Voicemails from 2009
In late January, The Ex left Husband a voicemail:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um, I’m jumping in the shower; I think it’s like, 4:20. And we’re gonna run to Wal-Mart. Um, I’d like to know when you’re gonna be home with the kids, I don’t know if we should wait for ‘em or...we’re only gettin’ a few things that we need for the week, so...if you can give me a call back here pretty quick, or...let me know what’s going on and when you think you’ll roughly be here, so...talk to you later. Bye.” (Exchange time was 6pm, and had been 6pm since 2005 when they were divorced. The Ex constantly called on our weekends, asking what time we would be there to drop off the kids. I can't tell if she was just trying to be annoying or if she is really this stupid)
About a month later, The Ex left Husband a voicemail at 9:15am:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. Um, I was calling ‘cause I was wondering if you wanted to kinda switch today, about me droppin’ ‘em off; if you’d pick ‘em up and then I can pick’em up Sunday. Um, I need...I don’t know when you have break but I need to know right away. If you wanna call the cell phone or my...well, I don’t have my cell phone but [Boyfriend] does, and I’ll let him know if you call there. So, call me as soon as you get this and let me know, yes or no, okay? Bye.” (Husband had to work until 4pm. The kids were supposed to be dropped off at 5pm. The Ex calls the day of the exchange, literally less than eight hours before she's supposed to be here and wants to know if we can switch the driving that weekend)
Husband obviously didn't get this voicemail because he was working, so The Ex called again at exactly 12:15pm:
“Hey, it’s me [The Ex]. Waiting for you to call me back; I don’t know when your break is! I’d like to know so I can at least get a few hours sleep so nothing happens when I’m driving! Bye.” (Then go to sleep. If something happens while you're driving, then that rests on your shoulders. Do not try to make this our fault.) Husband did go pick up the kids after he got out of work. But you know, thanks for the advance notice and stuff. That was really considerate of you. This was also the same day that The Ex told Husband that she "didn't know what was wrong with [Daughter]" and said Daughter would be sitting on the couch and burst into tears for no reason.
About three weeks after this, The Ex called and asked Husband if he would like the kids a day early because they didn't have school on Friday; Husband said that would be fine, I could take them to work with me (The Ex was aware that the kids came to work with me and had no problem with it, until she lost custody and wanted the kids back. Then it was suddenly a problem for them to be at work with me.) The day that The Ex was supposed to drop off the kids, she left Husband a voicemail:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. Uh, I know you’re at work and I’m hopin’ you check your messages, but...I wrote... I just got off the phone with the school. I wrote, um...wrong on the calendar. They have school tomorrow, I guess. It was February, Fri...Fri...February the 27th, that Friday that they didn’t have school and, I don’t know what happened to me; I guess I flipped one too many for February and I wrote it on March. So, um... I need to let the...I’m...I don’t know! (Why is this so confusing?) I don’t know what you want me to do; I was just gonna send ‘em to school and then drop ‘em off Friday...at...’cause I really didn’t want ‘em to miss any more school. So, I guess you need to let me know if you still want ‘em today so I can call the school and tell them. Otherwise, I guess for right now, I’m not planning on bringing them unless you tell me otherwise. Okay? Um, you can call me on the house phone or the cell phone...don’t matter. Okay? Bye." (In regard to her not wanting the kids "to miss any more school" comment, we found out a year later that The Ex had just gotten a letter from the school saying the kids were missing too much school and any more absences would need a note from a doctor, dentist, court official, counselor or be a religious holiday. We had no idea they had been missing that much school)
A week after this, The Ex left Husband a message about Easter:
“Hey, [Husband]. It’s me [The Ex]. Um, you have the kids next weekend and they have that whole week off. I’m thinking...I know Wednesday I wanna do something with them ‘cause I’m, I’m gonna be laid off for next week, and possibly one more week after that. Not sure. But um...I didn’t know if you wanted ‘em Thursday, a day earlier. And Wednesday, even, I can, ‘cause we’re gonna do it in the morning, but...let me know. Um, that way we can plan ahead and I can see how late I, if you want ‘em by Wednesday, see how late...when we’re doing it, I guess...what we’re doing and all that. So, let me know and um, get back to me. I’ll be awake probably another hour, hour and a half. I’m kind of doing errands right now and....driving [Boyfriend’s] f*cking sister everywhere, ‘cause I’m her f*cking chauffeur...I’m waiting for her right now. So, talk to you later. Bye.” (I probably listened to this a thousand times and laughed every single one. If it irritates you that much, then tell the sister that you can't do it. Putting that aside, why would you think Husband cares about what you're doing or if you're upset about it?)
