Start of 2011
Before we dive into 2011, let me backtrack a couple of months. We didn't get the kids the weekend that our city had trick-or-treating, The Ex did. Come to find out that the kids spent the entire weekend with The Ex's parents because The Ex had laser eye surgery that weekend. (Instead of scheduling it on a weekend that we were going to have the kids, she scheduled it on a weekend that she would have the kids.) The weekend after her surgery, her mom calls Husband and says the kids will probably be coming with them again for the weekend because The Ex is sick. Husband says if she's that sick, then maybe he should just keep them. Her mom says, "Well, she's not really sick. Her eyes are hurting." (Another weekend not spent with the kids. Yet when Husband doesn't agree to certain schedule changes, The Ex yells about how she never gets to see the kids and wants to spend more time with them. What?) Husband casually asks her about it, says I'm thinking about having it done myself and was wondering what it cost. The Ex says it cost $3,700 "but she got it on payments." (Remember the kids' cats that The Ex had to get rid of? The ones she couldn't afford because she was spending $30 a month on their food and litter? What do you think her monthly payment was on $3,700 eye surgery?)
Husband and I talked; we finally had our own house, there was enough room for everyone, we were doing okay from a financial standpoint, I never wanted an odd amount of children - so we were going to try and have a baby. Ten days before Thanksgiving, we found out I was pregnant!! We told the kids a little while later; they were all very excited. I'm sure the kids told The Ex about it, hence her anger over Thanksgiving and Christmas (The Ex had actually approached Husband at some point when they were separated and said that they should have another child. She said the two of them didn't have to be in a relationship together, she just wanted another baby and that they made good-looking kids together. Husband told her she was crazy, he was done having kids and didn't want any more. Now, however many years later, he and I were having a second child together. I'm sure she was absolutely livid)
A few weeks into November, I found an online record showing that The Ex and Boyfriend had filed for a marriage license. (I found out later that one of The Ex's three attorneys had told her not to marry Boyfriend during the custody fight; apparently, it looked better for The Ex if Boyfriend wasn't seen as a "permanent" thing. If your relationship negatively affects your chance of getting custody of your kids, maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship...no??) Daughter had previously made some comment about The Ex and Boyfriend getting married in April; a license wouldn't be good that many months later, so I figured I'd ask. Daughter said that her mom and Boyfriend were "kind of married." (....what?) I asked what that meant; Daughter said they were kind of married but not. They were going to have a big wedding in 2011 but for now they were kind of married. I told Daughter there is no "kind of married" - you are either married, or you are not married. Daughter said, "...then they're married." I asked when they got married and Daughter said she wasn't sure. I asked if Son and Daughter had been there at the wedding; Daughter said no. (To this day, this is just beyond comprehension for me. The Ex still says it's Boyfriend's fault she lost custody....but she married him anyway!! Not only did she marry him, but her kids weren't even there?! When Husband and I got married, all of the kids had a part in our wedding!!! How do you not include your children in your marriage, even if it's just as guests?!)
