How did I forget to share this?!
I honestly thought I blogged about Girlfriend's graduation. I am so sorry for letting this slip through the cracks; you guys are going to love this.
Girlfriend graduated high school about a month and half ago. I'm super proud of her because last year, they weren't even sure she was going to graduate; she had slacked off/skipped class too much. Now she not only graduated, but she did it with a 2-month-old baby that she is exclusively breastfeeding. I really give her props.
The graduation ceremony fell on The Ex's placement weekend. Daughter asked if I was coming to the ceremony; I said yes and that I could take her with me to save The Ex a trip, but I worked until 5pm that day so I didn't want The Ex flipping out that we weren't going to be there at the typical exchange time of 5:30pm. Daughter said no, it was fine.
We drove up to Tiny City, walked into the high school, and found where Son was sitting with The Ex, her kids, Ned, and some of their other friends/family. We walked up the bleachers and sat with everyone; one of their friends was holding the baby. I half-jokingly told Son to let her know that if her arms got tired, I was totally good with holding the baby; she laughed and gave him to me so I got baby snuggles the entire time which made my whole weekend. I'm sure The Ex was seething.
Girlfriend walked in, we all cheered and clapped for her. As she found her seat, she turned to see where we were and I caught her eye. I waved, she waved back, everyone saw her waving and started cheering again. The Ex threw her arm up in the air, waved frantically while practically jumping over Daughter who was standing in front of her, and yelled, "[GIRLFRIEND]!!!" (I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at her because she had literally threatened to sue for custody of the baby four days prior to this; now, she's in the gym acting like they're best friends after Girlfriend told me that The Ex is "fucking crazy." Husband said, "You know she was only doing it because you were there." Anyway...)
So after the ceremony, it was the typical hurry-up-and-wait while the bajillion people try to pool out of the gym at the same time. The woman who was holding the baby decided we'd change his diaper since we were sitting there so we ended up being some of the last people to leave the gym. (The Ex and Ned were long gone. For someone who bitches about never getting to see her grandson, The Ex certainly didn't show any interest in him the entire time that I was there.) We get out to the hallway, find Girlfriend, tell her congratulations and hug her. Daughter asks Son, "Where's Mom?" Son, who was notably irritated, replied, "I don't know. I think she went home." (It was her placement weekend. I drove Daughter two hours to Tiny City; The Ex left her at the high school.) Daughter got irritated and said, "Oh, that's cool. Is Grandma here?" Son said he didn't know. Daughter said she was going to have to find someone to give her a ride to Ned's and asked Son if he could; I told them it was fine, I was already there, I could give her a ride when we left. Daughter looked at her phone and saw she had a text from The Ex that read something along the lines of, "I left. Find a ride home." (Love you too, Mom.)
None of us had eaten dinner yet so we were going to stop somewhere; Son and Girlfriend said they were going to go to the local Mexican restaurant. I asked if we could meet them there, they said yes but the baby was hungry so Girlfriend was going to feed him first and she said we could come wait at her parents' house. By the time we got to the restaurant, they were getting ready to close so we just went to Subway, got food, and I went to drop Daughter off.
But of course, that can't be all that happened. During the course of all of this, The Ex was blowing. up. Daughter's. phone. She kept texting asking where Daughter was, what time she'd be home, complaining that she was going to go to bed because she had to work in the morning, etc. Daughter showed me these texts, which is just the tail end of the conversation. This is exactly what The Ex sent. I redacted only the faces, two names, and The Ex's phone number.
I read the last text where The Ex screamed, "NEXT TIME GO HOME WITH YOUR MOM" and said to Daughter, "Um....you would have gone with her if she hadn't left you at the school." Daughter said, "Ohhh, no no. She means you."
I think that The Ex thinks she's hurting Daughter by saying this when she's mad....maybe? I honestly don't understand what she thinks she's accomplishing by saying this. Does she think Daughter is going to be sad? Does she think I'm going to be upset? What purpose does this serve, other than creating a huge divide between herself and her daughter?
I don't think I could be this crazy even if I wanted to...
Girlfriend graduated high school about a month and half ago. I'm super proud of her because last year, they weren't even sure she was going to graduate; she had slacked off/skipped class too much. Now she not only graduated, but she did it with a 2-month-old baby that she is exclusively breastfeeding. I really give her props.
The graduation ceremony fell on The Ex's placement weekend. Daughter asked if I was coming to the ceremony; I said yes and that I could take her with me to save The Ex a trip, but I worked until 5pm that day so I didn't want The Ex flipping out that we weren't going to be there at the typical exchange time of 5:30pm. Daughter said no, it was fine.
We drove up to Tiny City, walked into the high school, and found where Son was sitting with The Ex, her kids, Ned, and some of their other friends/family. We walked up the bleachers and sat with everyone; one of their friends was holding the baby. I half-jokingly told Son to let her know that if her arms got tired, I was totally good with holding the baby; she laughed and gave him to me so I got baby snuggles the entire time which made my whole weekend. I'm sure The Ex was seething.
Girlfriend walked in, we all cheered and clapped for her. As she found her seat, she turned to see where we were and I caught her eye. I waved, she waved back, everyone saw her waving and started cheering again. The Ex threw her arm up in the air, waved frantically while practically jumping over Daughter who was standing in front of her, and yelled, "[GIRLFRIEND]!!!" (I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at her because she had literally threatened to sue for custody of the baby four days prior to this; now, she's in the gym acting like they're best friends after Girlfriend told me that The Ex is "fucking crazy." Husband said, "You know she was only doing it because you were there." Anyway...)