A few weeks later, The Ex left Husband a voicemail at 5pm:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. I was just calling when you were gonna...what time you were thinking about being here. We were gonna go out to eat with the kids and I wanted to make sure they hadn’t eaten, otherwise we’re not gonna do that, so... I wanted to know so I can go get ready. And make different plans or something with everybody. I’ll call you back in a little bit if you don’t call me. Bye.” (Exchange time was still 6pm. We are not going to be there early, we are not going to be there late. We will be there at 6pm. This is not complicated)
On Mother's Day, I sent a text to The Ex wishing her a happy mother's day. The Ex did not respond to it. Exactly one week later, we stopped to buy Son some baseball cleats and were running late. Husband accidentally left his phone on vibrate so he didn't realize that The Ex was trying to call him. The Ex left him a voicemail:
“Hello; it is 6:30! And you don’t have the kids here; you have not called! (Okay, we were at fault here. I own up to that) We were gonna go out for dinner; we’re waiting! (For The Ex never having money as she always claims, she sure goes out to eat a lot.) But I guess we’re just gonna pick it up now. Um...but still! I call you when I know I’m gonna be late. (HA.) It’d be nice if you could do that...? You don’t even answer your phone; I don’t have another number?!” (How do you not have another number? I literally texted you seven days ago. My name was even as the signature on the text so you knew it was from me. You are absolutely crazy)
About two months later, things got crazy. The kids met with the guardian ad litem, told her what was going on at The Ex's house, we didn't return the kids. Child Protective Services contacted Husband and said they had been contacted by the police and wanted to speak with the kids, so Husband drove to New City so the kids could meet with the worker. I still don't know how she knew, but The Ex found out Husband was in New City and left him a voicemail:
“Hey, it’s me, [The Ex]. I know you’re in [New City] and I was kinda hoping you would’ve stopped by so I could see the kids for....a minute, even. (The Ex had shown up at our house the night before with the police, who agreed that it was not in the kids' best interest for them to have face-to-face contact with her at that point to avoid her causing a scene or making the kids feel guilty) Um, you’re not answering your calls; I know you’re avoiding me. (Not so much "avoiding you" as "there is nothing to discuss") So...I just wanted to see if you would, could stop by. I know you’re not gonna call me back, so...I know you’re not gonna stop by, but I guess it’s just hopeful wishing on my part.” (Can anyone tell me what "hopeful wishing" is? Considering the context she used it in, stating that she knew he wasn't going to stop anyway, wouldn't it technically be "hopeless wishing"?)
A few days later, The Ex left another voicemail:
“Hi [Husband]. It’s [The Ex]. I’m calling ‘cause I want to talk with the kids. Um...I talked to [the guardian ad litem] and she said that I could have uh, phone conversations with the kids. (Insert fake voice to make it sound like she's crying) I’m calling so I can speak with them and you’re not answering your phone. (Because he knew you were going to call right. That. Minute. How dare he not be waiting around for your phone call.) I’ll try back later.” Husband asked the kids if they wanted to talk to The Ex; they both said no. Husband called her back and said the kids were outside playing and didn't want to come inside, so he'd ask the kids if they wanted to call her later. The Ex got angry and hung up on him.
The next day, The Ex's mom called and left a message saying she wanted to talk to the kids and to call her back "as soon as possible." (Because it's an emergency. Call her back, now. She is important!!!) Shortly after that, The Ex called and left a voicemail:
“Hi [Husband], it’s [The Ex first and last name]. (Good thing you left your last name too, we might not have known it was you that called) It’s around 7:32 (Right on the nose, eh?) and I’m calling ‘cause I’d like to talk to the kids. You’re answering your phone call (If Husband answered, then how would you be leaving a message? Oh yes, because your brain is so slow you talk before it has time to catch up. What you meant to say was, "You're not answering my phone call."); you said you’d give me a call after they ate dinner yesterday and you never called. (Husband didn't say that. He said he'd have the kids call her later if they wanted. Dinner was never mentioned and he never said the kids would be calling her back) So, I want to know what’s wrong with that. (Nothing's "wrong with that." The kids didn't want to talk to you) So, give me a call.” (The Ex never left her full name, much less the exact minute that she was leaving a voicemail. We suspect she was recording this. Because that will prove something in court, right? Right??)
About a week and a half after that, we had our court hearing and were awarded temporary physical custody of the kids. Five days later, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
“Hey it’s [The Ex]. I just wanted to talk to the kids, see how they’re doing. Um, I see that [Other County] is, um...I don’t know, I know you live in [our city]. But uh, it’s under um, a tornado watch. But, I don’t know what count- [our county] you live in, that’s right. But I just wanted to talk to the kids, you think you can have ‘em call me? Bye.” (No, honest. She called because some random county was under a tornado watch. Then as she's halfway through the voicemail, she remembers that we don't live in that county. We live almost 2 hours away from that county. This is not the first time this has happened with her. Apparently, she thinks we don't watch the news or have tornado sirens.)
A week or so later, The Ex leaves another voicemail:
“Hey [Husband], it’s uh, [The Ex]. I have a quick question which will only take, like, 30 seconds to tell you and you to answer. So if can you give me a call, probably as soon as you get this. Thanks, bye.” (This irritates me beyond belief. She says things like this all the time. You do not tell a question; you ask a question.)
