Love Hurts.

  This might be my longest blog post to date.  Grab yourself a drink and some popcorn, because you'll be here awhile.

   Daughter has been seeing someone for over a year now; we'll call him Guy.  I'd really prefer to call him Douche because that's what he is, but anyway...that's not the point of this blog.  This particular post is going to be about Daughter and Guy, and how The Ex is royally f*cking with Daughter's head.

  Now truth be told, I do not like Guy.  Daughter had a couple of "boyfriends" in high school and I never had a problem with any of them while she was dating them.  I liked them, had no objections to Daughter spending time with them, and liked seeing her happy.  Guy?  No thank you.  Daughter could be doing so much better, and I'm not even talking physical appearances.

  The first problem I have is that Guy is slightly over four years older than Daughter; the two of them started "talking" when she was only 17 years old and still in high school, both of which he was well aware of.  The age gap isn't really all that big of a deal, considering that Husband and I have almost 6 years between us...but I wasn't a minor who was still in high school when we started dating.

  The second problem is that about 99% of the time that Daughter and Guy spend together is at Guy's apartment, which he shares with his mom.  Guy came over to our house for the first time last year for Daughter's birthday party and spent the majority of the time in Daughter's bedroom with her and her friends which one of them described as "awkward."  Guy did not come to Daughter's graduation party because he "doesn't do celebrations," whatever that means.  To this day, I can count on one single hand the number of times that Guy has come over.

  The third problem is that Guy did not have a vehicle until last summer.  No, I'm serious.  He was 22 years old, lived with his mom, worked a full-time job, had a license...but had never purchased a vehicle.  He would "get rides" from people every single day or he'd borrow his mom's car, no matter where he had to go - his friend's house, the store, even to and from work.  Seriously, this guy is basically the model for TLC's song "No Scrubs" with the exception that he has a job.

  The fourth problem is that they've been together all this time - and have been on one official date.  ONE.  They went out to dinner one time this year.  They don't go to the movies, they don't go for lunch/dinner, they do absolutely nothing together other than spend time in Guy's room or go over to his friends' houses.  Husband and I have been on more dates with each other this year alone than Daughter and Guy have been on for their entire relationship.

  The fifth, and probably largest problem, is that Guy is pretty damn disrespectful.  Daughter told me about one time she was over there; Guy's mom came home and started talking about her job and something that was going on between her co-workers.  Guy told his mother that he "didn't want to hear about her drama."  Daughter also told me about another time when Guy told her straight to her face, "You were butt-ugly your freshman year." (Well Guy, you were already graduated from high school when it was her freshman year, so that's pretty pedo-tastic of you to be scoping out 14-year-old children.  And the age thing aside, who SAYS that to their girlfriend?!)  Daughter also commented in the past the Guy and his mom have their own bathrooms in the apartment; Daughter will not use Guy's bathroom because it's "disgusting" because Guy doesn't clean up after himself.

  I talked to Daughter about all of this last summer.  She had a boyfriend prior to Guy and she ended up breaking up with him because he wasn't putting any effort into their relationship; I pointed out that Guy isn't doing anything more than the last boyfriend, so why was it suddenly acceptable behavior?  Daughter shrugged and muttered that she didn't know.  Fine, whatever; I said my piece on the matter and I wasn't going to keep harping on about it because all that would do is drive a wedge between me and Daughter, which I didn't want to do.  So I said what I had to say, Daughter listened, and we left it at that.

  About 3 weeks ago, Daughter realized that she is tired of all of the things that Guy does/doesn't do; all of these things are literally what I talked to her about last August that I said were concerns.  But whatever; it's her relationship and she had to get tired of it on her own terms.  Anyway...Daughter and Guy got into a fight over Snapchat.  Daughter told Guy that she was upset with him for not putting an effort into their relationship.  Guy basically blamed Daughter, saying that she needed to communicate with him and tell him what was wrong "instead of the shenanigans she'd been pulling for the last week."  Daughter told him that he shouldn't have to be told to act like he's her boyfriend; she shouldn't have to beg him to spend time with her outside of his apartment.  Guy replied that Daughter usually invites him over to our place when we're having family night, so he doesn't come because "he's not there yet." (They have been dating over a year.  Guy doesn't want to spend time at our house because he's "not there yet," meaning he's not really invested seriously enough that he wants to spend time with our family.  This idiot is such a waste of her time...)  This went back and forth for awhile before Guy went to bed. (IMO, if you're fighting with your girlfriend who you "love" then you don't go to sleep in the middle of your argument.  You're only 22 years old; staying up late to talk with her when she's upset isn't going to be the death of you.)

