Merry freaking Christmas
Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the meaning of it, that we're celebrating the birth of our Savior. I love spending time with my family and close friends. So naturally, The Ex would find a way to make the Christmas season completely dramatic for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
The Ex called Husband on Christmas Day. But, it wasn't to talk to her children and wish them a merry Christmas. No, she had something else on her mind:
"Hey, it's [The Ex]. I was calling because I'm gonna need a copy of [Son's] birth certificate? (I know a question mark is not the appropriate end mark for this sentence, but it completely fits the inflection in her voice.) Um, if you have one. Which I hope you do. I was hoping you can get a copy made for me (It's Christmas.) and I'll pay you, and I can meet you somewhere tomorrow (It's CHRISTMAS.), 'cause I need to fax it in as soon as possible. Um, I have a deadline. Otherwise he won't be covered. And the deadline's the 27th, so I'd like to get it sent out tomorrow. (She leaves a message on the 25th saying she has a deadline on the 27th. This is just classic.) If you can please call me back. (Nope.) Text me, I don't care. Um...if you can make a copy, like I said. (She just said she hopes we have a birth certificate, but keeps repeating that she wants a copy of something that she's not even sure we have.) And I will pay for it. I need to get it- I need to fax it in as soon as possible. (And she's just telling him now. On CHRISTMAS.) I thought I had a birth certificate and I'm going through everything here, and...I'm not finding one. I don't know if I gave you the one I had? Um...I haven't had insurance in awhile. The last time I had insurance, I had the kids. (So physical custody now has an effect on health insurance?) And I know I had to show proof. (That's interesting. You know how Husband got coverage for the two kids we have together? He walked into work and said, "I had a baby." Done.) And I don't know what I even showed; I think I showed medi- doctor records. And I don't even have updated doctor records of him. (You're more than welcome to contact the doctor and get copies.) Um, 'cause I took that, so...I don't have anything for [Son]. I have my taxes for [Daughter] and my kids. (So you only need a social security number for Daughter, but you need Son's birth certificate? This story has so many holes in it, it might as well be a damned sponge.) So...please let me know. I mean, if I have to drive all the way there I will, because I want him covered. But, I'd like to send it out tomorrow so I'm not on the deadline date. (I'd like to take a minute to point out that this alleged deadline was a Saturday. If you, or anyone you know, works in an insurance office and go to work on a Saturday, please contact me immediately because I have never heard of such a thing.) Even though it's like, two days away. (She can't follow the court order about replying to messages in 48 hours, yet she knows that the insurance "deadline" is in 48 hours.) Please give me a call back. If I don't answer or don't hear it, I'll call you as soon as I get it. Please? Thank you."
Thirty-five minutes later on 2houses:
"Hi [Husband]
I tried calling you. I have a deadline for all of the kids being covered under my insurance. I need a copy of [Son] birth certificate (No apostrophe indicating that the birth certificate she needs belongs to Son.) or certificate of birth which ever has my name on it. (Wouldn't both of those items bear her name?) If you have one for [Daughter], I would like a copy of that one too. (Okay, wait a minute. This is the first time in 6 years that she's asked for the kids' birth certificates. I have a funny feeling about this and I'm starting to get very suspicious.) The deadline is December 27th. (Again, a Saturday? Pretty sure she's making this up.) I will pay you for copies and come and get them from you so I don't inconvenience you anymore than I have to. (She never offers to pay for anything and is being way too flexible; she typically expects Husband to pay for everything, even if it's something she wants/needs, and she never wants to compromise or drive more than she has to. This is really making me uncomfortable.) I would like to come at your earliest convenience. Hopefully tomorrow? (Husband has to work. Go away.) Please let me know. I did leave a message on your voice mail. (I love how she writes this, like it's going to mean something. Husband has never denied receiving any of her messages. Additionally, he's been telling her that he only wants to communicate in writing for what, two years now? But she left him a message, and now she put it in writing that she left him a message. So THERE.) Otherwise [Son] will not be covered and I really hope you can get that for me.
[The Ex]"
Well, guess what? Son was born in another state. So good luck getting a hold of somebody on the Friday after Christmas who will be able to get us a copy of Son's birth certificate in one day so that The Ex can fax it in by her "deadline."
Husband got out of work on Friday and replied that he didn't understand how the deadline had been moved from November 26th to December 27th; he asked how long The Ex has known she needed a birth certificate for Son, who was asking for it, and where it needed to be faxed to. Husband commented that his insurance has never required any of the four kids' birth certificates. Husband said he would look to see what he had and let The Ex know if he had either Son or Daughter's certificates.