Then Labor Day weekend:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. I’m calling because this weekend, I just realized, is Memorial weekend and....or, Labor Day, whatever. And um, I’d like to have the kids Monday, Sunday night also and then just have you pick them up over here at 6. Um, the reason is, is because we’re having a cookout. And [The Ex's sister] and everybody’s coming, and I think it would just be nice that...to have the family together. (When we went out of state with the kids to visit family, The Ex and her parents wanted to come pick the kids up. Husband's family only gets to see the kids once a year, but suddenly, it's nice to have family together.) Um, I don’t really see a reason why they can’t be here um, because if it was school, they didn’t have school the next day, I would keep ‘em and you’d have to pick ‘em up the next day (Please just stop talking. You are making my brain hurt), so...I just...I, I really don’t see there being a problem. If there is, [The Ex's sister] and I have talked and she said if anything, that they could stay the night, Sunday night with her. And she can bring ‘em up. And [Boyfriend] has to work so he won’t even be here. So, um.....just, I guess it’s up to you. You let me know. If I don’t answer, leave a message; I’ll probably be sleeping, so....talk to you later. Bye.”
After Labor Day weekend:
“Hey, we’re on our way to [New City] just because....the kids won’t even have time to eat, and blah blah blah, so...we’re just gonna go to [New City] and I’ll pick ‘em up something. So, just go to [New City]. You don’t even need to leave [Hometown] until quarter to, ‘cause it only takes you about 35, 40 minutes to get there, so...I’ll....meet you there because, we’re on our way to [New City]. Bye.” (I'm glad you had to tell me four times to go to New City. I'm also glad you had to tell me how long it would take me to get there. Boy oh boy, what would we do without you?)
The Friday after Labor Day weekend:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um...I just wanted to know when the kids got done with school (3pm. Like every other kid in the United States) ‘cause, from...I wanna pick ‘em up, pretty much, like, at 3:30 and I wanna figure out where, and...Mom and Dad are gonna pick ‘em up (Because The Ex is so busy doing things and stuff); we’re going fishing. So, I guess, on your break, when you get this, do you think you can gimme a call? I called [my] cell phone but no one answered. But, could you call...Mom and Dad get off of work between 1 and 2, they weren’t sure. So could you let me or them know? Call the house phone, my house phone, call the cell phone, call [Boyfriend’s] phone and let him know (Boyfriend is not supposed to be having any contact with the kids. Why would we call him about what you're doing with the kids?) so, we know ‘cause uh...we’re going tubing. It’s like, the last time to go; who knows if we’ll have anymore nice days so we wanna do that and, we don’t wanna...I don’t wanna be out that late, so that’s why I wanted to pick up the kids as soon as possible. (Again, the court order is what it is. Make plans based on what the order is) So um, gimme a call. I don’t know if you have my house number; it’s [XXX-XXX-XXXX]. And then you have my cell, so...call me. [Boyfriend’s] last four on his cell are [XXXX]. Alright, bye.” (Court ordered exchange time on Fridays was 5pm. The Ex left this message at 8am on Friday. Seriously, like she didn't know the day before they were going fishing and tubing? She couldn't possibly have called earlier in the week?)
Our routine was that the kids would stay at work with me when school was done, then I'd drive them home at night. I worked until 5pm, so on Fridays I would try to get out a little early to get the kids home by 5pm. One day, I got stuck at work late. The Ex left me a voicemail:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. Um...Mom and Dad are over at your house; I guess they’ve been there since 5 to 5. (Because, once again, The Ex cannot be bothered to pick up her own children) Nobody’s there so we can get the kids. Um...I believe it’s my weekend! I’m pretty sure! But anyways, um, I was telling...I left a message for [Husband] ‘cause nobody’s answering their cell phones. Mom’s tried; I told her to text ‘cause I don’t text. (She chose not to text. It wasn't like she didn't have the ability) But um, like I was telling [Husband] on his voicemail, 5 o’clock is my pick up time and 6 o’clock is um, his pick up for the kids...with me. (Wow, good thing you know what the court order says otherwise Husband and I would be in a real pickle. We have no idea what we're doing. Thanks for all of your help) So...I don’t know what’s going on; nobody’s answering their phone, so...if you can, have [Husband] give me a call.”
About a month and a half later:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me.....um...[The Ex]. Do you think you can have the kids call me here pretty soon? Um, I’m cooking dinner right now and I’m probably gonna lay back down. Um....ah...we’ve all been really sick here. Me, [Boyfriend] and [The Ex & Boyfriend's daughter]. And I’ve been working and I haven’t been able to sleep so I’m hoping maybe after this I can sleep, (I. Don't. Care. Stop talking already) so...um, have ‘em call me as soon as you get this then. I’ll just be quick, I just wanna hear their voices. And then um, I need [Son’s] social [security number] real fast, so ...I gotta hand that paper in, I didn’t hand it in yesterday and....it was due yesterday, so... Do you think you can do that for me? Thanks.” Husband sent The Ex a text message with Son's SSN. The next day, The Ex called again and asked for Son's SSN. Husband said he already texted it to her; The Ex said she didn't have her cell phone anymore.
