When I say no, it means keep asking.
The Ex asked if her parents could bring Daughter home last Wednesday and asked if she could pick up Son directly from school on Thursday. Initially we were going to tell her no for a couple of different reasons. The first reason was because she took over a month to decide what she was going to do for Daughter's tournament and still never really gave a committed answer. The second was because she was asking on Sunday and expecting an immediate answer. The third was because she's a dickhead and we're tired of doing her favors only to have her badmouth us to the kids and complaining about us "never working with her" whenever we do tell her no to something she wants.
After thinking about it, we decided that we are better people than her and telling her "no" would really only make it harder on the kids. As a refresher, this is what The Ex asked:
"Next week Thursday, October 29th, I pickup [Son]. I was wondering if someone could pick him up at 3:15 at his school, or [my work]? I'm willing to bring the kids home @ 3:30pm on Sunday. Please let me know. We have things going on at 6pm that night and I know [Son] wants to join us.
Thanks
[The Ex]"
Husband sent a reply message saying that yes, she could pick up Son from his school on Thursday and clarifying that he usually says no to earlier pick up times because he doesn't know what the kids will have for homework, but it was the end of term so they shouldn't really have any.
The Ex replied 23 hours later (It's amazing how well she knows how to use this website when she wants something.):
"Thank you. I'll get him at the high school on Thursday."
Three minutes later:
"We talked (*a) little bit about [Daughter] having [school activity] on Wednesday. Mom and Dad will be attending and bringing her back home. Are you going to allow her to leave straight from school with them also? You only replied for [Son]."
Husband replied that her message asked about Son so that is what he replied to. (When they "talked a little bit," The Ex rambled on about how she was going to pick up Daughter on Wednesday, but then her parents were coming for the school activity, and Daughter wanted her grandparents, so was Husband going to let her go with them? And then The Ex started talking about picking up Son early. There was never a discussion about what time Daughter was leaving.) Husband said that yes, Daughter could leave with The Ex's parents when she was done with school.
Seventeen minutes later (Which is shocking, considering that she "doesn't have a proper phone to have this downloaded."):
"Thanks. The message was for [Son], but we did discuss [Daughter] on Sunday when I dropped off [Son]. (No, you rambled on incoherently and then changed the subject, at which point Husband said he would reply to the message you already sent because the sound of your voice is like a papercut on an eardrum.)
Sorry for the confusion (There is no confusion on this end of the conversation.), you had said you would reply to 2house(*s) about everything." (What Husband actually said was, "I'll message you later." Four separate times.)
Husband replied and clarified what actually had been said on Sunday, pointing out that there was no mention of Daughter getting picked up early on Wednesday until this conversation, which was taking place on Tuesday. Husband repeated that Daughter could leave after school on Wednesday, Son could leave after school on Thursday and they would both be brought home at 3pm on Sunday. (It's now eight days later and she hasn't bothered reading the message. Good thing it wasn't Husband saying that he changed his mind.)
The next day, the event happened at Daughter's school and was scheduled from 11am to 1pm. The Ex's parents were nearly an hour late. At 12:38pm, I get a text from Daughter saying that the event is over and her grandparents are ready to leave. I reply that she has school until 3pm, so that's what time she can leave. She says, "Ok" and I assume that's the end of it.
Wrong.
Seven minutes later, Daughter texts me, "You mean grandma and grandpa have to wait 2 hours to leave". I reply that Husband told The Ex that Daughter could leave with her grandparents after school at 3pm, and I don't know what The Ex or her parents planned. So this should be the end of it, right?
Wrong again.
Ten minutes later, I get a call from the school principal saying that Daughter is standing there with The Ex's parents who want to know if she has permission to leave school at 1pm instead of 3pm; he says it's fine by him whatever happens. I tell him this was already discussed and The Ex was told that Daughter could leave after school; there was no discussion about her missing school or leaving early. The principal says he's not sure how the wires got crossed or how it got confused and I say there is no confusion - The Ex was told very clearly, twice, that Daughter could leave school at 3pm. The Ex either didn't communicate this to her parents or they chose not to listen, but now think they're going to badger everyone into doing exactly what they want because it's their prerogative to leave early instead of doing what was agreed upon but unfortunately, that's not how the world works. The principal replies, "Yeah, that seems to be what's going on." I tell him the agreed upon time was 3pm, it's a school day, and Daughter needs to be at school - that's the end of it. He says he'll tell them.
Sunday afternoon, the kids were half an hour late being dropped off. I contemplated having Husband address this on 2houses, but decided it's not worth the fight. We didn't really have plans that day, it's just more of an annoyance that's come to be expected of her.
I can't wait for later this month. The Ex has Son and Daughter on a weekend that Boyfriend has their two kids, which means she's going to have to drop them off earlier on Sunday afternoon in order to pick up her kids. Which means she's going to ask about picking up Son and Daughter earlier, but she can't because Daughter has a basketball game that night. Which shouldn't matter because The Ex said that she's "delighted" that Daughter wanted to be in basketball and wouldn't object to it. Which means there shouldn't be a problem.
Except that The Ex lives in her own warped version of reality, so nothing that I just said applies. Husband should just do everything she wants, Son and Daughter shouldn't have activities/friends/lives here with us, and everyone should worship The Ex for being the princess that she is.
