Ned is as useless as I thought.
Daughter has not kept it a secret that she doesn't care for Ned. This hasn't stopped The Ex from dating him, moving in with him, and becoming engaged to him. I've never felt that your kids should run your life, but this isn't the first time this has been a problem. Son told the guardian ad litem that he didn't want The Ex to marry Boyfriend and that he thought she never should have moved in with him; a year later, The Ex and Boyfriend got married without the kids there.
Sunday afternoon, I'm not sure exactly how it was brought up but Daughter started talking about Ned. She said that Ned "talks crap about [The Ex] to her." I looked at her and said, "...excuse me?" Daughter said yeah, Ned tries talking to Daughter about his and The Ex's relationship. Daughter said that Ned has even talked crap about The Ex to her own mother.
I asked what Ned tried talking to her about. Daughter said, "He just says stuff about her. Like, he asked me, 'Do you think she's gonna just up and leave me like she did to [Boyfriend]?'" (I cannot even believe this left his mouth, much less to her own child. If he's got this many doubts about her, why on earth did he ask her to marry him?!) I asked what her answer to his question had been. Daughter said, "I wanted to say, 'She'd be better off if she did,' but I didn't say it." Husband said he couldn't believe she had just said something like that; I said she doesn't like Ned and Daughter said, "No, I really don't!" Daughter went on to say that The Ex never should have moved in with Ned after leaving Boyfriend.
Daughter then continued talking about Ned, saying he was completely dependent on his parents. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Well, so is your mom." (Oops.) Daughter said The Ex wasn't really dependent on her parents "anymore," and said now it's more like The Ex's parents are dependent on her. (I don't understand how, other than the fact that they live in Ned's house when their electricity gets shut off for non-payment. If anything, they're all dependent on Ned.) Daughter was saying that Ned always needs his parents for everything. (The Ex's parents pay for her children's food/sports/transportation/etc. You name it, they've given The Ex money for it. But according to her, Ned needs his parents for everything.) Daughter said that The Ex has said she would like to move closer to us (Please, God. No. Do not allow this.) but Ned doesn't want to move because his parents and friends are all in Tiny City. Daughter said, "He's lived there his whole life. He has a car, he can go visit them." (I can all but guarantee you that every last one of those words came from The Ex.) I told Daughter that The Ex should have thought about that back when she left Boyfriend; she doesn't get to move to Tiny City, move in with Ned, and then expect him to change his entire life because she keeps changing her mind about what she wants. (It may be harsh, but it's true. The Ex does this over and over and over again. And every time that it fails, it's never her fault; someone else is always to blame. I don't want Daughter growing up thinking that this is normal or healthy, because it is so very far from it.)
And then, she dropped a bomb. Daughter told us that The Ex is looking at buying a car. I asked for what; she and Ned just got an SUV last summer that was only two years old with under 40,000 miles on it. Daughter said that The Ex's vehicle is actually in Ned's name (I knew it.) and said that The Ex is looking at buying a car to put into her own name.
Now, none of that may seem like that big of a deal to you. The issue is that Ned and The Ex each had their own car when they started dating. I'm assuming they used The Ex's car as a trade-in on the SUV, because the license plate transferred to the new vehicle which is in Ned's name; even with the new car, Ned still has his old car. So if they have two vehicles, why would The Ex be looking at buying another one to put in only her name?
The best answer I can think of: The Ex is planning on leaving Ned but needs a vehicle; she can't take his, so she's going to get her own so that she'll be ready when the time comes to pack up and take off with whatever she deems "hers," including the puppy that they just bought this summer.
She did it to Husband, she did it to Boyfriend, and she's getting ready to do it to Ned. Old habits certainly die hard.
Sunday afternoon, I'm not sure exactly how it was brought up but Daughter started talking about Ned. She said that Ned "talks crap about [The Ex] to her." I looked at her and said, "...excuse me?" Daughter said yeah, Ned tries talking to Daughter about his and The Ex's relationship. Daughter said that Ned has even talked crap about The Ex to her own mother.
I asked what Ned tried talking to her about. Daughter said, "He just says stuff about her. Like, he asked me, 'Do you think she's gonna just up and leave me like she did to [Boyfriend]?'" (I cannot even believe this left his mouth, much less to her own child. If he's got this many doubts about her, why on earth did he ask her to marry him?!) I asked what her answer to his question had been. Daughter said, "I wanted to say, 'She'd be better off if she did,' but I didn't say it." Husband said he couldn't believe she had just said something like that; I said she doesn't like Ned and Daughter said, "No, I really don't!" Daughter went on to say that The Ex never should have moved in with Ned after leaving Boyfriend.
Daughter then continued talking about Ned, saying he was completely dependent on his parents. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Well, so is your mom." (Oops.) Daughter said The Ex wasn't really dependent on her parents "anymore," and said now it's more like The Ex's parents are dependent on her. (I don't understand how, other than the fact that they live in Ned's house when their electricity gets shut off for non-payment. If anything, they're all dependent on Ned.) Daughter was saying that Ned always needs his parents for everything. (The Ex's parents pay for her children's food/sports/transportation/etc. You name it, they've given The Ex money for it. But according to her, Ned needs his parents for everything.) Daughter said that The Ex has said she would like to move closer to us (Please, God. No. Do not allow this.) but Ned doesn't want to move because his parents and friends are all in Tiny City. Daughter said, "He's lived there his whole life. He has a car, he can go visit them." (I can all but guarantee you that every last one of those words came from The Ex.) I told Daughter that The Ex should have thought about that back when she left Boyfriend; she doesn't get to move to Tiny City, move in with Ned, and then expect him to change his entire life because she keeps changing her mind about what she wants. (It may be harsh, but it's true. The Ex does this over and over and over again. And every time that it fails, it's never her fault; someone else is always to blame. I don't want Daughter growing up thinking that this is normal or healthy, because it is so very far from it.)
And then, she dropped a bomb. Daughter told us that The Ex is looking at buying a car. I asked for what; she and Ned just got an SUV last summer that was only two years old with under 40,000 miles on it. Daughter said that The Ex's vehicle is actually in Ned's name (I knew it.) and said that The Ex is looking at buying a car to put into her own name.
Now, none of that may seem like that big of a deal to you. The issue is that Ned and The Ex each had their own car when they started dating. I'm assuming they used The Ex's car as a trade-in on the SUV, because the license plate transferred to the new vehicle which is in Ned's name; even with the new car, Ned still has his old car. So if they have two vehicles, why would The Ex be looking at buying another one to put in only her name?
The best answer I can think of: The Ex is planning on leaving Ned but needs a vehicle; she can't take his, so she's going to get her own so that she'll be ready when the time comes to pack up and take off with whatever she deems "hers," including the puppy that they just bought this summer.
She did it to Husband, she did it to Boyfriend, and she's getting ready to do it to Ned. Old habits certainly die hard.
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