Counting down the days.
Son has been back and forth since last summer about going to live in Tiny City. Last summer he wanted to finish his senior year there because of Girlfriend but then they broke up. Then he said he'd finish school here and move there after graduation. Then he talked about staying here. Then he started dating Girlfriend, got mad over who knows what and said he wanted to move there again. Then he got a good job here and rethought the move. Back and forth, back and forth - it's been like this for months.
We all know that The Ex is toxic and has been manipulating Son for....well, basically his entire life. She lies to him, he gets confused which leads to him getting upset, he internalizes his anger, and then eventually blows up. It also doesn't help that The Ex and her family have no idea what personal accountability is and because of that, they don't teach Son what it is either.
Last week, things started going downhill with Son. As explained in earlier blog posts, Son was always told that he would need to buy his own car and pay for any parts that went into it; Husband would fix the car so obviously, Son wouldn't have to pay for labor. We lent Son the money to buy the car almost two and a half years ago; Son finally just decided to start making payments within the last 3 months. Well, Son was mistaken about what the balance was on the vehicle and assumed he had it nearly paid off; Son still owes almost $500. Son got angry, said he didn't want the car anymore and told me that we could keep his money. Later that night, Husband tried talking to Son and explained that the car needed parts, things wear out, it's part of driving a vehicle. Son said he understood that. Husband said if he understood it, then why did he think he shouldn't have to pay for it? Son said we could keep the car, but now said he wanted his money back that he paid. Husband said okay, and what was Son going to pay now that he drove the car for two years and beat the snot out of it? (Son has not been nice to this car. He put it in the ditch last December, he's posted pictures/videos on Snapchat of him going anywhere from 80-115 mph in the car, he got stuck in his friend's lawn two weeks ago, etc. This is why insurance is more expensive for boys...) Son says fine, we can keep the car and the money. Husband says that's not the point; he asks how Son will get to work without a car. Son says he'll call his job and tell them he's not coming in anymore. (I don't know what on earth was going through this kid's head, but it most certainly wasn't logic or reason. Who does he remind you of?)
After all of that, Son went on Facebook, told everyone that Husband took his car and was making him lose his job. (Complete reversal of what actually occurred. He made multiple choices, and is now blaming everyone else for the outcome of his own choices. Once again, who does he remind you of?) I posted the next morning what actually happened; someone screenshot it and sent it to Son, who began whining to Girlfriend and The Ex that "nobody likes him" and "everyone thinks he's an asshole" all due to what I posted, which was a non-emotional post that told nothing but the truth. Son also claimed that I told someone else that Girlfriend was ruining his life, which I didn't say. A few of his friends and I were messaging back and forth because Son was still lying to them about what had gone on with the car; after I talked to them, they all said that Son should just have been responsible and finished paying for the car. Son was angry that I was talking to his friends and told other people this. Later that night, Son was making a point of talking only to Daughter but not to us; I think he thought this would somehow upset us...?
It's honestly hard to tell who's aching for graduation more - Son or us. Son wants it because he thinks he'll be "free" and we want it because it feels like there's a terrorist living in our house right now and nobody is supposed to be happy unless he is. None of this has been particularly pleasant, but Wednesday morning was when the proverbial shit hit the fan.
We all know that The Ex is toxic and has been manipulating Son for....well, basically his entire life. She lies to him, he gets confused which leads to him getting upset, he internalizes his anger, and then eventually blows up. It also doesn't help that The Ex and her family have no idea what personal accountability is and because of that, they don't teach Son what it is either.
Last week, things started going downhill with Son. As explained in earlier blog posts, Son was always told that he would need to buy his own car and pay for any parts that went into it; Husband would fix the car so obviously, Son wouldn't have to pay for labor. We lent Son the money to buy the car almost two and a half years ago; Son finally just decided to start making payments within the last 3 months. Well, Son was mistaken about what the balance was on the vehicle and assumed he had it nearly paid off; Son still owes almost $500. Son got angry, said he didn't want the car anymore and told me that we could keep his money. Later that night, Husband tried talking to Son and explained that the car needed parts, things wear out, it's part of driving a vehicle. Son said he understood that. Husband said if he understood it, then why did he think he shouldn't have to pay for it? Son said we could keep the car, but now said he wanted his money back that he paid. Husband said okay, and what was Son going to pay now that he drove the car for two years and beat the snot out of it? (Son has not been nice to this car. He put it in the ditch last December, he's posted pictures/videos on Snapchat of him going anywhere from 80-115 mph in the car, he got stuck in his friend's lawn two weeks ago, etc. This is why insurance is more expensive for boys...) Son says fine, we can keep the car and the money. Husband says that's not the point; he asks how Son will get to work without a car. Son says he'll call his job and tell them he's not coming in anymore. (I don't know what on earth was going through this kid's head, but it most certainly wasn't logic or reason. Who does he remind you of?)
After all of that, Son went on Facebook, told everyone that Husband took his car and was making him lose his job. (Complete reversal of what actually occurred. He made multiple choices, and is now blaming everyone else for the outcome of his own choices. Once again, who does he remind you of?) I posted the next morning what actually happened; someone screenshot it and sent it to Son, who began whining to Girlfriend and The Ex that "nobody likes him" and "everyone thinks he's an asshole" all due to what I posted, which was a non-emotional post that told nothing but the truth. Son also claimed that I told someone else that Girlfriend was ruining his life, which I didn't say. A few of his friends and I were messaging back and forth because Son was still lying to them about what had gone on with the car; after I talked to them, they all said that Son should just have been responsible and finished paying for the car. Son was angry that I was talking to his friends and told other people this. Later that night, Son was making a point of talking only to Daughter but not to us; I think he thought this would somehow upset us...?
It's honestly hard to tell who's aching for graduation more - Son or us. Son wants it because he thinks he'll be "free" and we want it because it feels like there's a terrorist living in our house right now and nobody is supposed to be happy unless he is. None of this has been particularly pleasant, but Wednesday morning was when the proverbial shit hit the fan.
I keep checking back since this was posted, what happened Wednesday morning?
ReplyDeleteSo sorry, I've been absurdly busy but I'm blogging about it right now.
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