The honeymoon is over.
The other day, Daughter decided that she was going to spill more tea. Not a cup, not a bottle, not a quart. Daughter dropped an entire 55-gallon drum of tea.
Daughter told me that Son went over to Ned & The Ex's house because recently, The Ex has been saying that she wants to leave Ned. (They hadn't even hit their 10-month anniversary of being married and she already wants to bail.) Daughter said that prior to Son coming over, the two of them had a 45-minute phone call about The Ex. The two of them were on the same page; Daughter said, "If she leaves, she has to think of the kids because the kids have gotten to know [Ned] so well that the kids want to call him 'Dad'." (What I wanted to say was, "This is exactly the same thing that your mom pulled on you and Son with Boyfriend. Your mom didn't give a shit about you and Son back then; why would she give a shit about her kids now?!" Instead, I bit my tongue here and just let her keep talking.) Daughter said that she and Son said that the kids "can't go through this again, they've already lost one dad" and now they were going to lose another one. (This makes Daddy #3 for Son and Daughter. It breaks my heart that these two kids are more aware of how The Ex's choices are affecting their brother and sister, while The Ex continues to ignore how her behavior is negatively affecting her children.)
Daughter said that Son told The Ex that she needed to start seeing a therapist. Daughter said it was "a dick move" but that Son told The Ex that if she didn't go within the next month, he wasn't going to let her see the baby. (I don't think it's a dick move at all. Son recognizes that The Ex has an issue which she's refusing to fix; he's giving her a choice to either fix it or not be a part of her grandson's life.) Daughter said that she also went in and talked to The Ex after Son had talked to her and that The Ex was crying. Daughter said that she told Son, "You made her cry." Son replied, "She did it to herself." (...DAMN.)
Daughter said after the talk, The Ex had been "better." Daughter said that Ned was now coming along for placement exchanges and that they were actually talking. I pointed out that before, Daughter said that Ned had insisted on coming for the drive. (To be fair, she said that a year ago. We all know how quickly things change in The Ex's life from one week to the next.) Daughter said that one weekend, The Ex "wouldn't allow" Ned to come with; she said that The Ex didn't even take her phone with her because she didn't want to talk to Ned.
Daughter said that things were getting better between Ned and The Ex; she said they were talking and she'd actually seen them kiss. (Again, they've now been married for exactly 10 1/2 months. Daughter says that the two of them kissing is an improvement. I just can't comprehend what it's like to live in that house.) Daughter said they were planning a family trip in October and The Ex had asked if she wanted to come with them. (The Ex told her cousin on Facebook back in January that they were planning this trip; it was planned weeks before Son and Daughter talked to her. This didn't come up just because The Ex is trying to fix things with her husband.) Daughter repeated that The Ex was "actually talking to Ned" and said she's "getting better." (I'm still skeptical. What Son and Daughter don't remember is The Ex going through these exact same motions with Boyfriend. The love-hate relationship takes its toll, The Ex finds a reason that she can "do better" than who she's with, and she leaves. It's a never-ending cycle that she's been in for the past 20 years.)
I asked if The Ex had started seeing anyone. Daughter said she didn't know. I asked when Son had given The Ex the ultimatum; Daughter said she thought it was the last time that she had gone up to Tiny City. (This was the same weekend that The Ex came alone to Parents' Night for the first time ever and didn't ask/pay Daughter to have Ned's name read with ours.)
Daughter said that she and Son had both talked to The Ex about Lucifer, saying that he could change. Daughter said, "Because, you know...she's always had her problem with [Lucifer]." The kids said that everybody changes and The Ex said she doesn't think that Lucifer will. Daughter pointed out that Son has changed a lot as well and said she remembered the way that Son used to speak to The Ex, but Son has come a long way. Daughter said that The Ex took everything into consideration.
I told Daughter that I can understand where both she and Son are coming from. I said I understood that Daughter didn't want The Ex to cry but at the same time Son was telling her that she needed to go see someone for her own health and if she didn't, there would be repercussions which is what made her cry. I told Daughter that I'm not happy that The Ex was crying, but the point needed to be made; Son had to tell her that he was serious. I pointed out that Daughter had told Son that he made The Ex cry; I said no, The Ex made herself cry because Son talked to her about her behavior and it sucks when you have to be honest with yourself.
