I don't understand how her mind works.
So we found out that The Ex was going to talk to her lawyer about trying to get the kids placed with her again. Daughter also told me about a week ago that The Ex's parents came over and slept on an air mattress in Ned's living room because their electricity got shut off at their trailer; that means there were 8 or 9 people sleeping in a house that's less than 1,000 square feet.
I found out on Tuesday that The Ex had allegedly enrolled Son in the high school at Tiny City. I called Our Attorney, who told me to call the school and explain that a)Husband and The Ex share joint legal custody so they both need to consent to the enrollment, b)Husband did not consent to the enrollment, and c)Husband has primary physical placement so Son is already enrolled in the school here because he doesn't live in Tiny City. (So once again, The Ex is violating the court order. Surprise.) I call the school; the secretary looks and says she doesn't see him enrolled but takes down my information if there is an issue. Then the whole calling the cops thing happened Tuesday night, which you can read about here if you haven't already.
Wednesday afternoon, I get a call from the principal in Tiny City who tells me that yes, Son was enrolled. I explain the situation to him, just as I did with the secretary. He asks if I have the court paperwork; I say yes and offer to fax it to him. I get together the appropriate paperwork and send it over.
Wednesday night, we have a talk with Son about his behavior the previous night. We told him that attitude and disrespect was unacceptable, and all it showed was immaturity and irresponsibility. We talked for a bit more about whatever else and then went over to our neighbors' for a bit. While we were with our neighbors, Son sent The Ex a message asking her to call Husband and tell him that Son is depressed (Excuse me?) Son said we had talked to him, but he didn't want to talk to Husband about it. (Son brought this up before in the past. He said I was able to identify exactly how he's feeling. He's not depressed; he's a teenager. I will talk more about this in a bit.) The Ex didn't read his message, so Son messaged her brother and told him to have The Ex look at her phone.
Shortly after, The Ex called Husband three times in a row and left this voice mail:
"Hey [Husband], I just got a message from [Son] and he would like me to talk to you. But, you are a stubborn prick and don't want to answer your phone. So, when you have a time to get something out of your ass and call me back, would you do that please so we can talk about our son?" (Um....I honestly feel like I don't need to comment on this.)
Two hours later, Son asked if she had told him. The Ex replied half an hour later:
"I tried calling him on the third time I left a message and told him to stop being a stubborn a*******. (She never said "asshole" - she said "prick." Like, they don't even rhyme so I don't know how she thought she said one instead of the other. She also called Daughter and told her about this message that she left.) I told him when he gets his stick out of his ass he needs to call me because we need to discuss our son.
Of course he did not call me back (It's not a surprise to anyone; she recently told one of the kids that she would "prove" that Husband never answers her calls, which is absurd because we never deny getting her calls. We pay for 2houses; she can use that instead.) and I called as soon as [her brother] called me to check my phone (But then waited 2+ hours to tell Son about it.)
What are you doing tomorrow sweetie. Do you want to come with me to the lawyer (Son and Daughter cannot meet with her lawyer; it's considered unethical. Not that this word means anything to her, but...)
I can pick you up about 3:30 (Uh, no. No, you can't. You have placement at 5:30pm on Friday, not at 3:30pm on Thursday. You don't get to invent a new court order just because you're going to be in town.)"
While she was writing all of this to Son, would you like to know where he was? Sitting with us and our neighbors; we were all playing a card game and laughing non-stop, Son included. I had kept everyone there updated on our situation, and they were all trying to find any indication of depression but couldn't. Here's the thing with depression: it can't be taken lightly. If and when it exists, it should be handled delicately. However, Son is not depressed. Son is a normal teenager with normal teenager confusion and emotions and frustration, which gets exacerbated by situations such as The Ex crying and telling him he broke her heart because he won't reply, "I love you too" when she says she loves him. (No, I did not make that up. It actually happened.) I have more to say on this but that will come in just a bit, so bear with me.
Thursday morning, I call Son and Daughter's school to let them know that if they receive any paperwork, it is inaccurate and Son will not be transferring. The school says they haven't seen anything but they will let me know if they do. (This is the same day that The Ex was going to meet with Attorney 4.)
