It's All My Husband's Fault

  I almost feel as if we should just automatically expect The Ex's crazy to rear its ugly head every single holiday season.  Here's a breakdown of how Thanksgiving/Christmas has played out since I've been in the picture: 2006 The Ex told Husband she would drop the kids off around 7pm on Christmas Eve.  Husband told her he would pick them up instead so she didn't have to drive.  The Ex then refused to tell us where her sister lived and wouldn't answer her phone; we got the kids at almost 8pm. 2007 We went out of town to visit family for Thanksgiving and got back late; The Ex left Husband a message screaming at him for forgetting the kids' hats and gloves in our vehicle, saying we needed to drive them back down to New City or we'd have to pay her for new ones.  Three weeks after this, she intentionally dropped the kids off three hours late and then screamed at Husband again about our Thanksgiving trip.  Two weeks after this, the kids were told they were...

  Despite having been divorced for a decade, The Ex still thinks she can control Husband.  When Husband won't do what she wants, then it's whine, pout, and complain about how mean he is.   Husband tried to make things easy and amicable for the weekend his sister was coming from out of town.  The Ex refused to switch saying that she had plans, but said she would talk to the kids about if they "wanted" to be here. ( So the plans, if they even existed, weren't concrete.  The Ex was just refusing to switch because she could. )  Husband had sent two messages; the first was remiinding her that he had switched so the kids would be present for her sister's vow renewal and the second was saying he was keeping the kids anyway. Apparently, asking her to respect Husband's side of the family is a big no-no: "I'm sorry, how many times have I switched weekends for you? ( According to the change requests on 2houses, none. )  Way to ( *too ) many. But, ho...

  Husband's sister sent me a text on Friday after Thanksgiving saying she and her husband were going to come visit us the weekend before Christmas, which happens to be The Ex's weekend.  Husband sent a change request explaining why he wanted to switch; The Ex read this on Saturday morning and ignored it. ( The Ex also told the kids to find out which sister was coming and to let her know, because that apparently makes some kind of difference whether or not she's going to let the kids stay with us. )   Monday morning, Husband resent the change request because it was still unanswered.  Five hours later, she didn't reply to the request but instead sent a message: "I'm sorry about not being able to switch weekends of the 11th and 18th.  We have plans ( Isn't it amazing how every single time we ask to switch a weekend, The Ex already "has plans"?  Uncanny, really. ) and I am looking forward to attending [Daughters] game on the 18th. ( The Ex could st...

  Yesterday, Husband sent a message to The Ex with an updated balance of what she owed him and asked her to please try to get caught up on the kids' medical bills.  She replied with, "Boo hoo, I'm not working, I had surgery, what are these bills for?"  Husband replied and explained how he reached said balance.   This morning: "You agreed to waive ALL past debts. ( Actually no, he didn't. ) Please review our agreement. ( Don't need to; I know what it says.  Perhaps you should review it. ) I'm sorry. ( Forrrr...?  I know you're not actually sorry for anything, but I still want to ask. ) Plus, I'm not paying any variable expenses per court order we agreed upon. ( 1. You are correct, you are not paying variable expenses.  2. Stop trying to sound smart because even if you disagreed but it was court ordered, you'd still have to do it. ) That order was agreed and signed by both of us in July of this year." ( Once again, The Ex is clai...

  Husband had sent a message to The Ex at the end of September; part of the message was to give her an update as to what she owes him for medical bills for both Son and Daughter.  The Ex read the message, replied to it but didn't say anything about the balance.   Husband sent another message Monday morning with another receipt for medical bills and gave her another updated balance.  Husband asked The Ex to please try to make a payment in the near future, because the court order was that the bills would be repaid in 30 days but the oldest bill was now 2 years old.  Husband stated he had applied a $1 payment from her in September and that the last payment he had gotten before that was in March.   Eight minutes later: ( This is astoundingly quick for someone who doesn't "have a proper phone" which makes it "very difficult to her respond to Husband's messages." ) "I haven't worked in a month.  ( Of course she hasn't.  She had a secure,...

  The Ex asked if her parents could bring Daughter home last Wednesday and asked if she could pick up Son directly from school on Thursday.  Initially we were going to tell her no for a couple of different reasons.  The first reason was because she took over a month to decide what she was going to do for Daughter's tournament and still never really gave a committed answer.  The second was because she was asking on Sunday and expecting an immediate answer.  The third was because she's a dickhead and we're tired of doing her favors only to have her badmouth us to the kids and complaining about us "never working with her" whenever we do tell her no to something she wants.   After thinking about it, we decided that we are better people than her and telling her "no" would really only make it harder on the kids.  As a refresher, this is what The Ex asked: "Next week Thursday, October 29th, I pickup [Son]. I was wondering if someone could pick him u...

