Beginning of 2009
It was becoming more and more obvious that something was wrong in The Ex's home, but the kids never said a word about any of it. Like I said earlier, their grades were not the best; the teachers kept making notes in their report card about the kids needing more help at home, particularly Son. Husband and I went to a parent-teacher conference and both teachers said they often had problems getting The Ex to sign permission slips or even have the kids complete their homework. One teacher mentioned that she tried calling The Ex one day only to find that the number listed in the kids' school file was disconnected; if an emergency had come up, the school had no way to reach The Ex.
One day we took the kids back after Husband's visitation weekend; Son sat in the backseat with tears filling his eyes and said, "I don't want to go." The Ex told Husband one day that she "didn't know what was wrong with [Daughter]." The Ex said some days Daughter would burst into tears for no reason. (Daughter's teacher mentioned this at school; she said she would notice some days that Daughter was very sad but wouldn't talk about what was bothering her)
The kids brought their backpacks on a visitation weekend; Son's assignment book had a note that said he had not been allowed outside for recess because he came to school wearing shorts. It was February. The Ex initialed the book, showing she had read the teacher's note. Yet the very next day, the same note was written: [Son] was not allowed outside for recess because he was wearing shorts. (We asked Son why he was wearing shorts to school in the middle of winter. He said, "I didn't have any clean pants.") Another day, there was a note from The Ex saying she had gotten the teacher's message about Son and his math, and if they didn't talk before they would talk at the parent-teacher conferences. The teacher wrote a note back that she didn't remember leaving The Ex a message. (The Ex failed to attend the parent-teacher conferences despite the school being literally blocks away from her apartment. If there actually had been an issue, it did not get addressed by her.)
One day, The Ex called Husband and said she wanted to send both kids to therapy. Husband asked what the problem was; The Ex said Son was getting violent with Daughter and would punch, shove, slap and kick her. The Ex repeated what she had said a few weeks prior about Daughter bursting into tears for no reason. The Ex said she didn't know why either of the kids were acting like this so she wanted to start them in therapy.
That same weekend that The Ex brought up therapy, Daughter started talking about Boyfriend and his drinking. Daughter said in the past, she and Son had to go to the upstairs apartment because Boyfriend was drunk and that The Ex and her cousin had called the police on Boyfriend. (Now is when you start to get nervous about sending your kids back to their parent.) Daughter said it was okay because Boyfriend wasn't going to drink anymore.
A couple of weeks later, Daughter began telling another story about a different time that Boyfriend was drunk. Daughter said Boyfriend and his brother took The Ex's car and were driving it around; she said The Ex called the cops, Boyfriend's brother threw a bottle down the stairs, the cops showed up and talked to Boyfriend who first lied and said he didn't have The Ex's keys but eventually gave them to her. Both kids witnessed all of this. (The picture was starting to come together. The kids' decline in school, Son's violence, Daughter's crying "for no reason" - this was all centering around what was going on at The Ex's house.)
Shortly after that, we found online that Boyfriend had been arrested and charged with "disorderly conduct as a domestic abuse incident." The next weekend when we had the kids, we asked what happened at The Ex's the weekend before. Daughter said, "I'm not supposed to talk about it." We asked if The Ex had called the police again; Daughter said yes. We told the kids they would not be in trouble if they told us what happened and asked them to tell us why The Ex had called the police. Daughter said, "Mommy and [Boyfriend] were fighting and he shoved her two times. Once into the couch and once into the window." I asked what had happened then; Daughter said The Ex called the police. Then Son added, "Then I ran to the neighbor's and they called the police too. The neighbor says he's worried about Mom and [our sister]." We asked why the neighbor was worried and Son said, "Because of [Boyfriend]." We asked what happened after that; both kids said that Boyfriend had gotten arrested, spent one day in jail and then paid to get himself out. (This is the "new life" she was making - an abusive, alcoholic boyfriend as the kids' stepfather.)
I called the police department in New City, asked how we could get a copy of the police report. I was told that we had to wait until the case was closed before we could receive a copy of the report. I explained the situation, said we needed to know what was going on because there were kids involved. The woman working there said to send a written request and that she would see what she could do. Husband sent the request. We got back not only the police report over this incident, but four other police reports. Each and every single one of them had to do with Boyfriend drinking. Boyfriend threatened to run over The Ex's car while she was pregnant with their child, The Ex and Boyfriend got into a physical fight on Thanksgiving, Boyfriend got drunk and stole The Ex's car, Boyfriend shoved The Ex into the patio door....it just didn't stop.
