She's coming unhinged.
The Ex must really be upset about something in her personal life, because she just cannot stop with her constant tirades against both Husband and myself. Unfortunately, she has her meltdowns with/toward Son and Daughter, who are both left speechless by her outbursts.
Last week at school, Son was being stupid with one of his friends and took it too far. The school dean called me to let me know, said they gave him two 1-hour detentions, and that Son had apologized profusely to his friend for what he did. The dean and I laughed, talked about what a great kid Son really is, and how he needs to think things over rather than just acting on them.
This would be all good and fine, except for the fact that Son told The Ex about it. When he said that he was told that they needed to call his parents, The Ex asked why she wasn't called and commented, "I'm your mom. Let me guess: they called [my name]?" Son said yes, they had called me and he wasn't sure if the school had her number. (It took her almost 3 weeks to give Husband her new number, so I'm positive she hasn't bothered calling the school to update it.) The Ex complained that the school probably doesn't have any of her information. (For nearly eight years now, I have always ensured that I include The Ex's contact information on the kids' registration paperwork - name, phone number, address, and email address. If it changes during the school year, it is her responsibility to inform them of that; I am not her secretary.)
The Ex then proceeded to tell Son to go to the school office on Monday, make sure they had her information, and to tell the office that I am not his mom and I should not have been called. (The school needs a contact that is most readily available; that person is me. Genetics have nothing to do with it.) The Ex then slid off on a tangent, swearing and telling Son that he ought to make Husband and I "look like shit" because we "are shitty people." She said if Son started telling people "how we really are," they would look down on us. (We get along with the majority of parents, staff, and students. We are known as the "cool parents" to Son & Daughter's friends. I have no idea what she's basing this statement on, other than her own warped version of reality where everything is our fault and she is a victim.) The Ex said these people would call Husband a jerk and ask each other if they had heard "what he did to [Son] & [Daughter's] mom." (Just a reminder: The Ex and Husband are coming up on being apart for twelve years. Twelve. She is still angry about whatever it is that she thinks Husband did to her.) She then repeated that Son ought to make us look like shit and said, "I do, every chance I can! I do!" (Um...okay. Thanks for obsessing over us!) The Ex then said she emailed Daughter's basketball coach and thanked them for not having practice on December 30th so that they could celebrate Christmas (She somehow thought that by sending this email, she was making Husband look bad; I'm assuming it's because Husband told her if she forced Daughter to miss practice, he'd take her back to court to contempt.)
I think the worst part in all of this is that she is so wrapped up in her anger toward Husband, she doesn't realize what she's doing to her children. She's so out-of-touch with their feelings that she somehow misses that while she's in the middle of her diatribes, the kids shut down and don't say a word. They become so very uncomfortable talking to their own mother because she's not concerned with how they feel; all she's focused on is trying to get back at their father.
A part of me has wondered if it's not slowly sinking in that the kids are almost 18 years old; once they both attain that age, Husband will stop talking to her completely. The Ex can feel him slipping away and is desperate to keep him involved with her; she feels helpless that she can't so she's going to convince herself and everyone around her of what a horrible person he is.
Last week at school, Son was being stupid with one of his friends and took it too far. The school dean called me to let me know, said they gave him two 1-hour detentions, and that Son had apologized profusely to his friend for what he did. The dean and I laughed, talked about what a great kid Son really is, and how he needs to think things over rather than just acting on them.
This would be all good and fine, except for the fact that Son told The Ex about it. When he said that he was told that they needed to call his parents, The Ex asked why she wasn't called and commented, "I'm your mom. Let me guess: they called [my name]?" Son said yes, they had called me and he wasn't sure if the school had her number. (It took her almost 3 weeks to give Husband her new number, so I'm positive she hasn't bothered calling the school to update it.) The Ex complained that the school probably doesn't have any of her information. (For nearly eight years now, I have always ensured that I include The Ex's contact information on the kids' registration paperwork - name, phone number, address, and email address. If it changes during the school year, it is her responsibility to inform them of that; I am not her secretary.)
The Ex then proceeded to tell Son to go to the school office on Monday, make sure they had her information, and to tell the office that I am not his mom and I should not have been called. (The school needs a contact that is most readily available; that person is me. Genetics have nothing to do with it.) The Ex then slid off on a tangent, swearing and telling Son that he ought to make Husband and I "look like shit" because we "are shitty people." She said if Son started telling people "how we really are," they would look down on us. (We get along with the majority of parents, staff, and students. We are known as the "cool parents" to Son & Daughter's friends. I have no idea what she's basing this statement on, other than her own warped version of reality where everything is our fault and she is a victim.) The Ex said these people would call Husband a jerk and ask each other if they had heard "what he did to [Son] & [Daughter's] mom." (Just a reminder: The Ex and Husband are coming up on being apart for twelve years. Twelve. She is still angry about whatever it is that she thinks Husband did to her.) She then repeated that Son ought to make us look like shit and said, "I do, every chance I can! I do!" (Um...okay. Thanks for obsessing over us!) The Ex then said she emailed Daughter's basketball coach and thanked them for not having practice on December 30th so that they could celebrate Christmas (She somehow thought that by sending this email, she was making Husband look bad; I'm assuming it's because Husband told her if she forced Daughter to miss practice, he'd take her back to court to contempt.)
I think the worst part in all of this is that she is so wrapped up in her anger toward Husband, she doesn't realize what she's doing to her children. She's so out-of-touch with their feelings that she somehow misses that while she's in the middle of her diatribes, the kids shut down and don't say a word. They become so very uncomfortable talking to their own mother because she's not concerned with how they feel; all she's focused on is trying to get back at their father.
A part of me has wondered if it's not slowly sinking in that the kids are almost 18 years old; once they both attain that age, Husband will stop talking to her completely. The Ex can feel him slipping away and is desperate to keep him involved with her; she feels helpless that she can't so she's going to convince herself and everyone around her of what a horrible person he is.
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