damper on having a life)
A week and a half later, we had the support hearing. The Ex did not show up at the advisement of Attorney 2. Instead, that day Attorney 2 filed an affidavit signed by The Ex. The Ex was asking the court to vacate the temporary order giving Husband primary physical custody, or to set a trial date as soon as possible. The Ex accused Husband of being physically abusive towards me in front of the kids; The Ex accused me of leaving the kids alone for hours at a time; The Ex accused us of leaving the kids home alone while we went out drinking with our neighbors (None of these things happened. Ever.)
A week after the support hearing, I caught Daughter stuffing clothing for both her and Son into a paper bag. I asked her what she was doing. She said The Ex's mom had asked her to pack extra clothes because their grandparents didn't have any clothes for them. I told Daughter that if The Ex was leaving them at their grandparents' house, then The Ex needed to make sure they had clothes to wear. Son said, "We don't have any clothes at Mom's. She sent them all here." (The Ex has never given us any clothing for the kids. They first came to live here and The Ex wouldn't even give us their winter jackets. Just last week, Daughter told me that she has a pair of shoes that she has been "begging" The Ex to let her bring back to our house so she can wear them; The Ex will not allow her to do so.)
One day, Husband went to pick up the kids. Boyfriend said The Ex had run to the store and would be back shortly. The Ex pulled up and it was obvious she had just gone through the car wash. However, the kids had not eaten dinner. (Priorities. Those kids can wait until almost 8pm to have dinner; she needs a shiny van, damnit!)
Three months later, Son was talking to me about sacrifices. Son asked if God would consider it a sacrifice if you put money on an altar and burned it. I told him instead of burning it, you could make better use of it by donating it to a school, a church or a family who was poor and couldn't afford food or clothing. Son said, "Like Mom?" (Did you just roll your eyes? I'm pretty sure you just rolled your eyes.) I told Son that his mom was not poor; she had a job and could afford to buy things. Son said, "Well, she doesn't work that much so she doesn't have a lot of money." (40+ hours a week at $16/hour. The Ex is "poor.") I told Son that his mother worked full-time, just like Husband and I do; if she had no money, it was because she spent it. Son said that The Ex needed to use Boyfriend's money (Probably shouldn't have bought that van then)
Around a month and a half later, The Ex called Husband, left him a message asking for the kids to call her. Five minutes later, she called me and left a message asking for the kids to call her. Two minutes later, she called Husband again. Husband told her we were loading the car up and getting ready to go to a water park. The Ex said Daughter had worn a pair of The Ex's earrings back to our place and she would like them back that weekend. (So she didn't really want to talk to the kids; she wanted her stupid earrings back)
Two months later, we settled the day of the court trial. The Ex had more than 25% placement, so support was set at less than state guidelines since we have what is considered "shared placement." Now she was only paying $68 a week in support.
A month after we settled, The Ex told the kids she had to give their cats away because they were costing too much money. Son told me that The Ex was spending "like, $30 a month on cat food and litter." (The kids had these cats since I met Husband in 2005. The Ex now said she couldn't afford them anymore. But she still. Had. Her. Van.)
A few weeks later, The Ex called to talk to the kids. When she was done, she asked them to put Husband on the phone. The Ex asked Husband to send along the kids' costumes from last year's Halloween so she could take them trick-or-treating. (Seriously. "Lend me your old costumes." Because every kid dreams of being the same exact thing every year for Halloween.) Husband told her he didn't think we had them anymore and if we did, he wasn't sure they still fit.
The week before Halloween, the kids were telling us that they were going to their uncle's house on Halloween weekend, so they didn't know if they could go trick-or-treating. We asked why they didn't just go trick-or-treating by their uncle; they said they didn't know. We asked if The Ex was going with them. The kids said no, because The Ex was having eye surgery so she wouldn't need glasses anymore. (Back the hell up. She can't afford to feed their cats...but she's having laser eye surgery. Are you completely grossed out by her yet?)
Halloween weekend, we picked the kids up at 6pm. They got into the vehicle and asked if we were taking them trick-or-treating. We said trick-or-treating was over; the kids replied, "No it's not, it goes until 8." (How do the kids know what time trick-or-treating ends? Oh, because The Ex probably pulled a bitch move and looked it up so we would seem like the jerks for not taking them) We asked if they had gone over the weekend; Son said they had been "too busy" to go trick-or-treating. (Three weeks prior, The Ex was going to take them if we would have given her their old costumes. Now, everyone was "too busy" for the kids)
The kids continued to repeat that The Ex couldn't afford to keep the cats because they ate too much food, yet The Ex just had laser eye surgery. Husband asked how much it cost because I had considered it myself. The Ex told Husband the surgery was $3,700 but she "got it on payments" (So it was $3,700 plus interest. But the cats cost too much money, so let's get rid of them.)
The Ex didn't argue much over money over the next few months. Of course, this was because she got a raise which she didn't report and was paying less child support than she should have been. She did, however, argue over everything else - when she thought she should have the kids, claiming she didn't have to give Husband his two summer weeks because she "didn't remember" him talking to her about it and got his letter after the date he was supposed to notify her, arguing over who got the kids for July 4th, dropping off the kids late but expecting them to be home right down to the minute of what the schedule read, etc.
On Father's Day, The Ex dropped off the kids in a new car. We asked the kids whose car they had been in; the kids said it was The Ex's car. We asked when she had gotten rid of the van. (The van she had bought brand-new only 2 years ago) The kids said she didn't; she still had the van but needed to buy a work car to save money on gas. (It was a brand-new car. There is no possible way she was saving in gas what she was spending on a monthly payment for this vehicle)
If you remember, The Ex was off of work while she was pregnant with the daughter she shared with Boyfriend. The Ex claimed she was "unable" to work at that time and got short-term disability payments through her health insurance. A month after The Ex bought her brand-new "work car," she called Husband and asked if he would accept paperwork by mail. Husband said anything she needed to send him could be sent to Our Attorney. The Ex said she was trying to get her child support lowered because she wasn't working. The Ex said Attorney 3 was getting the paperwork together and wanted to mail it to Husband. Husband told her if it came while he and I were working, there would be no one to sign for it. Husband asked why; The Ex said she was 7 months pregnant (Omfg. You can't afford two cats so you're having another baby?! Because she can afford a brand-new car, a 2-year-old van and laser eye surgery. But child support, that needs to be modified because that's the straw that's breaking the camel's back.)