In December, Husband told The Ex that he'd need one of her insurance cards for the kids. As expected, The Ex said she didn't have an extra one to give us. (I had already talked to her HR rep, who said The Ex received more than one copy of the card and if she needed more, she could talk to him) Husband told her she could talk to her HR rep; The Ex accused Husband of "snooping around" at her work and hung up on him. A few days later, Husband asked about the card; The Ex said she didn't have one and couldn't talk to HR rep until January 3rd. (Fair enough, we'll let it slide for now) Husband asked on January 10th about the insurance card; The Ex said she still didn't have one and now HR rep was retiring. (Okay....and?) The next day, Husband wrote a letter and sent a copy to The Ex and the court, indicating that he had been trying to work with her and had been asking for three weeks about an insurance card and that The Ex kept refusing to give him one; if she continued to refuse, Husband would file a motion with the court requesting that The Ex provide him a card and reimburse him for attorney's fees. A week later, The Ex left a message saying she had a card coming; five days later, Husband asked about it. The Ex said she didn't have it. (How long does this take, exactly?) We finally got a card....in February. The Ex had her dad bring it when he picked up the kids for her. We looked at it after they left; she had scratched a name off of it. (We suspected, and were correct, that it was Boyfriend's name. The Ex must have thought that we didn't know they were married, so she tried "hiding" that he was covered by her policy even though her last name on the card was now changed to Boyfriend's last name. Sharp as a tack, this one...) When Husband picked up the kids that Sunday, he told her he needed a new card; The Ex asked why. Husband told her that someone scratched information off of it so it was "tampered with" and our doctors/dentist wouldn't accept it. The Ex said she didn't know what happened to it, actually tried saying, "[My toddler] was in my purse earlier." (I still have this card in my desk. This was not the work of a child being generally destructive. This was someone who was blatantly trying to hide a name on an insurance card) Husband said it didn't matter, he still needed a new card. The Ex repeated that she didn't know what happened to it, said she had just removed the sticker and gave it to her dad to give to Husband. (After all of this over a mere insurance card, The Ex actually has the audacity to accuse Husband of not communicating with her)
One weekend, The Ex actually came to get the kids herself (She typically sent her parents. She had more important things to do, like work voluntary overtime or sleep in). Right after leaving our house, she called Husband and demanded to know why he hadn't told her that the kids had off of school that day and said she was supposed to be able to get them early (Now we're having this argument again) Husband told her that she got the kids at the same time, regardless of whether there was school or not. The Ex continued arguing that she got to pick the kids up early when there was no school; then she demanded to know what we had done with the kids all day, if they had come to work with me or if Husband had taken the day off. Husband told her that wasn't her business and if there was nothing to talk about, that he was going to hang up. The Ex, with the kids in the car, yelled, "You're such a piece of s**t!" and hung up on Husband. (That was obviously such a mature response, she clearly had the kids' best interest in mind while responding like this.)
A few weeks later, a friend of ours lost one of his children. The funeral was on a Friday afternoon/evening so Husband called The Ex's parents about exchanging the kids. The Ex's mom said she was pretty sure they were getting the kids for The Ex; Husband said that we would not be home and the kids could be picked up at his sister's house at 5pm (which was closer to The Ex's parents' place). Twenty minutes later, The Ex's mom called back and said they were going to be in Our City anyway, so they would pick up the kids at our house. Husband repeated we were not going to be there, so he would call The Ex to see if she wanted to pick up the kids herself; her mom said to call their house phone (For whatever reason, The Ex was at her parents' house, not her own apartment) Husband calls The Ex to say the kids can be picked up at his sister's at 5pm; The Ex says she's not picking them up, she has an appointment at 5. Husband asks if she always has an appointment then because she rarely comes to get the kids herself (Admittedly, he could have let that part of it slide. It just gets irritating when she complains non-stop about not getting time with the kids....and then lets her parents pick up the kids for her and keep them all weekend) The Ex starts yelling that her parents are helping her out and it's "none of his business" who picks up the kids. Husband says it is his business since they're his kids too, and that isn't the point. The Ex keeps arguing and yelling, says her parents will be at our house to pick up the kids at 5pm; now she starts accusing Husband of "always trying to get his way" and saying he "never works with her." (Because one time, we said we needed to move the exchange location. One time = always) Husband repeats again that we won't be there and that the kids can be picked up at his sister's house. The Ex won't stop yelling, so Husband hangs up. At 5pm, The Ex's mom calls Husband and says they're outside of our house (Why, exactly? You were personally told we weren't going to be there. Why are you there?) and wants