We Are The Champions

  Son's team was doing really, really, really freaking well in baseball.  They made it to the playoff games and won two of three playoff games.  The Ex insisted on taking Son home with her after the second playoff game, saying she would have him back for the third playoff game two days later.

  The day of the third playoff game, Son calls Husband at almost 4pm and is really upset.  Son says that they haven't even left New City yet; The Ex is just getting gas.  Son is angry because he knows he won't be there on time and says to Husband, "I should have just stayed with you the other night." (We all know this, but The Ex has control issues and technically it was her placement time so we can't argue.  You can't fix stupid, Son.)

  The Ex showed up with Son at almost 5:30pm; the game was supposed to be at 6pm so everyone else had already been practicing for half an hour beforehand. (Son was supposed to be there at 5pm.  The Ex had been told repeatedly that if Son missed practice, he would not get to play.)

  Unfortunately for him, Son did not get to play in that game.  It wasn't because he wasn't a good player; he played in almost every regular season game, the coach picked him to play in an all-star tournament and he played in two of three championship games.  He was good but for whatever reason, he wasn't put into that game.  We were disappointed that Son didn't get to play the final winning game, but his team still won a championship.  We could still celebrate because they had all worked together as a team to get where they needed to be...right?

  Nope.  That wasn't going to fly with The Ex.  She walked out onto the field and asked the coach, in front of all of Son's teammates and coaches, why Son hadn't played.  The coach told her that they were celebrating as a team, they were handing out trophies and taking pictures; when they were finished, he would talk to her.

  The Ex came walking back to where she and her family were sitting; Daughter and I were standing there waiting for Son.  The Ex complains loudly that the coach said he would talk to her later and that one of the other mothers had said, "Don't do this in front of the kids." (How dare she try to keep peace and prevent you from embarrassing your children.  What a crazy woman.)

  After pictures and trophies, the coaches came over to talk to The Ex; the first thing she says is, "I'd like an explanation."  The coach starts to say that this was a championship game; The Ex interrupts him and says she doesn't care, "These are kids playing.  This should have been fair.  Do you not understand what's fair?!" (The coach is not a person to be talked down to; this is already not going well)  The coach says yes, he does.  The Ex complains that they were not being fair; the coach says, "[The kids] would be happier losing?"  The Ex says, "Who cares about winning or losing?  It's having the child play!  You're not doing that!"  The coach says, "They do get plenty of playing time.  Is this the first game you've come to?" (Oh, BURN.)  The Ex starts complaining about how far she and her parents have driven to come watch Son. (Which obviously has no bearing on anything whatsoever.  Again, she created the distance and now it's a freaking problem; boo hoo, let's feel bad for The Ex) The coach says he doesn't care about how far she drove; he did what was best for the team.  The Ex says, "We came to see my son play and he didn't even get out one time."

  Now the coach's wife gets involved, starts saying that they came to see a team play - Son is part of a team. (Which should have been the whole point, but it wasn't.  Not for The Ex and her family) The Ex's brother starts yelling that Son didn't get to play that day; The Ex starts to complain again about Son not playing that day.  The coach says there have been times where they played the whole game and that the starters never went out.  The Ex says, "See, that's unfair too." (You can't win with this woman.)  The coach asks how it's unfair.  The Ex says that every child should get to play in every game; now The Ex's mom jumps in and they both start repeating what the other one is saying.

  The coach says, "That's not fair to the better kids then." (I knew what the coach meant by this but it came out sounding completely horrible; he just meant that some kids are better than others, which is true.  The kids that are really talented shouldn't get benched just because Little Johnny wants to strike out without ever swinging the bat.   I wanted to grab the words and shove them right back down his throat.  But whatever, he had just opened Pandora's box)

  The Ex went completely ballistic.  The Ex is pointing at Son (Who is now beyond uncomfortable) and yelling, "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT MY SON?!  ARE YOU SAYING HE'S NOT BETTER?!" (Yes, the coach thinks that Son sucks - that's why he asked him to play in an all-star tournament, because Son sucks at baseball)  The coach says no; The Ex says, "I don't want to hear it!  That's exactly what you said!" (That's not what he said at all)

  The Ex's mom starts running her mouth about how every child should get to bat once in every game.  A second coach starts saying that if The Ex has a problem with it, to go talk to the rec director because they had a ton of kids sign up this year and it should have been split into two teams.  The Ex says she's not going to talk to the rec director, "That's what you guys should have done!  That's your job!"  The second coach says it's not their job.  The first coach says if she's not happy, then to go somewhere else; he did what he thought was best for the team.  The Ex says no, he did not do what was best for the team.  The coach says, "How is it not what's best?  We won a championship!"  The Ex asks who cares who won or lost (Um, the kids who won and lost care about that.  I'm about 100% positive of it) and says that this is "about the kids" and that the coach "isn't thinking about the kids" (Right here, I almost - ALMOST - opened my mouth and ripped into The Ex for her hypocrisy.  I wanted to scream at her, in front of everyone, about how she had two brand-new cars but said she couldn't afford to bring the kids to their practices; how she told the kids she needed to get rid of their cats because they were costing too much money but then got laser eye surgery; how she lost custody of her children because she was leaving them alone in the middle of the night with an infant.  This woman, who has essentially told her kids that she is more important than they are, is now berating another adult for "not thinking about the kids."  Ultimately, I was able to control myself and said nothing because I knew it wasn't right to do it in front of the kids, and it wouldn't accomplish anything anyway - The Ex thinks she can do no wrong.)

  A third coach tells The Ex that they are out there every single day working with these kids; she drove an hour and a half.  The Ex's mom says it's not about the coaches, it's about the players (All of whom are in awe at your entire family and their stupidity)  The first coach's wife replies that yes, it's about the players who as a team won a championship.  The Ex's mom says, "Oh, great!  Great, but [Son] should have gotten out there..."  The coach's wife says they don't know what it's like to be a coach, they don't know what they're talking about.  The Ex's mom says, "You ain't a coach, are you?" (This woman was Daughter's cheerleading coach in 2009)  The wife says yes, she is a coach.  The Ex's mom says, "We're not talking to you, we're talking to THEIR coach!" (Okaaay, but you did just talk to her.  You engaged her and now that you are losing the argument, you announce that you're not talking to her?  Why must you argue like a 5-year-old child?)

  This continues on and on for a bit longer.  The Ex keeps saying it doesn't matter who won; The Ex's mom keeps saying it's about the kids, not the coaches and says that Son feels bad because he didn't get to play.  Daughter and I are standing there, staring blankly into the distance; Son has walked off, utterly embarrassed about this scene his mother and her family are creating.  The other parents and players were all watching this; a few of them asked me what was wrong with The Ex, how she could act like this in public.  I smiled and said, "Welcome to my life."

  Someone finally ended the argument.  The Ex and her family got into their vehicles, took off...and left bags of garbage sitting on the ground.  The head coach told Son that he played very well, asked if he was coming back next year.  The head coach told him he'd be moving up with some of the other players, it would be a new league and he'd get more playing time.  Son said yes, he wanted to come back and play again next year.

  Daughter had one more game after that, so there was no more arguing.  At least about baseball.