Three days later, The Ex leaves Husband another message:
“Hey, it’s [The Ex]. I don’t know why you don’t answer the phone. (Because we have this thing called "a life." Shocking to believe, but we do not wait around our phones on the off-chance that you will call us) You gotta listen to your.....call your voicemail all the time? To make sure it’s me, or what? (...what?) Anyways, can you gimme a call back? On my phone, Mom’s phone, Mandy’s phone, don’t matter? Bye.” (My favorite part about this particular message was that it was left from The Ex's cell - the one that she had said three days ago that she didn't have anymore.)
Then came the infamous Thanksgiving incident. The Ex left a voicemail at 9:52am:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. I wanted to say happy Thanksgiving to the kids, um...could you please have ‘em call me? I gotta run to the store real fast; they close here pretty quick, so...um, could you wait like, an hour or so to have ‘em call me? It’s...I don’t even know what time it is, so...talk to you later, bye.”
Waiting the "hour or so" as she requested, Husband had the kids call The Ex at 11:18am; The Ex did not answer. We went and celebrated Thanksgiving with family; The Ex did not call back. We went home and Husband had the kids try to call The Ex again around 8pm; again, The Ex did not answer.
The next morning, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail at 9:12am while he's at work:
“Hey! I called you yesterday...before 10 o’clock. I’m pretty sure it was before 10. It was like, ten to. (Yep, you're right. You did that.) And, I asked you to have the kids call me and you wait ‘til 8 o’clock when we’re not here?! (Nooo, that is not even close to what happened. The kids called you at 11:18am and called a second time at 8pm. On top of that, how the hell do I know when you're home or not? Like I sat outside of your house and said, "Oh look, she's not home now. Let's have the kids call her right this second so that she won't get to talk to them.") I’m upset! I didn’t even see that you called until right now (She's this upset about not talking to the kids, yet she didn't even go through her caller ID until the next morning. Yes, she's sooo upset about not talking to the kids on Thanksgiving) Can you please have the kids call me? (We did) And, can you have them call me again if I’m not here? (We did) It’s upsetting that you do this to me (Huh?), knowing that I called, almost 12 hours difference. What was it, 10 hour difference you waited to have them call me? It’s not right, [Husband]! Think about it!” (Things like this are when The Ex's crazy really starts to show.)
In late November/early December, things seemed to be going okay. Husband and The Ex were on speaking terms, they actually discussed settling out of court. Husband told The Ex that if they settled this on their own terms, he'd accept less than state guidelines for child support. The Ex said she wanted the kids during the summer; Husband said that he'd let her have more time with the kids but not the entire summer, since she was still working 3rd shift. The Ex said she'd agree to this and let her lawyer know. A week or two later, she left Husband a voicemail:
“Hi, it’s [The Ex]. Um, I seen that I missed your call on the house phone and on my cell. I’ve...across the hall at the neighbor’s, and...I didn’t take nothing with me. I’ve been watching their kids for a few days...um, her girl is in the hospital. She had a asthma attack and uh, she had to stay the night a few nights just to try to get it under control. Um...I’m not gonna take your offer...so...I guess you’ll have to do what you have to do. Um...I talked to my lawyer, and...I just...I’m not going to. Okay? Bye.” (...okay, then.)
Fifteen minutes later, The Ex calls and leaves a second voicemail:
“Hey, it’s me again. Um, just to add to my message. It’s not that I don’t want your offer; it’s...it’s good. But I only wanna do it til the end of...you know, school. It’s just, I want the kids. (Then maybe you should have considered that before exposing them to a violent relationship with an alcoholic) I mean, we’ve talked about it. And, my lawyer told me I can’t take you back to court without a substantial evidence of the kids being harmed in any way (Which you will never, ever have because unlike you, we love the kids more than we love ourselves. We sacrifice so they don't have to do without. We put them first. You should have tried that years ago), so...I...I can’t risk losing the kids more than I am now. I just...I can’t. I know you want child support. (That has no bearing on this whatsoever) Um, we talk-...I talked to my lawyer; he’s gonna be calling your lawyer. Um, I forgot some slips I need to drop off so I’ll be making a trip to [Attorney 1's city] to drop off all the stuff that he needs, and I’m sure he’ll be faxing everything to your lawyer. I hope by Monday! Um...I...I know you want the child support (Again, that's not even a deciding factor in this. Husband offered to talk about this outside of court a year ago and said he'd waive child support at that time. We went to court four months before this and were willing to waive child support. You put us into this entire mess; this has nothing to do with us wanting child support), so I guess let’s settle on that for now so we can get that rolling. But, I mean...I just can’t let the kids go. Sorry. Bye."
I'm fairly certain that was the very last time things were decent between any of us. We had tried - really, truly tried - to make this work easy for everyone. We gave The Ex copies of the kids' report cards, invited her to parent-teacher conferences, invited her parents to Grandparent's Day at the school, let her spend extra time with the kids when it worked out, etc.
Then in February, The Ex filed a motion trying to regain primary physical custody. Apparently, you can swear to tell the truth in an affidavit and do just the opposite.
