The statement
I got copies of the petition for the restraining order filed against Boyfriend. The petition itself was relatively boring. What was interesting was the written statement that The Ex attached to it explaining why she was asking for the order. After reading it, I'll go right ahead and admit it: I'm angry.
"I met [Boyfriend] in March of 2007 and at that time he was a heavy drinker(But you still chose to uproot your two children and move in with him? Thank you for admitting that in writing.) and over time the drinking progressively has gotten worse. (But you chose to marry him and have two kids with him.) He has an order from immigration that states he is not allowed to drink, which he still does on a regular basis (a minimum of 2-3 days a week). (You are also ordered by the family court not to allow Boyfriend to drink while the kids are in your placement. Again, thank you for admitting in writing that you are not following the court order.) When he drinks he is very abusive, physically, emotionally, and sexually. (And you wanted Son and Daughter to stay in this environment because.....?) At one time he only abused me when drunk, but over the last couple of years, the abuse happens whether he is drunk or sober. (Husband said when they were married and would get into a fight, The Ex would physically assault him. Boyfriend told Husband six years ago that once when he and The Ex got into a fight, she was actually choking him. But please, continue on about how you're the one being abused.) In 2008 he was arrested, charged, and convicted of domestic abuse towards me. (Actually, it was in 2009. You didn't marry him until 2010 so I have no sympathy for you.) Since then, the abuse continues. (Again, thank you for documenting for all of us that you kept your kids in a violent environment.) He has threatened to steal our children if I leave(She told Boyfriend in the past that if he left her, he'd never see their kids again.), and a few times I have attempted to leave during allocations(This is my absolute favorite part of her statement. If you don't know the difference between "allocation" and "altercation," then step away from the big words and stick to what you understand.), and he would take our son and block me from the door. (She must be referring to the fight they had last July when her sister called the cops, saying The Ex and Boyfriend got into a fight and he wouldn't let her leave the house; the cops tried making contact but The Ex refused to talk to them.) He has physically hit, pushed, and slapped me on many occasions. (All of the police reports say that the two of you were hitting each other. You are not a battered woman.) He is verbally abusive - calling me foul names, cutting me down, and constantly screaming at me for anything he feels that I do wrong. (She has told Husband that he's a piece of sh*t and a bad parent; she just recently yelled at him by text for not answering her calls that she never actually made. Apparently when she does it, it's something other than verbal abuse.) He forces me to have sexual intercourse, even when I tell him no. (She texted a friend awhile back, saying Boyfriend was getting mad because she wouldn't let him have sex with her, not to mention that the two of them have cheated on each other I don't know how many times. Pretty sure if he wanted it, he'd just find it elsewhere.)
He is very secretive about where he goes and what he is doing. (Oh, like you telling Son and Daughter to lie to Boyfriend about where you were or who you were with? Or you telling Daughter not to let Boyfriend leave the house so you could finish filling out the restraining order paperwork?) If I'm gone longer than 5 minutes, he starts yelling at me and accusing me of doing things or lying to him. (That's because you are having an affair and deep down, he knows it.) He currently has a new job and has not told me where he is working. (...what does this have to do with a restraining order?) I know he is working thru (She literally wrote "thru" on a court document.) a temp service - [Name of temp service] (I'm not sure if it is the one in [New City] or [Other City]) and the only reason I know what temp service is that he left the check stub on top of our entertainment center. (This is so poorly written, I don't even know how she turned this in without being embarrassed.) He is working under an alias - [Boyfriend's alias]. (There is nothing in this paragraph that has any bearing on a restraining order. Not a single thing. The Ex is trying to paint her opponent, if you will, in a poor light just to make herself appear that much better. She does the exact same thing with Husband; when she lost custody, her only possible case was to try to make us look bad because she wasn't able to prove that she was any good.)
There has (*have) been MANY incidents and I will be able to describe more if needed."
I don't really care what The Ex does on her own time. I don't care where she works, where she lives, who she dates, who she's friends with, etc. I start to care when Son and/or Daughter become involved and I care because over the last 15 years that she has spent being a mother, The Ex still has not figured out that her children need to come first. Every single decision that she makes is based on herself and her immediate gratification. And then when her bad choices blow up in her face, we're all expected to feel bad for her and point the finger at the other person. But even so, this is not what angers me.
I am angry because The Ex has essentially spit in the face of every single battered or abused woman across the world. The Ex did not grab her children and run in the middle of the night, The Ex was not fearful for her or her children's safety, The Ex has never been hospitalized because of what Boyfriend did to her; The Ex held on to her paperwork for two weeks until she was ready to leave and then cleaned out their home, taking everything that she wanted with her. The Ex filled out the restraining order paperwork on a Saturday morning but that same night, she and the kids went out for dinner with the very person that she was claiming is violent towards her. There are women who live in fear or, worst yet, die at the hands of the person they love. The Ex is attempting to latch on to their wagon just to get what she wants and it absolutely sickens me.
I'm waiting for the transcript to come in the mail. If a three-paragraph letter offered this much information, I can only imagine what the both of them said on the witness stand.
