Well, they did it.
The Ex and Ned officially got married the day before Easter.
Daughter had been talking about it for a couple of weeks, saying lots of not-so-nice things. She's come straight out before and said she didn't think the two of them should be getting married. Early last week, Daughter commented to nobody in particular that The Ex and Ned needed couples therapy before they got married and then added, "And Mom(The Ex) needs therapy by herself." (Daughter isn't even 17 yet. She recognizes the immaturity that her mother's relationship is built on and can identify her mom's mental/emotional instability. Honestly, it's like she got none of The Ex's genes whatsoever.) Daughter asked me "what would happen" if she stood up when they were asked if anyone objected to the wedding. I told Daughter not to do that. Daughter asked if it really would do anything or if it was just something they asked at weddings. I said objecting would pretty much do nothing; The Ex would probably be furious with her but it wasn't going to stop her and Ned from actually getting married if that's what they wanted to do.
That same day, Daughter was complaining about Ned. She said that when The Ex first moved in with him, she and Son stayed at their grandparents' house for a few months because they didn't like Ned and they didn't want to be at his house. The Ex thought the best solution for this would be to sit down with the kids at her parents' house and have her parents talk to Son and Daughter about getting to know Ned and accepting him...while Ned was sitting in the room with them. Daughter said it was super awkward and she didn't really pay attention while they were talking so she's not even sure what any of them said.
A couple of days later Daughter was talking about The Ex and Ned getting married said, "I can't wait to see her hair. She'd better not have her devil horns." I tried really hard not to laugh and told Daughter not to say that about her mom's hair. (The Ex's hair is terrible. I'm still going to be the bigger person and tell Daughter not to make fun of it, even if I do when Son and Daughter aren't around.) Daughter said, "What? We've called them that for years; you know why? She told [The Ex's youngest nephew], 'You need to cut your hair.' He looked right at her and said, 'You need to cut your devil horns.'" (It took everything inside of me not to burst out laughing at this.) I said I couldn't imagine that The Ex took too kindly to her bangs being referred to as "devil horns." Daughter said she was pretty mad about it, but everyone kept calling them "devil horns" as the years went on.
If I remember correctly, Daughter said the place that The Ex and Ned chose as their wedding site was the same place that they went "waterfalling" on their first vacation together over 2 1/2 years ago. I can understand the nostalgia, not to mention that it's their wedding and they can do it wherever they want, but the entire thing was illogical to me. First of all, the hotel they booked is almost 2 1/2 hours from their house; fine, whatever. Second, the wedding site is another hour and a half from the hotel. Third, they only got married at the waterfall but then had the reception at the hotel. So they basically drove two and a half hours, stayed at the hotel, drove another hour and a half, got married, drove back to the hotel, spent the night again, and then drove another two and a half hours home. I'm sure there have been other weddings in the world that were much more complex but...this just seems ridiculous to me, especially since The Ex is always complaining that she's "tired of driving" and that she "doesn't have any money." But anyway...
After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, a few people started to upload pictures. The Ex looked decent, I'll give her that. In the 13+ years that I've been with Husband, I've never seen her hair look that good. Daughter told me that she made a point of telling the hairstylist to make sure that she put The Ex's bangs up and not leave them hanging out. (I'm sure she's already switched back to the devil horns.)
The Ex wore a white dress and a veil. (For those of you who are counting, this is her third husband, she has four biological children, and she's been living with this man for nearly four years. Maybe I'm too traditional for my own good but honestly, this just seems like a bad joke.) Daughter said she liked the dress and I'll admit, it was nice enough. I mean, her boobs were kind of smushed together creating cleavage which was weird for a wedding. That, and the fact that The Ex looked like she was about 8 months pregnant. But the dress itself was nice. I showed someone a picture of the veil because it just didn't look right to me; he said it looked like an umbrella hat and now I can't unsee it. Son and Ned had on matching clothes with blue boutonnieres; Daughter had on a blue dress; The Ex's younger son had on clothing that was similar to Son and Ned...aaaaand The Ex's younger daughter had on a red dress that matched absolutely nothing.
