Volleyball tournament.
Anyone who has followed this blog for some time knows and understands that while The Ex might say that she wants her kids to play sports or be involved in extracurricular activities, what she actually means is that she doesn't care what they do just as long as it fits into her schedule and what she wants to do; if it poses any form of an inconvenience to her, then she doesn't want them to participate.
To go back a little bit and refresh everyone's memory, years ago Husband and The Ex came to a stipulated custody agreement. In exchange for us getting every other placement weekend rather than only one weekend each month, The Ex would get any weekends that included a Friday or a Monday off of school; if the day off of school fell on a weekend that would be Husband's, then they would switch weekends so that The Ex got the extra day of placement.
Daughter had a volleyball tournament scheduled recently; Husband updated the calendar to reflect this on August 21st, so The Ex was given nearly 2 months' notice. About 2 weeks prior to the tournament, Daughter had said that The Ex was going to pick her up Thursday night after practice and then come back Saturday morning for the tournament. I paused and then asked if her mom was actually going to get up and leave the house by 5:30 in the morning to make sure that Daughter was at the gym by 7:30; Daughter said yes, that's what The Ex said she was going to do. I shrugged and said okay, if that's what she wanted to do then fine.
A few days after this discussion, it clicked in my brain that hey - if there was a tournament on Saturday, the couch would probably be holding practice on Friday despite there being no school. I emailed the coach and asked; he replied saying yes, there would be practice on Friday. Husband immediately emailed The Ex explaining that they had switched weekends according to the court order because of the day off of school, but we just found out that Daughter had practice; Husband asked if The Ex wanted to pick up Daughter on Friday after practice and bring her back for the tournament, or if she'd like to switch the weekends back so that she wouldn't have to drive down here three days in a row. (Husband sent this email over 4 weeks ago. The Ex still has not logged into 2houses since August 29th, so the entire email is useless at this point.)
A couple of days after this email was sent, Daughter began complaining to me that she was going to have to call The Ex and tell her that she wasn't coming up on the weekend of the tournament, and that The Ex was going to be mad at her. I asked why she wasn't going to The Ex's. Daughter said that The Ex was having her son's birthday party that same day and that the tournament was going to take too long, so she couldn't be in both places at once.
Daughter then said, "Unless you want to take me." (Sorry, no. I'm not driving 180 miles roundtrip to drop Daughter off for 24 hours just because The Ex refuses to look at the schedule or read emails.) I told Daughter that The Ex could pick her up from the tournament. Daughter said that The Ex wasn't going to do that; I asked why not. Daughter complained that the tournament was going to take up the entire day. I asked why The Ex had chosen to plan a birthday party on the same day that Daughter had a tournament. Daughter said that we had written on the calendar that it was a game, not a tournament; I looked and yup, we sure did make that mistake. I told Daughter that while we had accidentally written "game," the time showed from 8am to 9pm because we didn't know when it was going to be over.
Daughter was irritated with the whole situation and I didn't want to keep pressing it. I just told her that Husband had offered to switch weekends and that The Ex hadn't responded. Later after Daughter relaxed a little bit, I asked why this was suddenly a problem; a week prior, The Ex was willing to drive her down for the tournament and now suddenly it was going to be too much work and/or a scheduling conflict. Daughter said she didn't know.
A few days later, Daughter came downstairs and was on the phone with The Ex talking about the tournament/birthday party weekend. I heard Daughter say, "Dad emailed you, you just never look at them." The Ex replied, "I don't! Why the fuck can't he just call me like a normal person? Why does he have to be a stuck-up, piece of shit asshole that likes to shit in his hand and eat it?" (Asshole or not, you are required to read his emails. That's what you stipulated to and what the court order says. Also, I don't know any "stuck-up" people who eat their own shit but I mean...) The Ex said that she wanted to talk to Ned about it and told Daughter to call her back later. I heard Daughter tell The Ex a second time to look at Husband's emails and reply to him.
Later that night, The Ex called Daughter back after 10pm and asked if she could pick her up on Thursday and just skip practice on Friday. Daughter said she couldn't do that. The Ex asked why; Daughter said she had to go to practice. The Ex asked why and said, "You're busy, you have family shit going on." (I don't think I've ever referred to my child's birthday party as "family shit.") Daughter tried to change the subject.
