The big bang.

  Son was mad about....well, everything.  He's been listening to The Ex's lies his entire life, blames Husband for everything that has ever happened, and is more or less following exactly in his mother's footsteps which he doesn't realize is to his own detriment.  His car is a good example: he got angry, made a slew of bad choices, and then blamed Husband and/or I for what happened.  But then, it got so much worse.

  Since he didn't have a car anymore, I had to take Son and Daughter to school.  The first day I had to drive them was on Tuesday; that night, Son made a point of not talking to Husband or I.  As in, he came downstairs and said two things specifically to Daughter but not a word to us.

  Then Wednesday morning about three weeks ago, we were leaving the house in the morning.  I was backing out of our driveway and thought it looked like Son didn't have his belt on.  I asked if he was buckled; no answer.  I stopped on the side of the road, asked Son to buckle; still no answer.  I said Son's name; he refused to even acknowledge that I was speaking.  So, I did what I knew would get his attention - I tried to grab his phone out of his hands.

  Son immediately began fighting me for the phone, yelling at me to let go.  And then, without warning, it happened.  I hesitate to say that he "hit" me because he wasn't swinging a punch, yet...he threw his hand at me, his hand landed on my jaw, and he shoved me into the car door by my face.  Son went to shove me again, and this time his hand landed on my neck while he was shoving me.  So he wasn't throwing punches, but he definitely hit me.  Repeatedly.  I let go of his phone and pushed back.  Son reacted by screaming, "What the fuck?!"  Then he got out of the car, slammed the door shut, walked back up the driveway and to the back of the house.  I pulled back into the driveway, called Husband, asked him to come back home.  When I told him what happened, he said he was on his way and said he was calling the police.

  Thinking maybe we could avoid turning this into an incident, I got out of the car and asked Son if we could leave.  He said no, and that he was calling the police because I "broke his phone."  I said that was fine, said Husband was on his way home and HE was calling the police because Son had assaulted me.

  While we were waiting for the police and Husband to show up, Daughter asked if she could get out of the car and give Son her two cents.  I said there was no point; Son wanted to pretend everyone else was at fault and that he hadn't done anything wrong.  Daughter said she still wanted to talk to him.  I asked what her "two cents" were; Daughter said, "He's being an asshole."  I told Daughter I didn't care, but it wasn't going to do any good.

  Predictably, Son immediately hopped on Snapchat and told "his version" of events which was something along the lines of me breaking his phone and hitting him, which is what led to him hitting me in "self defense."

  The cop and Husband both show up.  The cop asks Son what happened.  Son says that he wouldn't put his belt on so I grabbed his phone and hit him upside the head.  The cop says, "Good for her." (You could see the "Oh, shit" moment in Son's eyes.  This was NOT going the way he thought it was going to go.)  Cop tells Son that wearing your seat belt is the law; if he doesn't wear it and I get stopped, I'm going to get the ticket.  I tell the cop what actually happened.  Cop asks if we want a citation issued.  I started to say that I really didn't see the point, he wasn't going to learn anything from it.  Husband said, "Yeah, why not?  He wants to be a big man, let him deal with the consequences."  Husband then looked at Son and said, "Real smart, laying your hands on a woman.  You did it to her, you're gonna do it again.  You'll probably do it to [Girlfriend]."  Son didn't say anything.

  The cop went to talk to Son privately and was given the entire song-and-dance about how Son hates it here, Husband "took them away from The Ex," blah blah blah.  As he's talking to the cop, Daughter says this isn't the first time; she said Son has hit her before and said when they still lived in New City, Son had hit The Ex too.

  The cop and Son come back to the front.  I can hear the cop saying, "No, something more had to have happened.  Somebody had to have investigated and determined this was where you needed to be.  They don't just take kids from one parent and give them to the other because the kids said that's what they wanted."  Cop says Son told him that he hates it here and has hated it for four years; cop says, "I told him it can't be that bad; I haven't been here.  Actually....aren't you guys the ones with the cameras that helped out with a hit-and-run?" (Yes, that's my life.  The insanity of The Ex aside, our neighbor's work van got backed into, the car took off, and we caught it on camera.  We gave the footage to the cop and they tracked the guy down.)  The cop asks again if we want a citation issued.  I bring up what Daughter told us about Son hitting her and The Ex.  Son asks Daughter when this happened.  Daughter starts yelling, "[Son], you hit me AND Mom before."  Son asks when.  Daughter says when they lived in New City; she's trying to fight back tears and yells that she ran away from The Ex's house because Son was hitting The Ex. (I honestly cannot even imagine the insanity there, or how Daughter managed to grow up normal in spite of all of it.)  The cop asks Son if he hit his mom and Son replies, "I don't know." (If you cannot definitely say, "No, I have never hit my mother" then odds are, you hit your mother.)

  Son gets frustrated, tells the cop to just give him a ticket.  He goes and sits in my car.  We talked to the cop for awhile, said it's been like this for years; Son doesn't want to get better, he just wants to be angry.  Cop says he'll come back later to give Son the citation and the letter addressed to the parent since Son is still a minor.  He said he was going to go easy on him and only write it up for disorderly conduct, not for assault because that would be much worse on his record.

