Emailing is so much fun

  After the "Want to get together?" email that The Ex sent, Husband replied saying he'd like to keep communication in writing and asked The Ex to answer four direct questions.  The Ex didn't reply, so a few days later Husband emailed her again and reminded her what the court order said about replying to each other's emails.  He also let The Ex know which two full weeks he would like in the summer with the kids and said he was still waiting for an answer about whether or not she would let him keep the kids on Labor Day weekend for the family wedding.

  An hour later:
"Did you not get my email I sent you.

Maybe you should look again.

[The Ex]"

  Husband replied that he did get her email, replied to it that day, and said he would forward it to her again.  Upon forwarding, Husband realized that he had replied but sent it to The Ex's old email address (The one that "locked her out" because it "said it was open on a phone somewhere.")  Husband apologized, said all of the other emails have been sent to The Ex's new email address. (As in "Hint hint, you still weren't replying to the other emails I sent.  Just because I screwed up once does not validate your choice to ignore me when I'm trying to talk to you about our kids.")

  Twenty-two hours later:
"To answer your questions. (This is not a complete sentence.) No I don't have insurance.  I'm not hired in. (Okay, thanks.) There are people here that have been here for over 8 months and still aren't hired in. (What relevance does this have to Son or Daughter?  That's right - NONE.)  So I'm not sure when I'm getting insurance. (That was all you had to say.  Thank you for finally answering the question.)  On my phone I can't open files. (The Ex has an Android, but "can't open files" on her phone.  Fine, whatever.  Maybe she doesn't know how to download and open, we'll give her the benefit of the doubt.) Will look today. (Husband emailed her the brochure 8 days before this.  Apparently, The Ex hadn't bothered even looking at it.)  About having the kids on Labor Day, that will be ok only if we could switch weekend on June 13. (This weekend she wants to switch for is Father's Day weekend.  The Ex is trying to trick Husband into giving her his one special day to celebrate with his children.)  I would like to get the kids on Thursday if you're still open to it.  Let me know please.

[The Ex]"

  Not even six hours later:
"I have looked over the insurance from school.  I'm not too sure the kids need it.  What do you think about it? ? (Yes, she used two question marks.) R u interested in it and why? (The Ex is suddenly a 12-year-old girl texting her BFF.)

[The Ex]"

  Husband emailed back, said thank you for letting him keep the kids for the wedding.  Husband attached a calendar for the summer schedule showing who had the kids overnight (We did this 2 years ago with her; there was a significantly lower amount of arguing because The Ex had a written copy of front of her showing who had the kids when and why certain weekends got switched.)  Husband explained that because of his first summer week, The Ex would already have the kids the weekend of June 13th so he would still owe her another weekend and that the kids would be at our house that Sunday by 9am for Father's Day (We wrote this down for two reasons.  The first reason was to "prove" that we're not trying to screw The Ex out of her time with the kids.  The second was to solidify that even though it was The Ex's weekend, Husband would still get the kids for Father's Day - The Ex cannot refuse to drop the kids off that day and then claim that Husband agreed she could keep them.)  Husband also said Son wanted to do something on Thursday night here so if she would leave the kids here Thursday, she'd still get another make-up night; Husband said to let him know what she wanted to do.

  Husband sent a second email saying he thinks the school insurance would be a good choice since The Ex didn't have any coverage.  Husband said The Ex was currently ordered to pay him a small amount for insurance every month, so if the kids had two insurances it would keep the out-of-pocket costs down, but it was up to her what she wanted to do.

  The next day:
"[Husband],

Thanks for letting me get the kids on Thursday. (She completely ignored that Son wanted to do something here on Thursday night.  Thanks, Mom.)  About that. (Two words is not a sentence.  How hard is it for her to take oxygen on her own?  My goodness' sake...)  Are you willing to let my parents/I  go and get the kids early that day? (This email was sent around 3:30pm on Wednesday; pickup would have been 5:30pm on Thursday.  Thanks for the 26-hour notice.)  The only reason I ask is because [The Ex's daughter's] spring concert is this Thursday at 6pm.  IF its ok with you, I will let you come for the kids Sunday a little earlier. (I'm sure what she meant by this was, "I want to pick the kids up four hours early and you can pick them up 15 minutes early, because I think that's fair.")  Please let me know.  I know it's short notice.  (Gee, ya think?)  I completely forgot it was this week. (Uh....you know what, I'm not even going to touch that.)  I do want to get the kids on Thursday because they always miss out on things we do here during the week when they are with you. (Maybe you should have taken care of them when you had them; you wouldn't have lost custody of them and they wouldn't have to "miss out" on all of the amazing things you do during the week, even though you magically never seem to have any money to support them.  And by the way, who does things during the week?  We don't because the kids stay up too late, don't get enough sleep, can't focus in school and are crabby.)