So after the ceremony, it was the typical hurry-up-and-wait while the bajillion people try to pool out of the gym at the same time. The woman who was holding the baby decided we'd change his diaper since we were sitting there so we ended up being some of the last people to leave the gym. (The Ex and Ned were long gone. For someone who bitches about never getting to see her grandson, The Ex certainly didn't show any interest in him the entire time that I was there.) We get out to the hallway, find Girlfriend, tell her congratulations and hug her. Daughter asks Son, "Where's Mom?" Son, who was notably irritated, replied, "I don't know. I think she went home." (It was her placement weekend. I drove Daughter two hours to Tiny City; The Ex left her at the high school.) Daughter got irritated and said, "Oh, that's cool. Is Grandma here?" Son said he didn't know. Daughter said she was going to have to find someone to give her a ride to Ned's and asked Son if he could; I told them it was fine, I was already there, I could give her a ride when we left. Daughter looked at her phone and saw she had a text from The Ex that read something along the lines of, "I left. Find a ride home." (Love you too, Mom.)
None of us had eaten dinner yet so we were going to stop somewhere; Son and Girlfriend said they were going to go to the local Mexican restaurant. I asked if we could meet them there, they said yes but the baby was hungry so Girlfriend was going to feed him first and she said we could come wait at her parents' house. By the time we got to the restaurant, they were getting ready to close so we just went to Subway, got food, and I went to drop Daughter off.
But of course, that can't be all that happened. During the course of all of this, The Ex was blowing. up. Daughter's. phone. She kept texting asking where Daughter was, what time she'd be home, complaining that she was going to go to bed because she had to work in the morning, etc. Daughter showed me these texts, which is just the tail end of the conversation. This is exactly what The Ex sent. I redacted only the faces, two names, and The Ex's phone number.
I read the last text where The Ex screamed, "NEXT TIME GO HOME WITH YOUR MOM" and said to Daughter, "Um....you would have gone with her if she hadn't left you at the school." Daughter said, "Ohhh, no no. She means you."
I think that The Ex thinks she's hurting Daughter by saying this when she's mad....maybe? I honestly don't understand what she thinks she's accomplishing by saying this. Does she think Daughter is going to be sad? Does she think I'm going to be upset? What purpose does this serve, other than creating a huge divide between herself and her daughter?
I don't think I could be this crazy even if I wanted to...
I can see why she's upset. It's her placement weekend & Daughter is not home at almost 10. But then, she shouldn't have left super early & told her to "find a ride home." Now she's at the mercy of whoever she's riding with. That just happened to be you. That "jab" at the end wasn't to hurt Daughter. That was to show pain. She's hurting. & I mean, I can see why. But she made it that way. It's her fault that Daughter is closer to you than her. I feel for The Ex even though she caused this for herself.
ReplyDeleteI understand your points. Yes, 10pm IS late but in all honesty, we weren't doing it to upset The Ex. She left the school almost an hour before we did; I don't even know if she took pictures with Girlfriend or if they just walked straight out without talking to her. The baby takes awhile to eat and we were waiting on him, since we wanted to have dinner with Son and Girlfriend to celebrate her graduation. I'm relatively certain Daughter conveyed that to The Ex by text message. In hindsight, I could have opted to just say goodbye to Son and Girlfriend, go get some food on our own, and drop Daughter off earlier than I did, but I didn't even think about it at the time. I just knew we were hungry and I wanted to spend time with all of the kids; it just took a lot longer than I had planned.
DeleteWhile I'm sure that The Ex WAS hurting, Daughter was hurting also. I can't think of a single incident when my parents ever left me anywhere unless there was a plan for me to get home and they told me what was going on. The Ex basically told Daughter, "You're not important" and then started screaming at her because SHE felt unimportant. That's so unhealthy.
I think I would be able to feel more empathetic if this was the one and only time that The Ex made a comment to Daughter about "her mom." When The Ex gets mad at Daughter, she starts making comments about "your mom" in an attempt to get Daughter upset and/or hurt her. I don't know exactly when it started, but I can tell you it's definitely been going on for over 2 years.
After being exposed to her for 13+ years, I can safely say that The Ex acts like there's always someone, somewhere who is out to "hurt" her. She used to say that Husband wouldn't switch weekends with her "just so he could hurt her." She blames everyone for her own feelings, including her own children, so I've become numb to her "pain" because it's always going to be there. I just can't sympathize with someone who intentionally tries to hurt their own children.
As a stepmom whose SD has a narcissistic mother I don't have much sympathy for the ex. My SD's mom acts in the same fashion. SD is 16 and moved cross country in March to live with us. She and her mom were fighting a lot (i.e. her mom yelled at her constantly for things that shouldn't even be issues) and within 48 hours after one fight she was moved in and living at our house. She even had to finish the last quarter of her sophomore year in a new school. Now her mom tries to control her life via phone and text. It is just as verbally and emotionally abusive behavior as when SD lived with her, but at least she can ignore it easier than she could when she lived in it every day. Her mom is also trying to get her to move back home. We've told SD that she doesn't ever have to move back if she doesn't want to. She is a good kid, gets good grades and doesn't get into trouble. i just wish she didn't have the stress of her mom hanging over her head.
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