  Son proceeds to tell The Ex, Girlfriend, and anyone else who will listen, his idea of what happened.  The Ex tells Son that he needs to call the police chief in our town and talk to the county sheriff in person.  The Ex even called child protective services and told them that I broke Son's phone and "punched/hit him in the side of the face."  The Ex was even sweet enough to tell CPS that there are other kids in the home and she's "worried about them."  The Ex's parents were going to drive down here, pick up Son, and drive him to the sheriff's office.  Son spent the better part of the morning in the school counselor's office, and then they called Daughter in and asked her what had happened.  I didn't realize they were speaking to the kids, so I sent an email to the school superintendent, the school dean, and the guidance counselor just in case they had any questions for me about what happened.

  At one point, Son claimed that I didn't want to press charges against him but that Daughter had argued with me to do it.  Girlfriend even told him that didn't make sense and she wasn't understanding what happened.  The Ex told Son to do "whatever it takes" not to get a ticket, and said she wants all her kids "to have the best record possible." (Well that's odd, because I don't want my kids to have any record.  But to each their own...)  The Ex says that CPS called her back and told her that Son needs to talk to the police, keeps pushing Son to call the chief and the sheriff and a social worker.

  After dropping Son and Daughter off at school, I had a talk with Baby Girl and asked if she had seen anything.  She said she heard Son say the F word and saw him shove me into the door.  I told her it was okay to be upset, but everything was okay.  The police came and dealt with the situation and that's why we have them. (There's really nothing that rips open your heart like watching your child fight back tears because she saw her brother assault you.  But I thought it was important to discuss with her, not to sweep it under the rug and pretend nothing happened.)

  As the days went on, Son continued complaining to The Ex's side of the family that it was bullshit that I could hit him and break his phone and "get away with it." (Yeah, because what you're telling people is not what happened.  If it was true, then yes, it would be bullshit.)  Son complained that no one called him back and "everyone hated him" because of me, so he was just going to fight the ticket in court.  He claimed he was going to ask the judge if it's okay for parents to hit their kids and then press charges on them because they defended themselves. (No, that's not okay.  You got a ticket because that's not what happened whatsoever.)

  Saturday morning, the cop comes back and asks for Son.  I say he's up in Tiny City for the weekend.  The cop, notably irritated, says that Son has left him three messages asking "why he got a ticket."  I tell the cop this is because his mother is telling him to do this, because he's giving her side of the family a different version of events.  I tell him about Son saying that Daughter argued with me that I ought to press charges.  The cop says, "I'M the one pressing charges because he's acting like an idiot."  I told him how The Ex called CPS and how she kept telling Son to contact other people about the incident.  The cop replies, "You know, I tried to give him a break.  But if he wants to act like a butt head, I can go back and amend it from disorderly to assault."  I mentioned Daughter and the cop asked if she was home.  I said no, she was at a friend's house.  The cop said he was going to leave a statement form, asked that we have Daughter fill it out, and said he'd pick it up the following week. (Good luck "fighting it in court" or claiming self-defense with a witness statement that corroborates everyone's story except for yours, Son.)

  Daughter completed the form without hesitation.  I felt bad asking her to do it because I didn't want her feeling like we were putting her in a situation where she had to choose, but she was a witness and Son was lying about what happened.  The cop picked it up a few days later and Husband talked to him, said he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to Son again or not.  The cop said no; the cop had asked him if he had any questions on the day he delivered the citation and Son said no, he had tried calling Son back but Son doesn't want to admit he was at fault or that he did anything wrong, so at this point he can explain it to the judge.

  Son has a court appearance in a few weeks for his ticket; the cop made it a mandatory appearance so he can't skip and be found guilty by default - he has to show up or they'll issue a warrant for him.  I'm sure The Ex will be too busy doing her own stuff to bring him, so her parents will have to do it.

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

  Now, just in case none of this was dramatic enough for you, there's more.  The day of the incident, The Ex's sister was messaging Daughter and saying it was effed up how Son got a ticket and that I had no right to put my hands on him.  Daughter called her aunt and said that's not what happened; she told her the truth.  Her aunt said, "Well, that's not what I heard from [Son.]"  Daughter said, "[Son] is making up stories.  You can't trust anything he says because he's always lying about stupid things and you never know what's real."  Her aunt said she was going to put Daughter's grandma/The Ex's mom on the phone.  Daughter told her grandma the truth, and she said that Daughter needed to call The Ex.  Daughter talked to The Ex on the exact same day all of this happened; she told her what actually happened, that Son is not a victim, that Son was wrong, etc. (Let that sink in:  The Ex knew the truth, still defended Son, and continued to push him for days afterward to try and get his charge dismissed and place the blame on Husband and I.  She is out-and-out crazy.  This isn't parenting; it's impairing and personally, I think it's verging on child abuse.  The manipulation, the mind games, the guilt trips - then to turn around and defend his wrongdoing in an attempt to appear as if she loves him, it's all just so sickening.)

  After hearing the truth, The Ex said something along the lines of, "Well, it was bound to happen."  Daughter asked what that was supposed to mean and asked if The Ex was saying it's okay for Son to hit women.  The Ex said no, that's not what she was saying.  Daughter said it really sounded like The Ex was implying that, because she said it was "bound to happen" like that's just a normal thing that people do.  The Ex's response was something like, "No, I'm not saying that it's okay for him to hit women.  But that woman?  Yeah."  Daughter and The Ex got into it a little, Daughter ended up telling The Ex that she knew she favored Son over her but what he did was wrong and he deserved to get punished for it.

  I honestly wish I could even be surprised by this comment.  But unfortunately, this has become par for the course.  The Ex is such an evil, nefarious human being that she actually condones physical violence against women - as long as the woman is someone that she doesn't like.