This is why you don't spoil your kids.
Son and I had a really good heart-to-heart conversation a few weeks ago...or so I thought. He initiated it, and we talked for almost 3 hours, just the two of us. During the conversation, Son asked if he HAD to finish school here. I said yes and asked why he was asking; he asked about home schooling. I asked why he wanted to be home schooled and he said then he could do his schoolwork at The Ex's house since she has wi-fi. I told him that I'd have to see if we could even enroll him yet and what the cost would be. (I wasn't actually going to do this but if I gave him a flat out no, then he'd just get upset.) Son then suggested going to school in Tiny City. I told him that wasn't an option because the high school at Tiny City is absolutely horrible. (Our state releases a report card every year on school districts - Tiny City is not even meeting state requirements.) I asked why he suddenly wanted to go to school in Tiny City, and Son said that he wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend (Son was "dating" this girl from Tiny City, who I'm going to call Girlfriend. Picture a 16-year-old redneck, throw on heavy eye make up and winged black eyeliner, add underage drinking coupled with constantly smoking substances of both a legal and illegal nature, and sprinkle in a mouth like a sailor - that's his ex. Oh, and she once posted that she wasn't ashamed of her school "because theirs hella school spirit." *Sigh*) Son said he didn't really talk to anyone here and that he wouldn't miss anyone. I explained that it seemed a little silly to change his whole entire life for someone that he had only been dating for two months.
A few weeks later, Son and Girlfriend broke up. Son was telling his friends here that he couldn't wait to see them. This was two weeks after telling me that he wouldn't miss these people.
Then Son and Girlfriend started talking again. Now Son thinks he wants to stay with The Ex so he can go to school in Tiny City to see Girlfriend. Son even started telling people that The Ex had enrolled him in the high school in Tiny City, despite him already being enrolled here.
Monday afternoon, Son calls me from a random number and asks if he can stay with The Ex until next Monday. I say no, he's supposed to work this week. He asks if he can call in and have someone cover his shift. I say he really shouldn't. He's talking to The Ex in the background and talking to me at the same time. He tells me that he wants to stay because he spent most of the summer with Girlfriend and he was being a dick to The Ex, and now that he and Girlfriend broke up, he wants to spend time with his mom before school starts. I'm pretty sure he started to say that he "broke [The Ex's] heart" which is a page directly from The Ex's narcissistic playbook. At some point, Son told me that he didn't want to come home because he "doesn't like it here," and minutes later I hear him tell The Ex that he doesn't want to go to her house because there's nothing to do there. He puts The Ex on the phone with me. I tell her, just like I told Son, that he needs to be back by Wednesday evening at the latest because he has work. She complains that it's "just so much driving." (Yes, I know. We used to do half of it.) I tell her that it's up to her when she brings him back but it has to be by Wednesday night. She says she'll let me talk to Son. (About what? I already told him all of this.) Son says he'll call me back.
Son then texts Husband saying he's not coming home until the 4th, said that his work knew and that I knew too. (No, I didn't because that wasn't agreed upon.) Husband was at work and didn't see the text immediately.
I hadn't heard anything for 45 minutes so I texted The Ex asking when Son would be dropped off because we were at work and our house was locked. Half an hour later, she replied:
"He called work I guess" (Um, that's not what I asked you.)
I replied asking when he was going to get dropped off and said technically, it was supposed to be Tuesday night; The Ex ignored me. Husband got out of work, replied to Son's text saying that had not been discussed or agreed to, so we would see him Tuesday night at 5:30. No reply.