"I met [Boyfriend] in March of 2007 and at that time he was a heavy drinker(But you still chose to uproot your two children and move in with him? Thank you for admitting that in writing.) and over time the drinking progressively has gotten worse. (But you chose to marry him and have two kids with him.) He has an order from immigration that states he is not allowed to drink, which he still does on a regular basis (a minimum of 2-3 days a week). (You are also ordered by the family court not to allow Boyfriend to drink while the kids are in your placement. Again, thank you for admitting in writing that you are not following the court order.) When he drinks he is very abusive, physically, emotionally, and sexually. (And you wanted Son and Daughter to stay in this environment because.....?) At one time he only abused me when drunk, but over the last couple of years, the abuse happens whether he is drunk or sober. (Husband said when they were married and would get into a fight, The Ex would physically assault him. Boyfriend told Husband six years ago that once when he and The Ex got into a fight, she was actually choking him. But please, continue on about how you're the one being abused.) In 2008 he was arrested, charged, and convicted of domestic abuse towards me. (Actually, it was in 2009. You didn't marry him until 2010 so I have no sympathy for you.) Since then, the abuse continues. (Again, thank you for documenting for all of us that you kept your kids in a violent environment.) He has threatened to steal our children if I leave(She told Boyfriend in the past that if he left her, he'd never see their kids again.), and a few times I have attempted to leave during allocations(This is my absolute favorite part of her statement. If you don't know the difference between "allocation" and "altercation," then step away from the big words and stick to what you understand.), and he would take our son and block me from the door. (She must be referring to the fight they had last July when her sister called the cops, saying The Ex and Boyfriend got into a fight and he wouldn't let her leave the house; the cops tried making contact but The Ex refused to talk to them.) He has physically hit, pushed, and slapped me on many occasions. (All of the police reports say that the two of you were hitting each other. You are not a battered woman.) He is verbally abusive - calling me foul names, cutting me down, and constantly screaming at me for anything he feels that I do wrong. (She has told Husband that he's a piece of sh*t and a bad parent; she just recently yelled at him by text for not answering her calls that she never actually made. Apparently when she does it, it's something other than verbal abuse.) He forces me to have sexual intercourse, even when I tell him no. (She texted a friend awhile back, saying Boyfriend was getting mad because she wouldn't let him have sex with her, not to mention that the two of them have cheated on each other I don't know how many times. Pretty sure if he wanted it, he'd just find it elsewhere.)
He is very secretive about where he goes and what he is doing. (Oh, like you telling Son and Daughter to lie to Boyfriend about where you were or who you were with? Or you telling Daughter not to let Boyfriend leave the house so you could finish filling out the restraining order paperwork?) If I'm gone longer than 5 minutes, he starts yelling at me and accusing me of doing things or lying to him. (That's because you are having an affair and deep down, he knows it.) He currently has a new job and has not told me where he is working. (...what does this have to do with a restraining order?) I know he is working thru (She literally wrote "thru" on a court document.) a temp service - [Name of temp service] (I'm not sure if it is the one in [New City] or [Other City]) and the only reason I know what temp service is that he left the check stub on top of our entertainment center. (This is so poorly written, I don't even know how she turned this in without being embarrassed.) He is working under an alias - [Boyfriend's alias]. (There is nothing in this paragraph that has any bearing on a restraining order. Not a single thing. The Ex is trying to paint her opponent, if you will, in a poor light just to make herself appear that much better. She does the exact same thing with Husband; when she lost custody, her only possible case was to try to make us look bad because she wasn't able to prove that she was any good.)
There has (*have) been MANY incidents and I will be able to describe more if needed."
I don't really care what The Ex does on her own time. I don't care where she works, where she lives, who she dates, who she's friends with, etc. I start to care when Son and/or Daughter become involved and I care because over the last 15 years that she has spent being a mother, The Ex still has not figured out that her children need to come first. Every single decision that she makes is based on herself and her immediate gratification. And then when her bad choices blow up in her face, we're all expected to feel bad for her and point the finger at the other person. But even so, this is not what angers me.
I am angry because The Ex has essentially spit in the face of every single battered or abused woman across the world. The Ex did not grab her children and run in the middle of the night, The Ex was not fearful for her or her children's safety, The Ex has never been hospitalized because of what Boyfriend did to her; The Ex held on to her paperwork for two weeks until she was ready to leave and then cleaned out their home, taking everything that she wanted with her. The Ex filled out the restraining order paperwork on a Saturday morning but that same night, she and the kids went out for dinner with the very person that she was claiming is violent towards her. There are women who live in fear or, worst yet, die at the hands of the person they love. The Ex is attempting to latch on to their wagon just to get what she wants and it absolutely sickens me.
I'm waiting for the transcript to come in the mail. If a three-paragraph letter offered this much information, I can only imagine what the both of them said on the witness stand.
This post really spoke to me. I have someone in my life who has done the SAME THING & you're right, it is spitting in the face of every person who has actually gone THROUGH (lol) this. I share your anger, & it is very hard to overlook it and look at them the same.
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