January - June 2014
This year has been pretty quiet. Not so much arguing, although I don't really have a specific thing I can pin it to. Boyfriend is in jail, so maybe there's less fighting in The Ex's house. We sent a summer calendar a couple of months ago which outlined who got the kids which days, so there would not be arguing month after month about who got which holidays and who got which weekends. It might also just be due to the court order requiring emails to be read and replied to; it's easier to track what was said, when it was said, etc. so it's harder for The Ex to pick a fight when we can go back and prove what actually happened.
We'll start at the beginning of January. Husband emailed The Ex on a Friday night about Daughter's basketball tournament which was the following weekend, and Son's ear piercing. (That experience was covered in the previous blog post.) Husband asked if The Ex was planning on taking Daughter to all of her games or leaving her with us for the weekend. Husband also asked if The Ex had health insurance for the kids.
Thirty hours later, The Ex sends him a text:
"It's [The Ex]. I haven't gotten a schedule for [Daughters] basketball. (Husband had emailed it to her almost 2 months ago.) Please don't send it email. Having problems with it. Would u please call or text if and where she plays Friday. Would u please make me a copy and I'll get it Friday when I pick up the kids. Thank u!!"
The next day, Husband replied and said we got a notification last night that she had read his email (Do you now understand why we stick to written conversations? She reads her email, doesn't reply to the email but sends Husband a text message saying she's having problems with her email and not to email her. The level of insanity is mind-boggling.) Husband says he sent Daughter's schedule in November, there was a tournament that weekend which he had emailed her twice about and asked her to please reply to the emails.
The Ex responds:
"I probably did read them. (..."probably"? You don't know if you read your own email?) I CAN'T open attachment. (So what? We asked about Daughter's tournament, which you are still ignoring.) That is why I'm asking u for a copy of her schedule. I only have email on phone. (Oh, good. Then you don't have to "drive across town" to read your email, as you so eloquently lied about one year ago.) It isn't a very good one at that. On top of that it won't let me go back that far. (She's going on and on about a paper copy of the schedule, yet she won't answer the question about the tournament)"
Husband replies and asks her to please let him know what she's doing about the tournament. The Ex answers:
"U need to let me know where and what time her game is on Friday? (We have. Repeatedly.) Obviously I don't know and again I'm asking u. (Obviously you've been told more than once about the tournament and where it is and what time.) Of course I'll be there. (Husband only asked if The Ex was coming to the tournament because it was being held over two hours away from her house, in one direction, in the middle of winter.) Can u please send me another email. I just went through them again. Not finding it or unable to open it. (It's either a)you can't find it or b)you're not able to open it. It cannot be both of those things.)"
The next day, Husband replies and says he emailed her again like she asked. He said Daughter's first game was Friday night in Tournament City, second game would be on Saturday and the rest of the schedule was decided by how many games they won/lost. Husband asked if The Ex would be bringing Daughter to all of the games, since it was her weekend.
The Ex says:
"Unfortunately I won't b able to take her to all of them. (Okay, but you're not going to make her miss them either) I will meet u there. [Son] will come home with me if she wins. (What if she loses? Son stays with us? Nobody goes home with you? Why is communicating one clear, concise thought so hard for this woman?) Can I have the address and school name please?"
Husband texted back and gave her the school name, said he didn't have the exact address; clarified that if Daughter lost, she would still have a game on Saturday and asked if The Ex was bringing her to the Saturday game.
Eighteen hours later:
"No won't b able too. Sorry." (Husband has now been asking for the last 4 days what The Ex is planning on doing with the kids. The only answer we've gotten is, "I can't take Daughter to all of her games.") The Ex also finally answers about Son's ear getting pierced; she would "prefer" he not have it done but is leaving the choice up to Husband.
Husband says if The Ex doesn't want Son having a pierced ear, then he won't take him; that's why he asked first. Husband asks if The Ex is going to leave Daughter with us for the tournament. Half an hour later, The Ex calls and leaves a whole voicemail going on and on about she'll be there on Friday for Daughter's game, about Son's ear and the consequences, etc.
