"You don't need to come."
Daughter and Baby Girl have their Group sleepover tomorrow night. Husband emailed The Ex about this back on the 13th and asked her if she'd like to pick up the kids Thursday night; she replied to that email nine days after but never addressed the question about the sleepover.
As it turns out, The Ex has invited herself to the sleepover. She asked Daughter if she wanted her to stay; Daughter's answer was, "I think [my name] is, but yeah, you can come." The Ex then complained and asked Daughter why she doesn't "ask Mom first?" (Because Mom doesn't come to her activities. Because all Mom does is complain about never having money or gas, so Daughter's not going to ask her to make an extra trip. Because this sleepover is for the girls, not a mother-daughter activity. Because it's not a competition between The Ex and myself. There are any number of reasons that Daughter did not ask you "first." Come to think of it, Daughter didn't ask you first, second or even third; you invited yourself. Better get some aloe for that burn...) The Ex then asks if she is allowed to go (Why would you invite yourself to something that you don't know if you're allowed to be at in the first place?) Daughter says yes. The Ex says she wants to come to the sleepover, then go pick up Son the next morning. (Thanks for letting Husband know that's what you were planning. Do you recall what happened in July, when The Ex allowed the kids to unlock the house when we weren't home while she and her drug addict, check-stealing sister "stayed in the car" the whole time? We told her back then not to come around when we weren't home; I can't imagine why she would think that does not still stand. You do not assume that you can show up at my home at 8 o'clock in the morning and just take Son with you.)
The Ex tells Daughter to "find out" if she's allowed to come to the sleepover or not and to let her know; Daughter says okay. The Ex says that if it's okay for her to come, Daughter can "just turn around and tell [my name], 'My mom's gonna be there.'" (Um, okay...and so what if she is?) Daughter says okay. The Ex then says (Here's my favorite part!!!) that Daughter should tell me, "You know I don't get to spend time with my mom. You don't need to come." (This is not a mother-daughter sleepover; I am not attending to "spend time" with Daughter. I am attending as a chaperone so that the girls can have a fun night with each other. Additionally, The Ex fails to realize is that Baby Girl is also in Group, which means Baby Girl will be attending the sleepover as well. I could give a rat's ass whether or not The Ex comes; I'm still going. On top of that, Daughter asked me to come as a chaperone; The Ex invited herself. But thanks, The Ex; it was really nice of you to get your bitterness and jealousy all over everything.)
Daughter called The Ex back the next day and told her that yes, she could come to the sleepover. The Ex said she had asked off of work and was denied, but was going to talk to her supervisor (Honestly, I don't know why she even brought it up to Daughter. Wouldn't you first find out if you could have off, rather than getting your kid's hopes up for absolutely no reason?) Daughter hung up with her, then told me that The Ex was coming to the sleepover. (Daughter did not say that she wanted to spend time with The Ex or that I "don't need to come." All she said was, "Mom's coming.") I said I thought that The Ex needed to work the next morning; Daughter said she was going to see if she could get off of work.
Daughter has continued to call The Ex every day; The Ex continues to say she doesn't know if she can come or not. The Ex tells Daughter she "should know by Tuesday." (So, 24-hour notice that she is/is not attending. Cool, thanks. Glad that nobody has to ever make plans or coordinate; we can all just wait around for you to figure out if you're coming or not.) The Ex tells Daughter that if she can't get off of work, then she might just come to the sleepover but would have to leave at 3am to get back in time for work. (Yes, please drive all the way over here for 8 1/2 hours and leave while everyone else is sleeping. That's not creepy or weird or anything.) The Ex even asked Daughter if she was going to leave with her at 3am (She hasn't said anything to Husband about it, and I am not letting Daughter walk out of the school at 3 o'clock in the morning only to sit in a car for over an hour and go back to sleep and/or babysit when she gets there. How absurd.) The Ex tells Daughter that her dad is going to pick up Son because she "can't afford" to come to the sleepover and then come back to get Son the next day (So now it's her dad's responsibility to get her child so she can pretend to interact with her other child. Got it.)
Well, it's Tuesday. We're supposed to "have an answer" whether or not The Ex is coming tomorrow night. I honestly almost hope that she does. There was a mother/daughter Group activity two years ago; Daughter invited both of us. When Daughter told me that The Ex was coming, it crossed my mind to back out. I didn't want to have to sit that close to The Ex and play pretend-nice for an evening; I didn't want to feel like a third wheel while Daughter was hanging out with The Ex.
Then I thought about it and realized that this was not about me or The Ex. It was about Daughter, and she asked me to come because she wanted me there; she asked The Ex to come because she wanted her there, too. If she loves both of us and wants both of us there, then we should be able to do it for her. So I went, and you know what? It was a nice night. The Ex and I didn't say much, if anything, to each other. But the part that really surprised me was the fact that I did not feel like a third wheel. In fact, Daughter and I were talking more, laughing more, and had more "inside" jokes than The Ex and Daughter had.
But I "don't need to come." I find it amusing how The Ex finds me to be so intimidating that she tells Daughter, a 12-year-old child, to un-invite me to a sleepover that Daughter asked me to attend in the first place, just so that The Ex won't feel uncomfortable going to the sleepover that she invited herself to.
