The Baby Shower
Friday night, Son stopped at our house. He had come down to pick up our neighbor's son for the weekend and stopped by us. I showed him everything we had bought for them and told him to just act surprised on Sunday when they opened it all because let's be honest: the girls are the ones who really care about the presents. He said he was happy we bought them a mobile because Girlfriend "really wanted one of those."
Son then said, "Um, so I guess Mom(The Ex) is bringing Jell-O shots and liquor to the shower?" Husband and I both stood there and didn't say much. Son made a face, looked between both of us and asked, "Like...is that even okay?" (I'm going to be petty and remind everyone that the court order still reads that The Ex is not to consume alcohol during her placement periods. That was entered because she was given a citation for giving alcohol to teenagers, who later told the cops that she traded them liquor for babysitting.) I said it's not my shower so it's not my place to say that it was "okay" or not; I said I could maybe see having some beer in case someone really wanted one....but liquor and Jell-O shots?? Husband pointed out that if The Ex brought this, then everyone else would be doing shots and drinking.....and Girlfriend would just have to sit there watching them all. (I didn't see anything distributed during the party but I did see The Ex's mom walk out of the kitchen with a fistful of plastic containers, so apparently, the shots were brought and consumed by The Ex's family. At a baby shower.)
The shower was, overall, nice. It was weird being there at first; Girlfriend's mom had said it would be helpful if we came early and that she didn't really have anyone to help her at all. A day or two later, Girlfriend messaged me thanking me for my offer and repeated that her mom didn't really have anyone to help her. Girlfriend's mom later told me that they were going to the hall around 10:30am the day of the shower so we could come at that time if we wanted. I asked if they wanted me to bring anything and offered to bring some soda bottles we had; she said that would be fine and said Girlfriend also mentioned taco dip and/or cocktail weiners. A few days before the party, she asked what we were bringing. I told her I was making 2 dishes of taco dip and the soda and asked if there was anything else they needed. She said no, that was fine.
We showed up around 10:45am; The Ex and Daughter were already there with Girlfriend's sister and both of her parents. The hall was decorated for the most part; she said they had gone on Saturday to do it and got it done very quickly, so she was hoping that clean up would go just as fast. We brought in our taco dip; Daughter said, "Oh. [Ned] made taco dip, too." (Um...okay. Three dishes of taco dip seem like overkill, but whatever.) It was kind of weird because there was nothing for us to do, and the shower didn't start for almost 2 1/2 hours. *sigh* Oh well.
Girlfriend's mom commented that the cake looked kind of bare; she said maybe they would use some of the rubber ducks that were decorating the tables to put on the cake as well. Girlfriend's dad said something along the lines of, "We're not using G***damn ducks; it's a boy. We need cars or something." A few minutes later, Girlfriend's mom used the F-word as an adjective. (Girlfriend's parents both curse. A lot. I was taken aback initially, and then just got over it because, well...nothing that I say or do is going to make two late-30s/early-40s people realize that using language like that around children is totally inappropriate.) Husband asked where the nearest store was; Girlfriend's dad and Husband went together to go buy Matchbox cars to decorate the cake with. While they were gone, Girlfriend's mom told me that she hoped Girlfriend would be happy with the party and made a comment about how hard it was to make her happy lately. (Remember this.)
After Husband and Girlfriend's dad went to the store, they stopped at Girlfriend's parents' house to pick up some things for the party. Son and Girlfriend were home; Husband said Girlfriend had a cigarette in her hand when he walked in, and she walked over and gave it to Son when she saw Husband. (Daughter has lamented to other people that Son used to complain that their aunt smoked while she was pregnant, but Girlfriend does it and he doesn't say a word to her.) Husband said their entire house reeked overwhelmingly of smoke and smelled like it had gotten wet at some point. (I'm honestly worried about how they think they're going to raise a healthy child in this environment. Daughter said Son and Girlfriend stay in the basement and she didn't think they smoked down there. This is so disturbing to me.) Husband said they mentioned to Son and Girlfriend that they had gone to buy cars for the cake. Girlfriend's dad said that her mom wanted to put rubber ducks on the cake; Girlfriend said she had already told her mom that she did not want rubber ducks on the cake. (Sooo, her mom is complaining to me that Girlfriend is so hard to please; Girlfriend said that she told her mom she specifically did not want ducks on the cake, yet her mom is still suggesting that they put ducks on the cake after Girlfriend said she didn't want them. I'm starting to understand a lot more things now.)
