Also.
A little over a month ago, The Ex said to both kids that Husband "didn't tell her anything" and she didn't know where she was supposed to pick them up. If you really think about that statement, it shows her ignorance. Placement exchanges typically take place at our house; if she wasn't made aware of any changes to the schedule, why on earth was she asking where they were supposed to be picked up? But anyway...
A week and a half ago, Husband emailed a PDF copy of Daughter's basketball schedule to The Ex and said he had also mailed her a paper copy. The Ex read the message the day that it was sent and did not reply. Five days later, Husband updated the calendar on 2houses showing all of Daughter's basketball practices/games. This would mean that she was given not one, not two, but three different notifications of the fact that Daughter had practice on November 18th from 5:30pm until 6:45pm.
Later on in the week, The Ex asked Son if he was going to wait at school until Daughter was finished with practice. Son said yes. At some point that week, Daughter spoke to The Ex on the phone and also told her that practice went until 6:45pm that night.
Friday afternoon, Son sent The Ex a message on Facebook reminding her that Daughter was getting done at 6:45pm. Around 4pm, The Ex called Son from a gas station to say she's on her way, she will be here in approximately an hour, and to watch for her. (The Ex's phone is still disconnected for non-payment.) About 50 minutes later, The Ex's sister called Son and left him a voice mail saying that The Ex had stopped in and asked her to call him to tell him that The Ex would be there to pick him up in approximately half an hour. (Because clearly, it makes more sense to continually stop and make phone calls instead of just driving directly to their school.) Son commented that The Ex would be to their school soon, and I said the two of them could do something until Daughter was done. I assumed this would be the end of it.
Nope.
Sunday afternoon, The Ex emails Husband:
"I talked to [Daughters] basketball coach on Friday and notified them that [Daughter] would be picked up right after her games that land on my placement. (At this point, I'm willing to agree to this because unfortunately, this is the easiest part of this argument...) Also, she would be missing Nov. 23rd and 25th practice. (Also, no she will not.) Also she would be missing 28th and 30th practice in December. (Also, she still will not.) I will also be taking her December 29th to her game. (Sooo, she'll drive down for a game but not for practices.)"
Husband replied that we had already discussed practices and games with the head coach, missed practices affect playing time, The Ex agreed to facilitate extracurricular activities, and Daughter would be attending all of her practices and games - not just the ones on Husband's placement time. Husband said if The Ex was going to refuse to f ollow the order, he'd be forced to file for contempt. We thought about it, and Husband sent a second message regarding this and said he disagreed with her saying she'd be the one to bring Daughter because she's proven that she won't take care of it properly. The Ex read both of these messages yesterday evening and hasn't replied.
Sunday night, I was talking to Daughter about all of this and explained that while I did not want to put her in the middle of it, she needed to understand that this was not about The Ex or Husband - it was about Daughter. If we're going to allow The Ex to say Daughter's not going to practice because it inconveniences her, then we're making the activity about The Ex and that's not okay. Daughter mentioned that she had a note to take to school but claimed she didn't know what it said. I went and looked at it:
"Coach [Head coach's name]
I'm [The Ex]; [Daughter's] mom. I'm in [Tiny City, Our State] (This is all entirely irrelevant.)
On Tuesday, Nov. 22nd, I'll be at [Daughter's] game and she'll be coming home with me afterwards. (This is a home game. You don't need a permission slip because the team doesn't ride a bus to their own school, you idiot.)
She'll also be missing practice on Wed. + Fri. that week. (Like hell she will.)
On Dec. 2nd [Daughter] will also be leaving the game with me. (This is an away game that's happening 15 minutes from School City. The Ex can't allow Daughter to ride back with her team and drive another 15 minutes to pick her up because that's hard and stuff.)
Also on Dec. 16th. (....what? What happens on Dec. 16th?)
On Dec. 27th also. (Coherent thoughts have never passed through her mind. I'm certain of it.)
She'll be missing practice on Dec. 28th + 30th. (The Ex has yet to provide a reason why Daughter is missing all of these practices.)
I'll be bringing her to the Dec. 29th game in [Hometown, Our State]. (The Ex is willing to bring Daughter to this game because it's in Hometown; she is most likely planning on leaving Daughter with one of her relatives, or visiting with family while she's there for the game. The problem is that the game is not in Hometown. The game is in School City, and Daughter's team is playing against Hometown's team. The Ex apparently doesn't understand that it's not an away game when the calendar says, "Home.")