Two days later, The Ex texts Husband:
"The weather is suppose to b bad tomorrow. Freezing rain and snow. (Yeah, we know. It's January. The weather forecast has been the same for the last week, which is why we asked if you were coming to Daughter's game which is over 2 hours from your house. You kept saying, "I'll be there" and now, the night before the game, you are saying that you will not be there.) I'll probably leave by 3 and take my time. (Leave at 10am if you want. Leave at 1pm. Makes no difference to me) If u will. (...what? If Husband will what?) It would be nice if I could pick [Son] up at ur house or at [my name, spelled wrong] work? (No. You are not allowed at my workplace. I find it hilarious that The Ex tells the kids that she won't call my phone to talk to them because I'm "not involved" with the situation - yet she wants to come to my place of work because it's easier for her. Suddenly, I am "involved" because it suits her.) Only bcuz of the weather. (Which everyone has known about for a week.) I know I'll miss [Daughters] game but the weather just suppose to get worse as the night goes on. (Then you shouldn't have told Daughter that you would be there.) Please let me know."
Husband asked if she would meet him at a gas station in School City. The Ex says:
"That would b great. Thank u. I just now tried calling. Want to talk to [Daughter]. can u have her call me?"
A few days later, Husband emailed The Ex about Daughter's basketball schedule saying some of the games had been changed. He included an attachment, but also spelled everything out (Since The Ex "CAN'T open attachment.") One specific excerpt from that email reads:
"[Daughter's] game this week was pushed back to Thursday. The schedule now is:
January 16th - Home game at 5pm"
Husband then listed the rest of the games with the dates, places and times. Also asked about a few other weekends because Daughter had more than one game on some of The Ex's weekends, or the games were out of town.
Husband gets a text message while we were sitting at Daughter's game on Thursday, January 16th:
"[Daughter] has her game tomorrow in [City where home games are held]??? At 5??
Just making sure. The way ur email states her game is today this week. Please let me know sometime today."
(Go back to the last paragraph and read the email excerpt. Now come back and read The Ex's confused text. I honestly, for the life of me, have no idea how she was confused by this.)
Shortly after, the guardian ad litem sent a letter saying she wanted to meet with Husband and The Ex jointly. The Ex was suddenly claiming her email didn't work; Husband asked her to sign up for a new address and to let him know what it was. This went on for weeks. The Ex kept saying she'd get a new email, she never did or just never gave it to Husband. Husband continued sending emails to her old email, since that was the only address we had; he also asked about some other games of Daughter's and what The Ex was planning on doing.
Two days later, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
"Hey [Husband], it's [The Ex]. Um, I'm going to [city name here] to see [Daughter], pick up the kids from there. Um, sorry I didn't get back to you. (The only time Husband sent her anything was by email. "Sorry I didn't get back to you" would indicate she received the message and did not answer it.) And if you sent me any emails, I haven't gotten them. (How would you know if he's emailing you unless you got the email?) Um...I don't even know the last one- I asked- when you sent the new schedule. That was the last one I got from you, so...I think. (Okay, so your email was working as of January 16th. When did it suddenly quit working?) Um, I can't get it programmed onto my phone because I didn't have a phone for a few days (Your email is not tied to your phone. You can have a thousand phones and connect your email to every single one of them.) and when I tried to program it back into the phone, it said that I have a ph- it's open on a phone somewhere and it kinda- it locked me out. (No, it didn't. While I do realize that you can set up your email to send an access code to your phone to prevent unauthorized access, it doesn't say, "Your email is open on a phone somewhere." This is a blatant lie because she doesn't want to communicate by email.) So um, if you can give me a call back. I was kinda wondering if I could follow you. I'm- I should be there by 4:30. But I don't- if you let me follow you, I don't know where you want to meet. So let me know, okay? Bye."