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um, I’m jumping in the shower; I think it’s like, 4:20. And we’re gonna run to Wal-Mart. Um, I’d like to know when you’re gonna be home with the kids, I don’t know if we should wait for ‘em or...we’re only gettin’ a few things that we need for the week, so...if you can give me a call back here pretty quick, or...let me know what’s going on and when you think you’ll roughly be here, so...talk to you later. Bye.” (Exchange time was 6pm, and had been 6pm since 2005 when they were divorced. The Ex constantly called on our weekends, asking what time we would be there to drop off the kids. I can't tell if she was just trying to be annoying or if she is really this stupid)
About a month later, The Ex left Husband a voicemail at 9:15am:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. Um, I was calling ‘cause I was wondering if you wanted to kinda switch today, about me droppin’ ‘em off; if you’d pick ‘em up and then I can pick’em up Sunday. Um, I need...I don’t know when you have break but I need to know right away. If you wanna call the cell phone or my...well, I don’t have my cell phone but [Boyfriend] does, and I’ll let him know if you call there. So, call me as soon as you get this and let me know, yes or no, okay? Bye.” (Husband had to work until 4pm. The kids were supposed to be dropped off at 5pm. The Ex calls the day of the exchange, literally less than eight hours before she's supposed to be here and wants to know if we can switch the driving that weekend)
Husband obviously didn't get this voicemail because he was working, so The Ex called again at exactly 12:15pm:
“Hey, it’s me [The Ex]. Waiting for you to call me back; I don’t know when your break is! I’d like to know so I can at least get a few hours sleep so nothing happens when I’m driving! Bye.” (Then go to sleep. If something happens while you're driving, then that rests on your shoulders. Do not try to make this our fault.) Husband did go pick up the kids after he got out of work. But you know, thanks for the advance notice and stuff. That was really considerate of you. This was also the same day that The Ex told Husband that she "didn't know what was wrong with [Daughter]" and said Daughter would be sitting on the couch and burst into tears for no reason.
About three weeks after this, The Ex called and asked Husband if he would like the kids a day early because they didn't have school on Friday; Husband said that would be fine, I could take them to work with me (The Ex was aware that the kids came to work with me and had no problem with it, until she lost custody and wanted the kids back. Then it was suddenly a problem for them to be at work with me.) The day that The Ex was supposed to drop off the kids, she left Husband a voicemail:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. Uh, I know you’re at work and I’m hopin’ you check your messages, but...I wrote... I just got off the phone with the school. I wrote, um...wrong on the calendar. They have school tomorrow, I guess. It was February, Fri...Fri...February the 27th, that Friday that they didn’t have school and, I don’t know what happened to me; I guess I flipped one too many for February and I wrote it on March. So, um... I need to let the...I’m...I don’t know! (Why is this so confusing?) I don’t know what you want me to do; I was just gonna send ‘em to school and then drop ‘em off Friday...at...’cause I really didn’t want ‘em to miss any more school. So, I guess you need to let me know if you still want ‘em today so I can call the school and tell them. Otherwise, I guess for right now, I’m not planning on bringing them unless you tell me otherwise. Okay? Um, you can call me on the house phone or the cell phone...don’t matter. Okay? Bye." (In regard to her not wanting the kids "to miss any more school" comment, we found out a year later that The Ex had just gotten a letter from the school saying the kids were missing too much school and any more absences would need a note from a doctor, dentist, court official, counselor or be a religious holiday. We had no idea they had been missing that much school)
A week after this, The Ex left Husband a message about Easter:
“Hey, [Husband]. It’s me [The Ex]. Um, you have the kids next weekend and they have that whole week off. I’m thinking...I know Wednesday I wanna do something with them ‘cause I’m, I’m gonna be laid off for next week, and possibly one more week after that. Not sure. But um...I didn’t know if you wanted ‘em Thursday, a day earlier. And Wednesday, even, I can, ‘cause we’re gonna do it in the morning, but...let me know. Um, that way we can plan ahead and I can see how late I, if you want ‘em by Wednesday, see how late...when we’re doing it, I guess...what we’re doing and all that. So, let me know and um, get back to me. I’ll be awake probably another hour, hour and a half. I’m kind of doing errands right now and....driving [Boyfriend’s] f*cking sister everywhere, ‘cause I’m her f*cking chauffeur...I’m waiting for her right now. So, talk to you later. Bye.” (I probably listened to this a thousand times and laughed every single one. If it irritates you that much, then tell the sister that you can't do it. Putting that aside, why would you think Husband cares about what you're doing or if you're upset about it?)