(arrow indicating to turn over the sheet of paper)
I'm sorry for all the inconvience this causes. (I have $20 for the first person who can tell me what "inconvience" is. Misspelled words aside, it's not an inconvenience to anyone if you follow the schedule and act like a parent.)
For any questions ("For any questions"? Like, if he calls then you'll provide him with questions?)
[Ned's phone number] after 4 pm
Mon - Thurs,
[The Ex's first name]
[The Ex's last name]"
So after reading that entire load of crap, I kept the note and called the coach Monday morning. He is on the same page as Husband and I - you need to do as much work as everyone else, you need to attend practices if you want playing time, you can't skip out and expect your teammates to be okay with it, etc. The coach agreed that practice is important and that Daughter really does need to be there because they're constantly learning new things at each practice.
Husband then sent an email to The Ex, saying we had spoken to the coach and he indicated that Daughter never even practiced on Friday night. Husband asked for an explanation as to why The Ex violated the court order requiring her to facilitate extracurricular activities. The Ex read this message last night and said nothing.
After this, Son messaged The Ex and said he had a job interview on Wednesday afternoon and he really wanted to go to it. (He is supposed to get picked up Tuesday night for the Thanksgiving holiday.) The Ex replied:
"Can you please call them today. Seriously. (Excuse me?) And make that appointment for Tuesday. Even today" (So now, it's not important that Son wants to get a job. All that matters is that she doesn't feel like taking him to an interview, so she wants him to reschedule even though she has no idea what Husband or I have going on.)"
"Your dads already trying to take [Daughter] away from us for thanksgiving and Christmas" (At no point did Husband ever say he was taking Daughter away from The Ex. Husband said that Daughter had to attend practice. But again, her narcissism requires that this all be about her.)
"And hold me in contempt" (Husband is not a court official and does not have the authority to hold you in contempt. However, you are most certainly in contempt by discussing this with Son and so brazenly trying to blame Husband for your shortcomings as a parent.)
"If you can't change it. Go for it sweetie" (This is her typical routine - guilt the child into feeling bad, blame Husband for it, then pretend she cares.)
Son replied that it was fine and he wouldn't go to the interview, and asked if The Ex was picking up only him. The Ex replied:
"Maybe" (Um...okay? Is it really that hard to decide if you're picking up one or both children?)
"I would really love for your sister to join us. My hearts broken again" (Oh, for f*ck's sake....)
Son messaged her later and said his interview was Wednesday at 3. The Ex replied:
"K. We'll be in [Our City] for funeral anyway." (She can drive 2 hours for a funeral for a relative that she never spoke to, but she won't bring Daughter to practice.)
"Tomorrow or Wednesday" (The funeral is on Wednesday. There is literally no reason that I should know more about this funeral than she does.)
Son said he wasn't going to the interview and he would go home with her Tuesday. The Ex replied:
"Yes I want you to. (Then why did you demand he change it?) I don't want you hating me down the road" (Then you might want to consider putting your kids first instead of asking them to constantly do what you want and take care of you.)
Son told her it was fine and that he had another interview at a different business. The Ex replied:
"Love you sweetie" (Okay, that's a nice way to end the conversation. Except that wasn't the end.)
"Tell [Daughter] her dad's (They both have the same dad.) mad about Friday and her not having shoes to practice. (A)We were mad because The Ex took Daughter home rather than letting her practice, and B)This is the first time hearing about Daughter not having shoes.) He's telling mom I broke our court order and holding me in contempt" (Second time she brought this up because Son ignored her the first time she whined about it. And it's not Husband just making something up; she did violate the court order and, once again, Husband does not have the authority to hold her in contempt.)
"We'll be there tomorrow to pick up both you and [Daughter] after game. (She can pick up Son. Daughter will not be going with her.) Grandma and grandpa want to come along" (Translation: I can't do anything alone and don't want to fight with Husband by myself, so I'm going to bring my parents as cheerleaders. And by the way, you already told him they were coming down for a funeral so stop pretending it's because any of you care what happens in these kids' lives.)
We talked to the kids about it and they both tried to remove the blame from The Ex. I asked why The Ex showed up so early if she wasn't planning on leaving; Son said that she had wanted to watch Daughter practice. We asked why Daughter didn't practice. Daughter said she had forgotten her shoes and practice jersey; we said Husband and I were both home, why didn't they call and ask us to bring them? Daughter said she didn't want to make The Ex wait for her; I said if The Ex was planning on watching her practice, she was going to wait anyway so there was no reason not to practice. Eventually, they both acknowledged that The Ex didn't want to stay for Daughter's practice and that is why they left early.