to know where we are. Husband told her we were at his sister's, just like he had told her earlier. The Ex's dad gets on the phone, asks who's picking up the kids. Husband says he doesn't know, mentions that he called earlier and told both The Ex and her mother that we were not going to be home at 5pm and the kids could be picked up at his sister's house. The Ex's dad starts cursing and hangs up. (Because clearly, this is our fault) We went to the wake, spent about half an hour there, and get back into our vehicle to find seven missed calls and two new messages on Husband's phone. The first message is from The Ex, saying that her parents are at the police station filing a report and the officer is waiting to hear what Husband is going to do (There was never a question about what Husband was going to do). The second message is from The Ex's mom, saying they filed a police report and "you guys need to get your stuff together" (I still don't know if "you guys" meant The Ex and Husband, or if "you guys" meant Husband and me. Either way, she's an idiot. Husband called you, told you exactly where the kids were going to be at what time, and you chose not to go to that place. Our stuff is together just fine, your daughter is another matter) Husband then called our police department to talk to the officer on duty; apparently, The Ex's parents never went to the station, never filed a report, never even called the police. (So now it's established that the entire family is made up of liars) As Husband is talking to the officer, The Ex calls at 6:08pm and leaves a message telling Husband that this is "pretty mean of him," (you big, stinky poopface) she's "supposed to get the kids at five" (you're the one that's an hour late - not my fault) and she "doesn't even know where his sister lives!" Goes on to acknowledge that she has been to his sister's house but "doesn't know what road it's down!" (This might actually have been legit. When The Ex first moved to New City, she couldn't give us her address because she didn't know it. She gave us generic directions - left, straight, stop, straight, right, etc - before finally saying, "Just ask the kids, they know how to get here." No, honestly. That's how we found it; we asked Son which street looked right until he recognized it and then he pointed out which house it was) The Ex tells Husband that "what he's doing is wrong, completely wrong!" (Calling to inform the other parent where the kids will be at exchange time is "wrong, completely wrong." Not answering your phone because you're at a 2-year-old's funeral is "wrong, completely wrong.") The Ex then demands that Husband call her back because she wants to talk to "her kids" and pick them up. (This is not that complicated. You were told 3+ hours ago where the kids would be and chose not to get them. And by the way, you are not the Virgin Mary so these are not "your" kids. They have two parents.) About 6:20pm, The Ex's dad called and asked for the address; Husband gave him the address and apologized because his wife and daughter hadn't told him that Husband had called them. (After all of this insanity, The Ex didn't pick up the kids until almost 7pm. Her parents' place to Husband's sister's house was a 20-minute drive; she was two hours late)
Husband and I talked; we finally had our own house, there was enough room for everyone, we were doing okay from a financial standpoint, I never wanted an odd amount of children - so we were going to try and have a baby. Ten days before Thanksgiving, we found out I was pregnant!! We told the kids a little while later; they were all very excited. I'm sure the kids told The Ex about it, hence her anger over Thanksgiving and Christmas (The Ex had actually approached Husband at some point when they were separated and said that they should have another child. She said the two of them didn't have to be in a relationship together, she just wanted another baby and that they made good-looking kids together. Husband told her she was crazy, he was done having kids and didn't want any more. Now, however many years later, he and I were having a second child together. I'm sure she was absolutely livid)
A few weeks into November, I found an online record showing that The Ex and Boyfriend had filed for a marriage license. (I found out later that one of The Ex's three attorneys had told her not to marry Boyfriend during the custody fight; apparently, it looked better for The Ex if Boyfriend wasn't seen as a "permanent" thing. If your relationship negatively affects your chance of getting custody of your kids, maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship...no??) Daughter had previously made some comment about The Ex and Boyfriend getting married in April; a license wouldn't be good that many months later, so I figured I'd ask. Daughter said that her mom and Boyfriend were "kind of married." (....what?) I asked what that meant; Daughter said they were kind of married but not. They were going to have a big wedding in 2011 but for now they were kind of married. I told Daughter there is no "kind of married" - you are either married, or you are not married. Daughter said, "...then they're married." I asked when they got married and Daughter said she wasn't sure. I asked if Son and Daughter had been there at the wedding; Daughter said no. (To this day, this is just beyond comprehension for me. The Ex still says it's Boyfriend's fault she lost custody....but she married him anyway!! Not only did she marry him, but her kids weren't even there?! When Husband and I got married, all of the kids had a part in our wedding!!! How do you not include your children in your marriage, even if it's just as guests?!)
