Stepparenting is hard.
This blog post has little to do with anything that The Ex said/did and is more just for me to vent. Nothing really juicy here, just me whining about my feelings. Feel free to skip 😂
Anyone who has a child knows that parenting is hard. It's cliche but I totally agree with people who say it's the hardest yet most rewarding job that you'll ever have.
Speaking from my own experience, stepparenting is way harder than just raising your own kids. Constantly being told that you're wrong regardless of what you say or do, always being paranoid about "overstepping" the invisible boundaries between parents and caregivers, loving someone that you didn't give birth to just as much as someone that you did...it's rough.
I remember when we first got Son a phone and were helping him program his speed-dial numbers. #1 was automatically assigned to voicemail; Son said that he wanted Husband to be #2, he wanted The Ex to be #3, and he wanted me to be #4. It was almost eight years ago but remember feeling a slight sting of jealousy and telling one of my friends that even though Son didn't do anything wrong, it was just a reminder that The Ex was still on a higher platform than I was, even though I'm sure Son wasn't intending for it to come off that way.
Speaking from my own experience, stepparenting is way harder than just raising your own kids. Constantly being told that you're wrong regardless of what you say or do, always being paranoid about "overstepping" the invisible boundaries between parents and caregivers, loving someone that you didn't give birth to just as much as someone that you did...it's rough.
I remember when we first got Son a phone and were helping him program his speed-dial numbers. #1 was automatically assigned to voicemail; Son said that he wanted Husband to be #2, he wanted The Ex to be #3, and he wanted me to be #4. It was almost eight years ago but remember feeling a slight sting of jealousy and telling one of my friends that even though Son didn't do anything wrong, it was just a reminder that The Ex was still on a higher platform than I was, even though I'm sure Son wasn't intending for it to come off that way.
Daughter made a huge post for Husband's birthday and posted close to 30 pictures of him & her or just him. She thanked him for all of his hard work and sacrifices that he put into raising her, how much she loved him, etc. It was honestly a beautiful post and I was proud of her for sharing it because I totally envisioned The Ex seeing it and rolling her eyes.
Here's what got to me: Daughter has never posted about my birthday on Facebook. I do just as much, if not more, than Husband does when it comes to raising her. It was like getting sucker-punched while nobody was even swinging. I broke down and told Husband about it; I said it was sweet and that he totally deserved everything she'd said about him. Yet here I was, doing all the same things and going through all the same trials and putting in the same amount of work...and I get nothing. I help with homework, I take the kids to practices/games, I help out with their work schedule, I help with senior projects, I listen when they're venting about their crushes/friends/family/classmates/teachers/whatever.
Here's what got to me: Daughter has never posted about my birthday on Facebook. I do just as much, if not more, than Husband does when it comes to raising her. It was like getting sucker-punched while nobody was even swinging. I broke down and told Husband about it; I said it was sweet and that he totally deserved everything she'd said about him. Yet here I was, doing all the same things and going through all the same trials and putting in the same amount of work...and I get nothing. I help with homework, I take the kids to practices/games, I help out with their work schedule, I help with senior projects, I listen when they're venting about their crushes/friends/family/classmates/teachers/whatever.
I was talking to my co-worker about it and he said that Daughter and I have a different relationship than Daughter and Husband do, which I do agree with. I said I almost think that Daughter and I have a better relationship for whatever reason - we're both female, her own mom is such garbage, I don't really know. But even so, if she and I have a great relationship then why act like I don't exist? He pointed out that if Daughter dared to post something like that on my birthday, The Ex would lose her mind and start screaming at Daughter for it. I agreed with that but Daughter has done plenty before to light the fire underneath The Ex's fury, so why ignore me? I said that it's not about the recognition; I'm certainly not raising any of my kids just to hear people tell me what a great job I did or what an amazing mother I am. But every once in a while, it's nice to be told "thanks" for what you're doing.
I've put my heart and soul into raising four children and sometimes, it just feels like I only matter to two of them. I know it's not true; I know that Son and Daughter love me and I know that I love them as I do my own biological kids. I told Husband that I think it bothers me so much because The Ex is such a horrible parent; if she was a good mom, I don't think I'd mind so much knowing that I'm in "second place." But this evil woman, who has done nothing but bring chaos into her children's lives, takes precedence simply because they came from her body. It just seems so incredibly unfair and for whatever reason, I'm struggling to deal with it.
Anywho...that's my vent for now. I hope you guys are having a good week ❤
I agree. I think it's because Daughter is afraid of what The Ex will say to her if she does post ANYTHING about you. Also, it may be because she doesn't feel a need to post about it because she thinks you know how she feels about you & how appreciative she is for everything you have done & represent in her life, & doesn't think you'd want or need the recognition openly.
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