  The next day, Guy and Daughter talked things out; Guy came over to our house the next night.  (This was officially the fourth time in their entire relationship of 12+ months that Guy came to our house.  He came over for the first time last July; he came over once in January, conveniently when Husband and I were not home; he came over once at the beginning of April and we all went bowling.)  I didn't see Guy at all because I was doing things around the house and he stayed in Daughter's room the whole time, right up until he left.

  A few days later, Daughter said she was going to Guy's house on a Sunday afternoon.  Now, she didn't tell us this right away but apparently she got there and said, "Let me tell you about my weekend."  Guy's response was to roll his eyes at her.  Daughter ignored this and started telling him about everything that had gone on; a few minutes later, Guy looked at her and said, "I'm just gonna pretend that I'm still listening to you." (.....I'm serious.  He rolled his eyes and then told her straight to her face that he wasn't even listening.  Are you seeing now why I want to call him Douche??)

  A few days after this, Daughter told Guy that she thought they needed to take a break.  Guy was upset, asked her if she was breaking up with him.  Daughter said no, she just needed some space to figure out who she was, what she wanted, and how she felt.  They talked for a bit and then that was it.

  Daughter messaged The Ex early in the evening as all of this was going down.  This is a transcript of their conversation:
     Daughter:  I miss you mama
     Daughter:  Momma**
     The Ex:  Do you (Oh, FFS...why does everything have to be a mind game with this bitch?)
     Daughter:  Yes I do.
     The Ex:  I miss you too
     Daughter:  I love you
     The Ex:  Sweetie, mommy loves you so much. It breaks my heart not to see you (Here we go again with her "broken heart" bullshit...)
     Daughter:  I know I'm sorry I haven't come up in a while. I've been going thru a lot. [Guy] and I are on a break...
     Daughter:  I do want to come up. I've been busy with work. I'm sorry. (Daughter is going through relationship problems, but she is apologizing to The Ex.)
     The Ex:  I'm sorry sweetie. what do you mean by a break... a break up, break up? Or taking time apart?
     Daughter:  Well I told him I wanted time apart. And it turned into a whole ass argument. And it feels and seems like a break up.
     The Ex:  What happened? Why did you ask for this?
     Daughter:  I just feel like everything has been forced. (That's because it has been.) He has barely ever put effort in our relationship. And I was just getting so tired over it. I love him to death but it felt like it was one sided.
     The Ex:  Him not wanting to visit? Us
     The Ex:  With u (I'm not entirely sure what she meant by this.  Knowing her narcissism, I would assume that The Ex thinks that Daughter is mad at Guy for not coming to Tiny City with her which is, quite frankly, the least of the problems in that relationship.)
     Daughter:  Well he barely even came over to dads. I always made the effort.
     Daughter:  He barely goes out with me. We've been on one date in a year and a half. Like seriously? He needing to put more in this relationship.
     Daughter:  This was the second fight we've been in and I told him I wanted a break. I wanted to find myself and figure things out on myself. And he didn't like that idea whatsoever.
     The Ex:  When did this happen?
     Daughter:  Well we had an argument last weekend. And I told him today I wanted a break.
     The Ex:  R u working 2 jobs still? (.....what in the flying hell does that have to do with anything that Daughter is talking about right now?)
     Daughter:  No I'm not. That was way too stressful for me.
     The Ex:  Where are you working now
     Daughter:  I'm still at subway.
     The Ex:  Did you get a raise (WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS CONVERSATION?!)
     Daughter:  Im getting pair 950
     The Ex:  I have my review next week (......WHO CARES?!  Your child reached out to you because she's hurting, and you're talking about your stupid ass job where you do nothing all day??)
     Daughter:  Ouuu. Look at you go
     The Ex:  Your sister had a dental appt. Yesterday...she's expensive
     The Ex:  How did you do your braces (I...what?  You "do" braces on your teeth...what the hell is she even trying to ask?)
     Daughter: Damn. She getting braces?
     The Ex: Yup
     Daughter:  It was okay. Had them for what 2 ish years (I assume this is in response to the question of how she "did" her braces...nothing makes sense)
     The Ex:  After all discounts and insurance, it'll cost me $4,200.00. I had to pay $1,300.00 yesterday
     Daughter:  Damn.
     The Ex:  Yup
     Daughter:  That's sooooo much
     The Ex:  They don't take the state insurance (I'm not sure how it works by you, but the majority of dentists & orthodontists in this state don't accept Medicaid.  We found one orthodontist that took it and he was an hour away; we took both Son & Daughter there because it was a bit of a drive but it was paid for 100%, the doctor did great work, and we wouldn't have to argue with The Ex about repaying us almost $4,000 between the two kids.  The Ex knows that Son & Daughter went to this orthodontist because she had to take them a handful of times and she had an absolute temper tantrum about it.  Husband never sent her a bill because we didn't have to pay anything towards it.  But okay, whatever.  Pay $4,200 I guess because that's somehow easier.)
     Daughter:  That's dumb
     The Ex:  FYI... you have dental and vision with me (Yeah, Daughter does but Son does not.  The Ex didn't add him onto her plan even though he was only 17 when she got this coverage.  And just to remind everyone, The Ex had this insurance for almost 6 months and never said a damn word to Husband about it.)
     Daughter:  Yeah I know. I remember.
     ***  a couple of hours go by  ***
     The Ex:  You better keep my Easter baskets from ruining (She's referring to the Easter baskets that she sent home with Daughter for her and Guy.  The Ex wants the baskets themselves back and felt this was the most appropriate time to bring them up.)
     Daughter:  I will.

