Her "victim" impact statement
The Ex took out a restraining order on Boyfriend over a year ago. Immediately following this, Boyfriend continued to try making contact - my guess is not because he wanted to see her, but because he wanted to see his children that The Ex essentially stole from him. Boyfriend was charged and recently convicted on two counts of violating the restraining order; now that the case is closed, I can get copies of documents from the case.
The one I really wanted to see was what is referred to as a "victim impact statement." This is how the victim can explain to the court how they were affected by the crime, what they would like the sentencing to be, etc. You should probably get some popcorn, because I'm going to type this entire thing out and, as always, give you my opinion on it.
The one I really wanted to see was what is referred to as a "victim impact statement." This is how the victim can explain to the court how they were affected by the crime, what they would like the sentencing to be, etc. You should probably get some popcorn, because I'm going to type this entire thing out and, as always, give you my opinion on it.
"State of [Our State] vs. [Boyfriend's Name]
Case No. [case number]
(Random fact: you're supposed to clarify which county the case is in. Looking over this sheet of paper, it appears as if someone typed out a letterhead, The Ex wrote her statement on a separate sheet of paper, and then someone photocopied the statement onto the poorly drafted letterhead.)
I'm scared (Remember this: she is scared.) he will just walk into my parent's (*parents') home again without knocking while on the restraining order (So...if he knocked first, then you wouldn't be scared?) and I don't know what he will do to me or my children. (She hasn't yet specified what he's done that caused her to be scared in the first place.) I don't think he would purposefully hurt the children (You mean "intentionally," not "purposefully." At no point in time has any type of abuse ever been purposeful.) but if he was drunk I don't know. (But you told everyone years ago that he quit drinking, including at least one guardian ad litem.) I am afraid (Second time she said she's scared/afraid.) that he might hurt me; I still don't feel safe even though I'm away from him. (So she's scared, afraid, and doesn't feel safe.)
Our daughter [name] is frightened of him. (Okay, why?) Sometimes she doesn't want to go see him. (Why?) She doesn't want to talk to him on the phone. (Whyyy?) When [Boyfriend] calls we tell her she needs to talk for at least a minute. (Then it doesn't sound like she's really that scared of him because if she was, I'd consider you forcing her to speak with him to be child abuse.) Our son [name] is too young to understand everything that's going on. (Translation: he's not old enough for me to brainwash yet and convince that his father is an evil person.)
I'm scared (Remember this: she is scared.) he will just walk into my parent's (*parents') home again without knocking while on the restraining order (So...if he knocked first, then you wouldn't be scared?) and I don't know what he will do to me or my children. (She hasn't yet specified what he's done that caused her to be scared in the first place.) I don't think he would purposefully hurt the children (You mean "intentionally," not "purposefully." At no point in time has any type of abuse ever been purposeful.) but if he was drunk I don't know. (But you told everyone years ago that he quit drinking, including at least one guardian ad litem.) I am afraid (Second time she said she's scared/afraid.) that he might hurt me; I still don't feel safe even though I'm away from him. (So she's scared, afraid, and doesn't feel safe.)
Our daughter [name] is frightened of him. (Okay, why?) Sometimes she doesn't want to go see him. (Why?) She doesn't want to talk to him on the phone. (Whyyy?) When [Boyfriend] calls we tell her she needs to talk for at least a minute. (Then it doesn't sound like she's really that scared of him because if she was, I'd consider you forcing her to speak with him to be child abuse.) Our son [name] is too young to understand everything that's going on. (Translation: he's not old enough for me to brainwash yet and convince that his father is an evil person.)
My parents also have to stop what they are doing because they are the only way [Boyfriend] can communicate with his children either through text phone calls or visitation (They shouldn't have to stop anything because the court ordered a specific time each night that Boyfriend would be allowed to contact his children via your parents; they were at that hearing and know what time to expect Boyfriend to call. And if this is such an inconvenience, then they shouldn't have volunteered to be the go-between.) and he always waits till the last minute to make any plans to see them. (Her hypocrisy knows absolutely no bounds. He waits until the last minute?? Also, what does this have to do with violating a restraining order?)