  The Ex had her brother pick up Son on Friday.  He was, once again, half an hour early.  He also texted Son and told him to ask Husband if it was "okay" for him to park in front of our house while he waited. ( It's a public street so you can park there as long as you want to.  Walk yourself up to the door and ask if you think there's going to be a problem, and quit putting the kids in the middle. )   Sunday afternoon, Husband gets a message on 2houses: "Next week Thursday, October 29th, ( Okay...so THIS week, Thursday. ) I pickup [Son]. ( Do you also sedan, coupe, and convertible Son?  Or are you trying to say that you are going to pick up Son, which would be two separate words? ) I was wondering if someone could pick him up at 3:15 at his school, or [my work]? ( A)This has been on the calendar since July 22nd, B)I don't want you at my work, and C)you said you were picking up Son and are now asking if "someone" can pick him up.  Stay focused, ...

  I'm going to type out a timeline so you can really grasp just how stupid this woman is.   September 22nd, 2015   Husband informed The Ex that Daughter had a tournament this Saturday, October 24th.  Husband said that would be The Ex's weekend, and asked if she was going to leave Daughter here all weekend or if she wanted to switch weekends.  This message was never answered.   September 28th, 2015   Husband sends another message reminding The Ex about Daughter's tournament and said she also had another event on Sunday, October 25th.  Husband says that either a)The Ex can pick up both kids on Friday and bring Daughter to all of her events, b)The Ex can pick up only Son on Friday and leave Daughter here, or c)they can switch the weekend of October 24th with the weekend of November 7th.   October 2nd, 2015   The Ex finally replies at 10:30pm and asks if they switch weekends, if she'll "get the next 2 weekends including Hallo...

  Last Saturday, Husband sent a message to The Ex outlining what the weekend placement would be if they switched weekends for Daughter's volleyball tournament toward the end of this month.  On Tuesday, Daughter's coaches announced there would be another tournament this weekend; they told Daughter she didn't have to attend all of the games but they would like her there for at least the first one.  Daughter said that she wanted to go to the game but also wanted to go to her brother's ( The Ex's son with Boyfriend ) birthday party, and said that either The Ex or her dad could pick her up after the first game and they'd still get back in time for the party.  Husband sent The Ex a message and explained all of this, asking her to let him know if she could work something out.   Yesterday, The Ex replied to the newest message at 7:30pm: "I'm very sorry to have to say that if [Daughter] has a game this weekend, she'll have to stay the weekend with you. ( ......

  When Husband sends any type of communication to The Ex, he tries to make it as simple as possible.  If it gets complicated, then The Ex gets confused and in turn, confuses us with her excessive confusion.  The problem is that even when we make it as simple as possible to understand, The Ex still gets confused; then I have things to write about and you all have something new to laugh at.   Husband told The Ex on September 22nd that he should have the order form for Daughter's school pictures within the next day and he would send it to her when he had it.  We got it the morning of September 24th, which was a Thursday; we scanned it and sent it to The Ex that afternoon.  Husband asked her to let him know by Sunday evening at the latest which pictures she would like to order.   Monday morning, the message regarding Daughter's school pictures was still unread.  Husband sent a new message asking her to please let him know that day which pictures s...

  Since we got custody of the kids 6+ years ago, Husband has always asked The Ex if she wants any school pictures of the kids.  The first year she said yes and asked if he would take a check; when Husband told her that the check needed to be made out to the company and not to him, The Ex said never mind.  What that tells me is that she was going to write a check to Husband that was no good.  When she realized she couldn't bounce a check to a company without there being negative repercussions, she backed out and said she didn't want any.  ( We still bought extra and gave some to her and her parents; things changed drastically after that so we're not as nice as we used to be because it gets us nowhere. )   The next two years were okay.  We asked what she wanted, she told us, we ordered them and she paid for it.   Then in 2012, Husband sent her the order form and asked her which pictures she'd like, stating that the company only sent one form per...

  Okay, so it's not actually 10pm right now.  But I do know where my children are.  We know because we had to threaten withholding placement just to get The Ex to follow the court order.   The Ex likes to act as if Son and Daughter belong to her, like they're property rather than human beings.  She refuses to accept that Husband is their parent who loves and cares about them, and that he has a right to know what's going on with them and around them.  The Ex lives as if her decisions don't affect anyone else, and that's why she lost custody and will never get it back.   I contacted Our Attorney about The Ex now living with Ned; I said Daughter had made comments about them living somewhere else and how Son wasn't with them because he'd rather be at The Ex's parents' house instead.  Our Attorney said we needed an address for where Son and Daughter would be while with The Ex.  I checked the court order from 10 years ago and surprisingly, it r...