A few weeks later, The Ex left Husband a voicemail at 5pm:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. I was just calling when you were gonna...what time you were thinking about being here. We were gonna go out to eat with the kids and I wanted to make sure they hadn’t eaten, otherwise we’re not gonna do that, so... I wanted to know so I can go get ready. And make different plans or something with everybody. I’ll call you back in a little bit if you don’t call me. Bye.” (Exchange time was still 6pm. We are not going to be there early, we are not going to be there late. We will be there at 6pm. This is not complicated)
On Mother's Day, I sent a text to The Ex wishing her a happy mother's day. The Ex did not respond to it. Exactly one week later, we stopped to buy Son some baseball cleats and were running late. Husband accidentally left his phone on vibrate so he didn't realize that The Ex was trying to call him. The Ex left him a voicemail:
“Hello; it is 6:30! And you don’t have the kids here; you have not called! (Okay, we were at fault here. I own up to that) We were gonna go out for dinner; we’re waiting! (For The Ex never having money as she always claims, she sure goes out to eat a lot.) But I guess we’re just gonna pick it up now. Um...but still! I call you when I know I’m gonna be late. (HA.) It’d be nice if you could do that...? You don’t even answer your phone; I don’t have another number?!” (How do you not have another number? I literally texted you seven days ago. My name was even as the signature on the text so you knew it was from me. You are absolutely crazy)
About two months later, things got crazy. The kids met with the guardian ad litem, told her what was going on at The Ex's house, we didn't return the kids. Child Protective Services contacted Husband and said they had been contacted by the police and wanted to speak with the kids, so Husband drove to New City so the kids could meet with the worker. I still don't know how she knew, but The Ex found out Husband was in New City and left him a voicemail:
“Hey, it’s me, [The Ex]. I know you’re in [New City] and I was kinda hoping you would’ve stopped by so I could see the kids for....a minute, even. (The Ex had shown up at our house the night before with the police, who agreed that it was not in the kids' best interest for them to have face-to-face contact with her at that point to avoid her causing a scene or making the kids feel guilty) Um, you’re not answering your calls; I know you’re avoiding me. (Not so much "avoiding you" as "there is nothing to discuss") So...I just wanted to see if you would, could stop by. I know you’re not gonna call me back, so...I know you’re not gonna stop by, but I guess it’s just hopeful wishing on my part.” (Can anyone tell me what "hopeful wishing" is? Considering the context she used it in, stating that she knew he wasn't going to stop anyway, wouldn't it technically be "hopeless wishing"?)
A few days later, The Ex left another voicemail:
“Hi [Husband]. It’s [The Ex]. I’m calling ‘cause I want to talk with the kids. Um...I talked to [the guardian ad litem] and she said that I could have uh, phone conversations with the kids. (Insert fake voice to make it sound like she's crying) I’m calling so I can speak with them and you’re not answering your phone. (Because he knew you were going to call right. That. Minute. How dare he not be waiting around for your phone call.) I’ll try back later.” Husband asked the kids if they wanted to talk to The Ex; they both said no. Husband called her back and said the kids were outside playing and didn't want to come inside, so he'd ask the kids if they wanted to call her later. The Ex got angry and hung up on him.
The next day, The Ex's mom called and left a message saying she wanted to talk to the kids and to call her back "as soon as possible." (Because it's an emergency. Call her back, now. She is important!!!) Shortly after that, The Ex called and left a voicemail:
“Hi [Husband], it’s [The Ex first and last name]. (Good thing you left your last name too, we might not have known it was you that called) It’s around 7:32 (Right on the nose, eh?) and I’m calling ‘cause I’d like to talk to the kids. You’re answering your phone call (If Husband answered, then how would you be leaving a message? Oh yes, because your brain is so slow you talk before it has time to catch up. What you meant to say was, "You're not answering my phone call."); you said you’d give me a call after they ate dinner yesterday and you never called. (Husband didn't say that. He said he'd have the kids call her later if they wanted. Dinner was never mentioned and he never said the kids would be calling her back) So, I want to know what’s wrong with that. (Nothing's "wrong with that." The kids didn't want to talk to you) So, give me a call.” (The Ex never left her full name, much less the exact minute that she was leaving a voicemail. We suspect she was recording this. Because that will prove something in court, right? Right??)
About a week and a half after that, we had our court hearing and were awarded temporary physical custody of the kids. Five days later, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
“Hey it’s [The Ex]. I just wanted to talk to the kids, see how they’re doing. Um, I see that [Other County] is, um...I don’t know, I know you live in [our city]. But uh, it’s under um, a tornado watch. But, I don’t know what count- [our county] you live in, that’s right. But I just wanted to talk to the kids, you think you can have ‘em call me? Bye.” (No, honest. She called because some random county was under a tornado watch. Then as she's halfway through the voicemail, she remembers that we don't live in that county. We live almost 2 hours away from that county. This is not the first time this has happened with her. Apparently, she thinks we don't watch the news or have tornado sirens.)
A week or so later, The Ex leaves another voicemail:
“Hey [Husband], it’s uh, [The Ex]. I have a quick question which will only take, like, 30 seconds to tell you and you to answer. So if can you give me a call, probably as soon as you get this. Thanks, bye.” (This irritates me beyond belief. She says things like this all the time. You do not tell a question; you ask a question.)