The day after this conversation, Husband called The Ex to discuss Son's football practices. The Ex refused to bring Son to his practices in our city because she "didn't have any money." Husband told her he didn't want to hear it because she had two vehicle payments and was now telling Son she couldn't afford for him to do something that he wanted. The Ex said, "What, are you jealous that you can't buy a new car?" (This honestly left her mouth. And she was serious.) Husband actually started laughing at her and told her no, he was glad to have both of our vehicles paid off and that wasn't the point. On and on this went - Husband trying to talk to The Ex, The Ex screaming at him to put the kids on the phone so she could talk to them and if he didn't she would call Attorney 3 (Good luck getting a hold of him, this was around 7pm on a Tuesday night) Husband finally told her that if she wasn't going to follow the court order about extracurricular activities, he wasn't going to bring the kids back after the weekend; Husband let the kids talk to her then. The kids talked to her briefly; Son hung up and said, "Mom's upset and crying. She says you're not going to bring us back." (Nice, eh?) We explained to both kids about why Husband told this to The Ex; she had been told about the football months ago, never said there was a problem and now said she wasn't going to bring Son to practice. We told them we were not trying to keep them away from her, we were just trying to let Son play the sports he wanted to play. Son tried defending The Ex, "Well, she doesn't have any money." I told him if she had no money, then she shouldn't have bought a new car; he didn't have an answer for that.
A week and a half after this, I copied a statement for dental work for Son and Daughter. The statement indicated that The Ex and Husband owed jointly $161.00 and I personally wrote on the statement, "Your half is $80.50"; we gave her another copy of the bill in October. The Ex was emailed another copy of this bill in February. In April, The Ex called Husband and left him a message saying she got a copy of the bill from Attorney 3 (We never gave Attorney 3 a copy, so she had to have given it to him) and said he was telling her that $80.50 was the total amount due, not her half. (The statement wasn't confusing by any means. It showed $161.00 was due, we paid $80.50, and there was a remaining balance of $80.50 - The Ex couldn't seem to wrap her head around this) Two and a half weeks later, The Ex asked Husband for the dentist's phone number and claimed she never saw a statement (Apparently, the 3 copies we already gave her didn't count. Not to mention that she left a message on Husband's phone saying she got a copy from Attorney 3, yet now she magically never saw a copy)
At one of Son's football practices, The Ex began complaining about Attorney 3, saying their last court date had been cancelled because he had never filed the paperwork for her child support and that he called her the morning of the hearing to tell her it was taken off the calendar. The Ex claimed she was expecting a check soon and would be making a payment toward child support (She got the check, didn't make the payment)
The Ex's dad got a blood clot in his leg and was hospitalized out-of-state. The Ex and all of her siblings ran off to the other state in The Ex's van, even though none of them had a job (Translation: they had no way to pay to get there) The Ex called Husband after this, asked him to reduce her child support arrears to 60% of what they were. Husband told her no; The Ex complained that she "always worked with him when he wanted to switch weekends." (I like the color yellow. Oh look, a dragonfly. See, I can also dart off topic at random and try to act like it makes sense.) Husband reminded her that two years ago, he tried working with her outside of court but she dragged everyone through a court trial. The Ex complained that she and Boyfriend had no money, and that their rent and vehicle payments were due. Husband told her that if she was struggling like she claimed she was, she should sell one of her vehicles. The Ex said, "No one's going to buy a brand new car." Husband pointed out that she bought a brand new car. The Ex's response: "...but I like them." (Twenty-nine years on this earth brought her to this point. "I have no money for my kids, but I have money for my cars because I like them.") The Ex began complaining that when they had gone to visit her dad, nobody had helped her pay for anything. Husband told her this was her choice; she knew no one had jobs or money of their own and she chose to take them. The Ex began claiming she would start paying the medical bills for the kids (The dental bill was still unpaid at this point. She also owed hundreds to the kids' therapists, even though the kids had been out of therapy for over a year)
A few months later, we had a hearing on child support and variable expenses. The commissioner gave The Ex a credit toward her arrears of less than $161 and increased her support from $68 per week to $92 per week, since her income had increased. The commissioner also ordered that The Ex needed to pay a percentage of variables, based on the amount of time she had placement. Two weeks later, The Ex got fired from her job for "attendance issues."
About a month after we got an order for variable expenses, The Ex bought both kids brand-new Nikes and handed Husband a receipt for about $95. (This was the first time she had bought either of the kids shoes in the last two years) Husband walked back to our vehicle, asked me about variable expenses; I told him no, shoes were not covered under the order and pulled up the order on my phone. (The order also read that any purchases over $75 were to be discussed prior to them being incurred) Husband walked back over to The Ex, offered to show her the order and said he was not paying her for the shoes. The Ex began yelling, "What did you want me to do? They needed shoes!" Husband said that he and I were going to take them on our way home, but she had not discussed this with him and he was not going to give her any money for the shoes. The Ex continued to argue that they needed shoes and that Husband owed her for his percentage of them.
About two months later, The Ex came to pick up the kids and asked Husband if he was "ready for Monday." Husband asked her what she was talking about (He knew, but it was more fun this way) The Ex said they had a court hearing. Husband told her he had never been served any paperwork (Which was the honest truth) The Ex started berating Attorney 3, saying he was worthless and that she had been after him for almost 3 months to get her support reduced, and that Attorney 3 told her he had everything handled (In reality, The Ex had gone into Attorney 3's office, signed the paperwork and he never did a single thing with it since then) Husband asked if she was going to get another job; The Ex said yes. Husband asked her if it was really worth getting her support reduced, just to have to pay Attorney 3 to come back to court a second time to recalculate support once she was working again. The Ex said a month's worth of unemployment for her was what she had earned in a week at her job (Then you should have gone to work like a responsible parent and not gotten your stupid self fired) The Ex made some more comments about not having any money; then she told the kids that when they got back to New City, Boyfriend was taking them to see a movie (There is extra money for that, but not for child support)
Less than a month later, Son sent both Husband and I text messages asking for our credit card information so he could sign up for XBox Live. (It will be a cold day in hell before any of my account information enters The Ex's household)
Then there was the big mess with Boyfriend getting caught on a felony DUI, there being lice in The Ex's house twice in less than three months, us withholding placement, etc. We didn't have much contact with The Ex so there wasn't much to argue about financially.