He physically, mentally and verbally abused me for years (And what you did and continue to do to Husband is.....???) and I finally have (*had) the courage to leave him. (She was going to leave him in 2009 but told her sister she was going to wait because she couldn't afford her van without him. This has nothing to do with courage.) I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I can be myself again(God help us.), I no longer live each day in fear. (Wait...what? You just got done saying you were scared, afraid, and felt unsafe. Two paragraphs later you "no longer live in fear"?) I hope that he receives a fair punishment (Such as...? A fine? Jail time? What is "fair"?) for what he has put me through (We are still waiting for her to explain exactly what he "put her through.") and his children won't have to grow up in a house with that kind of abuse. (So Boyfriend's children shouldn't have to put up with it, but f*ck Son and Daughter.) I don't want them over at his place any nights and limited times during the day under supervision. (She tried this with Husband, too. The court told her that Husband had no criminal record and there was no reason to supervise his visitation. And again, she wants him supervised while he's with his own children, yet Son and Daughter should have lived with her and Boyfriend because she felt like it.) He has told me over and over that he will run off with the kids to Mexico and I would never see them again. (We told this to the police officer when we withheld placement in 2012; The Ex read the police report, asked Son and Daughter about it, and told them that would never happen.) I can't trust his family because they will hide the kids from me as well they all have bad criminal records and violent pasts. (Okay, so first of all, she totally missed a semi-colon and typed a confusing run-on sentence. Second, she didn't care about their criminal records and violent pasts when she was leaving Son and Daughter home alone with them. Third, I've never heard of a "good criminal record," have you?)
When I fall asleep now I don't have to worry about him watching me and thinking I will leave him. (Uh...yeah, because you left him.) I don't have to worry he will wake me up and force me to have sex with him. (I honestly don't think this ever happened. She cheated on him for over 6 months before leaving; you'd think a violent, alcoholic rapist would have been a little more tuned into what was going on with his wife.) Sex with him was rough and hurtful (The word you were looking for is "painful" - not "hurtful.") and when I would tell him to stop he wouldn't and say that you're my wife I can do whatever I want to you. (I started trying to count the number of errors in the way that this one sentence was written; I stopped after five.) Sometimes he wouldn't let me sleep because he would argue with me and accuse me of things that never even happened. (Like you having an affair? Because that did "even happen.") I can sleep great now (Has anyone else ever noticed how consumed she is with sleep? She mentioned sleep and/or being woken up four times in this one paragraph.) but I still have a fear once in a while (In a single-page statement, she's gone from being scared to no longer being afraid to being fearful once in a while.) that he might just show up at the door again. I shouldn't have to live like this anymore. (....like what? You haven't told us anything.)
My two older children from a previous marriage I am very limited in seeing (Okay, Yoda.) because of [Boyfriend's] drinking and violent past. (Back at it again, blaming Boyfriend for her losing custody. Let's make this crystal clear: when we first went back to court, the guardian ad litem was aware of Boyfriend's drinking and criminal past. With this information, she informed both of us that we were probably going to end up going to trial and the kids would be starting school in New City before we could get a court date. Then the kids talked to the GAL and told her they were left home alone in the middle of the night; when the GAL asked about this, The Ex ended their interview and stated that she refused to speak to the GAL without a lawyer, essentially admitting that she had done exactly what the kids said she did. That was when the GAL advised us not to return the kids to The Ex; Boyfriend's behavior may have had played a part, but it wasn't the reason she lost custody. The Ex is the reason that The Ex lost custody.) He was court ordered not to be drinking around them (Technically, the order read that you were not to allow him to drink around the kids.) but would always does it anyway. (...."would always does it anyway.") There were times that I wanted to call the police on him but was afraid I would lose the other two kids as well if they knew what was happening. (So you were allegedly being abused, yet your children's safety came last? Yeah, really sounds like it's Boyfriend's fault you lost custody. Definitely.) Every time I would call the police he would make the abuse even worse. (She never called the police. Her parents did, her cousin did, his sisters did, her sisters did - The Ex never called.) I am fearful (Still fearful after stating she is no longer living in fear.) that he will be a drunken irresponsible father if my kids are allowed any time with him. (So if he's a drunken, irresponsible father that's bad and makes you fearful. Yet if he's a drunken, irresponsible stepfather, that's fine and we should have just let Son and Daughter live with you.)
[The Ex]
cc: Clerk of Court
Attorney" (No indication which attorney, but this was supposedly sent to one.)
This statement brings one word to my mind: "projection." As I read this, I flashed back to the message she sent on 2houses when she angrily told Husband, "You've never had any consideration for anyone but yourself, your wife, and your younger 2 kids." The Ex made this projection onto Husband, because that's exactly what she has always done and will always continue to do. She would tell Son and Daughter that she can't afford $200 a month in child support but spent $900+ a month on two vehicles; she would tell Son and Daughter she couldn't afford to come to all their games but paid to put her and Boyfriend's daughter in ballet; she argued over paying 32% of Son and Daughter's tuition, but paid 100% of her and Boyfriend's daughter's tuition; she told Husband that Boyfriend cared more about and was willing to do more for Son and Daughter than Husband was, yet is now saying she doesn't want Boyfriend to even be around his own children.
So please, remind me - who only cares about themselves?
