"Waterfalling"
Last night, The Ex posted multiple Facebook statuses about how Ned had taken her "waterfalling" and uploaded a total of thirty-nine pictures of their excursion. Ned also uploaded an additional ten photos. Let's start with the first one:
"[Ned] took me waterfalling! This is [Waterfall 1 name]. Beautiful" (I didn't think "waterfalling" was an actual term but UrbanDictionary.com proved me wrong.) Uploaded four pictures. Her friend commented, "So beautiful! Like you! Love and miss you! Glad your happy!!" (This poor woman has no idea.) The Ex replied, "Love you!!! Miss you even more. Thank you [friend's name], I am very happy!" (For now. Once upon a time, you were "very happy" with Husband and "very happy" with Boyfriend.)
"[Waterfall 2 name], upper and lower falls. Had fun climbing to it" (If you didn't have fun doing it, would you have posted it to Facebook?) Uploaded six pictures.
"[Waterfall 3 name]" Uploaded four pictures. Same friend from post #1 asks where the falls are located, five minutes later says she looked them up and would like to take her family. The Ex replies twelve minutes later, "I had a blast! (Uh....nobody asked.) There are a few you have to walk down lots of steps then back up. (Yes, that is typically how flights of stairs work.) Worth it!!"
"[Waterfall 4 name]" Uploaded four pictures.
"At [name] State Park. Very Beautiful! (Why is "beautiful" capitalized?) 3 miles walk @ to c waterfalls. (...did she have a stroke while typing this?) Had lots more fun than I bargained for......." (No, I'm not exaggerating. She literally typed out seven periods. And what was she bargaining for, a horrible time?) Uploaded six pictures, including one of them kissing in which you can see she has a clenched fist. Body language, ladies and gentlemen...
"Upper [waterfall 5 name]" Uploaded six pictures.
"Lower [waterfall 5 name] Uploaded three pictures. Same friend from post #1 and #3 commented, "Beautiful! Holy cow u guy's were busy" to which The Ex replied, "We started out at 10am this morning. (Apparently, she never learned that "am/pm" are how we are able to differentiate between mornings and evenings.) Heading out again tomorrow. Early" (Sooo, 9am in the morning?)
"Want to say Thank You to my Honey Bun [Ned]. (I beginning to suspect that she doesn't understand any part of English language capitalization.) Thanks so much for making this trip to the Falls an amazing day!! (They were at a park that's approximately half a day from Ned's house. I would hope that they're staying for longer than one day.) I Love You [Ned's first and last name]!!! Thank you for spending the day with me and the wonderful surprise at [State park name]! (....so he surprised her with the trip, but she's thanking him for spending the day with her? Who else was he going to spend it with?) Hopefully I didn't make you go crazy...day 2 tomorrow at more falls!!"(I....you know what, I'm just going to leave alone that comment about "making him go crazy." I think she said enough for me.) Uploaded six pictures.
Ned then uploaded ten pictures of their trip. One of the pictures was The Ex walking across a fallen tree which Ned captioned, "Seeing the waterfalls with my love." The Ex commented on this photo and wrote, "I only walked across bc it held [Neds] weight!!! (Listen, I'm not going to "fat shame" people. If you're big, you're big - that's all there is to it. However, I do not understand this statement because there is no physical possibility that Ned weighs MORE than The Ex weighs. Ned is a very small man and The Ex is not exactly slim; just because it held his weight does not mean it's going to hold hers. I cannot even imagine how this made sense in her head.) Very exciting!!" (She was no more than 4 feet off the ground.)
I almost feel that the level of entertainment she provides is somehow unfair, but then I remember that we have to put up with her. Hmm....no, I still think we're coming out ahead.
"[Ned] took me waterfalling! This is [Waterfall 1 name]. Beautiful" (I didn't think "waterfalling" was an actual term but UrbanDictionary.com proved me wrong.) Uploaded four pictures. Her friend commented, "So beautiful! Like you! Love and miss you! Glad your happy!!" (This poor woman has no idea.) The Ex replied, "Love you!!! Miss you even more. Thank you [friend's name], I am very happy!" (For now. Once upon a time, you were "very happy" with Husband and "very happy" with Boyfriend.)
"[Waterfall 2 name], upper and lower falls. Had fun climbing to it" (If you didn't have fun doing it, would you have posted it to Facebook?) Uploaded six pictures.
"[Waterfall 3 name]" Uploaded four pictures. Same friend from post #1 asks where the falls are located, five minutes later says she looked them up and would like to take her family. The Ex replies twelve minutes later, "I had a blast! (Uh....nobody asked.) There are a few you have to walk down lots of steps then back up. (Yes, that is typically how flights of stairs work.) Worth it!!"
"[Waterfall 4 name]" Uploaded four pictures.
"At [name] State Park. Very Beautiful! (Why is "beautiful" capitalized?) 3 miles walk @ to c waterfalls. (...did she have a stroke while typing this?) Had lots more fun than I bargained for......." (No, I'm not exaggerating. She literally typed out seven periods. And what was she bargaining for, a horrible time?) Uploaded six pictures, including one of them kissing in which you can see she has a clenched fist. Body language, ladies and gentlemen...
"Upper [waterfall 5 name]" Uploaded six pictures.
"Lower [waterfall 5 name] Uploaded three pictures. Same friend from post #1 and #3 commented, "Beautiful! Holy cow u guy's were busy" to which The Ex replied, "We started out at 10am this morning. (Apparently, she never learned that "am/pm" are how we are able to differentiate between mornings and evenings.) Heading out again tomorrow. Early" (Sooo, 9am in the morning?)
"Want to say Thank You to my Honey Bun [Ned]. (I beginning to suspect that she doesn't understand any part of English language capitalization.) Thanks so much for making this trip to the Falls an amazing day!! (They were at a park that's approximately half a day from Ned's house. I would hope that they're staying for longer than one day.) I Love You [Ned's first and last name]!!! Thank you for spending the day with me and the wonderful surprise at [State park name]! (....so he surprised her with the trip, but she's thanking him for spending the day with her? Who else was he going to spend it with?) Hopefully I didn't make you go crazy...day 2 tomorrow at more falls!!"(I....you know what, I'm just going to leave alone that comment about "making him go crazy." I think she said enough for me.) Uploaded six pictures.
Ned then uploaded ten pictures of their trip. One of the pictures was The Ex walking across a fallen tree which Ned captioned, "Seeing the waterfalls with my love." The Ex commented on this photo and wrote, "I only walked across bc it held [Neds] weight!!! (Listen, I'm not going to "fat shame" people. If you're big, you're big - that's all there is to it. However, I do not understand this statement because there is no physical possibility that Ned weighs MORE than The Ex weighs. Ned is a very small man and The Ex is not exactly slim; just because it held his weight does not mean it's going to hold hers. I cannot even imagine how this made sense in her head.) Very exciting!!" (She was no more than 4 feet off the ground.)
I almost feel that the level of entertainment she provides is somehow unfair, but then I remember that we have to put up with her. Hmm....no, I still think we're coming out ahead.
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