Thursday night, Son tells Girlfriend that The Ex wants him to be medicated because she thinks he is depressed. Girlfriend asks if he is; Son says no. (As usual, The Ex turns an average situation into an episode of reality TV. If you doubt me, please take a minute to consider this is the same woman who took her 7-year-old child to have a colonoscopy. Know what was wrong with her? She's lactose intolerant. That's it. This child had to be prepped, put under by an anesthetic, and have a camera inserted into her rectum - just to find out later, from an entirely different test, that she has an allergy. I'm certainly not in the medical field, but this seems way past overkill. The Ex also kept telling everyone that her daughter was having "surgery.")
Friday morning, the school calls and says they just received transfer paperwork from Tiny City for Son. They say the problem is that they don't have anything in Son's file indicating that Husband is the parent with primary physical placement. (We emailed The Ex about enrolling Son in this school; she didn't object and he's spent 3 years there already, so it never once crossed my mind to give them copies of the paperwork. Silly me....) They say they're leaving for the day in 45 minutes and I didn't want this hanging open over the weekend, so I grab our attaché case, jog to my car, and haul butt over to the school so I can get them the papers before they leave. I got what they needed in about 30 seconds and they ran off a copy. The secretaries and superintendent, all whom I know well, couldn't understand how or why The Ex was doing this and just kept shaking their heads in awe at the stupidity of the entire situation.
Friday afternoon, the court website for our state pops up that The Ex had updated her address in person at the county clerk's office. Then it popped up that The Ex asked the court to waive filing fees, which they did. Then it popped up that The Ex had filed to change physical placement. Her motion is being sent for judiciary review, which I assume to mean that the court commissioner and/or judge will review it and decide if it actually warrants a hearing or not.
Based on what I can see online, this motion was not filed by Attorney 4. I think that The Ex is actually stupid enough to be trying this on her own. I'm not sure if Attorney 4 wouldn't file or if The Ex didn't want to pay her to do it, but it appears that The Ex did the paperwork and filed it herself. She's even more stupid because in addition to violating the court order about communication and enrolling Son in a new school district with Husband's consent, she hasn't made a payment on her half of the kids' medical bills for almost 10 months. Additionally, it seems as if her parents are staying in Ned's house, Son previously told Girlfriend that he doesn't even have a bed there, Daughter shares a room and a bed with their 9-year-old sister. Oh, and that lovely phone call with Daughter when she threated to "break her fucking phone" and screamed that if she and Son wanted "to treat The Ex like shit, stay with their fucking father 'cause that's all he does." And just for good measure, we'll throw in the "stubborn prick" voice mail. But she's going to initiate court proceedings and ask the court to allow her to be the primary caregiver.
Oh, and she's not asking for both kids - she's only asking for Son. Son is in his senior year of high school, and The Ex is actually trying to modify physical placement so that he can come live with her instead of just waiting 9 months for him to graduate.
And that's how we start the school year around here.
I found out on Tuesday that The Ex had allegedly enrolled Son in the high school at Tiny City. I called Our Attorney, who told me to call the school and explain that a)Husband and The Ex share joint legal custody so they both need to consent to the enrollment, b)Husband did not consent to the enrollment, and c)Husband has primary physical placement so Son is already enrolled in the school here because he doesn't live in Tiny City. (So once again, The Ex is violating the court order. Surprise.) I call the school; the secretary looks and says she doesn't see him enrolled but takes down my information if there is an issue. Then the whole calling the cops thing happened Tuesday night, which you can read about here if you haven't already.
Wednesday afternoon, I get a call from the principal in Tiny City who tells me that yes, Son was enrolled. I explain the situation to him, just as I did with the secretary. He asks if I have the court paperwork; I say yes and offer to fax it to him. I get together the appropriate paperwork and send it over.
