"Bring chairs."
Girlfriend messaged me on Snapchat on Monday night, asking if she could ask me a question and said she didn't want it getting back to The Ex. I told her of course; I said that I never talked to The Ex and I certainly wouldn't repeat anything she asked, especially knowing that she didn't want The Ex knowing about it.
Girlfriend replied:
"Is grandparent rights a thing in [Our State]? I just got into an argument with her and she brought it up. Shes fucking crazy I swear to god. I dont have an issue with her until she started bad mouthing me to everyone. Shes saying Im brain washing [Son] and that Im keeping [the baby] from her and shit. I dont care if she dont like me but she should still have reaspect. She told me she can get custody of him and I just stopped responding. She got mad we didnt go to [The Ex's son's] game today when she told us at 5:38 and it was at 6:00. I'm not telling [Son] about anything only because hes sick and stressing out as is."
I know I really, really need to stop being surprised by The Ex's behavior. I just can't fathom how she managed to turn an invitation to a baseball game into an argument where she accused Girlfriend of brainwashing Son, claimed that they were keeping the baby away from her, and threatened to sue for custody of her 2-month-old grandchild.
She's completely out of her mind.
Girlfriend replied:
"Is grandparent rights a thing in [Our State]? I just got into an argument with her and she brought it up. Shes fucking crazy I swear to god. I dont have an issue with her until she started bad mouthing me to everyone. Shes saying Im brain washing [Son] and that Im keeping [the baby] from her and shit. I dont care if she dont like me but she should still have reaspect. She told me she can get custody of him and I just stopped responding. She got mad we didnt go to [The Ex's son's] game today when she told us at 5:38 and it was at 6:00. I'm not telling [Son] about anything only because hes sick and stressing out as is."
I was, quite frankly, shocked. I know I shouldn't have been because this is what narcissists do. I just honestly forget how mentally unstable The Ex truly is and then things like this happen to remind me.
I asked Girlfriend if she was kidding, and if The Ex had honestly threatened to fight for custody of their son. Girlfriend said she didn't think The Ex was going to do anything but she wanted to know what I thought, considering everything that had happened. I told her that The Ex wouldn't do anything; she might be dumb enough to go visit a lawyer but they would tell her that she doesn't have a case. I told her that grandparents rights ARE a thing, but the baby is only two months old; nobody has an established relationship with him at this point, except Son and Girlfriend.
I asked Girlfriend if she was kidding, and if The Ex had honestly threatened to fight for custody of their son. Girlfriend said she didn't think The Ex was going to do anything but she wanted to know what I thought, considering everything that had happened. I told her that The Ex wouldn't do anything; she might be dumb enough to go visit a lawyer but they would tell her that she doesn't have a case. I told her that grandparents rights ARE a thing, but the baby is only two months old; nobody has an established relationship with him at this point, except Son and Girlfriend.
Girlfriend said okay, it just scared her. She said that The Ex wanted them to leave the baby at her house overnight and got mad when Girlfriend said no. Girlfriend said she didn't have any milk saved and The Ex replied that she would pick up a can of formula. (Girlfriend has been breastfeeding since Day 1, which impresses me. I've known people older than her who opted not to breastfeed because it was easier for them. I'm definitely a "breast is best" mom but it's not my place to tell other people what to do with their kids, so I'm honestly proud of her for making that choice and sticking with it. That being said, I cannot believe that The Ex even has the nerve to suggest that they alter their child's diet just so she can have him spend the night. What the actual hell goes through this woman's mind??)
Girlfriend said again she just wanted to ask because The Ex threatening her had kind of scared her. I said yeah, the thought of losing your kids IS terrifying and the fact that she's even concerned shows that she's a good mom. I sent her some screenshots of a website I visited discussing grandparents' rights in our state; I pointed out that it was repeating what I had said - The Ex would have to prove that she maintained, or had tried to maintain, a relationship with the child. The Ex can't prove that she tried anything other threatening to take their child away. I said that may even be grounds to prove why they don't want the baby spending the night there. Girlfriend said that made her feel a lot better about everything and added, "I swear shes crazy"
I told Girlfriend that The Ex has always put herself first. It doesn't matter if it's her kids, her husband, her parents, her family, her grandson, her friends...she is always her own #1 priority. I said not to get me wrong; you do need to prioritize yourself every once in a while to avoid burnout from always helping everyone else. But for The Ex, it went way above and beyond that. Then I apologized, said I was just babbling but no, I didn't think that The Ex was going to do anything. I said that The Ex felt entitled to the baby and wasn't getting what she wanted, so she was going to threaten them to try and scare them into bringing him around.