The Ex was still not paying her half of the kids' therapy bill. The receptionist called her and The Ex very reluctantly agreed to pay $5 a month toward the bill (It would have taken her years to pay it off at that rate) Since it was on the verge of going to collections, Husband and I paid The Ex's half of the bill. Husband emailed The Ex and told her this; less than three hours later, the receptionist at the therapists' office called me and said The Ex had just called her, asking if the bill was paid. The receptionist said yes. The Ex asked the receptionist to send her a letter stating that she had a payment arrangement with the office, when Husband came in and suddenly paid her half; The Ex said she needed this letter for court (The Ex was trying to act like she was making an effort and Husband wasn't letting her, that Husband was trying to act like a hero and just make her look bad) The receptionist told The Ex that she was not going to write any kind of letter because The Ex had not been making efforts to pay the bill; the receptionist said the only time the office had contact with The Ex was when Husband and I asked them to call her or mail her statements. The Ex got angry and said, "So, you're just not going to send me anything then?" The receptionist said no, she was not going to send The Ex any letter like she was requesting. The Ex called the receptionist a "stupid bitch" and hung up on her (Oh, good. I was beginning to think she only spoke to Husband like that. Very nice to know she treats everyone like garbage just because she's a deadbeat mom)
In the middle of us withholding placement, Husband offered to meet The Ex halfway somewhere so she could celebrate Christmas with Son and Daughter. The Ex told Husband to come to her house. Husband said no, he would meet her halfway. The Ex said to come to McDonald's in New City (Does she not know what "halfway" means?) Husband offered, more than once, to let her get together with the kids; The Ex never agreed to this so Christmas came and went. And of course, it was all Husband's fault that he "ruined" Christmas for everyone (Not The Ex's fault for marrying an alcoholic. Not The Ex's fault for moving an hour and a half away. Not The Ex's fault for not getting rid of lice, butchering Daughter's hair, and telling Daughter to lie to us about it. Nope - this was all Husband's fault)
We got our change of venue, Attorney 4 filed for contempt against Husband and filed a motion to enforce placement, we counter-filed for contempt against The Ex for not paying her share of variable expenses. We all agreed to call it a wash - The Ex got extra time to make up for what we had withheld, Husband did not pay Attorney 4's fees and The Ex did not have to pay any of what she owed for variable expenses.
In the middle of settling on this, Attorney 4 sent a letter to Our Attorney saying that The Ex disagreed with what we claimed to be the balance for variable expenses. The Ex was saying she should not have to pay for school lunches or milk; they said that Husband did not pay for food when The Ex had placement (She gets food stamps, so technically we do pay for her food) The Ex also did not want to pay for Daughter's basketball shoes because she had not "agreed" to Daughter playing basketball (The Ex owed $14.80 for the shoes. She's splitting hairs over less than $15)
All this time, The Ex still had not gotten a job. The Ex told Husband that she was going back to school (No, she seriously was going to go to "college." I have no idea where she pulled this crackhead dream out of, but she was suddenly going to go back and get a degree in...something) April came and went and we got no child support payments. The Ex had exhausted her unemployment benefits, and had Attorney 4 file a motion requesting that support be modified. Child support filed a motion asking the court to find The Ex in contempt because she wasn't paying and wasn't completing work searches as required.
The Ex got a part-time job at a hotel as a housekeeper. The Ex refused to give Husband her work schedule. Our Attorney finally sent a subpoena for the information; The Ex was working every single weekend (That's why she wouldn't tell Husband what her schedule was. She wanted the kids in her home, not ours; she needed a babysitter so she just wouldn't communicate with Husband about when and how often she was working)
The Ex complained about the kids being in sports here and said she couldn't afford to bring them here; she accused Husband of trying to take "her time" with the kids away by putting them in sports (Even though she acknowledged by email that both kids wanted to play) The Ex told Husband by email that she disagreed with Son getting contact lenses because she couldn't afford them and she said she told this to Son (Remember her laser eye surgery? She can't afford contacts for her son. Mother of the Year.)
We had the court hearing. The judge agreed to lower The Ex's support based on her past and current income, but said we didn't have to repay anything we were overpaid which was a HUGE financial blessing. The judge put The Ex on a job search of no less than 10 jobs per week until she obtained full-time employment at no less than $10 an hour (The Ex stalled as long as she could; she didn't get a job for four more months, which equates to 180 applications. She finally has a job now, but Attorney 4 hasn't told us where it is, what shift The Ex is working, or whether she's still working weekends.)
So yeah. Those are just a few examples of The Ex and what motivates her.
If you read through the "Disorderly Conduct" blog post, you'll note that The Ex was fighting with Husband over money. Husband gave her $700 to pay back what he owed to her dad. The Ex said she wanted Husband to pay 100% of her rent that month; Husband said he was willing to pay half but wasn't going to pay the entire rent because they were separated and he wasn't living there. The Ex told Husband that she was going to keep the $700 he had just given her, lie to her dad and say Husband had never given her anything, and that her dad would sue Husband for the money.
The Ex filed for divorce the third and final time in late April 2005. About a month or so after she filed, Husband made the mistake of showing up at the placement exchange wearing new clothes and shoes. The Ex immediately went to the courthouse and filed a motion requesting that Husband pay more child support, saying he never bought anything for Son or Daughter; The Ex said something along the lines of she felt that if Husband had money to spend on himself, then he should be paying more child support. Husband's child support obligation was set at $395.00 per month; this order was based on state guidelines of 25% of Husband's gross income. The Ex was responsible 100% for any variable expenses.