The Ex brought up how she was mad at Son & Girlfriend; she said she had bought a $60 bouncer for the baby and it's "bent all to fucking hell." The Ex accused Son or Girlfriend of leaning on the bouncer or putting something heavy on top of it. The Ex said Son and Girlfriend don't have any common sense, self-respect, and that they only care about themselves. The Ex also whined about having laundry to do; she said that they had left laundry soap but that Son and Girlfriend told them they ran out. The Ex also complained that Son and Girlfriend had said they didn't want to watch the kids anymore or that they wanted to be reimbursed for groceries. The Ex called Son a "bastard" and said Son and Girlfriend were complaining because they "didn't have taco seasoning in the house." (Girlfriend said that there wasn't enough food in the house for a week; it had nothing to do with seasoning.) The Ex also accused Son and Girlfriend of drinking all the alcohol that she and Ned had, and said they went into the soda that they had purchased for The Ex's son's party. (Girlfriend doesn't even really drink; she's still breastfeeding.) The Ex also said that they had left cigarette butts all over and "didn't clean up their shit outside." (I have no idea what "shit" they had outside.)
The Ex then complained that Son and Girlfriend were "blowing up her phone" while she and Ned were trying to check out, asking what time they were getting home because he and Girlfriend needed to pack and they wanted to let the kids know what time The Ex and Ned would be home. The Ex said she looked at Ned and said, "Well, I guess we should've checked out at 2 fucking in the morning so we could've been home at 10!" (Again, this is not what Girlfriend told me. She said they were 6 hours away, The Ex told them that they weren't leaving until 3pm, and The Ex told them that they had to stay with the kids at her and Ned's house until they got home.) The Ex said she called her dad and asked him to go over to her house around noon. (This is literally THREE HOURS after Son told her that they had things to get done.) The Ex then proceeded to say that she wanted her dad to watch the kids until 5pm and give them dinner and make sure they shower, and then they could go home...which directly contradicts her own story that she asked her dad to go to her house. The Ex said she told her dad that if she saw Son and he said one wrong thing to her, they'd have to bail her out of jail; she said it "wasn't gonna be no slap" and she'd be wailing her fists at any part of Son's body that she could find.
The Ex then complained that Son and Girlfriend had told everyone how her son had left the car window down and that the car had gotten soaked by the rain; The Ex said they just wanted pity and wanted everyone to feel sorry for them but nobody does. According to The Ex and "everyone" else, Son and Girlfriend should have known that the window was down and should have checked it before they went in the house; she said that they were pissed because nobody would tell them what they wanted to hear. The Ex said it just makes her mad and in what is one of the most-telling moments of October 2019, she stated, "They make my kids feel like shit." (.....Son IS her kid. What the hell.)
The Ex then brought up her son's birthday party again and said it was going from 3pm to 7pm. The Ex said, "I don't know my Outlook. I cleaned my phone out so I don't have access...or, my computer out. Sorry. I don't have access to Outlook anymore. I don't even know, I can try to go in there and see what I can do." (This might be one of the unintentionally funniest things she's ever said. She cleaned her computer out, so she can't access a website to view her email??? Oh my goodness, she literally has absolutely no clue how the Internet works, does she?) The Ex then interjected once more about Son and Girlfriend and how shitty they were being.
The Ex then said she was going to see if her parents could pick up Daughter on Friday after practice and said she was "really hoping" she could get her Thursday. Daughter asked if The Ex realized that she was going to have to get up very early on Saturday in order to have her back for the start of the tournament. (This was the plan at least two weeks before this conversation took place. Now it's suddenly a problem.) The Ex complained, "Then you're gonna miss the whole fucking thing, [Daughter]! That was the whole reason of having the party on that day, and I can't change it because...parents have called that their kids are coming. I just- it's upsetting." (Here's the whole issue: The Ex was told in AUGUST that there was a tournament that day. She had TWO MONTHS NOTICE when she could've changed the party. Now five days before the party, she's saying she "can't change it" because people RSVPed.)
The conversation then deteriorated into The Ex whining how upsetting it was that Daughter "wasn't going to be there with her mom and brother," accusing us of "letting" Daughter skip practices or games on our time, and claiming that Husband has "threatened" Daughter with taking her phone away. Daughter kept arguing with The Ex and telling her that she didn't care if we took her phone or not; that wasn't the issue. The Ex said she ought to just pick Daughter up on Thursday and they would "blow the fucking game because family is more important" and said that even Daughter's coaches have said that to her. Daughter claimed that her volleyball coach didn't care and that she was late to work by an hour because he wouldn't let her leave practice early. (This didn't happen. He wasn't happy that she left early, but he did let her leave on time. I have no idea why Daughter lied, unless she was just trying to get The Ex off of her ass about it.) The Ex said that she could see the coach's point about it being a team effort (Yet she always wants Daughter to skip or leave early...) but argued it shouldn't matter if something was scheduled before the practice/game. (Two months' notice is apparently not enough time to work around a practice and tournament, but okay.)