We immediately began looking for a lawyer.
One day we took the kids back after Husband's visitation weekend; Son sat in the backseat with tears filling his eyes and said, "I don't want to go." The Ex told Husband one day that she "didn't know what was wrong with [Daughter]." The Ex said some days Daughter would burst into tears for no reason. (Daughter's teacher mentioned this at school; she said she would notice some days that Daughter was very sad but wouldn't talk about what was bothering her)
The kids brought their backpacks on a visitation weekend; Son's assignment book had a note that said he had not been allowed outside for recess because he came to school wearing shorts. It was February. The Ex initialed the book, showing she had read the teacher's note. Yet the very next day, the same note was written: [Son] was not allowed outside for recess because he was wearing shorts. (We asked Son why he was wearing shorts to school in the middle of winter. He said, "I didn't have any clean pants.") Another day, there was a note from The Ex saying she had gotten the teacher's message about Son and his math, and if they didn't talk before they would talk at the parent-teacher conferences. The teacher wrote a note back that she didn't remember leaving The Ex a message. (The Ex failed to attend the parent-teacher conferences despite the school being literally blocks away from her apartment. If there actually had been an issue, it did not get addressed by her.)
One day, The Ex called Husband and said she wanted to send both kids to therapy. Husband asked what the problem was; The Ex said Son was getting violent with Daughter and would punch, shove, slap and kick her. The Ex repeated what she had said a few weeks prior about Daughter bursting into tears for no reason. The Ex said she didn't know why either of the kids were acting like this so she wanted to start them in therapy.
That same weekend that The Ex brought up therapy, Daughter started talking about Boyfriend and his drinking. Daughter said in the past, she and Son had to go to the upstairs apartment because Boyfriend was drunk and that The Ex and her cousin had called the police on Boyfriend. (Now is when you start to get nervous about sending your kids back to their parent.) Daughter said it was okay because Boyfriend wasn't going to drink anymore.
A couple of weeks later, Daughter began telling another story about a different time that Boyfriend was drunk. Daughter said Boyfriend and his brother took The Ex's car and were driving it around; she said The Ex called the cops, Boyfriend's brother threw a bottle down the stairs, the cops showed up and talked to Boyfriend who first lied and said he didn't have The Ex's keys but eventually gave them to her. Both kids witnessed all of this. (The picture was starting to come together. The kids' decline in school, Son's violence, Daughter's crying "for no reason" - this was all centering around what was going on at The Ex's house.)
Shortly after that, we found online that Boyfriend had been arrested and charged with "disorderly conduct as a domestic abuse incident." The next weekend when we had the kids, we asked what happened at The Ex's the weekend before. Daughter said, "I'm not supposed to talk about it." We asked if The Ex had called the police again; Daughter said yes. We told the kids they would not be in trouble if they told us what happened and asked them to tell us why The Ex had called the police. Daughter said, "Mommy and [Boyfriend] were fighting and he shoved her two times. Once into the couch and once into the window." I asked what had happened then; Daughter said The Ex called the police. Then Son added, "Then I ran to the neighbor's and they called the police too. The neighbor says he's worried about Mom and [our sister]." We asked why the neighbor was worried and Son said, "Because of [Boyfriend]." We asked what happened after that; both kids said that Boyfriend had gotten arrested, spent one day in jail and then paid to get himself out. (This is the "new life" she was making - an abusive, alcoholic boyfriend as the kids' stepfather.)
I called the police department in New City, asked how we could get a copy of the police report. I was told that we had to wait until the case was closed before we could receive a copy of the report. I explained the situation, said we needed to know what was going on because there were kids involved. The woman working there said to send a written request and that she would see what she could do. Husband sent the request. We got back not only the police report over this incident, but four other police reports. Each and every single one of them had to do with Boyfriend drinking. Boyfriend threatened to run over The Ex's car while she was pregnant with their child, The Ex and Boyfriend got into a physical fight on Thanksgiving, Boyfriend got drunk and stole The Ex's car, Boyfriend shoved The Ex into the patio door....it just didn't stop.
We immediately began looking for a lawyer.
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