The Ex began claiming after the divorce that she had medical bills for the kids around $600 and that Husband needed to pay her for them; Husband told her he wasn't going to pay her anything because she wouldn't give him copies of any statements. This went on for another few years with the dollar amount increasing up to $750 as of 2009, and I'm positive she's still repeating this fabricated story to anyone who will listen. (The fact of the matter is that Husband is considered the "first" parent because his birthday comes before The Ex's; therefore, any and all medical claims are first billed to Husband's insurance, the remainder is billed to The Ex's insurance and any remainder after that would be billed to the state insurance that The Ex had the kids enrolled in.)
The Ex's brother dropped out of school around 13 years old and he moved in with The Ex. Husband asked her to find another babysitter because her brother was always getting into trouble and Husband didn't feel he was responsible enough to be watching the kids. (He wasn't and probably still isn't) The Ex said no because she "couldn't afford daycare" and told Husband that if he didn't want her brother watching them, he would have to pay the entire daycare bill by himself. (Not, "We'll split it." It was, "You pay for it.") Husband told her he couldn't pay child support and pay for daycare for two kids all by himself; The Ex refused to put the kids into daycare. A few months later, her brother shot Son in the eye with a BB gun while he was "babysitting" at The Ex's apartment.
A couple months after this, The Ex called Husband and said she was having a birthday party for Son and Daughter at McDonald's; she said that Husband and his sister could come if they wanted but Husband would have to pay her for half of the party. Husband asked if he could invite some friends and their kids to the party; The Ex said no because she had already invited the maximum amount of people so if Husband invited anyone else, he would have to pay extra for that. Husband agreed to split the cost of the party and we went. When he asked The Ex how much he owed her, she told him that he owed her dad $28 because her dad was the one who had paid for the party (This was right around the time she was having teenagers get drunk in her apartment. She had money for that, but not for her kids' birthday party) Husband went to the ATM, got some cash, came back and said to me, "Watch what she does." He walked over to The Ex, held out the money and said, "Here's $20 for your dad." The Ex looked at him and said, "It's $28." Husband said he couldn't take $8 out from an ATM and continued to offer her "$20" for the party. The Ex actually took a step back and wouldn't even touch the money, while continuing to insist that Husband owed her dad $28. Husband fanned out the money and showed her it was actually $28 before she'd take it from his hand. (Honestly. All of this over eight. Freaking. Dollars.)
The next summer, The Ex put Son and Daughter in baseball in Hometown. The Ex called Husband one day and asked if he would like one of Son's souvenir baseball cards; Husband said yes. The Ex said he would have to pay for half the cost of the cards. Husband asked how many cards he would be getting; The Ex said one card (Wait a minute...what?) Husband told her that if he was paying for half of the cards, then he wanted half of the cards. The Ex said no, because she had family members that she "needed" to give the cards to and if he didn't pay half, she wouldn't give him any cards. (Yes, you read that correctly. She was trying to sell Husband a picture of his own child) The Ex later gave a card to Husband's sister but only after she paid for it.
A few months later, The Ex called Husband and asked him for more money. Husband said he wasn't going to give her money if she was enrolling the kids in activities without discussing it with him first. The Ex said that she and Boyfriend had bought all of the kids' school supplies and if she really wanted to, she could go back to court and make him pay her for half of them (She threatened this a lot but never did it, because her motion would have been denied. The court order was specific - she was responsible for variable expenses)
About 3-4 months after that incident was when The Ex left Husband a message telling him he would have to drive 140 miles round-trip to return the kids' hats and gloves that "he" forgot to drop off, or he would have to reimburse her for new hats and gloves, because she "was tired of paying for everything." (Right, she's paying for "everything" because, you know, Husband wasn't paying child support. Oh that's right, he WAS paying child support. Silly me.)
The next spring, The Ex was "unable" to work because she was pregnant and on weight-lifting restrictions (Like every single pregnant woman is, yet The Ex "can't work" when it happens to her). Husband said it would be nice for her to have time off and she replied, "Well yeah, but who's going to pay my bills?" A few weeks after this, The Ex was telling me how she was hoping their phones wouldn't get shut off because they were behind on the bill, and how they were making sure to make payments on some furniture that Boyfriend had previously bought "because that gets reported on your credit." (So does a phone bill, if you don't pay it) Two months later, The Ex went and bought a brand-new car. While she was not working. (But Husband was paying child support. She just complained to us about not having any money, and she buys a brand-new car. There is not a person alive who can say in honesty she wasn't using child support to pay for this car.)
Three months before Son & Daughter's birthdays, The Ex called Husband and asked if he'd like to split the cost of their party this year; she said he could invite whoever he wanted (Unlike the McDonald's party two years before) but said the party was going to be in Hometown (Even though she lived in New City. No thanks, I'd like at least a little input) Husband told her no, we were already planning a party for the kids on our own. (Again, she wants to go half on a birthday party but she's got that brand-new car)
Less than three weeks after this, The Ex called Husband and said he owed her money for a dental bill. Husband asked her for a copy of the bill. The Ex said she paid $140 for the kids' work that had been done and that Husband owed her half of it. Husband said that was fine, and repeated that he would like a copy of the bill when she dropped the kids off (The Ex's dad dropped them off and gave Husband the bill. It hadn't been paid. Husband owed the dentist half of the bill; he didn't owe The Ex anything.) A month later, The Ex left her rambling message about making payments to the dentist (The message where she told him three separate times what his payments needed to be) and how she wanted post-dated checks for the dentist. When we saw her a week later, she asked Husband, "Do you have my checks?" Husband said no, we already paid the dentist our half of the bill.
Somewhere around this time, we were trying to get the kids to understand the importance of flossing. Both kids said they couldn't floss at The Ex's because she didn't have floss. We said they could remind her when she went to the store; then we began hearing that The Ex "couldn't afford" floss. (Dental floss. She can't afford dental floss. Driving a brand-new car but can't afford to buy dental floss for her children.)
We brought the kids back after a visitation weekend; The Ex handed Husband a postcard from the school and asked him to give her money for the kids' school lunches and milk. Husband told her that the kids should qualify for a free/reduced-price lunch. The Ex said they didn't, she had already paid for it and wanted Husband to pay her for half of it. (A week before this, we saw The Ex shopping with a WIC folder. If she qualified for WIC, then she qualified for the lunch program. On top of it, there was no indication of what The Ex had "paid" for any of this, but she kept saying she wanted Husband to pay for half of it.)