I seriously cannot wait until both of these kids are 18 and I don't have to interact with this sickening excuse of a human being anymore.
A week and a half ago, Husband emailed a PDF copy of Daughter's basketball schedule to The Ex and said he had also mailed her a paper copy. The Ex read the message the day that it was sent and did not reply. Five days later, Husband updated the calendar on 2houses showing all of Daughter's basketball practices/games. This would mean that she was given not one, not two, but three different notifications of the fact that Daughter had practice on November 18th from 5:30pm until 6:45pm.
Later on in the week, The Ex asked Son if he was going to wait at school until Daughter was finished with practice. Son said yes. At some point that week, Daughter spoke to The Ex on the phone and also told her that practice went until 6:45pm that night.
Friday afternoon, Son sent The Ex a message on Facebook reminding her that Daughter was getting done at 6:45pm. Around 4pm, The Ex called Son from a gas station to say she's on her way, she will be here in approximately an hour, and to watch for her. (The Ex's phone is still disconnected for non-payment.) About 50 minutes later, The Ex's sister called Son and left him a voice mail saying that The Ex had stopped in and asked her to call him to tell him that The Ex would be there to pick him up in approximately half an hour. (Because clearly, it makes more sense to continually stop and make phone calls instead of just driving directly to their school.) Son commented that The Ex would be to their school soon, and I said the two of them could do something until Daughter was done. I assumed this would be the end of it.
Nope.
Sunday afternoon, The Ex emails Husband:
"I talked to [Daughters] basketball coach on Friday and notified them that [Daughter] would be picked up right after her games that land on my placement. (At this point, I'm willing to agree to this because unfortunately, this is the easiest part of this argument...) Also, she would be missing Nov. 23rd and 25th practice. (Also, no she will not.) Also she would be missing 28th and 30th practice in December. (Also, she still will not.) I will also be taking her December 29th to her game. (Sooo, she'll drive down for a game but not for practices.)"
Husband replied that we had already discussed practices and games with the head coach, missed practices affect playing time, The Ex agreed to facilitate extracurricular activities, and Daughter would be attending all of her practices and games - not just the ones on Husband's placement time. Husband said if The Ex was going to refuse to f ollow the order, he'd be forced to file for contempt. We thought about it, and Husband sent a second message regarding this and said he disagreed with her saying she'd be the one to bring Daughter because she's proven that she won't take care of it properly. The Ex read both of these messages yesterday evening and hasn't replied.
Sunday night, I was talking to Daughter about all of this and explained that while I did not want to put her in the middle of it, she needed to understand that this was not about The Ex or Husband - it was about Daughter. If we're going to allow The Ex to say Daughter's not going to practice because it inconveniences her, then we're making the activity about The Ex and that's not okay. Daughter mentioned that she had a note to take to school but claimed she didn't know what it said. I went and looked at it:
"Coach [Head coach's name]
I'm [The Ex]; [Daughter's] mom. I'm in [Tiny City, Our State] (This is all entirely irrelevant.)
On Tuesday, Nov. 22nd, I'll be at [Daughter's] game and she'll be coming home with me afterwards. (This is a home game. You don't need a permission slip because the team doesn't ride a bus to their own school, you idiot.)
She'll also be missing practice on Wed. + Fri. that week. (Like hell she will.)
On Dec. 2nd [Daughter] will also be leaving the game with me. (This is an away game that's happening 15 minutes from School City. The Ex can't allow Daughter to ride back with her team and drive another 15 minutes to pick her up because that's hard and stuff.)
Also on Dec. 16th. (....what? What happens on Dec. 16th?)
On Dec. 27th also. (Coherent thoughts have never passed through her mind. I'm certain of it.)
She'll be missing practice on Dec. 28th + 30th. (The Ex has yet to provide a reason why Daughter is missing all of these practices.)
I'll be bringing her to the Dec. 29th game in [Hometown, Our State]. (The Ex is willing to bring Daughter to this game because it's in Hometown; she is most likely planning on leaving Daughter with one of her relatives, or visiting with family while she's there for the game. The problem is that the game is not in Hometown. The game is in School City, and Daughter's team is playing against Hometown's team. The Ex apparently doesn't understand that it's not an away game when the calendar says, "Home.")
(arrow indicating to turn over the sheet of paper)
I'm sorry for all the inconvience this causes. (I have $20 for the first person who can tell me what "inconvience" is. Misspelled words aside, it's not an inconvenience to anyone if you follow the schedule and act like a parent.)
