Girlfriend and I spilled a whooole lot of tea.
Son and Girlfriend came to visit for the weekend. I spent most of the time holding my grandson because he is honestly just one of the sweetest things I've ever laid eyes on. Seriously you guys, I want so badly to share pictures of him with all of you because he's just gorgeous but, you know...anonymity and all that mess.
Back when we were all at the hospital and Girlfriend was in labor, Husband had said half-jokingly that The Ex wouldn't come in the hospital room if he and I were in there; Girlfriend agreed and said that The Ex "is very immature." (This was the first time I had heard Girlfriend say something negative about The Ex. Her dad already told us how he felt, but to hear it directly from her was pretty interesting.) I shrugged and told Girlfriend that we weren't there for The Ex; we were there for her, Son, and their baby.
Friday night, Husband and Girlfriend were going through some old pictures of Son and Daughter when they were younger. Son went to take care of the baby and Girlfriend immediately started telling Husband that she doesn't like The Ex. She said that The Ex is always "putting shit in [Son's] head" and manipulating him and that it drives her crazy. Girlfriend said that Son can be in a really good mood at home, he'll go over to The Ex's place, and come home pissed off. She also said that once they had the baby's name picked out, The Ex had tried to convince them throughout the entire pregnancy that they ought to change it.
A little while later, Son went to the gas station for something and Girlfriend brought up The Ex again. She said that it's hard to talk to Son about it; if she said anything negative about The Ex, he'd get angry and defensive. She said that The Ex had been trying to talk to Son about him having to pay child support or something along those lines; I told Girlfriend that for her sake, she needed to not listen to The Ex because she had no idea what she was talking about. Husband told Girlfriend that anything they needed to be done, they ought to ask me for it and I'd get it typed up for them and taken care of.
Sunday afternoon, Husband and Son went to get the oil changed on Girlfriend's car. Somehow, we got on the topic of The Ex and her family and the floodgates opened.
I said that The Ex and her siblings were extremely dramatic; Girlfriend agreed completely. I told her about one incident when The Ex called the kids right before they went to bed; Son was about twelve years old at the time. When Son got off the phone with her, his entire attitude had changed. We asked what was wrong; Son said that The Ex had told him that his grandpa was having heart problems, that he needed surgery, and that he was so old and weak that he might not live through it. We told Son that his grandpa was going in for a stress test to see how strong his heart was; he was not having surgery at that point in time and it was not as serious as The Ex was making it seem to be. I told Girlfriend that it's one thing to be honest with your kids; it's completely another to call them right before bed and tell them that their grandfather could die.
Girlfriend said that she had heard so many bad things about us from The Ex that she thought we were these wicked, terrible people and she was honestly scared to meet us for the first time. She said, "And then I met you and was like, 'Uh....they are not anything like what [The Ex] had described.'" She said, "You guys have a normal life, and you're happy." I told her that I wasn't surprised at all about what The Ex said about us; it had been going on for years and it wasn't ever going to stop.
I told Girlfriend that I had joked about it in the past, but I just heard this year that The Ex told someone that I was the reason that she and Husband got divorced. Girlfriend laughed and said she had heard the exact same thing. I told her that The Ex and Husband got divorced in 2005, Husband and I didn't start dating until 2006. Girlfriend said, "Okay, so...that doesn't make any sense at all. How would that be your fault? It can't be." (I said to Husband last night that I almost wonder if The Ex is saying I broke up their marriage because she truly believed Husband would come back to her, but I "stopped" him from doing so? Then I laughed and told him that The Ex probably said that I purposely got pregnant with Baby Girl just to keep him from going back to her.)
Girlfriend said, "Can I ask something? Because it's been bugging me." I said of course, she could ask whatever. Girlfriend asked, "How do you have custody? Because my dad went through some stuff with my brother so he knows how the court system works. [Our state] is usually on the side of the mom, so how did you get custody and not [The Ex]?" I told Girlfriend that she'd probably heard every reason in the book from The Ex as a reason why she lost custody - Boyfriend's drinking, Husband is a liar, Son and Daughter said that's what they wanted, etc. Girlfriend said yes, she'd heard Son say more than once that it was "his fault" that The Ex lost custody. I told Girlfriend about a lot of what led up to our filing - Boyfriend and The Ex constantly fighting both verbally and physically in front of the kids, Son's declining grades and The Ex neglecting both of their homework, Son crying when he had to go back to The Ex's house - but I said the kicker was when the kids had told the guardian ad litem that The Ex was leaving them along in the middle of the night with their sister who wasn't even a year old. Girlfriend said, "That is terrible!"
Girlfriend said that her dad has been through the court system over one of her siblings, so he understands how things work. She said that they'd heard The Ex talk about things but the more she talked about them, it didn't add up. Girlfriend said that Son had commented that Husband got custody because Son said he wanted to live with us; she said her dad told him no, that's not how it worked. She said her dad told Son there was something more that happened or went on, but it was definitely not because of Son telling the guardian ad litem he wanted to live with Husband.