I will take another look at the insurance policy and let you know on Sunday.  I just skimmed through it on my phone. (April 22 - "On my phone I can't open files."  April 23 - "I just skimmed through it on my phone."  If you're not smiling and/or laughing, you are on the wrong blog.)  I want to read it better and understand it.  When do you need everything in?  Let me know.

[The Ex]"

  Husband replied, told The Ex that the kids could get picked up at 4pm and he'd get them Sunday at 4pm.  He said if the school had an answer by the end of the month, he thought that would be fine. (That gave her almost two and a half weeks from the time he emailed her the brochure.)  A short while later, Husband sent a second email saying a bill for Son had gone to collections because The Ex did not pay her half.  Husband explained that he had emailed The Ex the receipt for this bill back in December.

  Eight minutes later:
"[Husband]

For many months now (Three months at the max) you have known my email didn't work.  Why didn't you give me a paper copy. (And it is magically, once again, all my husband's fault.) I'm sorry that happened. (I'm doubtful.) U now have my new email. (U no speak da Engrish?) Every thing needs to be sent to the new email. (And that's exactly what Husband has been doing.)  I can't even tell you the last time I was able to get into that email. (Mid-January for sure, but Attorney 4 was still sending emails to the old address as late as February.) That is the whole reason I made a new email account.

Did you get my message about the kids tomorrow?"

  Two minutes after that:
"Thanks for replying.  Is there any way we could pick them up at 3pm.  We are kind of cutting it close by 4. (It takes absolutely no more than an hour and a half; they expanded the highway and increased the speed limit.  The Ex's daughter had her concert at 6:15pm.  Apparently they need an extra 45 minutes to make sure they're not "cutting it close.")   Please consider.

[The Ex]"

  Husband replied to the first email:
"[The Ex],

  I sent you this receipt on December 27th, 2013.  You sent me a text on January 16th, 2014, saying you read an email that I sent on January 13th, 2014.  Your email was still working when I sent you the receipt for this bill, which you did not pay. (Who's smiling?  C'mon, you know this is hilarious!!!)

  Your old lawyer requested that our court order read that we exchange receipts by mail.  I had problems in the past when I gave you paper copies and you later said that I never gave you anything.  I followed our court order by emailing you the receipt.

[Husband]"

  And he also replied to the second email:
"[The Ex]-

  I can't do 3pm.  This is very short notice and 4pm is already an hour and a half before the regular exchange time.  4pm tomorrow is the best I can do.

[Husband]"

  The next day, Husband got out of work and found that The Ex's mom had left him a voicemail at 1:45pm asking where they were supposed to pick up the kids.  Husband also had a text asking where they should pick up the kids.  Husband replied and said to pick up the kids at our house at 4pm.  The Ex's mom replied and asked if they could get the kids earlier.  Husband told her that he had already talked to The Ex about this. (Remember November?  We had not one, but two messes involving The Ex's parents.  The first was when we told The Ex's dad we couldn't do early pickup and they showed up at our house at 3:30pm, and were then mad at Husband because they had to wait for another hour and a half.  The second was when The Ex's phone got shut off and her mom was trying to make arrangements with Husband about who was getting the kids and when.  No no, we will not be discussing placement with you, Crazy Grandma.)

  After all this, Husband's car got hit when he was going to pick up the kids.  After waiting for the cops to show up, having the cop tell him not to drive the car, and waiting for me to drive down to New City, we were about 2 hours late.  We get to The Ex's house; Son comes out immediately and gets buckled.  Daughter is taking her time inside, finally comes out and says, "[Son], you forgot something.  Mom says you need to go back in."  Son asks what he forgot.  Daughter says she doesn't know; The Ex just wants Son to go back inside.  We figure that maybe The Ex asked Son to do something before he left and he forgot, so we tell him to go back inside and see what his mother needs; if he was told to do something, then it needed to be done.

  Dare you ask what Son "forgot"?  I'm going to tell you.  Son had to unbuckle, go back inside and come back out for:

  A bag of jellybeans.

  The Ex could not have just given the jellybeans to Daughter and said, "These are your brother's, give them to him."  No, no, no.  The Ex had to tell Daughter that Son forgot something, have Daughter tell Son to come back inside of the house and then give Son his jellybeans to take outside himself.

  Son later told us that he had already given the jellybeans to Daughter because he didn't like them.  I think he left them behind on purpose, which makes it even more ridiculous that he had to go back inside for them.