People started showing up to the party. Husband asked one of The Ex's sisters where their dad was. She said, "[The Ex's son] had a tournament today, so he and [Ned] are over there with him." (I was texting one of my friends and she was shocked that a wrestling tournament somehow takes precedence over a baby shower.) Son and Girlfriend showed up; Girlfriend saw us, smiled, and waved. (I'm sure The Ex was thoroughly irritated by that.) After awhile, Ned showed up with The Ex's son and Lucifer; The Ex's dad never came to the shower. (So not only did The Ex's dad miss Son's graduation, now he missed the baby shower for Son's first child as well. But according to The Ex, her dad was always there for Son and is more of a dad to him than Husband ever was.)
Everyone lined up to eat. My taco dip got finished first so I brought out the second tray even though Ned's was still on the table. All three trays got eaten so I was glad I had made two and it was good that Ned made one as well. And I know it's petty, but I take some slight satisfaction in knowing mine got eaten first.
They played some games afterward. I won the first game, which I'm sure also irritated The Ex. What can I say, I'm really good at Word Scrambles 😂
Overall, The Ex was much better behaved than I thought she would be. I fully expected her to be parading around, making it known that this was HER first grandchild and how happy she was for HER son, and so on and so forth. She didn't really do any of that. She was relatively quiet throughout the entire thing, and then I found out what I think is the reason why.
Girlfriend's dad told us flat-out that he doesn't like The Ex's family. Not one bit. He said he gets along with The Ex's dad, which is fair because we get along with him too. He said he can't stand any of the kids; by "kids" he means The Ex, her sisters, and her brother. He said every single one of them is mooching off of their parents. He said, "I'm not welcome over there anymore because I speak my mind. But I think it's bull***t. They're all using them; everyone from [The Ex], to her brother the asshole....all of them." (As he said this, The Ex was walking behind him and I slightly panicked a bit thinking she might have heard him say her name. My panic subsided when I realized that I didn't care because all he was doing was speaking the truth.) Girlfriend's dad said he's been saying that someone ought to stick up for The Ex's parents and that Son finally did a week or so ago; he said Son pissed a lot of people off by doing it. Girlfriend's dad said every time Son gets paid, his aunts and uncle all treat him like a bank; they all start asking if they can borrow some money. Girlfriend's dad said, "You want some money? Get off your ass and go get a job." (I kind of really love Girlfriend's dad because he sees how things really are and, if he hasn't already, we know he's going to tell Son all the things that we're not able to say.)
After he said all of that to us, in front of her, do you really think The Ex was going to do anything to draw attention to herself and risk him calling her out in front of everyone? No way. She's the vulnerable narcissist; she has zero self-esteem which she projects onto everyone else, and she's not going to risk being embarrassed in front of that many people.
We were heading home and Daughter asked if this upcoming weekend was The Ex's. I said I thought so. Daughter said she went to say goodbye to The Ex, who made a comment that she "wasn't going to see her for a few weeks." (The Ex, once again, has no idea when her placement is.) I asked Daughter why The Ex refuses to just look at the calendar; she said she didn't know. (It was a rhetorical question. The Ex won't look at the calendar because she has to log into 2houses to see it; if she logs into 2houses, we'll know; if she logs into 2houses and doesn't read or reply to Husband's messages, she'll have to explain to the court why she's ignoring her children's parent.)
We were getting into bed and Girlfriend's mom messaged me saying it was very nice to meet us and thanking us for all of our help. I said the same to her, that the party was great and she did a terrific job. I said I wished I could have done more for everyone but was happy to help however I could. Monday afternoon, Girlfriend sent me a picture of the crib all decorated with the crib set and matching mobile we had bought for them; she said it was the first thing Son did when he got home from work. (I'm not crying; you're crying.) I said I was glad they liked everything; she said they really did and thanked me again.
Now we wait for the baby to be born because I'm sure that will bring new boatloads of drama.