Then Labor Day weekend:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. I’m calling because this weekend, I just realized, is Memorial weekend and....or, Labor Day, whatever. And um, I’d like to have the kids Monday, Sunday night also and then just have you pick them up over here at 6. Um, the reason is, is because we’re having a cookout. And [The Ex's sister] and everybody’s coming, and I think it would just be nice that...to have the family together. (When we went out of state with the kids to visit family, The Ex and her parents wanted to come pick the kids up. Husband's family only gets to see the kids once a year, but suddenly, it's nice to have family together.) Um, I don’t really see a reason why they can’t be here um, because if it was school, they didn’t have school the next day, I would keep ‘em and you’d have to pick ‘em up the next day (Please just stop talking. You are making my brain hurt), so...I just...I, I really don’t see there being a problem. If there is, [The Ex's sister] and I have talked and she said if anything, that they could stay the night, Sunday night with her. And she can bring ‘em up. And [Boyfriend] has to work so he won’t even be here. So, um.....just, I guess it’s up to you. You let me know. If I don’t answer, leave a message; I’ll probably be sleeping, so....talk to you later. Bye.”
After Labor Day weekend:
“Hey, we’re on our way to [New City] just because....the kids won’t even have time to eat, and blah blah blah, so...we’re just gonna go to [New City] and I’ll pick ‘em up something. So, just go to [New City]. You don’t even need to leave [Hometown] until quarter to, ‘cause it only takes you about 35, 40 minutes to get there, so...I’ll....meet you there because, we’re on our way to [New City]. Bye.” (I'm glad you had to tell me four times to go to New City. I'm also glad you had to tell me how long it would take me to get there. Boy oh boy, what would we do without you?)
The Friday after Labor Day weekend:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me [The Ex]. Um...I just wanted to know when the kids got done with school (3pm. Like every other kid in the United States) ‘cause, from...I wanna pick ‘em up, pretty much, like, at 3:30 and I wanna figure out where, and...Mom and Dad are gonna pick ‘em up (Because The Ex is so busy doing things and stuff); we’re going fishing. So, I guess, on your break, when you get this, do you think you can gimme a call? I called [my] cell phone but no one answered. But, could you call...Mom and Dad get off of work between 1 and 2, they weren’t sure. So could you let me or them know? Call the house phone, my house phone, call the cell phone, call [Boyfriend’s] phone and let him know (Boyfriend is not supposed to be having any contact with the kids. Why would we call him about what you're doing with the kids?) so, we know ‘cause uh...we’re going tubing. It’s like, the last time to go; who knows if we’ll have anymore nice days so we wanna do that and, we don’t wanna...I don’t wanna be out that late, so that’s why I wanted to pick up the kids as soon as possible. (Again, the court order is what it is. Make plans based on what the order is) So um, gimme a call. I don’t know if you have my house number; it’s [XXX-XXX-XXXX]. And then you have my cell, so...call me. [Boyfriend’s] last four on his cell are [XXXX]. Alright, bye.” (Court ordered exchange time on Fridays was 5pm. The Ex left this message at 8am on Friday. Seriously, like she didn't know the day before they were going fishing and tubing? She couldn't possibly have called earlier in the week?)
Our routine was that the kids would stay at work with me when school was done, then I'd drive them home at night. I worked until 5pm, so on Fridays I would try to get out a little early to get the kids home by 5pm. One day, I got stuck at work late. The Ex left me a voicemail:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. Um...Mom and Dad are over at your house; I guess they’ve been there since 5 to 5. (Because, once again, The Ex cannot be bothered to pick up her own children) Nobody’s there so we can get the kids. Um...I believe it’s my weekend! I’m pretty sure! But anyways, um, I was telling...I left a message for [Husband] ‘cause nobody’s answering their cell phones. Mom’s tried; I told her to text ‘cause I don’t text. (She chose not to text. It wasn't like she didn't have the ability) But um, like I was telling [Husband] on his voicemail, 5 o’clock is my pick up time and 6 o’clock is um, his pick up for the kids...with me. (Wow, good thing you know what the court order says otherwise Husband and I would be in a real pickle. We have no idea what we're doing. Thanks for all of your help) So...I don’t know what’s going on; nobody’s answering their phone, so...if you can, have [Husband] give me a call.”
About a month and a half later:
“Hey [Husband], it’s me.....um...[The Ex]. Do you think you can have the kids call me here pretty soon? Um, I’m cooking dinner right now and I’m probably gonna lay back down. Um....ah...we’ve all been really sick here. Me, [Boyfriend] and [The Ex & Boyfriend's daughter]. And I’ve been working and I haven’t been able to sleep so I’m hoping maybe after this I can sleep, (I. Don't. Care. Stop talking already) so...um, have ‘em call me as soon as you get this then. I’ll just be quick, I just wanna hear their voices. And then um, I need [Son’s] social [security number] real fast, so ...I gotta hand that paper in, I didn’t hand it in yesterday and....it was due yesterday, so... Do you think you can do that for me? Thanks.” Husband sent The Ex a text message with Son's SSN. The next day, The Ex called again and asked for Son's SSN. Husband said he already texted it to her; The Ex said she didn't have her cell phone anymore.