As it turns out, The Ex has invited herself to the sleepover. She asked Daughter if she wanted her to stay; Daughter's answer was, "I think [my name] is, but yeah, you can come." The Ex then complained and asked Daughter why she doesn't "ask Mom first?" (Because Mom doesn't come to her activities. Because all Mom does is complain about never having money or gas, so Daughter's not going to ask her to make an extra trip. Because this sleepover is for the girls, not a mother-daughter activity. Because it's not a competition between The Ex and myself. There are any number of reasons that Daughter did not ask you "first." Come to think of it, Daughter didn't ask you first, second or even third; you invited yourself. Better get some aloe for that burn...) The Ex then asks if she is allowed to go (Why would you invite yourself to something that you don't know if you're allowed to be at in the first place?) Daughter says yes. The Ex says she wants to come to the sleepover, then go pick up Son the next morning. (Thanks for letting Husband know that's what you were planning. Do you recall what happened in July, when The Ex allowed the kids to unlock the house when we weren't home while she and her drug addict, check-stealing sister "stayed in the car" the whole time? We told her back then not to come around when we weren't home; I can't imagine why she would think that does not still stand. You do not assume that you can show up at my home at 8 o'clock in the morning and just take Son with you.)
The Ex tells Daughter to "find out" if she's allowed to come to the sleepover or not and to let her know; Daughter says okay. The Ex says that if it's okay for her to come, Daughter can "just turn around and tell [my name], 'My mom's gonna be there.'" (Um, okay...and so what if she is?) Daughter says okay. The Ex then says (Here's my favorite part!!!) that Daughter should tell me, "You know I don't get to spend time with my mom. You don't need to come." (This is not a mother-daughter sleepover; I am not attending to "spend time" with Daughter. I am attending as a chaperone so that the girls can have a fun night with each other. Additionally, The Ex fails to realize is that Baby Girl is also in Group, which means Baby Girl will be attending the sleepover as well. I could give a rat's ass whether or not The Ex comes; I'm still going. On top of that, Daughter asked me to come as a chaperone; The Ex invited herself. But thanks, The Ex; it was really nice of you to get your bitterness and jealousy all over everything.)
Daughter called The Ex back the next day and told her that yes, she could come to the sleepover. The Ex said she had asked off of work and was denied, but was going to talk to her supervisor (Honestly, I don't know why she even brought it up to Daughter. Wouldn't you first find out if you could have off, rather than getting your kid's hopes up for absolutely no reason?) Daughter hung up with her, then told me that The Ex was coming to the sleepover. (Daughter did not say that she wanted to spend time with The Ex or that I "don't need to come." All she said was, "Mom's coming.") I said I thought that The Ex needed to work the next morning; Daughter said she was going to see if she could get off of work.
Daughter has continued to call The Ex every day; The Ex continues to say she doesn't know if she can come or not. The Ex tells Daughter she "should know by Tuesday." (So, 24-hour notice that she is/is not attending. Cool, thanks. Glad that nobody has to ever make plans or coordinate; we can all just wait around for you to figure out if you're coming or not.) The Ex tells Daughter that if she can't get off of work, then she might just come to the sleepover but would have to leave at 3am to get back in time for work. (Yes, please drive all the way over here for 8 1/2 hours and leave while everyone else is sleeping. That's not creepy or weird or anything.) The Ex even asked Daughter if she was going to leave with her at 3am (She hasn't said anything to Husband about it, and I am not letting Daughter walk out of the school at 3 o'clock in the morning only to sit in a car for over an hour and go back to sleep and/or babysit when she gets there. How absurd.) The Ex tells Daughter that her dad is going to pick up Son because she "can't afford" to come to the sleepover and then come back to get Son the next day (So now it's her dad's responsibility to get her child so she can pretend to interact with her other child. Got it.)
Well, it's Tuesday. We're supposed to "have an answer" whether or not The Ex is coming tomorrow night. I honestly almost hope that she does. There was a mother/daughter Group activity two years ago; Daughter invited both of us. When Daughter told me that The Ex was coming, it crossed my mind to back out. I didn't want to have to sit that close to The Ex and play pretend-nice for an evening; I didn't want to feel like a third wheel while Daughter was hanging out with The Ex.
Then I thought about it and realized that this was not about me or The Ex. It was about Daughter, and she asked me to come because she wanted me there; she asked The Ex to come because she wanted her there, too. If she loves both of us and wants both of us there, then we should be able to do it for her. So I went, and you know what? It was a nice night. The Ex and I didn't say much, if anything, to each other. But the part that really surprised me was the fact that I did not feel like a third wheel. In fact, Daughter and I were talking more, laughing more, and had more "inside" jokes than The Ex and Daughter had.
But I "don't need to come." I find it amusing how The Ex finds me to be so intimidating that she tells Daughter, a 12-year-old child, to un-invite me to a sleepover that Daughter asked me to attend in the first place, just so that The Ex won't feel uncomfortable going to the sleepover that she invited herself to.
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