We went to Daughter's volleyball game Tuesday night. Son came with The Ex, her mom, and Ned. After the game ended, they all come over by us and Son asks if he can go home with The Ex. Husband says no. Son says, "Why not?!" Husband says because he is supposed to come home tonight. Son claims that a couple years ago, he was supposed to be with The Ex and he stayed with us. Husband says he's already answered him and he's not going to keep talking about it. Son says, "I'm old enough to decide!!" Husband says no, he is not; he is a minor, and Husband is the parent. Son says, "She's my parent too!" Husband says yes, she is; however, he's already given Son an answer and he's done talking about it. Son says something along the lines of, "It's not always about what makes you happy!" Husband says nothing because he's already said what he had to. Son starts walking out of the gym; Husband says, "You're not leaving!" and points at The Ex and adds, "And you'd better not take him!"
The four of them walk out into the hallway of the school. Husband and I stand at the end of the bleachers waiting to see what they do. The Ex is on the phone with someone. After a few minutes, they start to walk out. They walk just outside of the doors and stand in the school parking lot. I call the sheriff in that county, advise dispatch of the situation, and state that I would like someone to be on standby. We watch through a window and can see The Ex arguing, see Son arguing, see her mom arguing, and see Ned staying silent with his head hung because he is worthless. I call Our Attorney and tell her what's going on; she says to keep her posted. At some point, The Ex and I lock eyes; she looks at someone and I can see her mouth, "She's looking at me." The Ex looks back at me and I give her the most ridiculously huge smile that I can. (I never said I was mature, you all just assumed that... 😂) The four of them move to where we can't see them and keep talking. The Ex walks by a window at some point, looks through and says, "Okay, [Husband]!" (I wish I would have caught this on camera...it was so weird.)
Eventually the four of them get up and walk to their vehicle. I call dispatch again, state that they're getting into the car, and I'm not sure if someone needs to come out because she hasn't technically left yet. Dispatch says a deputy is free now and someone will be over.
After what felt like ten years, a deputy shows up and walks over to The Ex's vehicle. He talks to them for a few minutes, then comes over and asks us to explain our side of it. I give him a breakdown of the court order and he asks if I have a copy, which I did. (I had previously scanned every court order from 2005 to the present, saved them as PDF files, and I keep them in my phone at all times. That's what you have to do when you share a child with someone who is insane.) The deputy seemed a little hesitant when I said that the order I showed him was from 2010; I said I could show him the rest but physical placement had not changed since that order, plus my phone was probably going to die. The deputy asked if it was really a big deal if Son went with The Ex since school wasn't starting; I explained that at The Ex's, Son has no boundaries, no discipline, and no structure; he is doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with whoever he wants. If The Ex tells him no, he does it anyway. He's smoking pot, getting drunk, staying out until 4am and doing God knows what. In addition to that, The Ex's sister just got beat up by her male friend and had to go to the hospital; it's not a good situation and Son doesn't need to be around it.
The deputy goes back and talks to The Ex, comes back and says that they're all in agreement that what I showed him is the current order. The Ex apparently told him that she had court on Thursday to change the order (This is going to be the topic of another blog post, because she is seriously losing her shit.) He says that Son admitted to The Ex that he was in a gang in Our City (This is the first that I, or anyone else in Our City, has heard about a gang existing. This is because it does not exist. The city is small enough; we would know if there was a gang.) I tell the deputy that Son has been lying constantly - he tells The Ex he's in a gang, he tells us he's not; he tells one friend that his friend got killed by a rival gang, and an hour later is talking to his "dead" friend; he says he doesn't want to be here, then he tells The Ex he doesn't want to be with her; he tells one friend he wants to go to school in Tiny City, he tells the next friend he wants to stay in School City. The deputy says it sounds like he's just playing the parents against each other; I say absolutely.
The deputy goes and talks to them again, and The Ex's mom walks over to us and says, "Can I ask a question?" Husband says, "Not really." (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!) She says, "Why not?" Husband ignores her. She asks what difference three days makes and why Son can't just stay. Husband continues to ignore her. The deputy comes back over to get our information and says, "They have a concern that [Son] won't have a phone to call for help if he's being abused." (Heeeerrree we go again...) I started laughing and said, "Of course she said that, she's been saying it for 8 years. Anytime she doesn't want to do what the order says, she starts claiming we're abusing the kids." I also added that Son did have a phone; he had The Ex's old phone that he was using over wifi that he thought we didn't know about. He then says that The Ex told him there was some type of discussion in court and I am not supposed to be involved in any of this. I said no, that has never been a court order; I cited the clause that Husband and The Ex were supposed to communicate directly rather than through a spouse, a third party, or the kids. I told him that the issue is that The Ex refuses to communicate, period; she asks the kids to do it or completely ignores Husband when he tries to communicate.