About two weeks after that, The Ex called Husband and said she had a doctor bill for the kids (But never specified if the bill was for Son or Daughter - it was just "for the kids") and Husband needed to pay her for half; she said she would pick up a check from him in two weeks. Husband told The Ex that she was supposed to give him a copy of the bill so he could pay the doctor. The Ex said she already paid the bill and Husband owed her $52. Husband told her that he wasn't going to give her a check without a billing statement. The Ex began arguing that she had $700 in medical bills from the kids (Before it was $600; now it's $700) and Husband never paid for any of those and she "wasn't going to keep doing this." Husband told her he never got copies of any bills, and was not going to start writing checks without statements. The Ex insisted that Husband owed her $52. Husband repeated that he wanted a copy of the statement, and The Ex hung up on him. (I asked the kids if they had been to the doctor; they both said no. The Ex never gave Husband a statement and never brought this up again. On top of that, Husband's insurance never got billed for any doctor visit for either Son or Daughter. Coincidentally, The Ex had a traffic fine that needed to be paid right around this time when she was claiming she had a doctor bill for one of the kids. Isn't that ironic?)
Around this time, The Ex bought a brand-new computer; Husband went to drop the kids off and saw it sitting in the apartment. The kids continued to say they weren't flossing at The Ex's because "Mom didn't buy any. She said she can't because she doesn't have any money." (Oral health = not important. New computer and car = important)
On a Sunday morning, I was helping Daughter get dressed. She pulled a sheet out of her backpack and said, "Mommy says you have to pay for this." I looked at the sheet; it was a slip from the kids' school, dated 2 weeks earlier. It said milk money was due and needed to be paid by that Friday, and that late payments would not be accepted. I told Daughter that the school wouldn't take payments any longer and that her mom should have paid it. Daughter said, "No, she said you're supposed to pay for it." (This is now a 6-year-old's responsibility, to tell her dad and his fiance that they need to pay for her school milk)
Ten days later, The Ex called Husband and told her that he needed to help her buy the kids' snow pants; she said she didn't have any money because she "had like, 20 people coming to her house for Thanksgiving." Husband told her that was why she received child support and that money should be paying for the kids' clothing, not Thanksgiving dinner. The Ex said she had been talking to a few people and they were all telling her that Husband was supposed to be helping her pay for these things. Husband told her that initially, he was responsible for these items; then The Ex requested an increase in child support and their court order read that she was responsible for variable expenses. The Ex then claimed that she wasn't getting child support, said she only received $90, and Husband needed to call child support and find out where the money was. Husband told her that the money came out of his check every two weeks; if she wanted to know where the money was, she would have to call.
A few days later, Husband and I went to drop the kids off. The Ex asked Husband about Son's coat because she had bought a new one for Daughter. Husband said it was in good condition yet but could be washed. The Ex said, "Well, [Son] needs a new hat." Husband said he had just given Son a new hat and it was in the kids' clothes bag. The Ex then asked if Husband got an employee discount at his job; he told her yes. The Ex asked Husband if he would give her his card to save money on "her stuff." Husband told her no, he wasn't allowed to loan out the card. (Husband's employer has a strict policy on their employee discount. It is for employees and their spouses only. If they find out you've been letting friends/relatives/neighbors/anybody else use the card, you will be fired immediately. So no, Husband is not willing to risk his job just to let The Ex save money on her crap.) The Ex argued that her cousin lent her the employee discount card all the time for her cousin's employer. (Great, then use your cousin's card. If your cousin gets fired, it doesn't affect me.) Husband told The Ex that he wasn't going to risk his job just so she could save money on Christmas shopping. The Ex said, "I can't believe that you're not even willing to let your kids save some money on their snow pants (The ones she "couldn't afford"). That's all I'd use it for" (Even though she had told him an hour earlier on the phone that she needed to finish Christmas shopping. After this, The Ex refused to let the kids bring their snow pants to our house and told the kids they "might forget them" if they did. Son, at 8 years old, commented he didn't know why she said that because they never forgot their snow pants)
A couple weeks after this, Daughter announced that they were leaving the country. I asked her what she was talking about. Daughter said that The Ex had told them that they were going to visit Boyfriend's family in another country but were going to wait until The Ex & Boyfriend's daughter was one year old.
As time went by, The Ex would leave messages asking what time we would be back with the kids because they were going out for dinner (Because that's what people who have no money do, is pay someone else to cook food for them)
We found out what was going on in The Ex's house and about Boyfriend's drinking, hired a lawyer and started the court proceedings. The Ex knew we were trying to get custody of the kids and that we didn't want the kids around Boyfriend. One night when Husband went to pick up one of the kids from baseball practice, Daughter said she wanted to see her sister so they walked over with The Ex to a brand-new minivan. (This was a year after she had bought the brand-new car; now she had a new car and a brand-new van. But she couldn't afford dental floss. And Husband needs to help her pay for snow pants and school supplies.)
Two months later, we had court and Husband was temporarily granted primary physical custody. The Ex said she didn't want to pay any child support and Husband was willing to let it slide. The commissioner said he felt she should be paying something, even if it wasn't by state guidelines; he left it open because The Ex and Boyfriend claimed they were going to be attending therapy for Boyfriend's alcohol abuse and were unsure of the out-of-pocket cost, as Boyfriend did not have health insurance and was not covered by The Ex's policy. After we left court, The Ex called her sister and was complaining, "I'm going to lose my van." (Not, "I just lost my kids." She was sad about her van because she didn't know how she would pay for it if she wasn't getting child support anymore.)
Whoever drafted the temporary order forgot to include that child support payments should stop, so The Ex continued to receive $395.00 each month for another 2 months. Our attorney finally drafted an order, submitted it and they finally stopped taking it from Husband's paycheck.
Around this time, The Ex refused to pay for an extracurricular activity for Daughter saying that Husband "never helped her" when she put the kids in sports. Husband pointed out that she had been receiving almost $400 every month in child support and she would also sign the kids up without talking to Husband, then demand he give her money without showing him a receipt or documentation showing what she had paid. We were getting $0 from The Ex to help with the kids' expenses and Husband was talking to her about this before enrolling Daughter. The Ex still refused to help pay for it.
