Holiday Crazy 2020.

   Now that both of the kids are over 18, Husband (and by association, myself) have been spared this year's dose of Holiday Crazy.  However, Daughter sure got an abundant serving of it.  The Ex has been digging into Son too, but I actually witnessed it with Daughter.

  We went to visit some of Husband's family over Thanksgiving.  Typically when we go on a family visit, we go to see who he calls his parents; Husband grew up with and was raised by his grandparents, so that is who he considers his mom and dad, but we still have a good relationship with his biological mom.  While we were visiting, Husband's biological mom offered to fly us to his home state so that we could spend Christmas with his parents.  Husband said we'd like to go but I'd already used all my vacation this year and couldn't take another week off of work.  His mom asked if he wanted to go by himself; I told Husband that I was completely fine with this because I was actually thinking of buying him a ticket to go down after the holidays so that he could spend some time with them.  His parents are getting older, his mom's health in particular has been declining over the years, and I want him to spend as much time with them as he possibly can.

  A few days after we got home, Husband's bio mom asked if Daughter wanted to also fly down for Christmas since I wasn't able to go.  Husband said at first that he wasn't going to tell Daughter and just go by himself.  I told him no, Daughter is an adult now and she ought to be given the chance to make her own decision about whether or not she wanted to go.  Husband asked Daughter about it when she got home from work and that's when we realized: they'd be gone on the day that The Ex had planned her family Christmas. (Daughter had already told The Ex that she was spending Christmas Eve/Day here because she'd spent it with The Ex last year.  The Ex planned to celebrate with her family on the 26th.)  Daughter said she'd really like to go with Husband, so she was going to talk to The Ex.

  When she and I were sitting together later, Daughter decided to call The Ex.  Daughter told The Ex that her grandma wanted to fly her to Husband's home state for Christmas but if she went, she wouldn't be back until after The Ex had her Christmas celebration.  The Ex told Daughter that she's "an adult." (As in, "You can decide for yourself what you want to do."  It's what The Ex said, but it certainly was not what she meant based on the rest of the conversation.)  Daughter's reply was, "Oh, now I'm an adult.  You didn't remember that when I asked you when we were getting our tattoos." (The Ex has been telling Son and Daughter for at least three years that she wants matching tattoos with them, and even told Daughter that she was going to take her when she was still a minor.  Daughter and I got matching tattoos at the end of July; we haven't posted anything on social media because right now we don't want to deal with the fallout that will result from The Ex finding out what we did together.) The Ex mumbled something about "not having any money" and then immediately changed the topic.

  The Ex didn't change the topic back to Christmas.  Oh, heavens no.  The Ex began complaining that she's been "asking" Daughter to take a vacation with them (Daughter did go on a vacation with The Ex in June.  They went out-of-state and the next month, The Ex told Daughter not to go on vacation with us because she was going to catch COVID.) and complained that they had vacation planned "for a long time" (The Ex was complaining that Daughter hadn't gone on their vacation in October, the one where she posted the picture of Cowboy Ned.) but that Daughter had gone on vacation twice with Husband.

  The Ex then complained, "I just feel like you don't think about me, even though you live with your dad and you see him every day.  You don't see me hardly ever, yet you can't do anything with us."  Daughter pointed out that she still drove up to Tiny City to visit everyone.  The Ex said yes, but then went back to complaining about Daughter not going on vacation with her in October.  Daughter said that she'd already told The Ex that someone had quit at her work, there was nobody to fill in, and she needed to pick up those hours to help out at the store. (Daughter had also told a few people that she didn't really want to go on this vacation, but that's not even the point.  Someone did quit at her job, she was asked to pick up the extra hours, and she chose to do the responsible thing and work rather than going on a vacation she didn't want to take in the first place.)  The Ex said, "Okay" but went on to complain that Daughter "knew" they were going on vacation and didn't go with them, and repeated that Daughter went on two vacations with Husband.

  Daughter was really starting to get irritated at this point.  The Ex decided to take it one step further and say, "I've never come first in your life, and I probably never will." (Yes, she actually said this.  This narcissistic twat thinks that she should come first in her children's lives.)  Daughter told The Ex that her not coming first "was BS."  The Ex said, "I'm being completely serious; you can take it any way you want." (I don't know what "way" there is to take this.  You accused your child of not prioritizing you, she said it wasn't true, and you tell her she can "take it any way" that she wants?  What??)