Daughter snapped, "K, go ahead and talk to Dad about it. Ask him if I can leave because you know he's going to say no." The Ex said she already knew what Husband's "thing" was going to be and told Daughter to "throw in his face" that she was going to call his sister out-of-state. (I don't even know where she comes up with this shit. Absolutely nobody on Husband's side of the family talks to The Ex and they don't like her. If Daughter called them up, they'd all tell her that she needed to listen to whatever Husband told her because he is her parent, not them.) The Ex told Daughter to call her aunt right in front of Husband and say, "My dad's being an asshole." Daughter said she wasn't going to because it wouldn't matter; Husband wasn't going to let her go if she had something going on.
The Ex then went off on Daughter and said, "Don't come fucking at all, because I'm not missing my son's birthday! You have missed so much in this family, it's not even funny." Daughter snapped and replied, "It's not my fucking fault!" The Ex told Daughter that honestly, it is her fault. The Ex said that Daughter has a mouth and she can use it; Daughter said she does use her mouth, but The Ex already knew the answer. The Ex went back to accusing her of being afraid of losing her "fucking phone because your dad has thrown it in your face. And you are like, 'I don't want to lose my phone.'" Daughter snapped and screamed, "Mom, I don't give a shit about my phone!" The Ex accused Daughter of missing Thanksgiving with her just because of her phone. Daughter said no, that was not the reason.
The Ex said it was fine and she wasn't going to ask anyone to come get Daughter. Daughter yelled, "You really think I care more about my phone than I do about my siblings and my family? That's fucking bullshit." The Ex paused for a few moments and then said, "I don't care. I already know your brother's not going to make it." (The Ex's relationship with Son, or lack thereof, has nothing to do with this situation whatsoever.) The Ex went on to complain that Son was "right there" and didn't make it to half of their events because Husband "is more important." (Omfg, she will. never. stop.) The Ex told Daughter not to worry about it. (She wasn't worried about it until you made her feel like complete shit because you didn't want to act like a responsible parent. Now suddenly she's supposed to feel bad for not coming, she's supposed to feel bad that Son is upset with you, and she')
There was more drama surrounding the party, but I'll blog about that in a bit. It took me long enough just to get this typed out 😔
To go back a little bit and refresh everyone's memory, years ago Husband and The Ex came to a stipulated custody agreement. In exchange for us getting every other placement weekend rather than only one weekend each month, The Ex would get any weekends that included a Friday or a Monday off of school; if the day off of school fell on a weekend that would be Husband's, then they would switch weekends so that The Ex got the extra day of placement.
Daughter had a volleyball tournament scheduled recently; Husband updated the calendar to reflect this on August 21st, so The Ex was given nearly 2 months' notice. About 2 weeks prior to the tournament, Daughter had said that The Ex was going to pick her up Thursday night after practice and then come back Saturday morning for the tournament. I paused and then asked if her mom was actually going to get up and leave the house by 5:30 in the morning to make sure that Daughter was at the gym by 7:30; Daughter said yes, that's what The Ex said she was going to do. I shrugged and said okay, if that's what she wanted to do then fine.
A few days after this discussion, it clicked in my brain that hey - if there was a tournament on Saturday, the couch would probably be holding practice on Friday despite there being no school. I emailed the coach and asked; he replied saying yes, there would be practice on Friday. Husband immediately emailed The Ex explaining that they had switched weekends according to the court order because of the day off of school, but we just found out that Daughter had practice; Husband asked if The Ex wanted to pick up Daughter on Friday after practice and bring her back for the tournament, or if she'd like to switch the weekends back so that she wouldn't have to drive down here three days in a row. (Husband sent this email over 4 weeks ago. The Ex still has not logged into 2houses since August 29th, so the entire email is useless at this point.)
A couple of days after this email was sent, Daughter began complaining to me that she was going to have to call The Ex and tell her that she wasn't coming up on the weekend of the tournament, and that The Ex was going to be mad at her. I asked why she wasn't going to The Ex's. Daughter said that The Ex was having her son's birthday party that same day and that the tournament was going to take too long, so she couldn't be in both places at once.