Sometime in December, Husband and The Ex were slightly getting along. The Ex said she wanted everyone to get along better and told Husband she was willing to settle outside of court. A week and a half later, The Ex told Husband that she was not going to take his offer and settle out of court, but she knew he wanted child support (That was the least of our concerns) so they could "settle on that for now." Since nothing else was progressing, we went ahead and filed for child support.
A month later, Boyfriend called Husband at almost midnight and went on a tirade about The Ex. Boyfriend said he was unhappy and wanted to leave, but did not want The Ex having custody of their daughter. Boyfriend said that The Ex was a "f*cking b*tch" and he was "tired of her sh*t." Boyfriend told Husband that during an argument, The Ex had been choking him; Boyfriend said when they argued, The Ex frequently hit him but he never called the police about it. Boyfriend said that "all [The Ex] cares about is money." (This idiot married her the same year he said this to Husband.)
Two to three weeks after, The Ex complained about having to take Daughter to one mandatory practice. The Ex said she didn't want to "do all that running around in one weekend." (These pesky kids, I'll tell ya. They put such a damper on having a life)
A week and a half later, we had the support hearing. The Ex did not show up at the advisement of Attorney 2. Instead, that day Attorney 2 filed an affidavit signed by The Ex. The Ex was asking the court to vacate the temporary order giving Husband primary physical custody, or to set a trial date as soon as possible. The Ex accused Husband of being physically abusive towards me in front of the kids; The Ex accused me of leaving the kids alone for hours at a time; The Ex accused us of leaving the kids home alone while we went out drinking with our neighbors (None of these things happened. Ever.)
A week after the support hearing, I caught Daughter stuffing clothing for both her and Son into a paper bag. I asked her what she was doing. She said The Ex's mom had asked her to pack extra clothes because their grandparents didn't have any clothes for them. I told Daughter that if The Ex was leaving them at their grandparents' house, then The Ex needed to make sure they had clothes to wear. Son said, "We don't have any clothes at Mom's. She sent them all here." (The Ex has never given us any clothing for the kids. They first came to live here and The Ex wouldn't even give us their winter jackets. Just last week, Daughter told me that she has a pair of shoes that she has been "begging" The Ex to let her bring back to our house so she can wear them; The Ex will not allow her to do so.)
One day, Husband went to pick up the kids. Boyfriend said The Ex had run to the store and would be back shortly. The Ex pulled up and it was obvious she had just gone through the car wash. However, the kids had not eaten dinner. (Priorities. Those kids can wait until almost 8pm to have dinner; she needs a shiny van, damnit!)
Three months later, Son was talking to me about sacrifices. Son asked if God would consider it a sacrifice if you put money on an altar and burned it. I told him instead of burning it, you could make better use of it by donating it to a school, a church or a family who was poor and couldn't afford food or clothing. Son said, "Like Mom?" (Did you just roll your eyes? I'm pretty sure you just rolled your eyes.) I told Son that his mom was not poor; she had a job and could afford to buy things. Son said, "Well, she doesn't work that much so she doesn't have a lot of money." (40+ hours a week at $16/hour. The Ex is "poor.") I told Son that his mother worked full-time, just like Husband and I do; if she had no money, it was because she spent it. Son said that The Ex needed to use Boyfriend's money (Probably shouldn't have bought that van then)
Around a month and a half later, The Ex called Husband, left him a message asking for the kids to call her. Five minutes later, she called me and left a message asking for the kids to call her. Two minutes later, she called Husband again. Husband told her we were loading the car up and getting ready to go to a water park. The Ex said Daughter had worn a pair of The Ex's earrings back to our place and she would like them back that weekend. (So she didn't really want to talk to the kids; she wanted her stupid earrings back)
Two months later, we settled the day of the court trial. The Ex had more than 25% placement, so support was set at less than state guidelines since we have what is considered "shared placement." Now she was only paying $68 a week in support.
A month after we settled, The Ex told the kids she had to give their cats away because they were costing too much money. Son told me that The Ex was spending "like, $30 a month on cat food and litter." (The kids had these cats since I met Husband in 2005. The Ex now said she couldn't afford them anymore. But she still. Had. Her. Van.)
A few weeks later, The Ex called to talk to the kids. When she was done, she asked them to put Husband on the phone. The Ex asked Husband to send along the kids' costumes from last year's Halloween so she could take them trick-or-treating. (Seriously. "Lend me your old costumes." Because every kid dreams of being the same exact thing every year for Halloween.) Husband told her he didn't think we had them anymore and if we did, he wasn't sure they still fit.
The week before Halloween, the kids were telling us that they were going to their uncle's house on Halloween weekend, so they didn't know if they could go trick-or-treating. We asked why they didn't just go trick-or-treating by their uncle; they said they didn't know. We asked if The Ex was going with them. The kids said no, because The Ex was having eye surgery so she wouldn't need glasses anymore. (Back the hell up. She can't afford to feed their cats...but she's having laser eye surgery. Are you completely grossed out by her yet?)
Halloween weekend, we picked the kids up at 6pm. They got into the vehicle and asked if we were taking them trick-or-treating. We said trick-or-treating was over; the kids replied, "No it's not, it goes until 8." (How do the kids know what time trick-or-treating ends? Oh, because The Ex probably pulled a bitch move and looked it up so we would seem like the jerks for not taking them) We asked if they had gone over the weekend; Son said they had been "too busy" to go trick-or-treating. (Three weeks prior, The Ex was going to take them if we would have given her their old costumes. Now, everyone was "too busy" for the kids)
The kids continued to repeat that The Ex couldn't afford to keep the cats because they ate too much food, yet The Ex just had laser eye surgery. Husband asked how much it cost because I had considered it myself. The Ex told Husband the surgery was $3,700 but she "got it on payments" (So it was $3,700 plus interest. But the cats cost too much money, so let's get rid of them.)