Wednesday night, we have a talk with Son about his behavior the previous night. We told him that attitude and disrespect was unacceptable, and all it showed was immaturity and irresponsibility. We talked for a bit more about whatever else and then went over to our neighbors' for a bit. While we were with our neighbors, Son sent The Ex a message asking her to call Husband and tell him that Son is depressed (Excuse me?) Son said we had talked to him, but he didn't want to talk to Husband about it. (Son brought this up before in the past. He said I was able to identify exactly how he's feeling. He's not depressed; he's a teenager. I will talk more about this in a bit.) The Ex didn't read his message, so Son messaged her brother and told him to have The Ex look at her phone.
Shortly after, The Ex called Husband three times in a row and left this voice mail:
"Hey [Husband], I just got a message from [Son] and he would like me to talk to you. But, you are a stubborn prick and don't want to answer your phone. So, when you have a time to get something out of your ass and call me back, would you do that please so we can talk about our son?" (Um....I honestly feel like I don't need to comment on this.)
Two hours later, Son asked if she had told him. The Ex replied half an hour later:
"I tried calling him on the third time I left a message and told him to stop being a stubborn a*******. (She never said "asshole" - she said "prick." Like, they don't even rhyme so I don't know how she thought she said one instead of the other. She also called Daughter and told her about this message that she left.) I told him when he gets his stick out of his ass he needs to call me because we need to discuss our son.
Of course he did not call me back (It's not a surprise to anyone; she recently told one of the kids that she would "prove" that Husband never answers her calls, which is absurd because we never deny getting her calls. We pay for 2houses; she can use that instead.) and I called as soon as [her brother] called me to check my phone (But then waited 2+ hours to tell Son about it.)
What are you doing tomorrow sweetie. Do you want to come with me to the lawyer (Son and Daughter cannot meet with her lawyer; it's considered unethical. Not that this word means anything to her, but...)
I can pick you up about 3:30 (Uh, no. No, you can't. You have placement at 5:30pm on Friday, not at 3:30pm on Thursday. You don't get to invent a new court order just because you're going to be in town.)"
While she was writing all of this to Son, would you like to know where he was? Sitting with us and our neighbors; we were all playing a card game and laughing non-stop, Son included. I had kept everyone there updated on our situation, and they were all trying to find any indication of depression but couldn't. Here's the thing with depression: it can't be taken lightly. If and when it exists, it should be handled delicately. However, Son is not depressed. Son is a normal teenager with normal teenager confusion and emotions and frustration, which gets exacerbated by situations such as The Ex crying and telling him he broke her heart because he won't reply, "I love you too" when she says she loves him. (No, I did not make that up. It actually happened.) I have more to say on this but that will come in just a bit, so bear with me.
Thursday morning, I call Son and Daughter's school to let them know that if they receive any paperwork, it is inaccurate and Son will not be transferring. The school says they haven't seen anything but they will let me know if they do. (This is the same day that The Ex was going to meet with Attorney 4.)
Thursday night, Son tells Girlfriend that The Ex wants him to be medicated because she thinks he is depressed. Girlfriend asks if he is; Son says no. (As usual, The Ex turns an average situation into an episode of reality TV. If you doubt me, please take a minute to consider this is the same woman who took her 7-year-old child to have a colonoscopy. Know what was wrong with her? She's lactose intolerant. That's it. This child had to be prepped, put under by an anesthetic, and have a camera inserted into her rectum - just to find out later, from an entirely different test, that she has an allergy. I'm certainly not in the medical field, but this seems way past overkill. The Ex also kept telling everyone that her daughter was having "surgery.")
Friday morning, the school calls and says they just received transfer paperwork from Tiny City for Son. They say the problem is that they don't have anything in Son's file indicating that Husband is the parent with primary physical placement. (We emailed The Ex about enrolling Son in this school; she didn't object and he's spent 3 years there already, so it never once crossed my mind to give them copies of the paperwork. Silly me....) They say they're leaving for the day in 45 minutes and I didn't want this hanging open over the weekend, so I grab our attaché case, jog to my car, and haul butt over to the school so I can get them the papers before they leave. I got what they needed in about 30 seconds and they ran off a copy. The secretaries and superintendent, all whom I know well, couldn't understand how or why The Ex was doing this and just kept shaking their heads in awe at the stupidity of the entire situation.