  The Ex then said that she's "been quiet for a long time" because she "didn't want to say anything." (HAHAHAHAHA...when has this stupid cow ever been quiet something?!  Honestly, this is a complete joke.  Her mental stability flew the coop a long time ago.) And then just for good measure, The Ex claimed that "even [Son & Girlfriend]" and "everyone else" could see that Daughter isn't prioritizing The Ex.  Daughter told The Ex to not even start about Son. (Son had told Daughter a couple of times that he was going to come to The Ex's if Daughter came up to Tiny City; he never went over, so Daughter was pretty irritated with him at the time of this conversation.) The Ex claimed that someone had asked why Daughter couldn't come to see her and that The Ex had told them she didn't want to talk about it.  Daughter asked why The Ex was bringing up Son, when he'd make plans with her and then never show up.  The Ex argued, "He has been, lately."

  After they sat in silence for a bit, The Ex went back to complaining that Christmas had been planned and Daughter knew about it "for a few months now."  Daughter told that The Ex that she'd just messaged everyone less than a month ago about what date they were doing Christmas.  The Ex argued that Daughter knew a month before the message had gone out. (If Daughter knew a month before, then why would The Ex wait a month to message everyone else?  Why not tell everyone the same thing at the same time?  This makes no sense, much like The Ex's existence.)

  The Ex finally said she was going to leave it up to Daughter, and then throws out, "I'm not moving my life around anymore.  We're already not having Christmas on Christmas Day." (Oh.  My.  Shit.  Did this stupid bitch really just say that she's "not moving her life around anymore"?!?!?  When...when...has she ever moved her life around for any of her children?!  She uprooted Son and Daughter, moved them to New City so she could be with Boyfriend; lost custody of Son and Daughter, married Boyfriend; decided she didn't want to be with Boyfriend, uprooted her two youngest kids and moved them to Tiny City; after 4 months of living with her parents, she grabbed her kids and moved in with Ned.  Not one of those was done for the benefit of her children.)  The Ex mumbled something about it being "sad."

  Daughter snarked that she liked how The Ex always makes it her fault. (Daughter was not wrong in her statement.  What she doesn't understand is that this is The Ex's narcissistic projection; she cannot and will not ever admit she was wrong in any way, shape, or form.)  The Ex told her that's not it, it's that Daughter is "still a kid." (She literally just told Daughter that she was an adult.  Now she's "still a kid."  What is even happening here...)  The Ex then told Daughter that she's "always going to be" a kid while she lives with us because we're "not teaching her about responsibility." (Daughter graduated high school and made either honor roll or high honor roll every single quarter for four straight years, while enrolled in extra-curricular activities and working part-time.  She currently has a full-time job.  She has her own vehicle which she paid for in full; she pays for her own gas and her own insurance.  She keeps her own room clean, she does all of her own laundry, and she has household chores which she completes.  I think you'd be pretty hard-pressed to find an 18-year-old that is as responsible as Daughter is.)  Daughter snapped at The Ex and asked what she was talking about, saying she's got more than enough responsibility.  The Ex said, "Okay, they're not teaching you about...being...what's the word I'm looking for, [Ned]?  I don't know..." (Exactly.  She can't give an example of anything, because there's no example to give.  She's just pissed off that Daughter chose to live with us when she turned 18 and she's going to say whatever she can to insult us and/or her for doing it.)

  The Ex then began whining that Daughter lives here and she sees Husband every single day.  Daughter said that she barely sees Husband because of their work schedules.  The Ex made a comment about Daughter being here; Daughter said that she can't just get up and leave.  The Ex said she knew that, then told Daughter that she "chose" to stay here and have a job here.  Daughter said that she got her job at 16, she wasn't able to move out at 16.  The Ex said that she tried to get Daughter a job in Tiny City but she "didn't want it." (The Ex is referring to the time she tried to get Daughter hired at the bank that she herself works at; Daughter told us that she didn't want to work at the bank and that The Ex had set up an interview that she never asked for.  I told Daughter that I could "get" her about 20 different jobs right now if I started applying random places for her; it doesn't mean she wants those jobs or that she's going to take them, so just saying that you "got" someone a job doesn't really mean anything.) Daughter replied that she had gone in for the interview.  The Ex argued that Daughter didn't go in for a second interview after she graduated. (The first interview was in 2019.  I don't know why The Ex thought that a second interview would just be scheduled a year later.  In addition to that, Daughter's current job has always been considered essential which means she's guaranteed full-time hours; The Ex's hours were significantly reduced during the pandemic.  Why would she want to move away from everything that she's known and have her hours drastically cut?  But of course, logic evades The Ex at every single turn.)