Son came home with us that night, told people the next morning that he was going to run away from all of us including The Ex, never ran away, and then complained to one of his friends that we wouldn't let him come over "because we thought he'd run off."
And I haven't even told you the fun stuff yet...
A few weeks later, Son and Girlfriend broke up. Son was telling his friends here that he couldn't wait to see them. This was two weeks after telling me that he wouldn't miss these people.
Then Son and Girlfriend started talking again. Now Son thinks he wants to stay with The Ex so he can go to school in Tiny City to see Girlfriend. Son even started telling people that The Ex had enrolled him in the high school in Tiny City, despite him already being enrolled here.
Monday afternoon, Son calls me from a random number and asks if he can stay with The Ex until next Monday. I say no, he's supposed to work this week. He asks if he can call in and have someone cover his shift. I say he really shouldn't. He's talking to The Ex in the background and talking to me at the same time. He tells me that he wants to stay because he spent most of the summer with Girlfriend and he was being a dick to The Ex, and now that he and Girlfriend broke up, he wants to spend time with his mom before school starts. I'm pretty sure he started to say that he "broke [The Ex's] heart" which is a page directly from The Ex's narcissistic playbook. At some point, Son told me that he didn't want to come home because he "doesn't like it here," and minutes later I hear him tell The Ex that he doesn't want to go to her house because there's nothing to do there. He puts The Ex on the phone with me. I tell her, just like I told Son, that he needs to be back by Wednesday evening at the latest because he has work. She complains that it's "just so much driving." (Yes, I know. We used to do half of it.) I tell her that it's up to her when she brings him back but it has to be by Wednesday night. She says she'll let me talk to Son. (About what? I already told him all of this.) Son says he'll call me back.
Son then texts Husband saying he's not coming home until the 4th, said that his work knew and that I knew too. (No, I didn't because that wasn't agreed upon.) Husband was at work and didn't see the text immediately.
I hadn't heard anything for 45 minutes so I texted The Ex asking when Son would be dropped off because we were at work and our house was locked. Half an hour later, she replied:
"He called work I guess" (Um, that's not what I asked you.)
I replied asking when he was going to get dropped off and said technically, it was supposed to be Tuesday night; The Ex ignored me. Husband got out of work, replied to Son's text saying that had not been discussed or agreed to, so we would see him Tuesday night at 5:30. No reply.
We went to Daughter's volleyball game Tuesday night. Son came with The Ex, her mom, and Ned. After the game ended, they all come over by us and Son asks if he can go home with The Ex. Husband says no. Son says, "Why not?!" Husband says because he is supposed to come home tonight. Son claims that a couple years ago, he was supposed to be with The Ex and he stayed with us. Husband says he's already answered him and he's not going to keep talking about it. Son says, "I'm old enough to decide!!" Husband says no, he is not; he is a minor, and Husband is the parent. Son says, "She's my parent too!" Husband says yes, she is; however, he's already given Son an answer and he's done talking about it. Son says something along the lines of, "It's not always about what makes you happy!" Husband says nothing because he's already said what he had to. Son starts walking out of the gym; Husband says, "You're not leaving!" and points at The Ex and adds, "And you'd better not take him!"
