Weekend update
At the end of last school year, Son liked this girl who we'll call Nice Girl. Nice Girl was somewhat upfront and told Son that she wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone because she didn't want anything holding her back or keeping her in School City after graduation; she also added, "But that could change." Son and Nice Girl went to prom with a bunch of friends, they danced together a few times, and Son thought it was going to turn into something. A few days after prom, Nice Girl more or less friend-zoned him and just reiterated that she wasn't looking for a serious relationship. Son was sad but he got over it.
Now Son and Nice Girl have been flirting again. Nice Girl told Son he should come to more of her games because she "usually plays better when there's hot guys there." Nice Girl asked Son if he wanted to go to homecoming with her and he said yes. Nice Girl told one of their friends that she wanted Son to ask her in one of those "prom-posal" kind of ways, so he did. Then the night before homecoming, Son asked Nice Girl if she still felt the same way about not getting serious.
Nice Girl said she would like to be in a relationship, but she didn't want to get serious with Son because he makes bad choices and doesn't care about anything. (....DAMN.) Son claimed he's not like that anymore and that he does care. Nice Girl says that no, he doesn't; they're too different and she doesn't like drinking until she throws up all the time. She said she didn't want to lead him on because she did like him, but she wants something different. Son kept insisting he had changed and that he's "getting his shit together." Nice Girl said it didn't seem like it when Son is drunk half the time and staying awake until the sun comes up on a school night. (I kind of want this girl to marry him. She is exactly what he needs.) Son argued that he wasn't drunk and he went to bed before the sun was up. Nice Girl said there were pictures being sent around of him drinking and she's fine with that as a friend, but she didn't want to start something. Son said okay and that he was going to bed.
The next day, Son pulled a complete bitch move and had one of his friends tell Nice Girl that he wasn't going to homecoming. Son told this friend he was upset by "how [Nice Girl] makes him sound like an ass." (Nice Girl listed legitimate, factual reasons as to why she was not interested in a relationship with Son; Son is now mad at her for "making him sound like an ass." Who does this remind you of?)
Son came home on Sunday, took a shower, and started crying. Husband and I asked what was going on. At first he didn't want to talk about it, it was just a lot of stuff. We gave him a bit to calm down and then told us about everything with Nice Girl. He said he feels like she's judging him and he doesn't know what "bad choices" she thinks he's making. Husband and I pointed out that it could be the people he's hanging out with and the choices they're making. I said that in Nice Girl's defense, Son himself just said a few weeks ago that he didn't care about anything. Son replied, "I was mad then." I said yes, but he still said it. So he said it, then Nice Girl said it, and now he's mad at Nice Girl for saying exactly what he said earlier.
Son said he kind of wanted to leave the school in School City because he felt like people didn't actually like him and like they were being fake with him; on the other hand, he said he wasn't sure he wanted to go to school in Tiny City because he didn't know anyone there. Son eventually blurted out, "I should have gone to homecoming. I was just mad at [Nice Girl]." Husband pointed out that was his mistake - what he needed to do was make his choices for himself, not based on what other people felt and thought.
We compared it to reading a book. If you're stuck on a page that you don't like, then you turn the page. We told Son that instead of turning the page, he decides to slam the book shut, light it on fire, and then start with a brand new book because he thinks that's easier. We told him that the issue is that even if he starts with a new book, he's still going to get stuck on a page in that new book, too. If he continues to start over with a brand new book every time, then he's never going to get anywhere and never stop running; he needs to learn to deal with what's in front of him, and decide for himself what's going to be on that next page.
So ultimately, Son is having the same issues that every single teen in America has. The difference is that The Ex, along with her family members, are all telling Son that if he moves to Tiny City, everything will be rainbows and unicorn farts and nothing bad will happen to him ever again. And because we won't agree to let him go, then it's all my husband's fault that Son's life is ruined.
Now Son and Nice Girl have been flirting again. Nice Girl told Son he should come to more of her games because she "usually plays better when there's hot guys there." Nice Girl asked Son if he wanted to go to homecoming with her and he said yes. Nice Girl told one of their friends that she wanted Son to ask her in one of those "prom-posal" kind of ways, so he did. Then the night before homecoming, Son asked Nice Girl if she still felt the same way about not getting serious.
Nice Girl said she would like to be in a relationship, but she didn't want to get serious with Son because he makes bad choices and doesn't care about anything. (....DAMN.) Son claimed he's not like that anymore and that he does care. Nice Girl says that no, he doesn't; they're too different and she doesn't like drinking until she throws up all the time. She said she didn't want to lead him on because she did like him, but she wants something different. Son kept insisting he had changed and that he's "getting his shit together." Nice Girl said it didn't seem like it when Son is drunk half the time and staying awake until the sun comes up on a school night. (I kind of want this girl to marry him. She is exactly what he needs.) Son argued that he wasn't drunk and he went to bed before the sun was up. Nice Girl said there were pictures being sent around of him drinking and she's fine with that as a friend, but she didn't want to start something. Son said okay and that he was going to bed.
The next day, Son pulled a complete bitch move and had one of his friends tell Nice Girl that he wasn't going to homecoming. Son told this friend he was upset by "how [Nice Girl] makes him sound like an ass." (Nice Girl listed legitimate, factual reasons as to why she was not interested in a relationship with Son; Son is now mad at her for "making him sound like an ass." Who does this remind you of?)
Son came home on Sunday, took a shower, and started crying. Husband and I asked what was going on. At first he didn't want to talk about it, it was just a lot of stuff. We gave him a bit to calm down and then told us about everything with Nice Girl. He said he feels like she's judging him and he doesn't know what "bad choices" she thinks he's making. Husband and I pointed out that it could be the people he's hanging out with and the choices they're making. I said that in Nice Girl's defense, Son himself just said a few weeks ago that he didn't care about anything. Son replied, "I was mad then." I said yes, but he still said it. So he said it, then Nice Girl said it, and now he's mad at Nice Girl for saying exactly what he said earlier.
Son said he kind of wanted to leave the school in School City because he felt like people didn't actually like him and like they were being fake with him; on the other hand, he said he wasn't sure he wanted to go to school in Tiny City because he didn't know anyone there. Son eventually blurted out, "I should have gone to homecoming. I was just mad at [Nice Girl]." Husband pointed out that was his mistake - what he needed to do was make his choices for himself, not based on what other people felt and thought.
We compared it to reading a book. If you're stuck on a page that you don't like, then you turn the page. We told Son that instead of turning the page, he decides to slam the book shut, light it on fire, and then start with a brand new book because he thinks that's easier. We told him that the issue is that even if he starts with a new book, he's still going to get stuck on a page in that new book, too. If he continues to start over with a brand new book every time, then he's never going to get anywhere and never stop running; he needs to learn to deal with what's in front of him, and decide for himself what's going to be on that next page.
So ultimately, Son is having the same issues that every single teen in America has. The difference is that The Ex, along with her family members, are all telling Son that if he moves to Tiny City, everything will be rainbows and unicorn farts and nothing bad will happen to him ever again. And because we won't agree to let him go, then it's all my husband's fault that Son's life is ruined.
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