Daughter then said, "Unless you want to take me." (Sorry, no. I'm not driving 180 miles roundtrip to drop Daughter off for 24 hours just because The Ex refuses to look at the schedule or read emails.) I told Daughter that The Ex could pick her up from the tournament. Daughter said that The Ex wasn't going to do that; I asked why not. Daughter complained that the tournament was going to take up the entire day. I asked why The Ex had chosen to plan a birthday party on the same day that Daughter had a tournament. Daughter said that we had written on the calendar that it was a game, not a tournament; I looked and yup, we sure did make that mistake. I told Daughter that while we had accidentally written "game," the time showed from 8am to 9pm because we didn't know when it was going to be over.
Daughter was irritated with the whole situation and I didn't want to keep pressing it. I just told her that Husband had offered to switch weekends and that The Ex hadn't responded. Later after Daughter relaxed a little bit, I asked why this was suddenly a problem; a week prior, The Ex was willing to drive her down for the tournament and now suddenly it was going to be too much work and/or a scheduling conflict. Daughter said she didn't know.
A few days later, Daughter came downstairs and was on the phone with The Ex talking about the tournament/birthday party weekend. I heard Daughter say, "Dad emailed you, you just never look at them." The Ex replied, "I don't! Why the fuck can't he just call me like a normal person? Why does he have to be a stuck-up, piece of shit asshole that likes to shit in his hand and eat it?" (Asshole or not, you are required to read his emails. That's what you stipulated to and what the court order says. Also, I don't know any "stuck-up" people who eat their own shit but I mean...) The Ex said that she wanted to talk to Ned about it and told Daughter to call her back later. I heard Daughter tell The Ex a second time to look at Husband's emails and reply to him.
Later that night, The Ex called Daughter back after 10pm and asked if she could pick her up on Thursday and just skip practice on Friday. Daughter said she couldn't do that. The Ex asked why; Daughter said she had to go to practice. The Ex asked why and said, "You're busy, you have family shit going on." (I don't think I've ever referred to my child's birthday party as "family shit.") Daughter tried to change the subject.
The Ex brought up how she was mad at Son & Girlfriend; she said she had bought a $60 bouncer for the baby and it's "bent all to fucking hell." The Ex accused Son or Girlfriend of leaning on the bouncer or putting something heavy on top of it. The Ex said Son and Girlfriend don't have any common sense, self-respect, and that they only care about themselves. The Ex also whined about having laundry to do; she said that they had left laundry soap but that Son and Girlfriend told them they ran out. The Ex also complained that Son and Girlfriend had said they didn't want to watch the kids anymore or that they wanted to be reimbursed for groceries. The Ex called Son a "bastard" and said Son and Girlfriend were complaining because they "didn't have taco seasoning in the house." (Girlfriend said that there wasn't enough food in the house for a week; it had nothing to do with seasoning.) The Ex also accused Son and Girlfriend of drinking all the alcohol that she and Ned had, and said they went into the soda that they had purchased for The Ex's son's party. (Girlfriend doesn't even really drink; she's still breastfeeding.) The Ex also said that they had left cigarette butts all over and "didn't clean up their shit outside." (I have no idea what "shit" they had outside.)
The Ex then complained that Son and Girlfriend were "blowing up her phone" while she and Ned were trying to check out, asking what time they were getting home because he and Girlfriend needed to pack and they wanted to let the kids know what time The Ex and Ned would be home. The Ex said she looked at Ned and said, "Well, I guess we should've checked out at 2 fucking in the morning so we could've been home at 10!" (Again, this is not what Girlfriend told me. She said they were 6 hours away, The Ex told them that they weren't leaving until 3pm, and The Ex told them that they had to stay with the kids at her and Ned's house until they got home.) The Ex said she called her dad and asked him to go over to her house around noon. (This is literally THREE HOURS after Son told her that they had things to get done.) The Ex then proceeded to say that she wanted her dad to watch the kids until 5pm and give them dinner and make sure they shower, and then they could go home...which directly contradicts her own story that she asked her dad to go to her house. The Ex said she told her dad that if she saw Son and he said one wrong thing to her, they'd have to bail her out of jail; she said it "wasn't gonna be no slap" and she'd be wailing her fists at any part of Son's body that she could find.
The Ex then complained that Son and Girlfriend had told everyone how her son had left the car window down and that the car had gotten soaked by the rain; The Ex said they just wanted pity and wanted everyone to feel sorry for them but nobody does. According to The Ex and "everyone" else, Son and Girlfriend should have known that the window was down and should have checked it before they went in the house; she said that they were pissed because nobody would tell them what they wanted to hear. The Ex said it just makes her mad and in what is one of the most-telling moments of October 2019, she stated, "They make my kids feel like shit." (.....Son IS her kid. What the hell.)