I told Girlfriend that I wasn't going to sugarcoat it: I do not like The Ex. But I explained that the reason I don't like her is because she's a terrible human being and she treats her kids like garbage; on the other hand, The Ex doesn't like me because she's petty and jealous.
Girlfriend said that I ought to hear the way that The Ex talks to her youngest kids; I brought up how Daughter had told me that The Ex's youngest daughter "wants Ned to adopt her" which is not a typical train of thought for a 10-year-old child. Girlfriend said that she thought it was funny that Ned was going to adopt The Ex's kids when The Ex had commented something along the lines of, "You know, I really think it's just getting to that point where [Ned] needs to sign away his rights to [Lucifer]." I said I knew, I'd heard all about it. I said Daughter had mentioned it, but I was of the impression that The Ex was against Ned terminating his rights. Girlfriend said no, not at all; The Ex wanted him to sign off. (Of course she does. Lucifer doesn't fit into "her" family; one less person in the house means more money for her and her kids. I honestly don't know why I would ever have thought anything different.)
Girlfriend said, "You know, [Ned] is a really nice guy. And The Ex just walks all over him, and she treats his son like crap." Girlfriend said that Ned makes really good money and that The Ex is also making good money at her job. She said that The Ex spends her money on all this stuff for herself but when it comes to her kids, Ned is supposed to pay for them but on the other hand, The Ex won't spend a penny on Lucifer. I said yes, that's how The Ex is. She never "has any money" when it comes to her own kids; she's been that way since I met Husband and she'll be that way until she dies.
Girlfriend then brought up that Son banks where The Ex is currently working. She said that one day when Son got paid, The Ex asked him if she could borrow $50. Son was on the fence about it, Girlfriend told him that she didn't think he should. Girlfriend said, "That same day that [The Ex] asked to borrow money, Son and I went out for dinner. [The Ex and Ned] were at the SAME restaurant, the same day she was asking [Son] to loan her $50." I said I wasn't surprised because that's how The Ex is; she sees nothing wrong with her behavior.
Girlfriend mentioned that The Ex had claimed there was a period of time when we cut off all contact with her, that we refused to let her speak with or see the kids, and that she had no idea where they were. I rolled my eyes and said, "Okay, so here's what ACTUALLY happened..." I explained to Girlfriend that yes, we did withhold placement for quite a few months because of multiple reasons. One was that Boyfriend had gotten arrested for his fifth drunk driving despite The Ex telling everyone that he had stopped drinking. The other was that Daughter got lice twice when she was with The Ex; the second time it happened, The Ex shaved the back of Daughter's head and told her to lie to us about it. I told Girlfriend that our youngest son was only a year old and he couldn't be treated for lice; The Ex didn't care, she just didn't want to "get in trouble" for Daughter continuing to get lice while in her care. I told Girlfriend that The Ex could have very easily told Husband that she had lice in her home and worked out a different placement arrangement to keep Son and Daughter from being exposed to it; but no, it was more important to The Ex that she get the kids on the schedule that she wanted rather than keeping them safe. I told Girlfriend that while we were withholding placement, The Ex knew where the kids were the entire time and we let them speak to her on the phone; at no point did we cut off contact. I said we didn't let the kids go to The Ex's house on her placement weekends, but we still have the emails where Husband offered repeatedly to meet The Ex somewhere so that she could spend time with the kids. I said to Girlfriend, "In fact, we were so nice about it, that we drove all the way to [New City] for [The Ex's youngest son's] birthday party. We wanted the kids to be there for their brother. But I'm sure she didn't tell you that, either." Girlfriend said no, she hadn't heard any of this; The Ex just said we took off with the kids and she couldn't see them or talk to them.
Girlfriend said that when The Ex found out that Husband and I were coming to the baby shower, her jaw dropped. Girlfriend said that The Ex actually threatened to not attend the baby shower if we were going to be there; she said that it shouldn't have mattered who was coming to the shower. I told Girlfriend that's exactly what I had said to her at the hospital; it didn't matter to us because we were there for them and not for The Ex, but she doesn't see it that way.
Toward the end of our conversation, I told Girlfriend that the difference between me and The Ex is that I can prove everything that I'm saying. I've got court records, emails, screenshots, text messages, etc. The Ex just lies about us and then if you catch her in a lie, she spins it into something else - typically it's that Husband and/or I am sleeping with whoever is calling her out.
Girlfriend said Son had asked her which of his parents she liked better; she said before she would have said The Ex, but now? Well...let's just say her preference is not The Ex.