In December, Husband told The Ex that he'd need one of her insurance cards for the kids. As expected, The Ex said she didn't have an extra one to give us. (I had already talked to her HR rep, who said The Ex received more than one copy of the card and if she needed more, she could talk to him) Husband told her she could talk to her HR rep; The Ex accused Husband of "snooping around" at her work and hung up on him. A few days later, Husband asked about the card; The Ex said she didn't have one and couldn't talk to HR rep until January 3rd. (Fair enough, we'll let it slide for now) Husband asked on January 10th about the insurance card; The Ex said she still didn't have one and now HR rep was retiring. (Okay....and?) The next day, Husband wrote a letter and sent a copy to The Ex and the court, indicating that he had been trying to work with her and had been asking for three weeks about an insurance card and that The Ex kept refusing to give him one; if she continued to refuse, Husband would file a motion with the court requesting that The Ex provide him a card and reimburse him for attorney's fees. A week later, The Ex left a message saying she had a card coming; five days later, Husband asked about it. The Ex said she didn't have it. (How long does this take, exactly?) We finally got a card....in February. The Ex had her dad bring it when he picked up the kids for her. We looked at it after they left; she had scratched a name off of it. (We suspected, and were correct, that it was Boyfriend's name. The Ex must have thought that we didn't know they were married, so she tried "hiding" that he was covered by her policy even though her last name on the card was now changed to Boyfriend's last name. Sharp as a tack, this one...) When Husband picked up the kids that Sunday, he told her he needed a new card; The Ex asked why. Husband told her that someone scratched information off of it so it was "tampered with" and our doctors/dentist wouldn't accept it. The Ex said she didn't know what happened to it, actually tried saying, "[My toddler] was in my purse earlier." (I still have this card in my desk. This was not the work of a child being generally destructive. This was someone who was blatantly trying to hide a name on an insurance card) Husband said it didn't matter, he still needed a new card. The Ex repeated that she didn't know what happened to it, said she had just removed the sticker and gave it to her dad to give to Husband. (After all of this over a mere insurance card, The Ex actually has the audacity to accuse Husband of not communicating with her)
One weekend, The Ex actually came to get the kids herself (She typically sent her parents. She had more important things to do, like work voluntary overtime or sleep in). Right after leaving our house, she called Husband and demanded to know why he hadn't told her that the kids had off of school that day and said she was supposed to be able to get them early (Now we're having this argument again) Husband told her that she got the kids at the same time, regardless of whether there was school or not. The Ex continued arguing that she got to pick the kids up early when there was no school; then she demanded to know what we had done with the kids all day, if they had come to work with me or if Husband had taken the day off. Husband told her that wasn't her business and if there was nothing to talk about, that he was going to hang up. The Ex, with the kids in the car, yelled, "You're such a piece of s**t!" and hung up on Husband. (That was obviously such a mature response, she clearly had the kids' best interest in mind while responding like this.)
A few weeks later, a friend of ours lost one of his children. The funeral was on a Friday afternoon/evening so Husband called The Ex's parents about exchanging the kids. The Ex's mom said she was pretty sure they were getting the kids for The Ex; Husband said that we would not be home and the kids could be picked up at his sister's house at 5pm (which was closer to The Ex's parents' place). Twenty minutes later, The Ex's mom called back and said they were going to be in Our City anyway, so they would pick up the kids at our house. Husband repeated we were not going to be there, so he would call The Ex to see if she wanted to pick up the kids herself; her mom said to call their house phone (For whatever reason, The Ex was at her parents' house, not her own apartment) Husband calls The Ex to say the kids can be picked up at his sister's at 5pm; The Ex says she's not picking them up, she has an appointment at 5. Husband asks if she always has an appointment then because she rarely comes to get the kids herself (Admittedly, he could have let that part of it slide. It just gets irritating when she complains non-stop about not getting time with the kids....and then lets her parents pick up the kids for her and keep them all weekend) The Ex starts yelling that her parents are helping her out and it's "none of his business" who picks up the kids. Husband says it is his business since they're his kids too, and that isn't the point. The Ex keeps arguing and yelling, says her parents will be at our house to pick up the kids at 5pm; now she starts accusing Husband of "always trying to get his way" and saying he "never works with her." (Because one time, we said we needed to move the exchange location. One time = always) Husband repeats again that we won't be there and that the kids can be picked up at his sister's house. The Ex won't stop