Son then said, "Um, so I guess Mom(The Ex) is bringing Jell-O shots and liquor to the shower?" Husband and I both stood there and didn't say much. Son made a face, looked between both of us and asked, "Like...is that even okay?" (I'm going to be petty and remind everyone that the court order still reads that The Ex is not to consume alcohol during her placement periods. That was entered because she was given a citation for giving alcohol to teenagers, who later told the cops that she traded them liquor for babysitting.) I said it's not my shower so it's not my place to say that it was "okay" or not; I said I could maybe see having some beer in case someone really wanted one....but liquor and Jell-O shots?? Husband pointed out that if The Ex brought this, then everyone else would be doing shots and drinking.....and Girlfriend would just have to sit there watching them all. (I didn't see anything distributed during the party but I did see The Ex's mom walk out of the kitchen with a fistful of plastic containers, so apparently, the shots were brought and consumed by The Ex's family. At a baby shower.)
The shower was, overall, nice. It was weird being there at first; Girlfriend's mom had said it would be helpful if we came early and that she didn't really have anyone to help her at all. A day or two later, Girlfriend messaged me thanking me for my offer and repeated that her mom didn't really have anyone to help her. Girlfriend's mom later told me that they were going to the hall around 10:30am the day of the shower so we could come at that time if we wanted. I asked if they wanted me to bring anything and offered to bring some soda bottles we had; she said that would be fine and said Girlfriend also mentioned taco dip and/or cocktail weiners. A few days before the party, she asked what we were bringing. I told her I was making 2 dishes of taco dip and the soda and asked if there was anything else they needed. She said no, that was fine.
We showed up around 10:45am; The Ex and Daughter were already there with Girlfriend's sister and both of her parents. The hall was decorated for the most part; she said they had gone on Saturday to do it and got it done very quickly, so she was hoping that clean up would go just as fast. We brought in our taco dip; Daughter said, "Oh. [Ned] made taco dip, too." (Um...okay. Three dishes of taco dip seem like overkill, but whatever.) It was kind of weird because there was nothing for us to do, and the shower didn't start for almost 2 1/2 hours. *sigh* Oh well.
Girlfriend's mom commented that the cake looked kind of bare; she said maybe they would use some of the rubber ducks that were decorating the tables to put on the cake as well. Girlfriend's dad said something along the lines of, "We're not using G***damn ducks; it's a boy. We need cars or something." A few minutes later, Girlfriend's mom used the F-word as an adjective. (Girlfriend's parents both curse. A lot. I was taken aback initially, and then just got over it because, well...nothing that I say or do is going to make two late-30s/early-40s people realize that using language like that around children is totally inappropriate.) Husband asked where the nearest store was; Girlfriend's dad and Husband went together to go buy Matchbox cars to decorate the cake with. While they were gone, Girlfriend's mom told me that she hoped Girlfriend would be happy with the party and made a comment about how hard it was to make her happy lately. (Remember this.)
After Husband and Girlfriend's dad went to the store, they stopped at Girlfriend's parents' house to pick up some things for the party. Son and Girlfriend were home; Husband said Girlfriend had a cigarette in her hand when he walked in, and she walked over and gave it to Son when she saw Husband. (Daughter has lamented to other people that Son used to complain that their aunt smoked while she was pregnant, but Girlfriend does it and he doesn't say a word to her.) Husband said their entire house reeked overwhelmingly of smoke and smelled like it had gotten wet at some point. (I'm honestly worried about how they think they're going to raise a healthy child in this environment. Daughter said Son and Girlfriend stay in the basement and she didn't think they smoked down there. This is so disturbing to me.) Husband said they mentioned to Son and Girlfriend that they had gone to buy cars for the cake. Girlfriend's dad said that her mom wanted to put rubber ducks on the cake; Girlfriend said she had already told her mom that she did not want rubber ducks on the cake. (Sooo, her mom is complaining to me that Girlfriend is so hard to please; Girlfriend said that she told her mom she specifically did not want ducks on the cake, yet her mom is still suggesting that they put ducks on the cake after Girlfriend said she didn't want them. I'm starting to understand a lot more things now.)