Back when we were all at the hospital and Girlfriend was in labor, Husband had said half-jokingly that The Ex wouldn't come in the hospital room if he and I were in there; Girlfriend agreed and said that The Ex "is very immature." (This was the first time I had heard Girlfriend say something negative about The Ex. Her dad already told us how he felt, but to hear it directly from her was pretty interesting.) I shrugged and told Girlfriend that we weren't there for The Ex; we were there for her, Son, and their baby.
Friday night, Husband and Girlfriend were going through some old pictures of Son and Daughter when they were younger. Son went to take care of the baby and Girlfriend immediately started telling Husband that she doesn't like The Ex. She said that The Ex is always "putting shit in [Son's] head" and manipulating him and that it drives her crazy. Girlfriend said that Son can be in a really good mood at home, he'll go over to The Ex's place, and come home pissed off. She also said that once they had the baby's name picked out, The Ex had tried to convince them throughout the entire pregnancy that they ought to change it.
A little while later, Son went to the gas station for something and Girlfriend brought up The Ex again. She said that it's hard to talk to Son about it; if she said anything negative about The Ex, he'd get angry and defensive. She said that The Ex had been trying to talk to Son about him having to pay child support or something along those lines; I told Girlfriend that for her sake, she needed to not listen to The Ex because she had no idea what she was talking about. Husband told Girlfriend that anything they needed to be done, they ought to ask me for it and I'd get it typed up for them and taken care of.
Sunday afternoon, Husband and Son went to get the oil changed on Girlfriend's car. Somehow, we got on the topic of The Ex and her family and the floodgates opened.
I said that The Ex and her siblings were extremely dramatic; Girlfriend agreed completely. I told her about one incident when The Ex called the kids right before they went to bed; Son was about twelve years old at the time. When Son got off the phone with her, his entire attitude had changed. We asked what was wrong; Son said that The Ex had told him that his grandpa was having heart problems, that he needed surgery, and that he was so old and weak that he might not live through it. We told Son that his grandpa was going in for a stress test to see how strong his heart was; he was not having surgery at that point in time and it was not as serious as The Ex was making it seem to be. I told Girlfriend that it's one thing to be honest with your kids; it's completely another to call them right before bed and tell them that their grandfather could die.
Girlfriend said that she had heard so many bad things about us from The Ex that she thought we were these wicked, terrible people and she was honestly scared to meet us for the first time. She said, "And then I met you and was like, 'Uh....they are not anything like what [The Ex] had described.'" She said, "You guys have a normal life, and you're happy." I told her that I wasn't surprised at all about what The Ex said about us; it had been going on for years and it wasn't ever going to stop.
I told Girlfriend that I had joked about it in the past, but I just heard this year that The Ex told someone that I was the reason that she and Husband got divorced. Girlfriend laughed and said she had heard the exact same thing. I told her that The Ex and Husband got divorced in 2005, Husband and I didn't start dating until 2006. Girlfriend said, "Okay, so...that doesn't make any sense at all. How would that be your fault? It can't be." (I said to Husband last night that I almost wonder if The Ex is saying I broke up their marriage because she truly believed Husband would come back to her, but I "stopped" him from doing so? Then I laughed and told him that The Ex probably said that I purposely got pregnant with Baby Girl just to keep him from going back to her.)
Girlfriend said, "Can I ask something? Because it's been bugging me." I said of course, she could ask whatever. Girlfriend asked, "How do you have custody? Because my dad went through some stuff with my brother so he knows how the court system works. [Our state] is usually on the side of the mom, so how did you get custody and not [The Ex]?" I told Girlfriend that she'd probably heard every reason in the book from The Ex as a reason why she lost custody - Boyfriend's drinking, Husband is a liar, Son and Daughter said that's what they wanted, etc. Girlfriend said yes, she'd heard Son say more than once that it was "his fault" that The Ex lost custody. I told Girlfriend about a lot of what led up to our filing - Boyfriend and The Ex constantly fighting both verbally and physically in front of the kids, Son's declining grades and The Ex neglecting both of their homework, Son crying when he had to go back to The Ex's house - but I said the kicker was when the kids had told the guardian ad litem that The Ex was leaving them along in the middle of the night with their sister who wasn't even a year old. Girlfriend said, "That is terrible!"
Girlfriend said that her dad has been through the court system over one of her siblings, so he understands how things work. She said that they'd heard The Ex talk about things but the more she talked about them, it didn't add up. Girlfriend said that Son had commented that Husband got custody because Son said he wanted to live with us; she said her dad told him no, that's not how it worked. She said her dad told Son there was something more that happened or went on, but it was definitely not because of Son telling the guardian ad litem he wanted to live with Husband.
I told Girlfriend that I wasn't going to sugarcoat it: I do not like The Ex. But I explained that the reason I don't like her is because she's a terrible human being and she treats her kids like garbage; on the other hand, The Ex doesn't like me because she's petty and jealous.