Can I just say that I find it totally weird that there aren't any pictures of Daughter at this wedding? There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with Son, Girlfriend, and their baby. There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with The Ex's friend and her son. There's a picture of the friend's son with The Ex's youngest two kids. There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with all of The Ex's siblings and parents. There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with her parents. But there are NO pictures of Daughter. (Edited to add: I was thinking about it and now I think know why. Daughter looked like a movie star compared to The Ex, so I'm sure her jealousy took over and she "forgot" to take a picture with Daughter.)
Now comes the really good stuff. Let's start by saying that I don't think Ned's parents like The Ex. About a month before the wedding, Ned's dad shared a Facebook memory about The Ex's divorce from Boyfriend(I blogged about it here.) and wrote:
"This memory is very appropriate as I prepare for the wedding this Easter Weekend." (Call me crazy, but I don't perceive that as a compliment. The Ex's second divorce is "very appropriate" for her third wedding? What the hell?)
In addition to the weird post by Ned's dad, apparently the only thing Ned's mom said to The Ex on the day of the wedding was, "Welcome to the family." Daughter told me that Ned's mom would talk to a group of people at once, but that's the one and only thing she said directly to The Ex the entire day. I asked how Daughter knew this and she said, "Mom told me." (So The Ex is already fighting with her in-laws before they're even her in-laws. Cool.)
Daughter told us that the wedding was stupid; I didn't expect anything else because she didn't even want to be there in the first place. Daughter said that this waterfall was inside of a state park that wasn't officially open for the season; since the park wasn't open-open, not all of the trails were cleaned off. Daughter said there was still some snow on the trails and Ned forgot a shovel, so they were all trying to walk downhill in the snow; Daughter said a few people were wearing heels and The Ex's dad was in his wheelchair, so it was an adventure getting everyone to the wedding site. In addition to the closed/snowy trails, not all of the bathrooms were open; Daughter said they found a single open bathroom that "literally had crap smeared on the walls." (Gross. I mean, it's kind of fitting for The Ex but still...that's gross.) Daughter also said there was an athletic bag in the bathroom that looked like an animal had attacked it. (I speculated that some sick jerk had probably thrown an animal into the bag, zipped it shut, and tossed it into the bathroom which resulted in the animal clawing its way out and leaving the bag looking like it did. I'm sad again just writing about it.) Daughter said Ned's friend officiated the wedding; she said you could barely hear the service over the waterfall and that they should have brought a microphone. (This is just plain stupidity. It's not exactly a surprise that waterfalls are loud, not to mention that they had already been to this site so they should have been aware of this fact.) Daughter said Ned's friend also had a coughing fit which was followed by him losing his voice.
The best part of this entire endeavor is two of the comments that The Ex made on Facebook after the wedding. The first one was on a picture of Ned, The Ex, her parents, and all of her siblings. The Ex commented:
"LOVE YOU GUYS!!! THANKS FOR NOT RUINING THE WEDDING..." (I don't even know how to interpret this. Did she honestly think someone in her family would ruin her wedding? What kind of comment is this? I just don't get it...)
The second comment is my favorite. The Ex's friend uploaded pictures, tagged The Ex and Ned, and thanked them for inviting her to join their special day. Literally the day after the wedding, The Ex commented:
"I couldn't have done it without you. (So far, so good.) Your (*You're) my best friend and I needed you more than you know... (Funny, just a few years ago she proclaimed on Facebook that her cousin was "her sister and bff" and now that I've typed this, I don't think that cousin or her parents came to the wedding.) I love you!!! (Okay, this is still going well.) Wedding was shity... (...what? Who says this 24 hours after their wedding?!) but you kept [Ned first & last name] and I together!!! (One of my friends pointed out, "They needed help staying together before they were married?!") Don't know how I'll ever repay you for your shoulder and ear..." (This is the same friend who helped The Ex fill out her restraining order paperwork; she's also the same one that The Ex talked to about the stipulation Husband offered her almost 4 years ago. Oh, and she filled up The Ex's car with gas after The Ex let Son drive himself and Daughter down for Father's Day without making sure they had enough gas to get home. This woman seems like she does quite a bit for The Ex without ever getting any reciprocity which is typical when you're friends with a narcissist.)
