Now I really don't know what to do.
So apparently, this investigation into The Ex and/or Ned started when Daughter was on spring break and was at their house. A social worker and a police officer came to the house and spoke to Ned. Allegedly, he offered to let them speak to Daughter but they declined...only to contact our county three weeks later and ask them to speak to Daughter, which doesn't make any sense but whatever.
Since Daughter talked to the social worker, I've learned quite a few things. The Ex admitted out loud that the investigation was happening because of "a little bruise that [Lucifer] got from a spanking" and accused Ned's ex-wife of "pushing on it" to make it look worse than it was. (So she basically admitted that not only do she and/or Ned spank Lucifer, but one of them hit him hard enough to leave a bruise. I don't know what your thoughts on spanking are, but there should never be a bruise on a child as a result of having their butt smacked. Ever.)
Since Daughter talked to the social worker, I've learned quite a few things. The Ex admitted out loud that the investigation was happening because of "a little bruise that [Lucifer] got from a spanking" and accused Ned's ex-wife of "pushing on it" to make it look worse than it was. (So she basically admitted that not only do she and/or Ned spank Lucifer, but one of them hit him hard enough to leave a bruise. I don't know what your thoughts on spanking are, but there should never be a bruise on a child as a result of having their butt smacked. Ever.)
The Ex was also coaching Daughter about what to say when the social worker came to speak to her. The Ex said that Daughter should: not make her or Ned look bad; say that Lucifer is a liar and he'll look you in the face, lie to you, and make you believe he's telling the truth even though you know he's lying; tell the county that Ned's ex-wife is crazy, that she kicked The Ex's dog, and that she doesn't have respect for anyone. (Projection, much?)
The Ex's contempt for Lucifer is very apparent. She kept calling him a liar, told Daughter that he should've been getting spanked when she first met Ned but "he got away for a year with no spankings" (Which indicates to me that he's been getting spanked for nearly 3 years now. Yet somehow, Daughter "never" witnessed this.) The Ex also stated, "That kid fucking deserves more than a fucking spanking." (Lucifer is seven. Seven years old. Exactly what does a seven-year-old "deserve" that's above and beyond a spanking?!)
I've been thinking back about how all of this has played out. Daughter says that Lucifer is "a child of the devil" and he's not disciplined. But really, let's break down how his life has played out so far. At the age of 3, his parents split up; he stayed in the house with his mom, Ned moved in with his own parents during the divorce. Shortly after he turned 4, the divorce was finalized and Ned started dating The Ex. Ned's ex moved out of his house, presumably with Lucifer; Ned moved back in, bringing The Ex and her four kids with him. Lucifer's parents are no longer together, he doesn't live in his own home anymore, his dad is romantically involved with another woman, he now has to share not just his home but his own bedroom with another boy that he doesn't know, and the new woman living in his home is mean to him.
Honestly, how could you expect any child to handle this without acting out negatively? Why on earth has nobody gotten this child to see a therapist? My heart hurts for this kid. Yes, he may be spoiled. Yes, he may be naughty. But holy hell...can you imagine living with The Ex on a regular basis?
After this revelation, I'm torn. We could call the social worker from their county and prove everything I've written here. On one hand, I want to stay out of it completely; on the other hand, Lucifer is being subjected to who knows what in his father's home. I really don't know what to do anymore...
The Ex's contempt for Lucifer is very apparent. She kept calling him a liar, told Daughter that he should've been getting spanked when she first met Ned but "he got away for a year with no spankings" (Which indicates to me that he's been getting spanked for nearly 3 years now. Yet somehow, Daughter "never" witnessed this.) The Ex also stated, "That kid fucking deserves more than a fucking spanking." (Lucifer is seven. Seven years old. Exactly what does a seven-year-old "deserve" that's above and beyond a spanking?!)
I've been thinking back about how all of this has played out. Daughter says that Lucifer is "a child of the devil" and he's not disciplined. But really, let's break down how his life has played out so far. At the age of 3, his parents split up; he stayed in the house with his mom, Ned moved in with his own parents during the divorce. Shortly after he turned 4, the divorce was finalized and Ned started dating The Ex. Ned's ex moved out of his house, presumably with Lucifer; Ned moved back in, bringing The Ex and her four kids with him. Lucifer's parents are no longer together, he doesn't live in his own home anymore, his dad is romantically involved with another woman, he now has to share not just his home but his own bedroom with another boy that he doesn't know, and the new woman living in his home is mean to him.
Honestly, how could you expect any child to handle this without acting out negatively? Why on earth has nobody gotten this child to see a therapist? My heart hurts for this kid. Yes, he may be spoiled. Yes, he may be naughty. But holy hell...can you imagine living with The Ex on a regular basis?
After this revelation, I'm torn. We could call the social worker from their county and prove everything I've written here. On one hand, I want to stay out of it completely; on the other hand, Lucifer is being subjected to who knows what in his father's home. I really don't know what to do anymore...
I would sit down with your DH and decide together what to do. Weigh the effect it might have on Daughter. Honestly if there is suspected abuse, I would voice my concerns to the social worker. My SD just came to live with us full time at 16 years old. Her mom has been verbally abusing her (and still is via cell and text) and it is so hard to see what that is doing emotionally. The boy needs stability, not terror every time he goes to visit his father.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, since you KNOW she admitted to spanking Lucifer, & that the bruise came from one of them spanking, yes. It's time to call the social worker & tell them what you know. This is information pertaining to the open investigation. Not you pointing fingers and saying "She's a POS & here's how I know." If that makes any sense? You look less like your stirring the pot, & protecting a child who CLEARLY needs it at this point.
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