Girlfriend said that I ought to hear the way that The Ex talks to her youngest kids; I brought up how Daughter had told me that The Ex's youngest daughter "wants Ned to adopt her" which is not a typical train of thought for a 10-year-old child. Girlfriend said that she thought it was funny that Ned was going to adopt The Ex's kids when The Ex had commented something along the lines of, "You know, I really think it's just getting to that point where [Ned] needs to sign away his rights to [Lucifer]." I said I knew, I'd heard all about it. I said Daughter had mentioned it, but I was of the impression that The Ex was against Ned terminating his rights. Girlfriend said no, not at all; The Ex wanted him to sign off. (Of course she does. Lucifer doesn't fit into "her" family; one less person in the house means more money for her and her kids. I honestly don't know why I would ever have thought anything different.)
Girlfriend said, "You know, [Ned] is a really nice guy. And The Ex just walks all over him, and she treats his son like crap." Girlfriend said that Ned makes really good money and that The Ex is also making good money at her job. She said that The Ex spends her money on all this stuff for herself but when it comes to her kids, Ned is supposed to pay for them but on the other hand, The Ex won't spend a penny on Lucifer. I said yes, that's how The Ex is. She never "has any money" when it comes to her own kids; she's been that way since I met Husband and she'll be that way until she dies.
Girlfriend then brought up that Son banks where The Ex is currently working. She said that one day when Son got paid, The Ex asked him if she could borrow $50. Son was on the fence about it, Girlfriend told him that she didn't think he should. Girlfriend said, "That same day that [The Ex] asked to borrow money, Son and I went out for dinner. [The Ex and Ned] were at the SAME restaurant, the same day she was asking [Son] to loan her $50." I said I wasn't surprised because that's how The Ex is; she sees nothing wrong with her behavior.
Girlfriend mentioned that The Ex had claimed there was a period of time when we cut off all contact with her, that we refused to let her speak with or see the kids, and that she had no idea where they were. I rolled my eyes and said, "Okay, so here's what ACTUALLY happened..." I explained to Girlfriend that yes, we did withhold placement for quite a few months because of multiple reasons. One was that Boyfriend had gotten arrested for his fifth drunk driving despite The Ex telling everyone that he had stopped drinking. The other was that Daughter got lice twice when she was with The Ex; the second time it happened, The Ex shaved the back of Daughter's head and told her to lie to us about it. I told Girlfriend that our youngest son was only a year old and he couldn't be treated for lice; The Ex didn't care, she just didn't want to "get in trouble" for Daughter continuing to get lice while in her care. I told Girlfriend that The Ex could have very easily told Husband that she had lice in her home and worked out a different placement arrangement to keep Son and Daughter from being exposed to it; but no, it was more important to The Ex that she get the kids on the schedule that she wanted rather than keeping them safe. I told Girlfriend that while we were withholding placement, The Ex knew where the kids were the entire time and we let them speak to her on the phone; at no point did we cut off contact. I said we didn't let the kids go to The Ex's house on her placement weekends, but we still have the emails where Husband offered repeatedly to meet The Ex somewhere so that she could spend time with the kids. I said to Girlfriend, "In fact, we were so nice about it, that we drove all the way to [New City] for [The Ex's youngest son's] birthday party. We wanted the kids to be there for their brother. But I'm sure she didn't tell you that, either." Girlfriend said no, she hadn't heard any of this; The Ex just said we took off with the kids and she couldn't see them or talk to them.
Girlfriend said that when The Ex found out that Husband and I were coming to the baby shower, her jaw dropped. Girlfriend said that The Ex actually threatened to not attend the baby shower if we were going to be there; she said that it shouldn't have mattered who was coming to the shower. I told Girlfriend that's exactly what I had said to her at the hospital; it didn't matter to us because we were there for them and not for The Ex, but she doesn't see it that way.
Toward the end of our conversation, I told Girlfriend that the difference between me and The Ex is that I can prove everything that I'm saying. I've got court records, emails, screenshots, text messages, etc. The Ex just lies about us and then if you catch her in a lie, she spins it into something else - typically it's that Husband and/or I am sleeping with whoever is calling her out.
Girlfriend said Son had asked her which of his parents she liked better; she said before she would have said The Ex, but now? Well...let's just say her preference is not The Ex.
LOL. NONE of this is surprising. I'd be careful that Girlfriend isn't playing both sides though. Just so she could go back to The Ex & repeat everything you said just to stir the pot. Not that it really matters now as Son is grown with his own child & Daughter is older & knows how things really are.
ReplyDeleteTwo other people have said the same exact same thing regarding Girlfriend repeating everything to The Ex. My response is, "Okay. And if she does what's The Ex going to do, get mad? She's already mad." #sorrynotsorry 😂
DeleteHaha, I completely agree!
ReplyDelete