  So to recap:  Daughter messaged The Ex about her potential break up with Guy; The Ex asked about her job, asked what she was getting paid, talked about The Ex's job, talked about The Ex's daughter getting braces, talked about how much The Ex paid for said braces, reminded Daughter about dental coverage that she's had for 4 years now, and then told Daughter she'd better not ruin The Ex's baskets.

  If you're already feeling disgusted by this behavior, it. gets. worse.

  Friday morning, less than 48 hours after Daughter said that she needed a break, Guy messaged her and said that he thought it would be best if they "went their separate ways." (Daughter needed a break; Guy broke up with her.  Just keep repeating this to yourself because we haven't even scratched the surface of this debacle.)  They talked for a bit, Daughter was bawling her eyes out right before her work shift started, etc.  Later that day, Guy sends her a random picture of a dog.  That night, Guy messaged her and said something along the lines of, "I'm here if you need to talk.  I'm at my friend's right now, will be hanging out for a bit.  Good night." (Soooo...."I'm here to talk, good night."  What??)

  Later that evening, Daughter and I were sitting up with our neighbors/best friends.  Daughter got irritated and said that Guy had posted a picture of his dog to his Snapchat story and wrote, "All I need is my best friend."  Daughter clapped back by taking a selfie with me and our collective best friends, posted it to her story and wrote, "All I need is them"

  The next day, Guy was blowing up Daughter's phone.  He kept sending her snap after snap after snap; she wasn't opening them because she wasn't ready to talk to him.  Then Guy texted her:
"Since you don't like answering me on snap I'd like to meet today idc when or where preferably not eachothers house then we can go our own way from there"
  I told Daughter that she is an adult, she is able to hang out with whoever she wants and spend time with whoever she wants - but I did not want her meeting him.  I said this sounds like an episode of 20/20 waiting to happen: young couple in love, they get into a fight, he wants to meet her, she tells her family that everything is fine, she meets him alone somewhere, and he strangles her to death.  Guy continued to text Daughter, practically begging/demanding that she meet him so that they could "break up in person" which literally does not make any sense to me whatsoever.

  When Daughter continued to ignore Guy, his mom then texted Daughter asking her to please "stop ignoring him" and saying that she "hates seeing her son like this." (I'd like to disclose that Daughter told us that prior to any of this, Guy's mom did not have Daughter's phone number.  Which means that this nearly 23-year-old man went and asked his mommy to text his girlfriend that he broke up with.) Daughter ignored Guy's mom as well.

  A few hours later, The Ex messages Daughter and asks her to call when she's able to.  Daughter calls her immediately.  The Ex asked how Daughter was doing. (Write that one on the calendar because The Ex NEVER calls her kids just to ask "how they're doing."  Proof of this will come later in this paragraph.) Daughter tells The Ex that she thought that she wanted her to call because Guy contacted The Ex; The Ex says no, she hasn't talked to Guy and asks what's going on.  Daughter gives her a recap of her asking for a break which led to Guy breaking up with her.  The Ex immediately starts telling Daughter that she ought to meet Guy somewhere and sit down and have a talk with him. (About 15 other people knew what was going on with Daughter & Guy at this point; The Ex is the only one who felt that Daughter should go talk to Guy.)