People started showing up to the party. Husband asked one of The Ex's sisters where their dad was. She said, "[The Ex's son] had a tournament today, so he and [Ned] are over there with him." (I was texting one of my friends and she was shocked that a wrestling tournament somehow takes precedence over a baby shower.) Son and Girlfriend showed up; Girlfriend saw us, smiled, and waved. (I'm sure The Ex was thoroughly irritated by that.) After awhile, Ned showed up with The Ex's son and Lucifer; The Ex's dad never came to the shower. (So not only did The Ex's dad miss Son's graduation, now he missed the baby shower for Son's first child as well. But according to The Ex, her dad was always there for Son and is more of a dad to him than Husband ever was.)
Everyone lined up to eat. My taco dip got finished first so I brought out the second tray even though Ned's was still on the table. All three trays got eaten so I was glad I had made two and it was good that Ned made one as well. And I know it's petty, but I take some slight satisfaction in knowing mine got eaten first.
They played some games afterward. I won the first game, which I'm sure also irritated The Ex. What can I say, I'm really good at Word Scrambles 😂
Overall, The Ex was much better behaved than I thought she would be. I fully expected her to be parading around, making it known that this was HER first grandchild and how happy she was for HER son, and so on and so forth. She didn't really do any of that. She was relatively quiet throughout the entire thing, and then I found out what I think is the reason why.
Girlfriend's dad told us flat-out that he doesn't like The Ex's family. Not one bit. He said he gets along with The Ex's dad, which is fair because we get along with him too. He said he can't stand any of the kids; by "kids" he means The Ex, her sisters, and her brother. He said every single one of them is mooching off of their parents. He said, "I'm not welcome over there anymore because I speak my mind. But I think it's bull***t. They're all using them; everyone from [The Ex], to her brother the asshole....all of them." (As he said this, The Ex was walking behind him and I slightly panicked a bit thinking she might have heard him say her name. My panic subsided when I realized that I didn't care because all he was doing was speaking the truth.) Girlfriend's dad said he's been saying that someone ought to stick up for The Ex's parents and that Son finally did a week or so ago; he said Son pissed a lot of people off by doing it. Girlfriend's dad said every time Son gets paid, his aunts and uncle all treat him like a bank; they all start asking if they can borrow some money. Girlfriend's dad said, "You want some money? Get off your ass and go get a job." (I kind of really love Girlfriend's dad because he sees how things really are and, if he hasn't already, we know he's going to tell Son all the things that we're not able to say.)
After he said all of that to us, in front of her, do you really think The Ex was going to do anything to draw attention to herself and risk him calling her out in front of everyone? No way. She's the vulnerable narcissist; she has zero self-esteem which she projects onto everyone else, and she's not going to risk being embarrassed in front of that many people.
We were heading home and Daughter asked if this upcoming weekend was The Ex's. I said I thought so. Daughter said she went to say goodbye to The Ex, who made a comment that she "wasn't going to see her for a few weeks." (The Ex, once again, has no idea when her placement is.) I asked Daughter why The Ex refuses to just look at the calendar; she said she didn't know. (It was a rhetorical question. The Ex won't look at the calendar because she has to log into 2houses to see it; if she logs into 2houses, we'll know; if she logs into 2houses and doesn't read or reply to Husband's messages, she'll have to explain to the court why she's ignoring her children's parent.)
We were getting into bed and Girlfriend's mom messaged me saying it was very nice to meet us and thanking us for all of our help. I said the same to her, that the party was great and she did a terrific job. I said I wished I could have done more for everyone but was happy to help however I could. Monday afternoon, Girlfriend sent me a picture of the crib all decorated with the crib set and matching mobile we had bought for them; she said it was the first thing Son did when he got home from work. (I'm not crying; you're crying.) I said I was glad they liked everything; she said they really did and thanked me again.
Now we wait for the baby to be born because I'm sure that will bring new boatloads of drama.
I'm glad The Ex didn't cause any problems. I agree that Girlfriend's dad is probably why she kept to herself, & why none of the other family showed up. That, and whatever Son said. They're pouting & boycotting thinking that it's going to hurt Son or make him see how wrong he is. It's sad, but I've been through it. He's probably better off.
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