For any questions ("For any questions"? Like, if he calls then you'll provide him with questions?)
[Ned's phone number] after 4 pm
Mon - Thurs,
[The Ex's first name]
[The Ex's last name]"
So after reading that entire load of crap, I kept the note and called the coach Monday morning. He is on the same page as Husband and I - you need to do as much work as everyone else, you need to attend practices if you want playing time, you can't skip out and expect your teammates to be okay with it, etc. The coach agreed that practice is important and that Daughter really does need to be there because they're constantly learning new things at each practice.
Husband then sent an email to The Ex, saying we had spoken to the coach and he indicated that Daughter never even practiced on Friday night. Husband asked for an explanation as to why The Ex violated the court order requiring her to facilitate extracurricular activities. The Ex read this message last night and said nothing.
After this, Son messaged The Ex and said he had a job interview on Wednesday afternoon and he really wanted to go to it. (He is supposed to get picked up Tuesday night for the Thanksgiving holiday.) The Ex replied:
"Can you please call them today. Seriously. (Excuse me?) And make that appointment for Tuesday. Even today" (So now, it's not important that Son wants to get a job. All that matters is that she doesn't feel like taking him to an interview, so she wants him to reschedule even though she has no idea what Husband or I have going on.)"
"Your dads already trying to take [Daughter] away from us for thanksgiving and Christmas" (At no point did Husband ever say he was taking Daughter away from The Ex. Husband said that Daughter had to attend practice. But again, her narcissism requires that this all be about her.)
"And hold me in contempt" (Husband is not a court official and does not have the authority to hold you in contempt. However, you are most certainly in contempt by discussing this with Son and so brazenly trying to blame Husband for your shortcomings as a parent.)
"If you can't change it. Go for it sweetie" (This is her typical routine - guilt the child into feeling bad, blame Husband for it, then pretend she cares.)
Son replied that it was fine and he wouldn't go to the interview, and asked if The Ex was picking up only him. The Ex replied:
"Maybe" (Um...okay? Is it really that hard to decide if you're picking up one or both children?)
"I would really love for your sister to join us. My hearts broken again" (Oh, for f*ck's sake....)
Son messaged her later and said his interview was Wednesday at 3. The Ex replied:
"K. We'll be in [Our City] for funeral anyway." (She can drive 2 hours for a funeral for a relative that she never spoke to, but she won't bring Daughter to practice.)
"Tomorrow or Wednesday" (The funeral is on Wednesday. There is literally no reason that I should know more about this funeral than she does.)
Son said he wasn't going to the interview and he would go home with her Tuesday. The Ex replied:
"Yes I want you to. (Then why did you demand he change it?) I don't want you hating me down the road" (Then you might want to consider putting your kids first instead of asking them to constantly do what you want and take care of you.)
Son told her it was fine and that he had another interview at a different business. The Ex replied:
"Love you sweetie" (Okay, that's a nice way to end the conversation. Except that wasn't the end.)
"Tell [Daughter] her dad's (They both have the same dad.) mad about Friday and her not having shoes to practice. (A)We were mad because The Ex took Daughter home rather than letting her practice, and B)This is the first time hearing about Daughter not having shoes.) He's telling mom I broke our court order and holding me in contempt" (Second time she brought this up because Son ignored her the first time she whined about it. And it's not Husband just making something up; she did violate the court order and, once again, Husband does not have the authority to hold her in contempt.)
"We'll be there tomorrow to pick up both you and [Daughter] after game. (She can pick up Son. Daughter will not be going with her.) Grandma and grandpa want to come along" (Translation: I can't do anything alone and don't want to fight with Husband by myself, so I'm going to bring my parents as cheerleaders. And by the way, you already told him they were coming down for a funeral so stop pretending it's because any of you care what happens in these kids' lives.)
We talked to the kids about it and they both tried to remove the blame from The Ex. I asked why The Ex showed up so early if she wasn't planning on leaving; Son said that she had wanted to watch Daughter practice. We asked why Daughter didn't practice. Daughter said she had forgotten her shoes and practice jersey; we said Husband and I were both home, why didn't they call and ask us to bring them? Daughter said she didn't want to make The Ex wait for her; I said if The Ex was planning on watching her practice, she was going to wait anyway so there was no reason not to practice. Eventually, they both acknowledged that The Ex didn't want to stay for Daughter's practice and that is why they left early.
I seriously cannot wait until both of these kids are 18 and I don't have to interact with this sickening excuse of a human being anymore.
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