Daughter said to someone else a few days ago that The Ex said on the day of the wedding that "it was terrible and she didn't like it whatsoever." Once again, I shouldn't be surprised by her behavior but I am. She's such a spoiled brat with no regard for anyone's feelings except for her own.
Edited to add: I'm watching on Facebook to see how long it takes The Ex to change her last name to Ned's last name. So far we're at 10 days and she's still going by her maiden name.
That same day, Daughter was complaining about Ned. She said that when The Ex first moved in with him, she and Son stayed at their grandparents' house for a few months because they didn't like Ned and they didn't want to be at his house. The Ex thought the best solution for this would be to sit down with the kids at her parents' house and have her parents talk to Son and Daughter about getting to know Ned and accepting him...while Ned was sitting in the room with them. Daughter said it was super awkward and she didn't really pay attention while they were talking so she's not even sure what any of them said.
A couple of days later Daughter was talking about The Ex and Ned getting married said, "I can't wait to see her hair. She'd better not have her devil horns." I tried really hard not to laugh and told Daughter not to say that about her mom's hair. (The Ex's hair is terrible. I'm still going to be the bigger person and tell Daughter not to make fun of it, even if I do when Son and Daughter aren't around.) Daughter said, "What? We've called them that for years; you know why? She told [The Ex's youngest nephew], 'You need to cut your hair.' He looked right at her and said, 'You need to cut your devil horns.'" (It took everything inside of me not to burst out laughing at this.) I said I couldn't imagine that The Ex took too kindly to her bangs being referred to as "devil horns." Daughter said she was pretty mad about it, but everyone kept calling them "devil horns" as the years went on.
If I remember correctly, Daughter said the place that The Ex and Ned chose as their wedding site was the same place that they went "waterfalling" on their first vacation together over 2 1/2 years ago. I can understand the nostalgia, not to mention that it's their wedding and they can do it wherever they want, but the entire thing was illogical to me. First of all, the hotel they booked is almost 2 1/2 hours from their house; fine, whatever. Second, the wedding site is another hour and a half from the hotel. Third, they only got married at the waterfall but then had the reception at the hotel. So they basically drove two and a half hours, stayed at the hotel, drove another hour and a half, got married, drove back to the hotel, spent the night again, and then drove another two and a half hours home. I'm sure there have been other weddings in the world that were much more complex but...this just seems ridiculous to me, especially since The Ex is always complaining that she's "tired of driving" and that she "doesn't have any money." But anyway...
After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, a few people started to upload pictures. The Ex looked decent, I'll give her that. In the 13+ years that I've been with Husband, I've never seen her hair look that good. Daughter told me that she made a point of telling the hairstylist to make sure that she put The Ex's bangs up and not leave them hanging out. (I'm sure she's already switched back to the devil horns.)
The Ex wore a white dress and a veil. (For those of you who are counting, this is her third husband, she has four biological children, and she's been living with this man for nearly four years. Maybe I'm too traditional for my own good but honestly, this just seems like a bad joke.) Daughter said she liked the dress and I'll admit, it was nice enough. I mean, her boobs were kind of smushed together creating cleavage which was weird for a wedding. That, and the fact that The Ex looked like she was about 8 months pregnant. But the dress itself was nice. I showed someone a picture of the veil because it just didn't look right to me; he said it looked like an umbrella hat and now I can't unsee it. Son and Ned had on matching clothes with blue boutonnieres; Daughter had on a blue dress; The Ex's younger son had on clothing that was similar to Son and Ned...aaaaand The Ex's younger daughter had on a red dress that matched absolutely nothing.
Can I just say that I find it totally weird that there aren't any pictures of Daughter at this wedding? There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with Son, Girlfriend, and their baby. There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with The Ex's friend and her son. There's a picture of the friend's son with The Ex's youngest two kids. There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with all of The Ex's siblings and parents. There's a picture of The Ex & Ned standing with her parents. But there are NO pictures of Daughter. (Edited to add: I was thinking about it and now I think know why. Daughter looked like a movie star compared to The Ex, so I'm sure her jealousy took over and she "forgot" to take a picture with Daughter.)