  They talk a bit more and then we hear The Ex ask what Husband and I think of Guy; Daughter says we don't like him.  The Ex rambles on a bit more and then must have made a snarky comment about us because Daughter replied, "Actually, he said that he really likes my family down here."  The Ex then went back to telling Daughter that she needed to not ignore Guy and she should talk to him.  Daughter said that she was upset and mad and hurt, and that she didn't want to talk right then.  The Ex goes on for a bit longer about how Guy is probably feeling and how Daughter ought to talk with him and then we hear her say, "Why do you want to be someone that hurts people, [Daughter]?"  Daughter got pissed and said she's not trying to "hurt" anyone.  The Ex then accused Daughter of "changing" and said that she "never used to act like this."  And then for good measure, The Ex told Daughter, "I hate that you live there; you act just like [my name] now!" (After she was off the phone I said, "You 'act like me' now?  Well, sorry that you're awesome," to which Daughter's best friend chimed in with, "Sorry you have a good mother figure in your life...")  As if all of that wasn't enough, The Ex then began yelling at Daughter for "never calling to ask how [The Ex's] day was" and she ended up hanging up on Daughter.

  A few minutes later, Daughter got a notification on her phone; she picked up the phone, read the preview, tossed the phone on the table and shouted, "My mom just lied to my FUCKING face!!"  Guy had texted Daughter and told her that he talked to The Ex (Who literally just told Daughter minutes earlier that she had not spoken to Guy) and that The Ex told him that it seemed like Daughter felt they were over.  Guy continued with his repeated messages, which Daughter continued to ignore.

  About an hour later, Guy sends me a text message.  I was going to ignore it but decided to reply:
     Guy:  [Daughters] mom told me that she thinks we are done ik you don't care about me at this point but I need to hear it from her and not her mom (First of all, you broke up with her.  Second of all, you involved her mom.  Third of all, save the whiny "I know you don't care about me" bullshit because I've lived through enough of the narcissistic self-absorption with The Ex and I don't want to hear it.)
     Me:  I'm not sure how or why her mom got involved with any of this.  This isn't her relationship and it isn't mine either. (Translation: quit being a little bitch and deal with your break up, which YOU initiated, like a man and stop involving the parents.)
     Guy:  Yeah well when you don't know if your single or not because someone doesn't message you can't move on can you? No so I'm asking you to tell her to text or call me so we can mutually break up and move on not ghost me. Or at least lemme know when she gets home so i can do it in person. (Once again, the lack of respect is astounding to me.  This little bitch better watch his mouth around me because I will not be spoken to like this - not by text, and damn sure not in person.)
  I decided at that point I wasn't going to engage anymore because I'd already told Guy that it wasn't my relationship.  I wasn't going to get into the middle of his absurdity, but I was definitely going to tell Daughter that what he was doing was unhealthy.

  At some point during of all of this, Guy also told Daughter that he felt like she wanted to take a break "because she liked someone else."  He also accused her of "drinking more" and actually told her, "Alcohol has ruined you lately."  Oh, and when he broke up with her, he said he was doing it because it "wasn't fair to him" because he said that Daughter claimed she "wanted to fix things but she wasn't putting in any effort."  I told Daughter that this is the clinical definition of gaslighting - they had a fight because of Guy's lack of effort in their relationship, and then Guy breaks up with her claiming that it's because Daughter is not making an effort in their relationship.

  Saturday afternoon, Guy also posted a picture to his public Snapchat story and wrote, "the worst thing is finding out your single from your girlfriends mom and not even your girlfriend" (....HE BROKE UP WITH HER.  I cannot handle this level of manipulation and insanity!!!)  Daughter finally texted him back and told him that she asked for space, he reacted by breaking up with her, she doesn't know how to react to this right now, to please give her the space that she asked for, and that she didn't know if they could come back from this.  Guy continued to text her a few times through the afternoon, and then he finally told her that he blocked her on Snapchat and that she could block his number if she wanted to.

  The Ex later texted Daughter and said something along the lines of:
     "This is what a good guy he is.  He said he's willing to forgive everything that was said and put it behind you.  He said you're his happy.  THINK ABOUT THAT."
  .....he's willing to forgive everything that was said?  This assface called Daughter a cheater, an alcoholic, and even lied about her breaking up with him and claiming he "heard it from her mom" in an attempt to gain sympathy.  But he's "willing to forgive what was said"?  Omfg...

