Now it's okay to involve me.
Despite the fact that I've been around for 10 years and that I love and raise her two oldest children as if they were my own, The Ex will still tell them that I'm "not their mom so they don't need to listen to me." One time, The Ex couldn't get a hold of Husband so one of the kids told her she could call me for whatever she needed; she refused, stating that I'm "not involved in none of this." ("This" meaning anything pertaining to Son or Daughter.)
The court order is very specific about the fact that The Ex and Husband should be the two people communicating about Son and Daughter. It reads, "Both parents should make every effort to communicate directly with each other, rather than through a spouse, significant other or the children." We had this added because we got tired of The Ex telling Son or Daughter to give us messages from her, or The Ex's parents calling us to figure out plans with the kids and then things got screwed up and they'd claim it was our fault. There was no reason that Husband and The Ex could not work this out themselves...except for that The Ex is a narcissist and doesn't work things out, she just demands that we give her what she wants.
My reason for bringing up all this information is that The Ex sent a message this morning:
"I've gotten 3 emails now from an Alexandra from 2 houses stating we need to start paying for using it. (2 houses cite) (*site. And "paying for using it"? Really? I want to make so many jokes right now but this is just making me tired and we're only one sentence into the message.) Have you gotten any emails about this. (Yup. And if you were paying any attention whatsoever, there was previously a countdown clock at the top of the site that said our free trial was going to end today, which is coincidentally the first time you brought this up. The countdown clock disappeared on January 19th when we paid for the account.) IF we do need to start paying, (Sometimes I think it's maybe a typo when she writes "IF" but she does it so often that it's just impossible for it to be a mistake.) I think the best way to handle this is to switch back to regular email and we should get together 3-4 times a year to make calendars for 3 months. (She wants to "get together" to make calendars. She has never once made a calendar in the last decade; every calendar that we use is made by either me or Husband. She is so completely not over Husband that it almost makes me very sad for her...almost.) That way we agree together. (As opposed to agreeing separately, or...? She probably thought this sounded very intelligent.) We can either do this the two of us, or also involve both [my name, still spelled wrong] and [Ned]. I've already discussed this with [Ned], and he thinks it's a good idea, that way nothing gets confused. (Her theory is that four adults discussing two children will keep things from getting confusing. I'm really glad she could talk to her boyfriend of less than a year about what he thinks is a "good idea" regarding her two children who don't even like him to begin with.) Please consider this and let me know.
Thanks"
See how that works? The Ex has no issues at all telling the kids that I, as a stepmother and legal guardian, am not allowed to tell them what to do. However, she needs Ned to explain things to her and help her respond to messages from Husband so magically, it's okay to involve me too.
Husband read it and replied. He told The Ex that we already paid for the first two years of use on the site. He reminded her that he previously tried to use phone calls, text messages and emailing to communicate with her. He said she would deny that he gave her information or state that she never got his texts or emails, but since using the site it's obvious she received the messages and ignored them. (She will literally go over a week without logging into 2houses. We have screenshots.) He said she also had issues understanding when she had placement. Husband stated that they started using the site because of all of these issues and since then, it's been working great for everyone and has reduced conflict. He said 2houses is the only way he'll be communicating with her unless there's an emergency or as otherwise required by the court order.
I can't imagine she'll be too happy to read that but since Ned thinks that she has such amazing ideas, maybe she can come up with a good lie to tell him about why using 2houses is necessary.
The court order is very specific about the fact that The Ex and Husband should be the two people communicating about Son and Daughter. It reads, "Both parents should make every effort to communicate directly with each other, rather than through a spouse, significant other or the children." We had this added because we got tired of The Ex telling Son or Daughter to give us messages from her, or The Ex's parents calling us to figure out plans with the kids and then things got screwed up and they'd claim it was our fault. There was no reason that Husband and The Ex could not work this out themselves...except for that The Ex is a narcissist and doesn't work things out, she just demands that we give her what she wants.
My reason for bringing up all this information is that The Ex sent a message this morning:
"I've gotten 3 emails now from an Alexandra from 2 houses stating we need to start paying for using it. (2 houses cite) (*site. And "paying for using it"? Really? I want to make so many jokes right now but this is just making me tired and we're only one sentence into the message.) Have you gotten any emails about this. (Yup. And if you were paying any attention whatsoever, there was previously a countdown clock at the top of the site that said our free trial was going to end today, which is coincidentally the first time you brought this up. The countdown clock disappeared on January 19th when we paid for the account.) IF we do need to start paying, (Sometimes I think it's maybe a typo when she writes "IF" but she does it so often that it's just impossible for it to be a mistake.) I think the best way to handle this is to switch back to regular email and we should get together 3-4 times a year to make calendars for 3 months. (She wants to "get together" to make calendars. She has never once made a calendar in the last decade; every calendar that we use is made by either me or Husband. She is so completely not over Husband that it almost makes me very sad for her...almost.) That way we agree together. (As opposed to agreeing separately, or...? She probably thought this sounded very intelligent.) We can either do this the two of us, or also involve both [my name, still spelled wrong] and [Ned]. I've already discussed this with [Ned], and he thinks it's a good idea, that way nothing gets confused. (Her theory is that four adults discussing two children will keep things from getting confusing. I'm really glad she could talk to her boyfriend of less than a year about what he thinks is a "good idea" regarding her two children who don't even like him to begin with.) Please consider this and let me know.
Thanks"
See how that works? The Ex has no issues at all telling the kids that I, as a stepmother and legal guardian, am not allowed to tell them what to do. However, she needs Ned to explain things to her and help her respond to messages from Husband so magically, it's okay to involve me too.
Husband read it and replied. He told The Ex that we already paid for the first two years of use on the site. He reminded her that he previously tried to use phone calls, text messages and emailing to communicate with her. He said she would deny that he gave her information or state that she never got his texts or emails, but since using the site it's obvious she received the messages and ignored them. (She will literally go over a week without logging into 2houses. We have screenshots.) He said she also had issues understanding when she had placement. Husband stated that they started using the site because of all of these issues and since then, it's been working great for everyone and has reduced conflict. He said 2houses is the only way he'll be communicating with her unless there's an emergency or as otherwise required by the court order.
I can't imagine she'll be too happy to read that but since Ned thinks that she has such amazing ideas, maybe she can come up with a good lie to tell him about why using 2houses is necessary.
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