So there we have it. The Ex is already plotting her escape.
Daughter told me that Son went over to Ned & The Ex's house because recently, The Ex has been saying that she wants to leave Ned. (They hadn't even hit their 10-month anniversary of being married and she already wants to bail.) Daughter said that prior to Son coming over, the two of them had a 45-minute phone call about The Ex. The two of them were on the same page; Daughter said, "If she leaves, she has to think of the kids because the kids have gotten to know [Ned] so well that the kids want to call him 'Dad'." (What I wanted to say was, "This is exactly the same thing that your mom pulled on you and Son with Boyfriend. Your mom didn't give a shit about you and Son back then; why would she give a shit about her kids now?!" Instead, I bit my tongue here and just let her keep talking.) Daughter said that she and Son said that the kids "can't go through this again, they've already lost one dad" and now they were going to lose another one. (This makes Daddy #3 for Son and Daughter. It breaks my heart that these two kids are more aware of how The Ex's choices are affecting their brother and sister, while The Ex continues to ignore how her behavior is negatively affecting her children.)
Daughter said that Son told The Ex that she needed to start seeing a therapist. Daughter said it was "a dick move" but that Son told The Ex that if she didn't go within the next month, he wasn't going to let her see the baby. (I don't think it's a dick move at all. Son recognizes that The Ex has an issue which she's refusing to fix; he's giving her a choice to either fix it or not be a part of her grandson's life.) Daughter said that she also went in and talked to The Ex after Son had talked to her and that The Ex was crying. Daughter said that she told Son, "You made her cry." Son replied, "She did it to herself." (...DAMN.)
Daughter said after the talk, The Ex had been "better." Daughter said that Ned was now coming along for placement exchanges and that they were actually talking. I pointed out that before, Daughter said that Ned had insisted on coming for the drive. (To be fair, she said that a year ago. We all know how quickly things change in The Ex's life from one week to the next.) Daughter said that one weekend, The Ex "wouldn't allow" Ned to come with; she said that The Ex didn't even take her phone with her because she didn't want to talk to Ned.
Daughter said that things were getting better between Ned and The Ex; she said they were talking and she'd actually seen them kiss. (Again, they've now been married for exactly 10 1/2 months. Daughter says that the two of them kissing is an improvement. I just can't comprehend what it's like to live in that house.) Daughter said they were planning a family trip in October and The Ex had asked if she wanted to come with them. (The Ex told her cousin on Facebook back in January that they were planning this trip; it was planned weeks before Son and Daughter talked to her. This didn't come up just because The Ex is trying to fix things with her husband.) Daughter repeated that The Ex was "actually talking to Ned" and said she's "getting better." (I'm still skeptical. What Son and Daughter don't remember is The Ex going through these exact same motions with Boyfriend. The love-hate relationship takes its toll, The Ex finds a reason that she can "do better" than who she's with, and she leaves. It's a never-ending cycle that she's been in for the past 20 years.)
I asked if The Ex had started seeing anyone. Daughter said she didn't know. I asked when Son had given The Ex the ultimatum; Daughter said she thought it was the last time that she had gone up to Tiny City. (This was the same weekend that The Ex came alone to Parents' Night for the first time ever and didn't ask/pay Daughter to have Ned's name read with ours.)
Daughter said that she and Son had both talked to The Ex about Lucifer, saying that he could change. Daughter said, "Because, you know...she's always had her problem with [Lucifer]." The kids said that everybody changes and The Ex said she doesn't think that Lucifer will. Daughter pointed out that Son has changed a lot as well and said she remembered the way that Son used to speak to The Ex, but Son has come a long way. Daughter said that The Ex took everything into consideration.
I told Daughter that I can understand where both she and Son are coming from. I said I understood that Daughter didn't want The Ex to cry but at the same time Son was telling her that she needed to go see someone for her own health and if she didn't, there would be repercussions which is what made her cry. I told Daughter that I'm not happy that The Ex was crying, but the point needed to be made; Son had to tell her that he was serious. I pointed out that Daughter had told Son that he made The Ex cry; I said no, The Ex made herself cry because Son talked to her about her behavior and it sucks when you have to be honest with yourself.
So there we have it. The Ex is already plotting her escape.
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