  However, this isn't even nearly the end of it.  Oh, heavens no.  Our neighbor's daughter was friends with Guy on Snapchat (She's 15 years old, by the way.  Tell me that's not f*cking creepy...) and after he blocked Daughter, he posted a screenshot of his Facebook Messenger conversation with The Ex.  Guy blocked out everything that he said to The Ex, but left showing what The Ex said to him:
     "All [Ned] and I want, is for you to be happy. I don't wanna make you unhappy. I want you to know you can always text or call, ANYTIME (emoji of a smiley face) You are part of our family (There was more here but Guy scratched it out; I think it said "whether you're with [Daughter] or not)"
  Our neighbor's daughter screenshot it before Guy could delete it, which led to Guy texting Daughter saying "Can you please tell your friends and family to stop stalking my Snap?"

  Sunday afternoon, Daughter said that The Ex called her and told her that she'd talked to Guy some more. (Worst idea ever.)  The Ex told Daughter that Guy said he felt like he "had to break up with Daughter because he feels like she likes someone else and it's what she wanted."  I told Daughter that if that's how Guy really felt, then he needed to talk to Daughter about that - not The Ex.  The Ex also told Daughter that there was a package coming to our house and that she needed to get it back to Guy. (Guy bought Daughter a stuffed animal and had it shipped to our house.  Because apparently he can't just buy something for her and bring it over in person.  Fricking creep...)

  Daughter's best friend was absolutely livid over the entire thing.  She's pissed at how Guy is treating Daughter, she's even more pissed at The Ex for being such a piece of shit to her own child during her break up.  She said that Guy acts exactly like The Ex and I agreed; I said they both take advantage of Daughter's good heart, treat her like shit, and then convince her it was her fault that they did it.

  Last week, Daughter asked if it was a bad idea that she was "thinking about giving [Guy] a second chance."  I told her yes.  We talked a little bit the next day; she said she felt like they needed to have a face-to-face discussion to talk about what they wanted and needed out of the relationship.  I told her that yes, communication is extremely important but my biggest concern was her; I said I felt that she'd tell Guy what she wanted from him, he'd change for a week or two, and then start doing all the same things he did before but knowing Daughter, she'd just continue to put up with it and sweep it under the rug and not deal with it because she doesn't want to go through this pain all over again a second time.

  I also could not figure out what the hell was wrong with The Ex and why she's so far up Guy's ass throughout all of this.  Then, it dawned on me.  The Ex knows that Girlfriend sees through her bullshit and can't stand her as a person; Girlfriend "chose" me and Husband instead of "choosing" The Ex.  It's now become The Ex's mission to "win" Guy so that he will not "choose" me and Husband instead of her.  I told Girlfriend my theory and she said, "You should be a therapist or some shit.  You're in the wrong line of work.  Seriously."

  Daughter went camping this past weekend with a friend and their family; they camp near Tiny City so The Ex and Ned came to visit them.  The Ex gave Daughter a bracelet that reads, "Always my daughter, forever my friend." (HA.  The Ex told Daughter six months ago that she "wasn't moving her life around [for Daughter] anymore."  The Ex has told Daughter more than once to not to bother coming to Tiny City.  The Ex has screamed at her children that they "treat her like shit."  But yeah, "forever my friend," okay.  This manipulative bitch won't do anything for Daughter any other day of the year but suddenly wants to help her stay in an unhealthy relationship and they're "forever friends."  I'm so sickened by this.)

  And then as the final tier to this narcissistic cake, The Ex shared a quote picture that read:
     "Marriage isn't 'I promise to love you until I stop loving you.'  It's 'I promise to make a conscious decision to continue to love you even when it's hard because I'm aware no one is perfect, but you are worth it."
  The Ex tagged both Ned and Daughter in her post, and then also wrote:
     "It's not just marriages... ALL relationships too"
......I beg your pardon??? "ALL relationships" mean you'll choose to continue to love that person forever?  Wrong.  Completely and utterly wrong.  If that's the case, then you wouldn't be on your THIRD MARRIAGE, you ignorant cow.  Sorry, but it will be a cold day in Hell before you see me taking marriage advice from someone who's twice divorced, told everyone her third wedding was shitty, and then spent the week following her third marriage in a hotel away from her husband only to tell everyone she wanted to leave him 6 months later.  At no point was this an attempt to give Daughter "advice."  It was complete and utter manipulation to get Daughter to do what The Ex wants her to do.

  I simply do not have the energy for this stupid bitch.