Three days later, The Ex leaves Husband another message:
“Hey, it’s [The Ex]. I don’t know why you don’t answer the phone. (Because we have this thing called "a life." Shocking to believe, but we do not wait around our phones on the off-chance that you will call us) You gotta listen to your.....call your voicemail all the time? To make sure it’s me, or what? (...what?) Anyways, can you gimme a call back? On my phone, Mom’s phone, Mandy’s phone, don’t matter? Bye.” (My favorite part about this particular message was that it was left from The Ex's cell - the one that she had said three days ago that she didn't have anymore.)
Then came the infamous Thanksgiving incident. The Ex left a voicemail at 9:52am:
“Hey, this is [The Ex]. I wanted to say happy Thanksgiving to the kids, um...could you please have ‘em call me? I gotta run to the store real fast; they close here pretty quick, so...um, could you wait like, an hour or so to have ‘em call me? It’s...I don’t even know what time it is, so...talk to you later, bye.”
Waiting the "hour or so" as she requested, Husband had the kids call The Ex at 11:18am; The Ex did not answer. We went and celebrated Thanksgiving with family; The Ex did not call back. We went home and Husband had the kids try to call The Ex again around 8pm; again, The Ex did not answer.
The next morning, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail at 9:12am while he's at work:
“Hey! I called you yesterday...before 10 o’clock. I’m pretty sure it was before 10. It was like, ten to. (Yep, you're right. You did that.) And, I asked you to have the kids call me and you wait ‘til 8 o’clock when we’re not here?! (Nooo, that is not even close to what happened. The kids called you at 11:18am and called a second time at 8pm. On top of that, how the hell do I know when you're home or not? Like I sat outside of your house and said, "Oh look, she's not home now. Let's have the kids call her right this second so that she won't get to talk to them.") I’m upset! I didn’t even see that you called until right now (She's this upset about not talking to the kids, yet she didn't even go through her caller ID until the next morning. Yes, she's sooo upset about not talking to the kids on Thanksgiving) Can you please have the kids call me? (We did) And, can you have them call me again if I’m not here? (We did) It’s upsetting that you do this to me (Huh?), knowing that I called, almost 12 hours difference. What was it, 10 hour difference you waited to have them call me? It’s not right, [Husband]! Think about it!” (Things like this are when The Ex's crazy really starts to show.)
In late November/early December, things seemed to be going okay. Husband and The Ex were on speaking terms, they actually discussed settling out of court. Husband told The Ex that if they settled this on their own terms, he'd accept less than state guidelines for child support. The Ex said she wanted the kids during the summer; Husband said that he'd let her have more time with the kids but not the entire summer, since she was still working 3rd shift. The Ex said she'd agree to this and let her lawyer know. A week or two later, she left Husband a voicemail:
“Hi, it’s [The Ex]. Um, I seen that I missed your call on the house phone and on my cell. I’ve...across the hall at the neighbor’s, and...I didn’t take nothing with me. I’ve been watching their kids for a few days...um, her girl is in the hospital. She had a asthma attack and uh, she had to stay the night a few nights just to try to get it under control. Um...I’m not gonna take your offer...so...I guess you’ll have to do what you have to do. Um...I talked to my lawyer, and...I just...I’m not going to. Okay? Bye.” (...okay, then.)
Fifteen minutes later, The Ex calls and leaves a second voicemail:
“Hey, it’s me again. Um, just to add to my message. It’s not that I don’t want your offer; it’s...it’s good. But I only wanna do it til the end of...you know, school. It’s just, I want the kids. (Then maybe you should have considered that before exposing them to a violent relationship with an alcoholic) I mean, we’ve talked about it. And, my lawyer told me I can’t take you back to court without a substantial evidence of the kids being harmed in any way (Which you will never, ever have because unlike you, we love the kids more than we love ourselves. We sacrifice so they don't have to do without. We put them first. You should have tried that years ago), so...I...I can’t risk losing the kids more than I am now. I just...I can’t. I know you want child support. (That has no bearing on this whatsoever) Um, we talk-...I talked to my lawyer; he’s gonna be calling your lawyer. Um, I forgot some slips I need to drop off so I’ll be making a trip to [Attorney 1's city] to drop off all the stuff that he needs, and I’m sure he’ll be faxing everything to your lawyer. I hope by Monday! Um...I...I know you want the child support (Again, that's not even a deciding factor in this. Husband offered to talk about this outside of court a year ago and said he'd waive child support at that time. We went to court four months before this and were willing to waive child support. You put us into this entire mess; this has nothing to do with us wanting child support), so I guess let’s settle on that for now so we can get that rolling. But, I mean...I just can’t let the kids go. Sorry. Bye."
I'm fairly certain that was the very last time things were decent between any of us. We had tried - really, truly tried - to make this work easy for everyone. We gave The Ex copies of the kids' report cards, invited her to parent-teacher conferences, invited her parents to Grandparent's Day at the school, let her spend extra time with the kids when it worked out, etc.
Then in February, The Ex filed a motion trying to regain primary physical custody. Apparently, you can swear to tell the truth in an affidavit and do just the opposite.
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