Husband texted her back and said he couldn't wait until 4:30pm because he would miss Daughter's game. (The Ex knew this was an out-of-town game that started at 5pm. The game is an hour away from our house. She calls at 3:20pm and wants to follow Husband, saying she'll be here at 4:30pm. Sorry, gonna have to throw you a big "no" on that.) Husband also asks for her work schedule because the guardian ad litem wants to meet with both of them, so they need to figure out a date and time that works for both of them. The Ex does not answer this message.
The Ex shows up to Daughter's game, sits on the other end of the bleachers the entire time. After the game, she walks up to Husband and says, "The only time I can meet with the guardian ad litem is 3:30 on Fridays." Husband reminds her that he has off on Mondays. The Ex replies, "Too bad. You can't have everything your way," and walks away before Husband can say anything more to her. (Because mentioning that a certain day of the week is better for him means that he is trying to have everything his way. Boy, is he selfish...)
The following Monday, Husband texts The Ex and asks for confirmation that Friday afternoons are best for her; he also says he needs her new email address because he has receipts that he needs to send to her. The Ex does not answer. Husband calls the GAL office; they have no open Friday afternoons and she wants to meet with them before court in 3 weeks, so please let him know what her schedule is.
The Ex replies:
"No. I tried telling u that I work as late as 3:30. (I honestly was giving her the benefit of the doubt; maybe Husband misunderstood her. Maybe she DID say she works as late as 3:30 and Husband heard it differently. Then I thought about it some more and if that was truly what she said, why did she respond, "You can't have everything your way" when Husband said Mondays work best for him? No no, Husband heard her clearly. She said she would ONLY meet on Friday afternoons and she is now lying, claiming she said something else.) I would have to make sure I could get off early without getting a point. (Okay, so do it.)" Husband asks what her schedule is, says the GAL can't meet past 4pm. The Ex gives her schedule, says she sometimes has to work mandatory overtime but doesn't find out until that day if there's overtime or not. Husband asks when she typically works overtime. The Ex says it's unknown. Husband asks what she suggests because the GAL wants to meet. The Ex doesn't say anything more.
Husband calls the GAL and says he's trying to find out what The Ex's schedule is, she won't communicate with him, he has no idea when or where she'll be able to meet because she won't tell him anything. The GAL is understandably irritated, says she just wanted to set up a meeting and didn't think it would be this hard (That's because she hasn't been dealing with The Ex for years on end like we have.) The GAL says they will call The Ex and try to get a date set up; if they're unsuccessful, they'll pick a date and whoever shows up, shows up.
Two days later, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
"Hi [Husband], it's [The Ex]. I'm calling 'cause I sent you some texts. (By the way, she texted him and called him while he was at work and his phone was turned off.) Um, I was talking- talking to my supervisor and he had said that I can have a day off. Well, not a day off but I have to fill out an active form to leave early. (Blah blah blah blah blah....) Um, I already had to fill one out for court so it's kind of getting limited now. (You cannot even fathom how little I care.) Um...he had said he would prefer me not to take a Monday just because lot of people call in on Mondays and then they need me. (I am pretty sure this never got said. Her job is not something that requires a certain skill or learned trade. She is not as high demand as she would like to pretend she is.) Um, but any day would work, he said, than that. (Very convenient how the only day she can't take off of work is the same day Husband has off of work.) And the guardian office has called me and they're trying to set up a time for us both. (Husband has been trying for the last 10 days to set something up with you. Husband has emailed you, texted you, tried talking to you in person. You are the only one making this difficult, just like everything else that has to do with court, the kids, me and/or Husband.) And I told her any other day would be fine. (Then why didn't you just say that to Husband when he asked you a thousand other times what day would work?!) Um, after...you know, a- as soon as- as late as possible. So she has the 12th and the 20th at 4pm. I sent that to you just now, also. So if you can give me a call back. Thanks."