Friday afternoon, the court website for our state pops up that The Ex had updated her address in person at the county clerk's office. Then it popped up that The Ex asked the court to waive filing fees, which they did. Then it popped up that The Ex had filed to change physical placement. Her motion is being sent for judiciary review, which I assume to mean that the court commissioner and/or judge will review it and decide if it actually warrants a hearing or not.
Based on what I can see online, this motion was not filed by Attorney 4. I think that The Ex is actually stupid enough to be trying this on her own. I'm not sure if Attorney 4 wouldn't file or if The Ex didn't want to pay her to do it, but it appears that The Ex did the paperwork and filed it herself. She's even more stupid because in addition to violating the court order about communication and enrolling Son in a new school district with Husband's consent, she hasn't made a payment on her half of the kids' medical bills for almost 10 months. Additionally, it seems as if her parents are staying in Ned's house, Son previously told Girlfriend that he doesn't even have a bed there, Daughter shares a room and a bed with their 9-year-old sister. Oh, and that lovely phone call with Daughter when she threated to "break her fucking phone" and screamed that if she and Son wanted "to treat The Ex like shit, stay with their fucking father 'cause that's all he does." And just for good measure, we'll throw in the "stubborn prick" voice mail. But she's going to initiate court proceedings and ask the court to allow her to be the primary caregiver.
Oh, and she's not asking for both kids - she's only asking for Son. Son is in his senior year of high school, and The Ex is actually trying to modify physical placement so that he can come live with her instead of just waiting 9 months for him to graduate.
And that's how we start the school year around here.
Does Daughter know that the Ex hasn't included her in the upcoming court drama? Im sure that's going to go over well.
ReplyDeleteDaughter is really conflicted in all of this - she loves us AND she loves her mom; she loves her brother but she knows he's making foolish choices. I think she's aware of what's going on but she and I are close enough that if/when she's ready to talk about it, she will.
DeleteThe Ex has a greater chance of Son corroborating HER side of things than Daughter, so she's only going to bother with him...for now. The Ex knows that Daughter would never say she'd prefer to live with her. Son says it whenever he's mad at us; then he gets mad at her and tells her he'd rather be here. Her attempting any form of parenting is truly watching the blind leading the blind.
You could, just to cover yourselves & so that NO ONE can say that you're not taking it seriously is to set up appointments with a therapist. Doesn't have to be a psychiatrist or psychologist, just a therapist. & explain to them the situation & that since there has been discussions of him being depressed, you'd just like to make sure he's okay. Take these evaluations & whatever the therapist will give you to court.
ReplyDeleteI have thought about it. The most recent issue with Son is that he lies about....well, pretty much everything. He was talking to his cousin about White Trash; she gave him good advice about being comfortable enough with your partner to speak your mind. Then when he tried to put it into effect, he chickened out, tried to take back his words, and told White Trash that his cousin "was putting shit in his head." That's not depression; it's insecurity and he's never going to get away from it while The Ex has her claws in him.
DeleteI don't believe he's depressed, and I don't think that HE believes he's depressed. But he tries to talk to The Ex about it, because he doesn't realize she's a mentally unstable narcissist. He's looking to his parent for advice, and she's trying to figure out how to use it to draw attention to herself.
I agree. I've followed your blog for a longggg time so I'm familiar with your story. The therapist can usually see through a lot of the problems & I can almost guarantee you once you say the word "therapist" he'll drop his drama. He's doing this for attention & because of White Trash. The Ex, on the other hand, won't. She's stupid but not THAT stupid & she knows what it's going to mean to have evidence from a licensed professional stating what they think her impact is on her son whether that's positive or negative.
ReplyDeleteI think once the Ex realizes therapist bills will start to pile up on her half she just might dissuade Son from continuing to think he's depressed. I also believe if you bluffed Son and said his continued mention of depression means he needs help and that will take time away from BM, White Trash and other interests, he might drop it.
ReplyDelete