It's not just me.

  Son has been in counseling since October when The Ex told him/he told his doctor he was "depressed."  He's since been taken off his medication (He wasn't taking it every day and told multiple people that Girlfriend "makes him feel like he doesn't need it," which isn't how real depression works, but whatever.) but everyone agreed the counseling would be good, including The Ex.

  His counselor talked to me for a bit yesterday and said it's been kind of a slow battle to get Son to accept responsibility for himself.  She said that he has a lot of pent-up anger toward Husband, which I agreed with.  The counselor said that Son was of the impression that he was "taken away from The Ex."  I said yes, because that's what The Ex has been beating into the kids' heads for the last nine years.  The Ex doesn't say that she lost custody, The Ex doesn't say that the kids went to live with Husband; The Ex says that Husband "took Son and Daughter away from her."  She said that Son has made comments about "what Husband did," but when she asks him for examples he's not able to give her any.  I talked to her a bit about The Ex, the history between her and Husband, her constant lying about anything and everything, her refusal to accept any personal responsibility, and even brought up that I truly believe The Ex is a narcissist based on her constant behavior.

  Here's what I thought was huge:  she stated that she believes that Son is actually angry with The Ex, not with Husband, and feels abandoned by her.  I said I agreed with that because she is very uninvolved in his and Daughter's lives; the problem is that he's been so conditioned by The Ex over the years that he thinks/feels that he is not allowed to be angry with her, because she'll get angry at him for being upset.  Since he's not "permitted" to be angry with his mother, Son needs to find an outlet for his anger and the closest target is Husband, because that's one of The Ex's primary targets for her anger.

  I've been saying this for awhile now.  Son's complaints toward/about Husband and I have been: he feels that we expect him to be perfect (We've never expected perfection from him; we've always told him that all he needs to do is try his best.  The Ex tells him to do well in school "for her."), we're not proud of him or his accomplishments like his new job, (We tell everyone when he makes honor roll; he says it's "not a big deal."  When he got his first job 2 1/2 years ago, I told him to call The Ex and said she'd be happy for him; boy, was I wrong.  Instead, she asked how much money he was making, told him it should be at least $7.25/hour, asked if it was going to interfere with her placement, and then changed the topic so that she could bad-mouth Husband for no reason whatsoever.  This new job that he landed a few months ago is paying him a LOT of money, he's really excited about it, and we've been telling everyone about it and how proud we are; he told The Ex that he had a new job and she said nothing, not even "congratulations.") we don't care how he feels (The Ex goes weeks at a time without even talking to the kids, and then complains that they don't call or text her.), we don't listen to him and only do what we want, etc.

  I had said to my friends awhile back that it's as if Son is projecting his feelings about his mother onto us.  Now, it's truly bittersweet to hear it from a licensed counselor; it's nice to know you were correct but so painful to watch your child be broken and hurt and unable to fix himself because of the dysfunction he's been told is "love" for his entire life.

  I am just hoping and praying that Son will realize this, process it, and be able to grow and heal from it.  Narcissism is one bitch of a mental illness...