yelling, so Husband hangs up. At 5pm, The Ex's mom calls Husband and says they're outside of our house (Why, exactly? You were personally told we weren't going to be there. Why are you there?) and wants to know where we are. Husband told her we were at his sister's, just like he had told her earlier. The Ex's dad gets on the phone, asks who's picking up the kids. Husband says he doesn't know, mentions that he called earlier and told both The Ex and her mother that we were not going to be home at 5pm and the kids could be picked up at his sister's house. The Ex's dad starts cursing and hangs up. (Because clearly, this is our fault) We went to the wake, spent about half an hour there, and get back into our vehicle to find seven missed calls and two new messages on Husband's phone. The first message is from The Ex, saying that her parents are at the police station filing a report and the officer is waiting to hear what Husband is going to do (There was never a question about what Husband was going to do). The second message is from The Ex's mom, saying they filed a police report and "you guys need to get your stuff together" (I still don't know if "you guys" meant The Ex and Husband, or if "you guys" meant Husband and me. Either way, she's an idiot. Husband called you, told you exactly where the kids were going to be at what time, and you chose not to go to that place. Our stuff is together just fine, your daughter is another matter) Husband then called our police department to talk to the officer on duty; apparently, The Ex's parents never went to the station, never filed a report, never even called the police. (So now it's established that the entire family is made up of liars) As Husband is talking to the officer, The Ex calls at 6:08pm and leaves a message telling Husband that this is "pretty mean of him," (you big, stinky poopface) she's "supposed to get the kids at five" (you're the one that's an hour late - not my fault) and she "doesn't even know where his sister lives!" Goes on to acknowledge that she has been to his sister's house but "doesn't know what road it's down!" (This might actually have been legit. When The Ex first moved to New City, she couldn't give us her address because she didn't know it. She gave us generic directions - left, straight, stop, straight, right, etc - before finally saying, "Just ask the kids, they know how to get here." No, honestly. That's how we found it; we asked Son which street looked right until he recognized it and then he pointed out which house it was) The Ex tells Husband that "what he's doing is wrong, completely wrong!" (Calling to inform the other parent where the kids will be at exchange time is "wrong, completely wrong." Not answering your phone because you're at a 2-year-old's funeral is "wrong, completely wrong.") The Ex then demands that Husband call her back because she wants to talk to "her kids" and pick them up. (This is not that complicated. You were told 3+ hours ago where the kids would be and chose not to get them. And by the way, you are not the Virgin Mary so these are not "your" kids. They have two parents.) About 6:20pm, The Ex's dad called and asked for the address; Husband gave him the address and apologized because his wife and daughter hadn't told him that Husband had called them. (After all of this insanity, The Ex didn't pick up the kids until almost 7pm. Her parents' place to Husband's sister's house was a 20-minute drive; she was two hours late)
I have read your entire blog thus far...I really feel that your situation and my situation mirror each other. I can't wait to read more. It's nice to know I'm not alone in the craziest ride of my life.
ReplyDeleteO MY GOSH!!! I wish I could just talk to you. I came across your blog from a FB page that shared it. I wish I had seen this earlier when we were going through our 'issues'. We also have had very crazy things happen, we gained custody, actually had to have CPS in our live for almost 3 stinkin years because of my SD mother. She is now out of the picture, she hasn't contacted my SD in going on almost 2 years, ran off to a different state with her sex offender boyfriend and has now had her 5th kid by her 5th boyfriend. I hesitate sharing our story like you have (though I have thought about it in the past) but honestly it is a story Jerry Springer couldn't even make up and would have to create a whole season to cover everything. Also, I hate people thinking that because we are associated with "that family" we must be like them. But in reality it was a one night stand on my husband's part (still "bad" I know) and he never knew about her. I found out before he did because I was the one that received the call from Child Support looking for my husband (I had just given birth to our son 3 months prior). Things seemed okay at first. The BM we knew wasn't 'the best" (ummmm meaning she just got out of prison for theft) but no feathers were ruffled, she 'accepted me' and caused no issues... Until we started witnessing my at the time SD's form of 'play'. Enter in therapy, CPS, project harmony and the craziest 5 years I couldn't make up if I tried!!! I just wish I could share everything with you because even though I have no idea who you are, it feels like you would be the only person I know who would understand!!! Going to continue reading your blog now... Thanks again for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis is freakishly the same as my story, literally. The Ex, her mother and her Dad
ReplyDelete