"Wish I could have been there!"
When I hear this particular phrase, it takes all my strength to keep me from rolling my eyes. Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times that I have uttered this exact phrase to someone to express my regret at not being able to attend one of their events. However, The Ex has said this to Son and Daughter so many times that it is literally losing its meaning.
The Ex has been doing this for awhile, but I've just started to really take notice of it. This is her go-to phrase whenever she doesn't attend something for the kids. (For those of you who are just joining us, here's a recap: when I met Husband, he lived 16 miles away from The Ex. When he and I got together, they lived 26 miles away from each other. When The Ex started dating Boyfriend and decided to uproot the kids and move in with him, that distance became almost 58 miles. The Ex literally more than doubled the distance between our homes, and now complains to the kids that she wishes they "didn't live so far away" and uses this as the reason/excuse why she can't be here for their activities.)
Like I said, The Ex has said this before. I remember overhearing her tell Daughter that she would "come to her Friday games." What that means is that The Ex will attend a game if it's on her placement weekend and she'd be traveling here anyway to pick up the kids that Friday. If the game is not on her placement time, she doesn't come. There are two particular events this year alone that are really making me despise this phrase.
This past spring, Son was confirmed in our church. The Ex didn't attend any part of this. The night of questioning, nobody came. (She and both of her parents were in town because we had court. They very easily could have attended. They didn't.) The day of the confirmation, Son texted her a picture of himself. The Ex replied that he looked good, "Wish I could have been there!" (Then why weren't you? It was a Sunday morning and you don't work on Sundays. Your siblings don't work; your parents are retired. Why were NONE of you here for this milestone event in your son's life?? Oh, but wait - you "wish" you could have been here? Well, that's pretty much the same thing as you being here. Son shouldn't even be upset; after all, you wish you could have been here. That completely makes up for you NOT BEING THERE.)
The second and most recent event was the first day of school. And yep, you guessed it - The Ex never showed up. Daughter sent her a text telling her it was their first day; The Ex replied with her typical response of, "Wish I could have been there!" and said something about how she would have been there if she wasn't working. Now, I realize that there is quite a distance and The Ex would probably have to leave her home around 6:30am just to make sure she got there before school started. But guess what? Son is starting high school this year. This is another milestone for him.
But you know what really, really gets me angry about this particular incident? A week before Son and Daughter started school, The Ex posted pictures to Facebook of her and Boyfriend's daughter on her first day of school. Along with these pictures, The Ex wrote that she was "so glad" that her work let her off so she could take her to the first day of school. The Ex then texted pictures to both Son and Daughter of their sister's first and second days of school, so they are fully aware she attended the first day of school in New City.
Yet Son and Daughter's first day rolls around - "Wish I could have been there!" She didn't call them, she didn't text and ask how their days were. Daughter had to initiate the conversation about their schooling, which breaks my heart because she is trying so hard to get her own mother just to give a damn about her and what's going on in her life.
So no, The Ex, you do not wish you could have been there. If you had tried to be there but were unable to do so, then you wish you could have been there. But not even making an attempt proves one thing: you had no desire to attend in the first place. Just saying you "wish" you could have doesn't make it better.
The Ex has been doing this for awhile, but I've just started to really take notice of it. This is her go-to phrase whenever she doesn't attend something for the kids. (For those of you who are just joining us, here's a recap: when I met Husband, he lived 16 miles away from The Ex. When he and I got together, they lived 26 miles away from each other. When The Ex started dating Boyfriend and decided to uproot the kids and move in with him, that distance became almost 58 miles. The Ex literally more than doubled the distance between our homes, and now complains to the kids that she wishes they "didn't live so far away" and uses this as the reason/excuse why she can't be here for their activities.)
Like I said, The Ex has said this before. I remember overhearing her tell Daughter that she would "come to her Friday games." What that means is that The Ex will attend a game if it's on her placement weekend and she'd be traveling here anyway to pick up the kids that Friday. If the game is not on her placement time, she doesn't come. There are two particular events this year alone that are really making me despise this phrase.
This past spring, Son was confirmed in our church. The Ex didn't attend any part of this. The night of questioning, nobody came. (She and both of her parents were in town because we had court. They very easily could have attended. They didn't.) The day of the confirmation, Son texted her a picture of himself. The Ex replied that he looked good, "Wish I could have been there!" (Then why weren't you? It was a Sunday morning and you don't work on Sundays. Your siblings don't work; your parents are retired. Why were NONE of you here for this milestone event in your son's life?? Oh, but wait - you "wish" you could have been here? Well, that's pretty much the same thing as you being here. Son shouldn't even be upset; after all, you wish you could have been here. That completely makes up for you NOT BEING THERE.)
The second and most recent event was the first day of school. And yep, you guessed it - The Ex never showed up. Daughter sent her a text telling her it was their first day; The Ex replied with her typical response of, "Wish I could have been there!" and said something about how she would have been there if she wasn't working. Now, I realize that there is quite a distance and The Ex would probably have to leave her home around 6:30am just to make sure she got there before school started. But guess what? Son is starting high school this year. This is another milestone for him.
But you know what really, really gets me angry about this particular incident? A week before Son and Daughter started school, The Ex posted pictures to Facebook of her and Boyfriend's daughter on her first day of school. Along with these pictures, The Ex wrote that she was "so glad" that her work let her off so she could take her to the first day of school. The Ex then texted pictures to both Son and Daughter of their sister's first and second days of school, so they are fully aware she attended the first day of school in New City.
Yet Son and Daughter's first day rolls around - "Wish I could have been there!" She didn't call them, she didn't text and ask how their days were. Daughter had to initiate the conversation about their schooling, which breaks my heart because she is trying so hard to get her own mother just to give a damn about her and what's going on in her life.
So no, The Ex, you do not wish you could have been there. If you had tried to be there but were unable to do so, then you wish you could have been there. But not even making an attempt proves one thing: you had no desire to attend in the first place. Just saying you "wish" you could have doesn't make it better.
Love this!!! Makes me feel that I am not alone with the issues we deal with my husband's Ex. My husband's children live with us and man excuses and excuses but most of the time she becomes MIA and then magically pops up again. Its a rollercoaster ride most of the time. Love reading your blog!!!!
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