Girlfriend said she'd noticed that about The Ex (That she cares more about herself than anyone else.) and said she feels bad for Ned. (I want to, but he chose this. He had ample time and opportunity to walk away; instead, he chose to marry her.) Girlfriend told me to babble all that I wanted; she said I'm the only one that she can talk to about The Ex because her parents are friends with her. Girlfriend said that they do bring the baby around, but The Ex "wants them to jump when she says jump."
Girlfriend said again she just wanted to ask because The Ex threatening her had kind of scared her. I said yeah, the thought of losing your kids IS terrifying and the fact that she's even concerned shows that she's a good mom. I sent her some screenshots of a website I visited discussing grandparents' rights in our state; I pointed out that it was repeating what I had said - The Ex would have to prove that she maintained, or had tried to maintain, a relationship with the child. The Ex can't prove that she tried anything other threatening to take their child away. I said that may even be grounds to prove why they don't want the baby spending the night there. Girlfriend said that made her feel a lot better about everything and added, "I swear shes crazy"
I told Girlfriend that The Ex has always put herself first. It doesn't matter if it's her kids, her husband, her parents, her family, her grandson, her friends...she is always her own #1 priority. I said not to get me wrong; you do need to prioritize yourself every once in a while to avoid burnout from always helping everyone else. But for The Ex, it went way above and beyond that. Then I apologized, said I was just babbling but no, I didn't think that The Ex was going to do anything. I said that The Ex felt entitled to the baby and wasn't getting what she wanted, so she was going to threaten them to try and scare them into bringing him around.
Girlfriend said she'd noticed that about The Ex (That she cares more about herself than anyone else.) and said she feels bad for Ned. (I want to, but he chose this. He had ample time and opportunity to walk away; instead, he chose to marry her.) Girlfriend told me to babble all that I wanted; she said I'm the only one that she can talk to about The Ex because her parents are friends with her. Girlfriend said that they do bring the baby around, but The Ex "wants them to jump when she says jump."
Girlfriend sent a screenshot and said, "This is what started it. LOOK AT THE TIMES" The Ex literally messaged Girlfriend at 5:38pm and wrote:
"[The Ex's son] plays on field 1 at [park name, misspelled] at 6pm"
"Bring chairs"
Girlfriend messaged her back and told her that she didn't see her message until almost 7:30pm. Girlfriend said that Son was sick, they'd like to do things but it was hard when they were told about it at the last minute; Girlfriend said she didn't have any milk saved so she needed time to feed the baby. She also asked what days The Ex's son played.
"[The Ex's son] plays on field 1 at [park name, misspelled] at 6pm"
"Bring chairs"
Girlfriend messaged her back and told her that she didn't see her message until almost 7:30pm. Girlfriend said that Son was sick, they'd like to do things but it was hard when they were told about it at the last minute; Girlfriend said she didn't have any milk saved so she needed time to feed the baby. She also asked what days The Ex's son played.
I was reading the conversation to Husband while it was happening. He said, "They need to get away from her. I'm serious." I told Girlfriend the same thing. I said unfortunately, it wasn't going to get any better; I said I've been watching this for 13+ years and The Ex is getting worse as time goes on. I said that they didn't necessarily have to move by us, although I wouldn't be upset if they did...but they need to put some distance between her and them. Girlfriend said they'd been looking at apartments closer to Son's job which is also by Girlfriend's brother. I said good. I said that Son doesn't see how toxic The Ex is and how she negatively affects him. I told Girlfriend that I wasn't saying they needed to cut off The Ex completely or keep the baby away from her; they have to set boundaries and stick to them because The Ex will absolutely try to cross them.
I know I really, really need to stop being surprised by The Ex's behavior. I just can't fathom how she managed to turn an invitation to a baseball game into an argument where she accused Girlfriend of brainwashing Son, claimed that they were keeping the baby away from her, and threatened to sue for custody of her 2-month-old grandchild.
She's completely out of her mind.
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