The Ex didn't argue much over money over the next few months. Of course, this was because she got a raise which she didn't report and was paying less child support than she should have been. She did, however, argue over everything else - when she thought she should have the kids, claiming she didn't have to give Husband his two summer weeks because she "didn't remember" him talking to her about it and got his letter after the date he was supposed to notify her, arguing over who got the kids for July 4th, dropping off the kids late but expecting them to be home right down to the minute of what the schedule read, etc.
On Father's Day, The Ex dropped off the kids in a new car. We asked the kids whose car they had been in; the kids said it was The Ex's car. We asked when she had gotten rid of the van. (The van she had bought brand-new only 2 years ago) The kids said she didn't; she still had the van but needed to buy a work car to save money on gas. (It was a brand-new car. There is no possible way she was saving in gas what she was spending on a monthly payment for this vehicle)
If you remember, The Ex was off of work while she was pregnant with the daughter she shared with Boyfriend. The Ex claimed she was "unable" to work at that time and got short-term disability payments through her health insurance. A month after The Ex bought her brand-new "work car," she called Husband and asked if he would accept paperwork by mail. Husband said anything she needed to send him could be sent to Our Attorney. The Ex said she was trying to get her child support lowered because she wasn't working. The Ex said Attorney 3 was getting the paperwork together and wanted to mail it to Husband. Husband told her if it came while he and I were working, there would be no one to sign for it. Husband asked why; The Ex said she was 7 months pregnant (Omfg. You can't afford two cats so you're having another baby?! Because she can afford a brand-new car, a 2-year-old van and laser eye surgery. But child support, that needs to be modified because that's the straw that's breaking the camel's back.)
The day after this conversation, Husband called The Ex to discuss Son's football practices. The Ex refused to bring Son to his practices in our city because she "didn't have any money." Husband told her he didn't want to hear it because she had two vehicle payments and was now telling Son she couldn't afford for him to do something that he wanted. The Ex said, "What, are you jealous that you can't buy a new car?" (This honestly left her mouth. And she was serious.) Husband actually started laughing at her and told her no, he was glad to have both of our vehicles paid off and that wasn't the point. On and on this went - Husband trying to talk to The Ex, The Ex screaming at him to put the kids on the phone so she could talk to them and if he didn't she would call Attorney 3 (Good luck getting a hold of him, this was around 7pm on a Tuesday night) Husband finally told her that if she wasn't going to follow the court order about extracurricular activities, he wasn't going to bring the kids back after the weekend; Husband let the kids talk to her then. The kids talked to her briefly; Son hung up and said, "Mom's upset and crying. She says you're not going to bring us back." (Nice, eh?) We explained to both kids about why Husband told this to The Ex; she had been told about the football months ago, never said there was a problem and now said she wasn't going to bring Son to practice. We told them we were not trying to keep them away from her, we were just trying to let Son play the sports he wanted to play. Son tried defending The Ex, "Well, she doesn't have any money." I told him if she had no money, then she shouldn't have bought a new car; he didn't have an answer for that.
A week and a half after this, I copied a statement for dental work for Son and Daughter. The statement indicated that The Ex and Husband owed jointly $161.00 and I personally wrote on the statement, "Your half is $80.50"; we gave her another copy of the bill in October. The Ex was emailed another copy of this bill in February. In April, The Ex called Husband and left him a message saying she got a copy of the bill from Attorney 3 (We never gave Attorney 3 a copy, so she had to have given it to him) and said he was telling her that $80.50 was the total amount due, not her half. (The statement wasn't confusing by any means. It showed $161.00 was due, we paid $80.50, and there was a remaining balance of $80.50 - The Ex couldn't seem to wrap her head around this) Two and a half weeks later, The Ex asked Husband for the dentist's phone number and claimed she never saw a statement (Apparently, the 3 copies we already gave her didn't count. Not to mention that she left a message on Husband's phone saying she got a copy from Attorney 3, yet now she magically never saw a copy)
At one of Son's football practices, The Ex began complaining about Attorney 3, saying their last court date had been cancelled because he had never filed the paperwork for her child support and that he called her the morning of the hearing to tell her it was taken off the calendar. The Ex claimed she was expecting a check soon and would be making a payment toward child support (She got the check, didn't make the payment)
The Ex's dad got a blood clot in his leg and was hospitalized out-of-state. The Ex and all of her siblings ran off to the other state in The Ex's van, even though none of them had a job (Translation: they had no way to pay to get there) The Ex called Husband after this, asked him to reduce her child support arrears to 60% of what they were. Husband told her no; The Ex complained that she "always worked with him when he wanted to switch weekends." (I like the color yellow. Oh look, a dragonfly. See, I can also dart off topic at random and try to act like it makes sense.) Husband reminded her that two years ago, he tried working with her outside of court but she dragged everyone through a court trial. The Ex complained that she and Boyfriend had no money, and that their rent and vehicle payments were due. Husband told her that if she was struggling like she claimed she was, she should sell one of her vehicles. The Ex said, "No one's going to buy a brand new car." Husband pointed out that she bought a brand new car. The Ex's response: "...but I like them." (Twenty-nine years on this earth brought her to this point. "I have no money for my kids, but I have money for my cars because I like them.") The Ex began complaining that when they had gone to visit her dad, nobody had helped her pay for anything. Husband told her this was her choice; she knew no one had jobs or money of their own and she chose to take them. The Ex began claiming she would start paying the medical bills for the kids (The dental bill was still unpaid at this point. She also owed hundreds to the kids' therapists, even though the kids had been out of therapy for over a year)
A few months later, we had a hearing on child support and variable expenses. The commissioner gave The Ex a credit toward her arrears of less than $161 and increased her support from $68 per week to $92 per week, since her income had increased. The commissioner also ordered that The Ex needed to pay a percentage of variables, based on the amount of time she had placement. Two weeks later, The Ex got fired from her job for "attendance issues."
About a month after we got an order for variable expenses, The Ex bought both kids brand-new Nikes and handed Husband a receipt for about $95. (This was the first time she had bought either of the kids shoes in the last two years) Husband walked back to our vehicle, asked me about variable expenses; I told him no, shoes were not covered under the order and pulled up the order on my phone. (The order also read that any purchases over $75 were to be discussed prior to them being incurred) Husband walked back over to The Ex, offered to show her the order and said he was not paying her for the shoes. The Ex began yelling, "What did you want me to do? They needed shoes!" Husband said that he and I were going to take them on our way home, but she had not discussed this with him and he was not going to give her any money for the shoes. The Ex continued to argue that they needed shoes and that Husband owed her for his percentage of them.