Husband got out of work, got the voicemail and three text messages:
"My supervisor has informed me I can leave work by 1:30. Mondays won't work/b good because call ins on Mondays. Any other day will work. As late as possible. U said the latest she takes appt. is 4. That will work. I should make it on time. U just have to let me know which day." (Husband has been trying to find out which day; you won't communicate with him.)
"Just talked to the guardians office. They have the 12th and the 20th at 4pm available. She would like to know as soon as possible. (That's why Husband sent you two emails and texted you.) Haven't heard back from u.(Yeah, he's WORKING.)
"I need to fill out a form for missing work. It needs to b approved. Please let me know as soon as possible."(And once again, The Ex puts everything off until the very last second, only to demand that everyone answer her immediately so that she can take care of her things, which are ultimately superior to everyone else and the things that they have going on.)
They set up the joint meeting, went in and met with the GAL. GAL wrote up a stipulation, we agreed to some of it, changed our minds, had the court hearing, brought a proposal which everyone accepted. Part of our proposal was that The Ex would get the kids on the weekends that they had an extra day off of school and this would go into effect starting on the upcoming Friday; also entered into the court agreement was that emails and phones would be checked daily, messages from the other parent would be acknowledged within 24 hours, and questions asked would be answered within 48 hours. Husband emailed The Ex on Wednesday and said we forgot to include that the kids had off of school that Monday, so he would pick up the kids then instead of Sunday. The Ex replied saying she got the email.
Thursday night, Daughter had an event after school which involved a sleepover and no school on Friday. Daughter attended her sleepover, we had the kids ready to be picked up by exchange time. The Ex came to get the kids, Son went outside, The Ex immediately called Husband and left him a voicemail:
"[Husband], the agreement states that I have the kids on the days they don't have school, so I should've been here yesterday at 5:30 to get the kids. Not on Friday. (Okay, so why weren't you here?) I understand [Daughter] had something going on, but that's something that we should've discussed and talked about. (There is nothing to talk about. Either a)Daughter got to stay for the activity or b)Daughter had to leave on Thursday night. The Ex is complaining that she did not get the opportunity to deny Daughter a chance to spend time with her friends.) And this is agreement YOU had decided I'd get the kids. ("This is agreement." That's not a typo; it's literally what she said.) Um, and I think that's wrong that you kept the kids from me. Very wrong.(You weren't here on Thursday night. How do you feel it's Husband's fault you were not here? How do you feel that he "kept the kids" from you if you never showed up?)"
Things fell very quiet after this for about a week and a half. Husband emailed and asked what was going on with the child support stipulation that they were supposedly going to agree to. The Ex emailed back:
"Hi [Husband],
Got your email. My lawyer and I will be discussing support this week."
A few days later, Husband emailed about receipts, Son attending high school, and what was going on with the stipulation. No answer.
Nineteen days later, Husband emailed another receipt. No answer.
Two days later, Husband emailed about switching weekends for a out-of-town family wedding. No answer.
Three days later, Husband emails and asks about insurance; he also reminds The Ex that she's supposed to be replying to his emails within 24-48 hours.
Two days later:
"I'm sorry for not returning 2 emails. (It was 4.) This is still all new to me. I'm at work right now. We do need to talk. Want to get together next Friday when I get the kids.? Do I have Easter with kids or do you? (I already vented about this email and its ridiculousness earlier.)
[The Ex]"
Husband replies, says if it's kept in writing there will be less arguing. Asks The Ex to answer four direct questions, so this is brief and to the point. The Ex doesn't reply, although this was our fault - it got sent to her old email. Husband emails again, asking for some answers to his questions. The Ex replies and is very short in the emails. Husband forwards her the email again; The Ex replies (This was when she emailed and said she couldn't look through files on her phone, only to say the next day that she looked at the file on her phone.) Back and forth a few times, The Ex blaming Husband for her not paying a bill, so on and so forth.