The Ex then brought up her son's birthday party again and said it was going from 3pm to 7pm. The Ex said, "I don't know my Outlook. I cleaned my phone out so I don't have access...or, my computer out. Sorry. I don't have access to Outlook anymore. I don't even know, I can try to go in there and see what I can do." (This might be one of the unintentionally funniest things she's ever said. She cleaned her computer out, so she can't access a website to view her email??? Oh my goodness, she literally has absolutely no clue how the Internet works, does she?) The Ex then interjected once more about Son and Girlfriend and how shitty they were being.
The Ex then said she was going to see if her parents could pick up Daughter on Friday after practice and said she was "really hoping" she could get her Thursday. Daughter asked if The Ex realized that she was going to have to get up very early on Saturday in order to have her back for the start of the tournament. (This was the plan at least two weeks before this conversation took place. Now it's suddenly a problem.) The Ex complained, "Then you're gonna miss the whole fucking thing, [Daughter]! That was the whole reason of having the party on that day, and I can't change it because...parents have called that their kids are coming. I just- it's upsetting." (Here's the whole issue: The Ex was told in AUGUST that there was a tournament that day. She had TWO MONTHS NOTICE when she could've changed the party. Now five days before the party, she's saying she "can't change it" because people RSVPed.)
The conversation then deteriorated into The Ex whining how upsetting it was that Daughter "wasn't going to be there with her mom and brother," accusing us of "letting" Daughter skip practices or games on our time, and claiming that Husband has "threatened" Daughter with taking her phone away. Daughter kept arguing with The Ex and telling her that she didn't care if we took her phone or not; that wasn't the issue. The Ex said she ought to just pick Daughter up on Thursday and they would "blow the fucking game because family is more important" and said that even Daughter's coaches have said that to her. Daughter claimed that her volleyball coach didn't care and that she was late to work by an hour because he wouldn't let her leave practice early. (This didn't happen. He wasn't happy that she left early, but he did let her leave on time. I have no idea why Daughter lied, unless she was just trying to get The Ex off of her ass about it.) The Ex said that she could see the coach's point about it being a team effort (Yet she always wants Daughter to skip or leave early...) but argued it shouldn't matter if something was scheduled before the practice/game. (Two months' notice is apparently not enough time to work around a practice and tournament, but okay.)
Daughter snapped, "K, go ahead and talk to Dad about it. Ask him if I can leave because you know he's going to say no." The Ex said she already knew what Husband's "thing" was going to be and told Daughter to "throw in his face" that she was going to call his sister out-of-state. (I don't even know where she comes up with this shit. Absolutely nobody on Husband's side of the family talks to The Ex and they don't like her. If Daughter called them up, they'd all tell her that she needed to listen to whatever Husband told her because he is her parent, not them.) The Ex told Daughter to call her aunt right in front of Husband and say, "My dad's being an asshole." Daughter said she wasn't going to because it wouldn't matter; Husband wasn't going to let her go if she had something going on.
The Ex then went off on Daughter and said, "Don't come fucking at all, because I'm not missing my son's birthday! You have missed so much in this family, it's not even funny." Daughter snapped and replied, "It's not my fucking fault!" The Ex told Daughter that honestly, it is her fault. The Ex said that Daughter has a mouth and she can use it; Daughter said she does use her mouth, but The Ex already knew the answer. The Ex went back to accusing her of being afraid of losing her "fucking phone because your dad has thrown it in your face. And you are like, 'I don't want to lose my phone.'" Daughter snapped and screamed, "Mom, I don't give a shit about my phone!" The Ex accused Daughter of missing Thanksgiving with her just because of her phone. Daughter said no, that was not the reason.
The Ex said it was fine and she wasn't going to ask anyone to come get Daughter. Daughter yelled, "You really think I care more about my phone than I do about my siblings and my family? That's fucking bullshit." The Ex paused for a few moments and then said, "I don't care. I already know your brother's not going to make it." (The Ex's relationship with Son, or lack thereof, has nothing to do with this situation whatsoever.) The Ex went on to complain that Son was "right there" and didn't make it to half of their events because Husband "is more important." (Omfg, she will. never. stop.) The Ex told Daughter not to worry about it. (She wasn't worried about it until you made her feel like complete shit because you didn't want to act like a responsible parent. Now suddenly she's supposed to feel bad for not coming, she's supposed to feel bad that Son is upset with you, and she')
There was more drama surrounding the party, but I'll blog about that in a bit. It took me long enough just to get this typed out 😔
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