He physically, mentally and verbally abused me for years (And what you did and continue to do to Husband is.....???) and I finally have (*had) the courage to leave him. (She was going to leave him in 2009 but told her sister she was going to wait because she couldn't afford her van without him. This has nothing to do with courage.) I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I can be myself again(God help us.), I no longer live each day in fear. (Wait...what? You just got done saying you were scared, afraid, and felt unsafe. Two paragraphs later you "no longer live in fear"?) I hope that he receives a fair punishment (Such as...? A fine? Jail time? What is "fair"?) for what he has put me through (We are still waiting for her to explain exactly what he "put her through.") and his children won't have to grow up in a house with that kind of abuse. (So Boyfriend's children shouldn't have to put up with it, but f*ck Son and Daughter.) I don't want them over at his place any nights and limited times during the day under supervision. (She tried this with Husband, too. The court told her that Husband had no criminal record and there was no reason to supervise his visitation. And again, she wants him supervised while he's with his own children, yet Son and Daughter should have lived with her and Boyfriend because she felt like it.) He has told me over and over that he will run off with the kids to Mexico and I would never see them again. (We told this to the police officer when we withheld placement in 2012; The Ex read the police report, asked Son and Daughter about it, and told them that would never happen.) I can't trust his family because they will hide the kids from me as well they all have bad criminal records and violent pasts. (Okay, so first of all, she totally missed a semi-colon and typed a confusing run-on sentence. Second, she didn't care about their criminal records and violent pasts when she was leaving Son and Daughter home alone with them. Third, I've never heard of a "good criminal record," have you?)
When I fall asleep now I don't have to worry about him watching me and thinking I will leave him. (Uh...yeah, because you left him.) I don't have to worry he will wake me up and force me to have sex with him. (I honestly don't think this ever happened. She cheated on him for over 6 months before leaving; you'd think a violent, alcoholic rapist would have been a little more tuned into what was going on with his wife.) Sex with him was rough and hurtful (The word you were looking for is "painful" - not "hurtful.") and when I would tell him to stop he wouldn't and say that you're my wife I can do whatever I want to you. (I started trying to count the number of errors in the way that this one sentence was written; I stopped after five.) Sometimes he wouldn't let me sleep because he would argue with me and accuse me of things that never even happened. (Like you having an affair? Because that did "even happen.") I can sleep great now (Has anyone else ever noticed how consumed she is with sleep? She mentioned sleep and/or being woken up four times in this one paragraph.) but I still have a fear once in a while (In a single-page statement, she's gone from being scared to no longer being afraid to being fearful once in a while.) that he might just show up at the door again. I shouldn't have to live like this anymore. (....like what? You haven't told us anything.)
My two older children from a previous marriage I am very limited in seeing (Okay, Yoda.) because of [Boyfriend's] drinking and violent past. (Back at it again, blaming Boyfriend for her losing custody. Let's make this crystal clear: when we first went back to court, the guardian ad litem was aware of Boyfriend's drinking and criminal past. With this information, she informed both of us that we were probably going to end up going to trial and the kids would be starting school in New City before we could get a court date. Then the kids talked to the GAL and told her they were left home alone in the middle of the night; when the GAL asked about this, The Ex ended their interview and stated that she refused to speak to the GAL without a lawyer, essentially admitting that she had done exactly what the kids said she did. That was when the GAL advised us not to return the kids to The Ex; Boyfriend's behavior may have had played a part, but it wasn't the reason she lost custody. The Ex is the reason that The Ex lost custody.) He was court ordered not to be drinking around them (Technically, the order read that you were not to allow him to drink around the kids.) but would always does it anyway. (...."would always does it anyway.") There were times that I wanted to call the police on him but was afraid I would lose the other two kids as well if they knew what was happening. (So you were allegedly being abused, yet your children's safety came last? Yeah, really sounds like it's Boyfriend's fault you lost custody. Definitely.) Every time I would call the police he would make the abuse even worse. (She never called the police. Her parents did, her cousin did, his sisters did, her sisters did - The Ex never called.) I am fearful (Still fearful after stating she is no longer living in fear.) that he will be a drunken irresponsible father if my kids are allowed any time with him. (So if he's a drunken, irresponsible father that's bad and makes you fearful. Yet if he's a drunken, irresponsible stepfather, that's fine and we should have just let Son and Daughter live with you.)
[The Ex]
cc: Clerk of Court
Attorney" (No indication which attorney, but this was supposedly sent to one.)
This statement brings one word to my mind: "projection." As I read this, I flashed back to the message she sent on 2houses when she angrily told Husband, "You've never had any consideration for anyone but yourself, your wife, and your younger 2 kids." The Ex made this projection onto Husband, because that's exactly what she has always done and will always continue to do. She would tell Son and Daughter that she can't afford $200 a month in child support but spent $900+ a month on two vehicles; she would tell Son and Daughter she couldn't afford to come to all their games but paid to put her and Boyfriend's daughter in ballet; she argued over paying 32% of Son and Daughter's tuition, but paid 100% of her and Boyfriend's daughter's tuition; she told Husband that Boyfriend cared more about and was willing to do more for Son and Daughter than Husband was, yet is now saying she doesn't want Boyfriend to even be around his own children.
So please, remind me - who only cares about themselves?
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