The last email that Husband received from The Ex was in April. A couple of texts here and there, but no big blowups. I am thoroughly enjoying the quiet in our home.
Additionally, The Ex is now paying a decent amount of child support and was just recently hired on permanently at her job, which means soon she'll be eligible to get healthcare for Son & Daughter.
We'll start at the beginning of January. Husband emailed The Ex on a Friday night about Daughter's basketball tournament which was the following weekend, and Son's ear piercing. (That experience was covered in the previous blog post.) Husband asked if The Ex was planning on taking Daughter to all of her games or leaving her with us for the weekend. Husband also asked if The Ex had health insurance for the kids.
Thirty hours later, The Ex sends him a text:
"It's [The Ex]. I haven't gotten a schedule for [Daughters] basketball. (Husband had emailed it to her almost 2 months ago.) Please don't send it email. Having problems with it. Would u please call or text if and where she plays Friday. Would u please make me a copy and I'll get it Friday when I pick up the kids. Thank u!!"
The next day, Husband replied and said we got a notification last night that she had read his email (Do you now understand why we stick to written conversations? She reads her email, doesn't reply to the email but sends Husband a text message saying she's having problems with her email and not to email her. The level of insanity is mind-boggling.) Husband says he sent Daughter's schedule in November, there was a tournament that weekend which he had emailed her twice about and asked her to please reply to the emails.
The Ex responds:
"I probably did read them. (..."probably"? You don't know if you read your own email?) I CAN'T open attachment. (So what? We asked about Daughter's tournament, which you are still ignoring.) That is why I'm asking u for a copy of her schedule. I only have email on phone. (Oh, good. Then you don't have to "drive across town" to read your email, as you so eloquently lied about one year ago.) It isn't a very good one at that. On top of that it won't let me go back that far. (She's going on and on about a paper copy of the schedule, yet she won't answer the question about the tournament)"
Husband replies and asks her to please let him know what she's doing about the tournament. The Ex answers:
"U need to let me know where and what time her game is on Friday? (We have. Repeatedly.) Obviously I don't know and again I'm asking u. (Obviously you've been told more than once about the tournament and where it is and what time.) Of course I'll be there. (Husband only asked if The Ex was coming to the tournament because it was being held over two hours away from her house, in one direction, in the middle of winter.) Can u please send me another email. I just went through them again. Not finding it or unable to open it. (It's either a)you can't find it or b)you're not able to open it. It cannot be both of those things.)"
The next day, Husband replies and says he emailed her again like she asked. He said Daughter's first game was Friday night in Tournament City, second game would be on Saturday and the rest of the schedule was decided by how many games they won/lost. Husband asked if The Ex would be bringing Daughter to all of the games, since it was her weekend.
The Ex says:
"Unfortunately I won't b able to take her to all of them. (Okay, but you're not going to make her miss them either) I will meet u there. [Son] will come home with me if she wins. (What if she loses? Son stays with us? Nobody goes home with you? Why is communicating one clear, concise thought so hard for this woman?) Can I have the address and school name please?"
Husband texted back and gave her the school name, said he didn't have the exact address; clarified that if Daughter lost, she would still have a game on Saturday and asked if The Ex was bringing her to the Saturday game.
Eighteen hours later:
"No won't b able too. Sorry." (Husband has now been asking for the last 4 days what The Ex is planning on doing with the kids. The only answer we've gotten is, "I can't take Daughter to all of her games.") The Ex also finally answers about Son's ear getting pierced; she would "prefer" he not have it done but is leaving the choice up to Husband.
Husband says if The Ex doesn't want Son having a pierced ear, then he won't take him; that's why he asked first. Husband asks if The Ex is going to leave Daughter with us for the tournament. Half an hour later, The Ex calls and leaves a whole voicemail going on and on about she'll be there on Friday for Daughter's game, about Son's ear and the consequences, etc.