  I have previously contemplated deleting this blog, wondering if maybe it focuses too much on the negative.  But then I get an email from someone who commented, thanking me for sharing my story and reminding them that they're not alone.  And I suppose that's why I started it in the first place - I'm not the first person to suffer the wrath of my spouse's ex, nor will I be the last.  The things that I say here will never once be said to Son or Daughter; this is my space to say, "I've had enough of her insanity!" and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling.  In the past I mentioned that I had read "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak and found it extremely insightful.  I just recently finished "Will I Ever Be Free of You? (How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family)" by Dr. Karyl McBride.  This particular book is aimed more at someone who is considering or in the process of ...

  Son came home from school on Friday, said he decided to join football after all.  I tell him that Husband will send The Ex a message about it, but we all need to be on the same page - he is expected to help clean up after every game, not hop into a car and take off with his mom on her weekends.  The coach already said something last year and wanted us to say something to The Ex about it; Son said he understood.  Husband sent a message to The Ex saying that Son wanted to join football, he's expected to ride the bus back and help clean up after every game instead of leaving right away; Husband said to let him know what her thoughts were.   The 48-hour deadline would have been Sunday evening.  The Ex finally replied after 100 hours and 12 minutes: "My thoughts on playing football r... ( ....why....WHY is it SO hard for her to type like an adult?! ) 1 I'm glad he's decided to play. ( Okay, that's great.  Even if you weren't, you replied in literally ...

  She is crazy.   Let's go back a few months to May.  An event is happening this weekend that I really did not want Husband, Son or Daughter to miss.  Husband sent The Ex a message asking if they could switch weekends; The Ex replied that she needed more time to "look at the calendar herself" and would let him know.   A week later, Husband sent The Ex copies of the calendar showing what the current placement schedule would be and what it would be if she agreed to the switch he was requesting.  No answer.   A week after that, Husband entered it as a change request on the calendar; The Ex declined it and told Husband that she's "already asked him for more time" and that she doesn't want to accept when it's months down the road.  Husband replied that he was not trying to pressure her for an answer, he simply wanted it on the calendar so that it wasn't forgotten about.  Husband said that if they could not switch the entire weekend, he was w...

  It's been said that the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.   The Ex and Ned are now living together.   Some of you might be saying, "Well, they're both consenting adults and are free to do whatever they choose."  And you're right - you're entirely, inarguably right.  But I have an issue with this because this is the exact same thing that The Ex has done not only with Husband but with Boyfriend as well.  I'm going to give you a timeline so you can understand this a little bit better.       1999      The Ex and Husband are dating for a few months when they find out The Ex is pregnant with Son.  They get married.       2000      Son is born in the state that The Ex and Husband were living in at that time.      The Ex decides that she wants to spend Christmas with her parents.  Son spends his first Christ...

  Sometimes, life involving The Ex is like a circus.  Case in point:   To the best of our knowledge, New Guy is no longer in the picture and The Ex is now officially dating this new guy who we'll call Ned. ( The previous blog post he was referred to as The Ex's new-new boyfriend.  We now have a nickname for him :D )  From what we've learned so far, Ned seems like an okay guy.  From what we can find, he doesn't seem to be a criminal like Boyfriend is/was, but Ned has his own baggage.   Ned was in the middle of a divorce while The Ex was having an affair with New Guy ( Who still happens to be with his wife. )  Ned and his ex-wife have one child together.  Ned somehow works with The Ex, at least from comments that Son and Daughter made in the past; according to his information online he's a manager. ( So if/when their relationship doesn't work out, it's going to be a giant mess.  I'm pretty sure that The Ex would quit or Ned would have ...

  I don't think that Husband has needed to have any contact with The Ex since the stipulation ordeal, when she mailed it back late then tried to get out of following the terms by saying she hadn't received a signed copy yet.  Other than that, no fighting or arguing - no contact at all.   This week is Husband's second summer week and Son's school year schedule starts next week, so Son is going to be here full-time from this week forward.  Son called me at almost 10pm on Saturday and asked to talk to Husband.  I said I wasn't sure where he was.  Son asked what we were doing this week; I told him we had some plans.  Son asked if he could stay with The Ex; I told him no.  He asked why; I asked if there was something going on.  He said yes.  I told him that if there was something going on that The Ex wanted to keep him for, then she needed to be the one talking to Husband about it.  Son said okay, we hung up.   Shortly after, Husb...