  The Ex then switched gears from whiny/sad to irritated/angry, told Daughter that she's "done," and told Daughter to "do whatever she wanted to do," and told Daughter not to make plans with her anymore.  Daughter didn't really respond, so The Ex just kept going.  The Ex said something along the lines of, "It's this never-ending hurting thing that you and your dad like to do." (I mean, obviously...what else would Husband or Daughter do with their time, if they weren't trying to come up with ways to hurt The Ex?  Like, do you honestly expect Husband to raise his children?  Do you expect Daughter to enjoy life with her friends?  Should Husband really be expected to spend quality time with me, or Daughter with her boyfriend?  Why would either of them even think about performing well at their jobs?  My gosh, they don't have time for these frivolities - they have to hurt The Ex!!!!)  Daughter replied, "Yeah.  Okay."

  The Ex said, "I'm not kidding.  You have not been in my shoes.  You don't know all the shit that they've put me through and they're still putting me through, [Daughter].  You don't talk to me; you don't want to talk to me." (Who is "they" that's putting The Ex through "all the shit"?  I mean, I assume "they" is "me and Husband" but I wasn't even a part of this conversation until now.)  Daughter, who now seemed like she was trying not to cry, said that she never said she didn't want to talk to The Ex and told her that she was putting words in her mouth. (I do believe that Daughter wants to talk to The Ex; what she doesn't want is The Ex turning every conversation into bashing Husband and/or me, and The Ex isn't capable of doing that.  She also wants to just have a civil conversation that doesn't end with The Ex blaming her for things that are not her fault.)  The Ex said that was "funny," that she'd messaged Daughter, and Daughter ignored her for 3-4 days.  Daughter asked when The Ex had messaged her.  The Ex said, "When your dad served me at my work." (Oh, the time that The Ex messaged her abruptly saying how "hurt" she was by me and Husband?  When she said we're just "money-hungry assholes"?  When she told Daughter not to come up to Tiny City anymore, and accused her of "believing everything that comes out of our lying mouths"?  Refer to my last comment.)  Daughter said that she'd already told The Ex that she was at work while she was texting her about being served, which is why she wasn't able to respond more in depth. (Even though she was at work and wasn't supposed to be on her phone, Daughter still replied eight times.  She certainly wasn't ignoring The Ex but I guess The Ex wanted more attention that she wasn't getting so she whined that she had been "ignored.")  The Ex told Daughter again to "do whatever she wanted to do" and said she was getting ready for bed.  Daughter said okay and told The Ex good night; The Ex hung up on her without another word.

  Daughter sat and seethed for a little bit, then started mouthing off.  She told Husband and I that she thinks it's funny how The Ex brings us up for no reason; Daughter never once said anything about either of us, but The Ex had to bring us up.  (I honestly hadn't even realized this, but she was 100% correct.  Daughter said that her grandma wanted to fly her out-of-state for Christmas.  Daughter never once said that Husband was going, too; The Ex just immediately started whining about how many vacations we've taken her on this year vs. how many she's gone on with The Ex.) Daughter also sarcastically told Husband, "I'm a kid, and I'm always going to be because you're not teaching me any responsibility."  Husband just shrugged and said, "Okay."  In the end, The Ex decided she was done being angry at Daughter, Daughter went on the trip with Husband, they had a really good time, and now we wait for the next fight.

  After all that nonsense, Girlfriend told me that she and Son had gone over to The Ex's for Christmas and once again, The Ex had to bring up Husband.  Girlfriend said that to this day, The Ex still blames the kids for her losing custody of them.  Girlfriend said that The Ex told Son over Christmas that Husband got custody of them because Son "opened his mouth" and told the guardian ad litem what was happening between her and Boyfriend, and that's why she lost custody. (Seriously.  This projection and blame-shifting can't even stop on Christmas.  It's so disgusting.)

  Girlfriend said that she and Son went to have a cigarette and Son commented to her that he "didn't know who to believe."  Girlfriend said she told him straight up that absolutely none of this was his fault.  I told Girlfriend that The Ex will never, ever take responsibility for herself and her choices; even now, years later, she still won't take the blame for why she lost custody.  I said that if the situation between The Ex and Boyfriend wasn't a problem, then it wouldn't have affected custody and the kids wouldn't have been removed from that situation; if it was a problem, then the kids shouldn't have been asked to hide it and lie about it, and that they should have been removed from it.  If we want to summarize everything then we would just say that The Ex put the kids in the bad situation and told them to lie about it; when the kids got out of the situation, The Ex told them it was their fault.  So all of these choices were made by The Ex, but the end result isn't her fault - the blame is somehow on the kids.

  She just makes my head spin...