Two days later, The Ex texts Husband:
"The weather is suppose to b bad tomorrow. Freezing rain and snow. (Yeah, we know. It's January. The weather forecast has been the same for the last week, which is why we asked if you were coming to Daughter's game which is over 2 hours from your house. You kept saying, "I'll be there" and now, the night before the game, you are saying that you will not be there.) I'll probably leave by 3 and take my time. (Leave at 10am if you want. Leave at 1pm. Makes no difference to me) If u will. (...what? If Husband will what?) It would be nice if I could pick [Son] up at ur house or at [my name, spelled wrong] work? (No. You are not allowed at my workplace. I find it hilarious that The Ex tells the kids that she won't call my phone to talk to them because I'm "not involved" with the situation - yet she wants to come to my place of work because it's easier for her. Suddenly, I am "involved" because it suits her.) Only bcuz of the weather. (Which everyone has known about for a week.) I know I'll miss [Daughters] game but the weather just suppose to get worse as the night goes on. (Then you shouldn't have told Daughter that you would be there.) Please let me know."
Husband asked if she would meet him at a gas station in School City. The Ex says:
"That would b great. Thank u. I just now tried calling. Want to talk to [Daughter]. can u have her call me?"
A few days later, Husband emailed The Ex about Daughter's basketball schedule saying some of the games had been changed. He included an attachment, but also spelled everything out (Since The Ex "CAN'T open attachment.") One specific excerpt from that email reads:
"[Daughter's] game this week was pushed back to Thursday. The schedule now is:
January 16th - Home game at 5pm"
Husband then listed the rest of the games with the dates, places and times. Also asked about a few other weekends because Daughter had more than one game on some of The Ex's weekends, or the games were out of town.
Husband gets a text message while we were sitting at Daughter's game on Thursday, January 16th:
"[Daughter] has her game tomorrow in [City where home games are held]??? At 5??
Just making sure. The way ur email states her game is today this week. Please let me know sometime today."
(Go back to the last paragraph and read the email excerpt. Now come back and read The Ex's confused text. I honestly, for the life of me, have no idea how she was confused by this.)
Shortly after, the guardian ad litem sent a letter saying she wanted to meet with Husband and The Ex jointly. The Ex was suddenly claiming her email didn't work; Husband asked her to sign up for a new address and to let him know what it was. This went on for weeks. The Ex kept saying she'd get a new email, she never did or just never gave it to Husband. Husband continued sending emails to her old email, since that was the only address we had; he also asked about some other games of Daughter's and what The Ex was planning on doing.
Two days later, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
"Hey [Husband], it's [The Ex]. Um, I'm going to [city name here] to see [Daughter], pick up the kids from there. Um, sorry I didn't get back to you. (The only time Husband sent her anything was by email. "Sorry I didn't get back to you" would indicate she received the message and did not answer it.) And if you sent me any emails, I haven't gotten them. (How would you know if he's emailing you unless you got the email?) Um...I don't even know the last one- I asked- when you sent the new schedule. That was the last one I got from you, so...I think. (Okay, so your email was working as of January 16th. When did it suddenly quit working?) Um, I can't get it programmed onto my phone because I didn't have a phone for a few days (Your email is not tied to your phone. You can have a thousand phones and connect your email to every single one of them.) and when I tried to program it back into the phone, it said that I have a ph- it's open on a phone somewhere and it kinda- it locked me out. (No, it didn't. While I do realize that you can set up your email to send an access code to your phone to prevent unauthorized access, it doesn't say, "Your email is open on a phone somewhere." This is a blatant lie because she doesn't want to communicate by email.) So um, if you can give me a call back. I was kinda wondering if I could follow you. I'm- I should be there by 4:30. But I don't- if you let me follow you, I don't know where you want to meet. So let me know, okay? Bye."
Husband texted her back and said he couldn't wait until 4:30pm because he would miss Daughter's game. (The Ex knew this was an out-of-town game that started at 5pm. The game is an hour away from our house. She calls at 3:20pm and wants to follow Husband, saying she'll be here at 4:30pm. Sorry, gonna have to throw you a big "no" on that.) Husband also asks for her work schedule because the guardian ad litem wants to meet with both of them, so they need to figure out a date and time that works for both of them. The Ex does not answer this message.