"This memory is very appropriate as I prepare for the wedding this Easter Weekend." (Call me crazy, but I don't perceive that as a compliment. The Ex's second divorce is "very appropriate" for her third wedding? What the hell?)
In addition to the weird post by Ned's dad, apparently the only thing Ned's mom said to The Ex on the day of the wedding was, "Welcome to the family." Daughter told me that Ned's mom would talk to a group of people at once, but that's the one and only thing she said directly to The Ex the entire day. I asked how Daughter knew this and she said, "Mom told me." (So The Ex is already fighting with her in-laws before they're even her in-laws. Cool.)
Daughter told us that the wedding was stupid; I didn't expect anything else because she didn't even want to be there in the first place. Daughter said that this waterfall was inside of a state park that wasn't officially open for the season; since the park wasn't open-open, not all of the trails were cleaned off. Daughter said there was still some snow on the trails and Ned forgot a shovel, so they were all trying to walk downhill in the snow; Daughter said a few people were wearing heels and The Ex's dad was in his wheelchair, so it was an adventure getting everyone to the wedding site. In addition to the closed/snowy trails, not all of the bathrooms were open; Daughter said they found a single open bathroom that "literally had crap smeared on the walls." (Gross. I mean, it's kind of fitting for The Ex but still...that's gross.) Daughter also said there was an athletic bag in the bathroom that looked like an animal had attacked it. (I speculated that some sick jerk had probably thrown an animal into the bag, zipped it shut, and tossed it into the bathroom which resulted in the animal clawing its way out and leaving the bag looking like it did. I'm sad again just writing about it.) Daughter said Ned's friend officiated the wedding; she said you could barely hear the service over the waterfall and that they should have brought a microphone. (This is just plain stupidity. It's not exactly a surprise that waterfalls are loud, not to mention that they had already been to this site so they should have been aware of this fact.) Daughter said Ned's friend also had a coughing fit which was followed by him losing his voice.
The best part of this entire endeavor is two of the comments that The Ex made on Facebook after the wedding. The first one was on a picture of Ned, The Ex, her parents, and all of her siblings. The Ex commented:
"LOVE YOU GUYS!!! THANKS FOR NOT RUINING THE WEDDING..." (I don't even know how to interpret this. Did she honestly think someone in her family would ruin her wedding? What kind of comment is this? I just don't get it...)
The second comment is my favorite. The Ex's friend uploaded pictures, tagged The Ex and Ned, and thanked them for inviting her to join their special day. Literally the day after the wedding, The Ex commented:
"I couldn't have done it without you. (So far, so good.) Your (*You're) my best friend and I needed you more than you know... (Funny, just a few years ago she proclaimed on Facebook that her cousin was "her sister and bff" and now that I've typed this, I don't think that cousin or her parents came to the wedding.) I love you!!! (Okay, this is still going well.) Wedding was shity... (...what? Who says this 24 hours after their wedding?!) but you kept [Ned first & last name] and I together!!! (One of my friends pointed out, "They needed help staying together before they were married?!") Don't know how I'll ever repay you for your shoulder and ear..." (This is the same friend who helped The Ex fill out her restraining order paperwork; she's also the same one that The Ex talked to about the stipulation Husband offered her almost 4 years ago. Oh, and she filled up The Ex's car with gas after The Ex let Son drive himself and Daughter down for Father's Day without making sure they had enough gas to get home. This woman seems like she does quite a bit for The Ex without ever getting any reciprocity which is typical when you're friends with a narcissist.)
Daughter said to someone else a few days ago that The Ex said on the day of the wedding that "it was terrible and she didn't like it whatsoever." Once again, I shouldn't be surprised by her behavior but I am. She's such a spoiled brat with no regard for anyone's feelings except for her own.
Edited to add: I'm watching on Facebook to see how long it takes The Ex to change her last name to Ned's last name. So far we're at 10 days and she's still going by her maiden name.
I have to say it. That friend was coughing and lost his voice because that was a higher power trying to tell Ned, his dumbass still has time to run. That poor fool didn’t gain a wife, he signed himself up for future alimony. Did the ex look all stay puffed in white? I’m cracking up
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