The four of them walk out into the hallway of the school. Husband and I stand at the end of the bleachers waiting to see what they do. The Ex is on the phone with someone. After a few minutes, they start to walk out. They walk just outside of the doors and stand in the school parking lot. I call the sheriff in that county, advise dispatch of the situation, and state that I would like someone to be on standby. We watch through a window and can see The Ex arguing, see Son arguing, see her mom arguing, and see Ned staying silent with his head hung because he is worthless. I call Our Attorney and tell her what's going on; she says to keep her posted. At some point, The Ex and I lock eyes; she looks at someone and I can see her mouth, "She's looking at me." The Ex looks back at me and I give her the most ridiculously huge smile that I can. (I never said I was mature, you all just assumed that... 😂) The four of them move to where we can't see them and keep talking. The Ex walks by a window at some point, looks through and says, "Okay, [Husband]!" (I wish I would have caught this on camera...it was so weird.)
Eventually the four of them get up and walk to their vehicle. I call dispatch again, state that they're getting into the car, and I'm not sure if someone needs to come out because she hasn't technically left yet. Dispatch says a deputy is free now and someone will be over.
After what felt like ten years, a deputy shows up and walks over to The Ex's vehicle. He talks to them for a few minutes, then comes over and asks us to explain our side of it. I give him a breakdown of the court order and he asks if I have a copy, which I did. (I had previously scanned every court order from 2005 to the present, saved them as PDF files, and I keep them in my phone at all times. That's what you have to do when you share a child with someone who is insane.) The deputy seemed a little hesitant when I said that the order I showed him was from 2010; I said I could show him the rest but physical placement had not changed since that order, plus my phone was probably going to die. The deputy asked if it was really a big deal if Son went with The Ex since school wasn't starting; I explained that at The Ex's, Son has no boundaries, no discipline, and no structure; he is doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with whoever he wants. If The Ex tells him no, he does it anyway. He's smoking pot, getting drunk, staying out until 4am and doing God knows what. In addition to that, The Ex's sister just got beat up by her male friend and had to go to the hospital; it's not a good situation and Son doesn't need to be around it.
The deputy goes back and talks to The Ex, comes back and says that they're all in agreement that what I showed him is the current order. The Ex apparently told him that she had court on Thursday to change the order (This is going to be the topic of another blog post, because she is seriously losing her shit.) He says that Son admitted to The Ex that he was in a gang in Our City (This is the first that I, or anyone else in Our City, has heard about a gang existing. This is because it does not exist. The city is small enough; we would know if there was a gang.) I tell the deputy that Son has been lying constantly - he tells The Ex he's in a gang, he tells us he's not; he tells one friend that his friend got killed by a rival gang, and an hour later is talking to his "dead" friend; he says he doesn't want to be here, then he tells The Ex he doesn't want to be with her; he tells one friend he wants to go to school in Tiny City, he tells the next friend he wants to stay in School City. The deputy says it sounds like he's just playing the parents against each other; I say absolutely.
The deputy goes and talks to them again, and The Ex's mom walks over to us and says, "Can I ask a question?" Husband says, "Not really." (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!) She says, "Why not?" Husband ignores her. She asks what difference three days makes and why Son can't just stay. Husband continues to ignore her. The deputy comes back over to get our information and says, "They have a concern that [Son] won't have a phone to call for help if he's being abused." (Heeeerrree we go again...) I started laughing and said, "Of course she said that, she's been saying it for 8 years. Anytime she doesn't want to do what the order says, she starts claiming we're abusing the kids." I also added that Son did have a phone; he had The Ex's old phone that he was using over wifi that he thought we didn't know about. He then says that The Ex told him there was some type of discussion in court and I am not supposed to be involved in any of this. I said no, that has never been a court order; I cited the clause that Husband and The Ex were supposed to communicate directly rather than through a spouse, a third party, or the kids. I told him that the issue is that The Ex refuses to communicate, period; she asks the kids to do it or completely ignores Husband when he tries to communicate.
Son came home with us that night, told people the next morning that he was going to run away from all of us including The Ex, never ran away, and then complained to one of his friends that we wouldn't let him come over "because we thought he'd run off."
And I haven't even told you the fun stuff yet...
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