After thinking about it, we decided that we are better people than her and telling her "no" would really only make it harder on the kids. As a refresher, this is what The Ex asked:
"Next week Thursday, October 29th, I pickup [Son]. I was wondering if someone could pick him up at 3:15 at his school, or [my work]? I'm willing to bring the kids home @ 3:30pm on Sunday. Please let me know. We have things going on at 6pm that night and I know [Son] wants to join us.
Thanks
[The Ex]"
Husband sent a reply message saying that yes, she could pick up Son from his school on Thursday and clarifying that he usually says no to earlier pick up times because he doesn't know what the kids will have for homework, but it was the end of term so they shouldn't really have any.
The Ex replied 23 hours later (It's amazing how well she knows how to use this website when she wants something.):
"Thank you. I'll get him at the high school on Thursday."
Three minutes later:
"We talked (*a) little bit about [Daughter] having [school activity] on Wednesday. Mom and Dad will be attending and bringing her back home. Are you going to allow her to leave straight from school with them also? You only replied for [Son]."
Husband replied that her message asked about Son so that is what he replied to. (When they "talked a little bit," The Ex rambled on about how she was going to pick up Daughter on Wednesday, but then her parents were coming for the school activity, and Daughter wanted her grandparents, so was Husband going to let her go with them? And then The Ex started talking about picking up Son early. There was never a discussion about what time Daughter was leaving.) Husband said that yes, Daughter could leave with The Ex's parents when she was done with school.
Seventeen minutes later (Which is shocking, considering that she "doesn't have a proper phone to have this downloaded."):
"Thanks. The message was for [Son], but we did discuss [Daughter] on Sunday when I dropped off [Son]. (No, you rambled on incoherently and then changed the subject, at which point Husband said he would reply to the message you already sent because the sound of your voice is like a papercut on an eardrum.)
Sorry for the confusion (There is no confusion on this end of the conversation.), you had said you would reply to 2house(*s) about everything." (What Husband actually said was, "I'll message you later." Four separate times.)
Husband replied and clarified what actually had been said on Sunday, pointing out that there was no mention of Daughter getting picked up early on Wednesday until this conversation, which was taking place on Tuesday. Husband repeated that Daughter could leave after school on Wednesday, Son could leave after school on Thursday and they would both be brought home at 3pm on Sunday. (It's now eight days later and she hasn't bothered reading the message. Good thing it wasn't Husband saying that he changed his mind.)
The next day, the event happened at Daughter's school and was scheduled from 11am to 1pm. The Ex's parents were nearly an hour late. At 12:38pm, I get a text from Daughter saying that the event is over and her grandparents are ready to leave. I reply that she has school until 3pm, so that's what time she can leave. She says, "Ok" and I assume that's the end of it.
Wrong.
Seven minutes later, Daughter texts me, "You mean grandma and grandpa have to wait 2 hours to leave". I reply that Husband told The Ex that Daughter could leave with her grandparents after school at 3pm, and I don't know what The Ex or her parents planned. So this should be the end of it, right?
Wrong again.
Ten minutes later, I get a call from the school principal saying that Daughter is standing there with The Ex's parents who want to know if she has permission to leave school at 1pm instead of 3pm; he says it's fine by him whatever happens. I tell him this was already discussed and The Ex was told that Daughter could leave after school; there was no discussion about her missing school or leaving early. The principal says he's not sure how the wires got crossed or how it got confused and I say there is no confusion - The Ex was told very clearly, twice, that Daughter could leave school at 3pm. The Ex either didn't communicate this to her parents or they chose not to listen, but now think they're going to badger everyone into doing exactly what they want because it's their prerogative to leave early instead of doing what was agreed upon but unfortunately, that's not how the world works. The principal replies, "Yeah, that seems to be what's going on." I tell him the agreed upon time was 3pm, it's a school day, and Daughter needs to be at school - that's the end of it. He says he'll tell them.
Sunday afternoon, the kids were half an hour late being dropped off. I contemplated having Husband address this on 2houses, but decided it's not worth the fight. We didn't really have plans that day, it's just more of an annoyance that's come to be expected of her.
I can't wait for later this month. The Ex has Son and Daughter on a weekend that Boyfriend has their two kids, which means she's going to have to drop them off earlier on Sunday afternoon in order to pick up her kids. Which means she's going to ask about picking up Son and Daughter earlier, but she can't because Daughter has a basketball game that night. Which shouldn't matter because The Ex said that she's "delighted" that Daughter wanted to be in basketball and wouldn't object to it. Which means there shouldn't be a problem.
Except that The Ex lives in her own warped version of reality, so nothing that I just said applies. Husband should just do everything she wants, Son and Daughter shouldn't have activities/friends/lives here with us, and everyone should worship The Ex for being the princess that she is.
I don't envy what you have to go through with her. I would tell her, if she asks about early pick up, that you consider the fact that she dropped them off late makes you even. I don't understand the whole mindset that if she needs to drop them early that she should automatically be able to adjust her pickup time. My husband's ex used to be the same way. She was as nice as could be if she needed a schedule change, but would refuse to budge an inch if he needed anything.
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