The Ex read this message and did not reply to it. How lovely it would have been if that had been the end of the headache...
The Ex called Husband on Christmas Day. But, it wasn't to talk to her children and wish them a merry Christmas. No, she had something else on her mind:
"Hey, it's [The Ex]. I was calling because I'm gonna need a copy of [Son's] birth certificate? (I know a question mark is not the appropriate end mark for this sentence, but it completely fits the inflection in her voice.) Um, if you have one. Which I hope you do. I was hoping you can get a copy made for me (It's Christmas.) and I'll pay you, and I can meet you somewhere tomorrow (It's CHRISTMAS.), 'cause I need to fax it in as soon as possible. Um, I have a deadline. Otherwise he won't be covered. And the deadline's the 27th, so I'd like to get it sent out tomorrow. (She leaves a message on the 25th saying she has a deadline on the 27th. This is just classic.) If you can please call me back. (Nope.) Text me, I don't care. Um...if you can make a copy, like I said. (She just said she hopes we have a birth certificate, but keeps repeating that she wants a copy of something that she's not even sure we have.) And I will pay for it. I need to get it- I need to fax it in as soon as possible. (And she's just telling him now. On CHRISTMAS.) I thought I had a birth certificate and I'm going through everything here, and...I'm not finding one. I don't know if I gave you the one I had? Um...I haven't had insurance in awhile. The last time I had insurance, I had the kids. (So physical custody now has an effect on health insurance?) And I know I had to show proof. (That's interesting. You know how Husband got coverage for the two kids we have together? He walked into work and said, "I had a baby." Done.) And I don't know what I even showed; I think I showed medi- doctor records. And I don't even have updated doctor records of him. (You're more than welcome to contact the doctor and get copies.) Um, 'cause I took that, so...I don't have anything for [Son]. I have my taxes for [Daughter] and my kids. (So you only need a social security number for Daughter, but you need Son's birth certificate? This story has so many holes in it, it might as well be a damned sponge.) So...please let me know. I mean, if I have to drive all the way there I will, because I want him covered. But, I'd like to send it out tomorrow so I'm not on the deadline date. (I'd like to take a minute to point out that this alleged deadline was a Saturday. If you, or anyone you know, works in an insurance office and go to work on a Saturday, please contact me immediately because I have never heard of such a thing.) Even though it's like, two days away. (She can't follow the court order about replying to messages in 48 hours, yet she knows that the insurance "deadline" is in 48 hours.) Please give me a call back. If I don't answer or don't hear it, I'll call you as soon as I get it. Please? Thank you."
Thirty-five minutes later on 2houses:
"Hi [Husband]
I tried calling you. I have a deadline for all of the kids being covered under my insurance. I need a copy of [Son] birth certificate (No apostrophe indicating that the birth certificate she needs belongs to Son.) or certificate of birth which ever has my name on it. (Wouldn't both of those items bear her name?) If you have one for [Daughter], I would like a copy of that one too. (Okay, wait a minute. This is the first time in 6 years that she's asked for the kids' birth certificates. I have a funny feeling about this and I'm starting to get very suspicious.) The deadline is December 27th. (Again, a Saturday? Pretty sure she's making this up.) I will pay you for copies and come and get them from you so I don't inconvenience you anymore than I have to. (She never offers to pay for anything and is being way too flexible; she typically expects Husband to pay for everything, even if it's something she wants/needs, and she never wants to compromise or drive more than she has to. This is really making me uncomfortable.) I would like to come at your earliest convenience. Hopefully tomorrow? (Husband has to work. Go away.) Please let me know. I did leave a message on your voice mail. (I love how she writes this, like it's going to mean something. Husband has never denied receiving any of her messages. Additionally, he's been telling her that he only wants to communicate in writing for what, two years now? But she left him a message, and now she put it in writing that she left him a message. So THERE.) Otherwise [Son] will not be covered and I really hope you can get that for me.
[The Ex]"
Well, guess what? Son was born in another state. So good luck getting a hold of somebody on the Friday after Christmas who will be able to get us a copy of Son's birth certificate in one day so that The Ex can fax it in by her "deadline."
Husband got out of work on Friday and replied that he didn't understand how the deadline had been moved from November 26th to December 27th; he asked how long The Ex has known she needed a birth certificate for Son, who was asking for it, and where it needed to be faxed to. Husband commented that his insurance has never required any of the four kids' birth certificates. Husband said he would look to see what he had and let The Ex know if he had either Son or Daughter's certificates.
The Ex read this message and did not reply to it. How lovely it would have been if that had been the end of the headache...
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