The Ex shows up to Daughter's game, sits on the other end of the bleachers the entire time. After the game, she walks up to Husband and says, "The only time I can meet with the guardian ad litem is 3:30 on Fridays." Husband reminds her that he has off on Mondays. The Ex replies, "Too bad. You can't have everything your way," and walks away before Husband can say anything more to her. (Because mentioning that a certain day of the week is better for him means that he is trying to have everything his way. Boy, is he selfish...)
The following Monday, Husband texts The Ex and asks for confirmation that Friday afternoons are best for her; he also says he needs her new email address because he has receipts that he needs to send to her. The Ex does not answer. Husband calls the GAL office; they have no open Friday afternoons and she wants to meet with them before court in 3 weeks, so please let him know what her schedule is.
The Ex replies:
"No. I tried telling u that I work as late as 3:30. (I honestly was giving her the benefit of the doubt; maybe Husband misunderstood her. Maybe she DID say she works as late as 3:30 and Husband heard it differently. Then I thought about it some more and if that was truly what she said, why did she respond, "You can't have everything your way" when Husband said Mondays work best for him? No no, Husband heard her clearly. She said she would ONLY meet on Friday afternoons and she is now lying, claiming she said something else.) I would have to make sure I could get off early without getting a point. (Okay, so do it.)" Husband asks what her schedule is, says the GAL can't meet past 4pm. The Ex gives her schedule, says she sometimes has to work mandatory overtime but doesn't find out until that day if there's overtime or not. Husband asks when she typically works overtime. The Ex says it's unknown. Husband asks what she suggests because the GAL wants to meet. The Ex doesn't say anything more.
Husband calls the GAL and says he's trying to find out what The Ex's schedule is, she won't communicate with him, he has no idea when or where she'll be able to meet because she won't tell him anything. The GAL is understandably irritated, says she just wanted to set up a meeting and didn't think it would be this hard (That's because she hasn't been dealing with The Ex for years on end like we have.) The GAL says they will call The Ex and try to get a date set up; if they're unsuccessful, they'll pick a date and whoever shows up, shows up.
Two days later, The Ex leaves Husband a voicemail:
"Hi [Husband], it's [The Ex]. I'm calling 'cause I sent you some texts. (By the way, she texted him and called him while he was at work and his phone was turned off.) Um, I was talking- talking to my supervisor and he had said that I can have a day off. Well, not a day off but I have to fill out an active form to leave early. (Blah blah blah blah blah....) Um, I already had to fill one out for court so it's kind of getting limited now. (You cannot even fathom how little I care.) Um...he had said he would prefer me not to take a Monday just because lot of people call in on Mondays and then they need me. (I am pretty sure this never got said. Her job is not something that requires a certain skill or learned trade. She is not as high demand as she would like to pretend she is.) Um, but any day would work, he said, than that. (Very convenient how the only day she can't take off of work is the same day Husband has off of work.) And the guardian office has called me and they're trying to set up a time for us both. (Husband has been trying for the last 10 days to set something up with you. Husband has emailed you, texted you, tried talking to you in person. You are the only one making this difficult, just like everything else that has to do with court, the kids, me and/or Husband.) And I told her any other day would be fine. (Then why didn't you just say that to Husband when he asked you a thousand other times what day would work?!) Um, after...you know, a- as soon as- as late as possible. So she has the 12th and the 20th at 4pm. I sent that to you just now, also. So if you can give me a call back. Thanks."
Husband got out of work, got the voicemail and three text messages:
"My supervisor has informed me I can leave work by 1:30. Mondays won't work/b good because call ins on Mondays. Any other day will work. As late as possible. U said the latest she takes appt. is 4. That will work. I should make it on time. U just have to let me know which day." (Husband has been trying to find out which day; you won't communicate with him.)