About two months later, The Ex came to pick up the kids and asked Husband if he was "ready for Monday." Husband asked her what she was talking about (He knew, but it was more fun this way) The Ex said they had a court hearing. Husband told her he had never been served any paperwork (Which was the honest truth) The Ex started berating Attorney 3, saying he was worthless and that she had been after him for almost 3 months to get her support reduced, and that Attorney 3 told her he had everything handled (In reality, The Ex had gone into Attorney 3's office, signed the paperwork and he never did a single thing with it since then) Husband asked if she was going to get another job; The Ex said yes. Husband asked her if it was really worth getting her support reduced, just to have to pay Attorney 3 to come back to court a second time to recalculate support once she was working again. The Ex said a month's worth of unemployment for her was what she had earned in a week at her job (Then you should have gone to work like a responsible parent and not gotten your stupid self fired) The Ex made some more comments about not having any money; then she told the kids that when they got back to New City, Boyfriend was taking them to see a movie (There is extra money for that, but not for child support)
Less than a month later, Son sent both Husband and I text messages asking for our credit card information so he could sign up for XBox Live. (It will be a cold day in hell before any of my account information enters The Ex's household)
Then there was the big mess with Boyfriend getting caught on a felony DUI, there being lice in The Ex's house twice in less than three months, us withholding placement, etc. We didn't have much contact with The Ex so there wasn't much to argue about financially.
The Ex was still not paying her half of the kids' therapy bill. The receptionist called her and The Ex very reluctantly agreed to pay $5 a month toward the bill (It would have taken her years to pay it off at that rate) Since it was on the verge of going to collections, Husband and I paid The Ex's half of the bill. Husband emailed The Ex and told her this; less than three hours later, the receptionist at the therapists' office called me and said The Ex had just called her, asking if the bill was paid. The receptionist said yes. The Ex asked the receptionist to send her a letter stating that she had a payment arrangement with the office, when Husband came in and suddenly paid her half; The Ex said she needed this letter for court (The Ex was trying to act like she was making an effort and Husband wasn't letting her, that Husband was trying to act like a hero and just make her look bad) The receptionist told The Ex that she was not going to write any kind of letter because The Ex had not been making efforts to pay the bill; the receptionist said the only time the office had contact with The Ex was when Husband and I asked them to call her or mail her statements. The Ex got angry and said, "So, you're just not going to send me anything then?" The receptionist said no, she was not going to send The Ex any letter like she was requesting. The Ex called the receptionist a "stupid bitch" and hung up on her (Oh, good. I was beginning to think she only spoke to Husband like that. Very nice to know she treats everyone like garbage just because she's a deadbeat mom)
In the middle of us withholding placement, Husband offered to meet The Ex halfway somewhere so she could celebrate Christmas with Son and Daughter. The Ex told Husband to come to her house. Husband said no, he would meet her halfway. The Ex said to come to McDonald's in New City (Does she not know what "halfway" means?) Husband offered, more than once, to let her get together with the kids; The Ex never agreed to this so Christmas came and went. And of course, it was all Husband's fault that he "ruined" Christmas for everyone (Not The Ex's fault for marrying an alcoholic. Not The Ex's fault for moving an hour and a half away. Not The Ex's fault for not getting rid of lice, butchering Daughter's hair, and telling Daughter to lie to us about it. Nope - this was all Husband's fault)
We got our change of venue, Attorney 4 filed for contempt against Husband and filed a motion to enforce placement, we counter-filed for contempt against The Ex for not paying her share of variable expenses. We all agreed to call it a wash - The Ex got extra time to make up for what we had withheld, Husband did not pay Attorney 4's fees and The Ex did not have to pay any of what she owed for variable expenses.
In the middle of settling on this, Attorney 4 sent a letter to Our Attorney saying that The Ex disagreed with what we claimed to be the balance for variable expenses. The Ex was saying she should not have to pay for school lunches or milk; they said that Husband did not pay for food when The Ex had placement (She gets food stamps, so technically we do pay for her food) The Ex also did not want to pay for Daughter's basketball shoes because she had not "agreed" to Daughter playing basketball (The Ex owed $14.80 for the shoes. She's splitting hairs over less than $15)
All this time, The Ex still had not gotten a job. The Ex told Husband that she was going back to school (No, she seriously was going to go to "college." I have no idea where she pulled this crackhead dream out of, but she was suddenly going to go back and get a degree in...something) April came and went and we got no child support payments. The Ex had exhausted her unemployment benefits, and had Attorney 4 file a motion requesting that support be modified. Child support filed a motion asking the court to find The Ex in contempt because she wasn't paying and wasn't completing work searches as required.
The Ex got a part-time job at a hotel as a housekeeper. The Ex refused to give Husband her work schedule. Our Attorney finally sent a subpoena for the information; The Ex was working every single weekend (That's why she wouldn't tell Husband what her schedule was. She wanted the kids in her home, not ours; she needed a babysitter so she just wouldn't communicate with Husband about when and how often she was working)
The Ex complained about the kids being in sports here and said she couldn't afford to bring them here; she accused Husband of trying to take "her time" with the kids away by putting them in sports (Even though she acknowledged by email that both kids wanted to play) The Ex told Husband by email that she disagreed with Son getting contact lenses because she couldn't afford them and she said she told this to Son (Remember her laser eye surgery? She can't afford contacts for her son. Mother of the Year.)
We had the court hearing. The judge agreed to lower The Ex's support based on her past and current income, but said we didn't have to repay anything we were overpaid which was a HUGE financial blessing. The judge put The Ex on a job search of no less than 10 jobs per week until she obtained full-time employment at no less than $10 an hour (The Ex stalled as long as she could; she didn't get a job for four more months, which equates to 180 applications. She finally has a job now, but Attorney 4 hasn't told us where it is, what shift The Ex is working, or whether she's still working weekends.)
So yeah. Those are just a few examples of The Ex and what motivates her.
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