"Just talked to the guardians office. They have the 12th and the 20th at 4pm available. She would like to know as soon as possible. (That's why Husband sent you two emails and texted you.) Haven't heard back from u.(Yeah, he's WORKING.)
"I need to fill out a form for missing work. It needs to b approved. Please let me know as soon as possible."(And once again, The Ex puts everything off until the very last second, only to demand that everyone answer her immediately so that she can take care of her things, which are ultimately superior to everyone else and the things that they have going on.)
They set up the joint meeting, went in and met with the GAL. GAL wrote up a stipulation, we agreed to some of it, changed our minds, had the court hearing, brought a proposal which everyone accepted. Part of our proposal was that The Ex would get the kids on the weekends that they had an extra day off of school and this would go into effect starting on the upcoming Friday; also entered into the court agreement was that emails and phones would be checked daily, messages from the other parent would be acknowledged within 24 hours, and questions asked would be answered within 48 hours. Husband emailed The Ex on Wednesday and said we forgot to include that the kids had off of school that Monday, so he would pick up the kids then instead of Sunday. The Ex replied saying she got the email.
Thursday night, Daughter had an event after school which involved a sleepover and no school on Friday. Daughter attended her sleepover, we had the kids ready to be picked up by exchange time. The Ex came to get the kids, Son went outside, The Ex immediately called Husband and left him a voicemail:
"[Husband], the agreement states that I have the kids on the days they don't have school, so I should've been here yesterday at 5:30 to get the kids. Not on Friday. (Okay, so why weren't you here?) I understand [Daughter] had something going on, but that's something that we should've discussed and talked about. (There is nothing to talk about. Either a)Daughter got to stay for the activity or b)Daughter had to leave on Thursday night. The Ex is complaining that she did not get the opportunity to deny Daughter a chance to spend time with her friends.) And this is agreement YOU had decided I'd get the kids. ("This is agreement." That's not a typo; it's literally what she said.) Um, and I think that's wrong that you kept the kids from me. Very wrong.(You weren't here on Thursday night. How do you feel it's Husband's fault you were not here? How do you feel that he "kept the kids" from you if you never showed up?)"
Things fell very quiet after this for about a week and a half. Husband emailed and asked what was going on with the child support stipulation that they were supposedly going to agree to. The Ex emailed back:
"Hi [Husband],
Got your email. My lawyer and I will be discussing support this week."
A few days later, Husband emailed about receipts, Son attending high school, and what was going on with the stipulation. No answer.
Nineteen days later, Husband emailed another receipt. No answer.
Two days later, Husband emailed about switching weekends for a out-of-town family wedding. No answer.
Three days later, Husband emails and asks about insurance; he also reminds The Ex that she's supposed to be replying to his emails within 24-48 hours.
Two days later:
"I'm sorry for not returning 2 emails. (It was 4.) This is still all new to me. I'm at work right now. We do need to talk. Want to get together next Friday when I get the kids.? Do I have Easter with kids or do you? (I already vented about this email and its ridiculousness earlier.)
[The Ex]"
Husband replies, says if it's kept in writing there will be less arguing. Asks The Ex to answer four direct questions, so this is brief and to the point. The Ex doesn't reply, although this was our fault - it got sent to her old email. Husband emails again, asking for some answers to his questions. The Ex replies and is very short in the emails. Husband forwards her the email again; The Ex replies (This was when she emailed and said she couldn't look through files on her phone, only to say the next day that she looked at the file on her phone.) Back and forth a few times, The Ex blaming Husband for her not paying a bill, so on and so forth.
The last email that Husband received from The Ex was in April. A couple of texts here and there, but no big blowups. I am thoroughly enjoying the quiet in our home.
Additionally, The Ex is now paying a decent amount of child support and was just recently hired on permanently at her job, which means soon she'll be eligible to get healthcare for Son & Daughter.
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